In no less working, than are swords and bows Ulyff. Give pardon to my speech ;- By fhewing the worst first. Do not confent, For both our honour and our shame, in this, Neft. I see them not with my old eyes; What [tor, Uly. What glory our Achilles fhares from Hec And, by device, let blockish Ajax draw 5 For that will phyfick the great Myrmidon, 10 Yet go we under our opinion still, That we have better men. But, hit or miss, Were he not proud, we all should share with him: 15 Now I begin to relish thy advice; But he already is too infolent; And we were better parch in Africk fun, Than in the pride and falt fcorn of his eyes, 1201 And I will give a taste of it forthwith Two curs fhall tame each other; Pride alone 2 Muft tarre the maftiffs on, as 'twere their bone. [Exeunt. ACT II. Agamemnon-how if he had boils? full all over, generally? Ajax. Therfites, Ther. And thofe boils did run?-Say fo, did not the general run then? were not that a botchy core? Ajax. Dog, 30 35 Ther. I fhall fooner rail thee into wit and holinefs: but, I think, thy horfe will fooner con an oration, than thou learn a prayer without book. 50 Thou canst ftrike, canft thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks! Ajax, Toads-ftool, learn me the proclamation. Ther. Doft thou think, I have no fenfe, thou ftrik'ft me thus ? Ajax. The proclamation, 1 i. e. the lot. Ther. Thou art proclaim'd a fool, I think. Ajax. Do not, porcupine, do not; my fingers itch. Ther. I would, thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the fcratching of thee; I would make thee the loathfomeft fcab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incurfions, thou ftrikeft as flow as another. Ajax. I fay, the proclamation, Ther. Thou grumbleft and raileft every hour on Achilles; and thou art as full of envy at his greatnefs, as Cerberus is at Proferpina's beauty, ay that thou bark'ft at him. Ajax. Mistress Therfites! Ther. Thou should'ft ftrike him. Ther. He would pun 5 thee into fhivers with his fift, as a failor breaks a bifket. Ajax. You whorefon cur! Ther. Do, do. Ajax. Thou ftool for a witch! [Beating him. Ther. Ay, do, do; thou fodden-witted lord! thou haft no more brain than I have in my elbows; an affinego 7 may tutor thee: Thou fcurvy valiant afs! thou art here put to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and fold among thofe of any wit, like a Barbarian flave. If thou ufe to beat me, I will begin at thy heel and tell what thou art by 55 inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou! Ajax. You dog! 2 Tarre is an old English word, fignifying to provoke or urge on. 3 Unfalted leaven, means four without falt; metaphorically, malignity without wit. 4 A crufty uneven loaf is in fome counties called by this name. 5 Pun is in the midland counties the vulgar and colloquial word for pound. 6 In one way of trying a witch they used to place her on a chair or ftool, with her legs tied across, that all the weight of her body might rest upon her feat; and by that means, after fome time, the circulation of the blood would be much stopped, and her fitting would be as painful as the 7 Affinego feems to have been a cant term for a foolish fellow. Affinego is Portuguese 3 K wooden horse. for a little afs. Ther. Achil. Why, how now, Ajax? wherefore do How now, Therfites? what's the matter, man? Acbil. So I do; What's the matter? Ther. Nay, but regard him well. Acbil. Well, why I do fo. Ther. But yet you look not well upon him: for, 15 there is wit ftirring, and leave the faction of fools. whofoever you take him to be, he is Ajax. Achil. I know that, fool. Ther. Ay, but that fool knows not himself. Ajax. Therefore I beat thee. Patr. A good riddance. [Exit. Achil. Marry this, fir, is proclaim'd through all our hoft: Ther. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he 20 That Hector, by the fifth hour of the fun, utters! his evafions have ears thus long. I have Ther. As will ftop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes to fight. 351 Achil. Peace, fool! Ther. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he there; that he; look you there. Ajax. O thou damn'd cur! I fhall Achil. Will you let your wit to a fool's? Ther. No, I warrant you; for a fool's will fhame it. Patr. Good words, Therfites. Acbil. What's the quarrel? Ajax. I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenour Ajax. Well, go to, go to. Abil. Your laft fervice was fufferance, 'twas not voluntary; no man is beaten voluntary: Ajax| was here the voluntary, and you as under an im-| prefs. Will, with a trumpet, 'twixt our tents and Troy, Ajax. O, meaning you :-I'll go learn more of it. SCENE II. Priam's Palace. Enter Priam, Hector, Troilus, Paris, and Helenus. As bonour, lofs of time, travel, expence, Shall be ftruck off-Hector, what say you to't? Het. Though no man leffer fears the Greeks than I, As far as toucheth my particular, yet, There is no lady of more softer bowels, The beacon of the wife, the tent that fearches Ther. Even fo?—a great deal of your wit too 55 lies in your finews, or else there be liars. Hector fhall have a great catch, if he knock out either of your brains; 'a were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel. Atbil. What, with me too, Therfites? Ther. There's Ulyffes and old Neftor,-whofe wit was mouldy ere your grandfires had nails on He calls Patroclus, in contempt, Achilles' dog, Troi. Fie, fic, my brother! So great as our dread father, in a scale Of common ounces? will you with counters fum As fears and reafons? fie, for godly fhame! [fons, Who marvels then, when Helenus beholds Or like a ftar dif-orb'd?-Nay, if we talk of reafon, With this cramm'd reafon : reason and respect [coft Het. Brother, she is not worth what she doth Trei. What is aught, but as 'tis valu'd? 5 If you'll avouch, 'twas wisdom Paris went, And do a deed that fortune never did, 15 20 Pri. What noise ? what shriek is this? Het. It is Cassandra. Enter Caffandra, raving. Caf. Cry,Trojans, cry! lend me ten thousand eyes, [elders, Caf. Virgins and boys, mid-age and wrinkled 3 Cry, Trojans, cry! a Helen, and a woe: Of divination in our fifter work 35 Some touches of remorfe? or is your blood Trai. Why, brother Hector, 40 We may not think the juftness of each act To blench from this, and to stand firm by honour: 45 Which hath our feveral honours all engag'd We turn not back the filks upon the merchant, viands To make it gracious. For my private part, I am no more touch'd than all Priam's fons: We do not throw in unrespective fieve 2, He brought a Grecian queen, whofe youth and Par. Elfe might the world convince of levity And had as ample power as I have will, The meaning is, that greatness to which no measure bears any proportion. vaider. 3 i. e. corrupt; change to a worfe ftate. 3 K 2 2 That is, into a common Nor Nor faint in the purfuit. Pri. Paris, you speak Like one befotted on your sweet delights: Par. Sir, I propose not merely to myself On terms of base compulfion? Can it be, And fame, in time to come, canonize us: You valiant offspring of great Priamus.- Should once fet footing in your generous bofoms? 15 Heft. Paris, and Troilus, you have both faid well; The reafons you alledge, do more conduce If Helen then be wife to Sparta's king,- For 'tis a cause that hath no mean dependence Troi. Why,there you touch'd the life of our defign: SCENE Achilles' Tent. III. [Exeunt How now, Therfites? what, loft in the labyrinth 20 of thy fury? Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He beats me, and I rail at him: O worthy fatiffaction! 'would it were otherwise, that I could beat him, whilft he rail'd at me: 'Sfoot, I'll learn to conjure and raife devils, but I'll fee fome iffue 25 of my fpiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles, -a rare engineer. If Troy be not taken 'till thefe two undermine it, the walls will stand 'till they fall of themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus, forget that thou art Jove the king of 30 gods; and, Mercury, lofe all the ferpentine craft of thy Caduceus; if ye take not that little little lefs-than-little wit from them that they have! which fhort-arm'd ignorance itself knows is fo abundant fcarce, it will not in circumvention deli35 ver a fly from a fpider, without drawing the massy iron 4, and cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the whole camp! or, rather, the boneache! for that, methinks, is the curfe dependant on thofe that war for a placket. I have faid my 4c prayers; and devil envy, fay Amen. What, ho! my lord Achilles ! 45 Enter Patroclus. Patr. Who's there? Therfites? Good Therfites, come in and rail. Ther. If I could have remember'd a gilt counterfeit, thou would'ft not have flipp'd out of my contemplation: but it is no matter, Thyself upon thyfelf! The common curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in great revenue! heaven blefs 50thee from a tutor, and difcipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy direction 'till thy death! then if the that lays thee out, fays-thou art a fair corfe, I'll be fworn and fworn upen 't, the never throuded any but lazars. Amen. 55 Where's Achilles? Patr. What, art thou devout? waft thou in prayer? Ther. Ay; The heavens hear me ! 60 Acbil. Who's there? i. e. inflexible, immoveable. 2. e. the execution of fpite and resentment. 4 That is, without drawing their fwords to cut the web. envy, factious contention. 3 That ist Achil Achil. Where, where Art thou come? Why, my cheese, my digestion, why haft thou not ferv'd thyself in to my table fo many meals? Come, what's Agamemnon? Uly. No; you fee, he is his argument, that has his argument; Achilles. Neft. All the better; their fraction is more our wifh, than their faction: But it was a ftrong com Ther. Thy commander, Achilles;-Then tell 5 pofure, a fool could disunite. me, Patroclus, what's Achilles? Patr. Thy lord, Therfites; Then tell me, I pray thee, what's thyself? Ther. Thy knower, Patroclus; Then tell me, Patr. Thou may'ft tell, that know'st. Ther. I'll decline the whole queftion'. Aga-| IO 15 Ther. Peace, fool; I have not done. Achil. Derive this; come. Ther. Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles; Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon; Therfites is a fool, to serve 25 fuch a fool; and Patroclus is a fool pofitive. Patr. Why am I a fool? Ther. Make that demand of the prover.It fuffices me, thou art. Look you, who comes here? Enter Agamemnon, Ulyffes, Neftor, Diomedes, and 30 Ajax. Acbil. Patroclus, I'll fpeak with no body:Come in with me, Therfites. [Exit Ther. Here is fuch patchery, fuch juggling, and fuch knavery! all the argument is a cuckold, 35 and a whore; A good quarrel, to draw emulous factions, and bleed to death upon. Now the dry Serpigo on the fubje&t! and war, and lechery, con-| found all! [Exit. Aga. Where is Achilles? Ulyff. The amity, that wisdom knits not, folly may eafily untye. Here comes Patroclus. Re-enter Patroclus. Neft. No Achilles with him. Ulyff: The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy; His legs are for neceffity, not for flexure. Patr. Achilles bids me fay-he is much forry, Aga. Hear you, Patroclus ; We are too well acquainted with these answers: Much attribute he hath; and much the reason Here tend the favage strangeness he puts on; Bring action hither, this cannot go to war: [To Agamemnon. 55 Uly. He. Neft. Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have 60 loft his argument. Ajax. What is he more than another? |