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Ford. O good sir!
Fal. Master Brook, I say you shall.
Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has his Pible vell, dat he is no
Ford. Want no money, sir John, you shall want come; by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if
Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell you,) by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed.
Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir?
Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not-yet I wrong him, to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me wellfavoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him.
Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know,
he be come.
Rug. He is wise, sir: he knew, your worship would kill him, if he came.
Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence.
Enter Host, Shallow, Slender, and Page.
Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?
Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin,4 to see to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethi opian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says
I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt of elder? basculapius? my Galen? my heart
lie with his wife.-Come to me soon at night :Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold :-come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! -My heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says, this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this?-See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names!- -Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devil's additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wittol2 cuckold' the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aquavitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises: and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy!-Eleven o'clock the hour; I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! [Exit.
SCENE III-Windsor Park. Enter Caius and Rugby.
is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? the vorld; he is not show his face. Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of
Host. Thou art a Castilian king, Urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy!
stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is Caius. I pray you, bear witness that me have
Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is should fight, you go against the hair of your proa curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you fessions: is it not true, master Page?
a great fighter, though now
Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page.
Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow.
doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am
Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat?
Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vater as de Englishman :-Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.
Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.
Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that sir Hugh pro-wag. mised to meet.
Caius. Me tank you for dat.
(6) Cant term for Spaniard.
guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.
(Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields: will it do well?
Shal. We will do it.
Page, Shal. and Slen. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.
Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impafience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is, at a farm-house a feasting; and thou shalt woo her: Cry'd game, said I well?
Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat; by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my
Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well?
Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said.
Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.
Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers I and trempling of mind!-I shall be glad, if he have deceived me:-how melancholies I am!-I will
knog his urinals about his knave's costard, when
To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.
Melodious birds sing madrigals ;-
And a thousand fragrant posies.
Sim. Yonder he is coming, this way, sir Hugh. Eva. He's welcome :
Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.
Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender.
Shal. How now, master parson? Good morrow, good sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page!
Page. Save you, good sir Hugh!
Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! study them both, master parson? Shal. What! the sword and the world! do you
hose, this raw rheumatic day? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and
Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, master parson.
Eva. Fery well: what is it?
belike, having received wrong by some person, is Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who at most odds with his own gravity and patience,
that ever you saw.
Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.
Enter Host, Caius, and Rugby.
Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.
Shal. So do you, good master doctor. I them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English. Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: Verefore vill you not meet-a me?
To shallow rivers, to whose fallsHeaven prosper the right!--What weapons is he?
Sim. No weapons, sir: There comes my master, master Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the stile, this way.
Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends:I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appoint
Caius. Diable!-Jack Rugby,-mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint?
Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter.
and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer. Host. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul, French Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the GarAm I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machia(2) Babylon, the first line of the 137th Psalm.
vel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the || plots!-they are laid; and our revolted wives potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? share damnation together. Well; I will take him, my priest? my sir Hugh? no; he gives me the then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of pro-verbs and the no-verbs.-Give me thy hand, modesty from the so seeming mistress Page, diterrestrial; so:-Give me thy hand, celestial; so. vulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Action; -Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours directed you to wrong places: your hearts are shall cry aim.4 [Clock strikes.] The clock gives mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn:-there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather praisFollow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. Shal. Trust me, a mad host:-Follow, gentlemen, follow.
Slen. O, sweet Anne Page!
[Exeunt Shal. Slen. Page, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you makea de sot1 of us? ha, ha!
Eva. This is well; he has made us his vloutingstog.2-I desire you, that we may be friends and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too.
Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles:-Pray you, follow. [Exeunt.
SCENE II-The Street in Windsor. Enter
Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant;| you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader: Whether had you rather, lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels?
Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf.
Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now, see, you'll be a courtier.
Ford. Well met, mistress Page: Whither go
Mrs. Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife: Is she
the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. ed for this, than mocked; for it is as positive as
Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Sir Hugh
Shal. Page, &c. Well met, master Ford.
Slen. And so must I, sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of.
Shal. We have linger'd about a match between we shall have our answer. Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day
Slen. I hope, I have your good-will, father
Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly for you :-but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.
my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.
Host. What say you to young master Fenton?
Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having :6 he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my
Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang togeth-consent goes not that way. er, for want of company: I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry.
Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you
Mrs. Page. Be sure of that,-two other hus-shall have sport; I will show you a monster. bands. Master doctor, you shall go;-so shall you, master Page--and you, sir Hugh.
Shal. Well, fare you well :--we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's. you
Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cock? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do call your knight's name, sirrah?
Rob. Sir John Falstaff.
Ford. Sir John Falstaff!
Mrs. Page. He, he: I can never hit on's name.
Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir;-I am sick, till
(1) Fool. (2) Flouting-stock. (3) Specious. (4) Shall encourage.
[Exeunt Shallow and Slender. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. [Exit Rugby. Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him. [Exit Host. Ford. [Aside.] I think, I shall drink in pipewine first with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?
All. Have with you, to see this monster.
SCENE III.—A room in Ford's house. Enter
Mrs. Ford. What, John! what, Robert!
Mrs. Ford. I warrant :-what, Robin, I say.
(5) Out of the common style. (6) Not rich.
MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR.
Enter Servants with a basket.
Mrs. Page. Come, come, come.
Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing
Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog, and say, thou art this and Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John, that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds, and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-that come like women in men's apparel, and smell house; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, like Bucklersburys in simple-time; I cannot: but Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir; I fear, you and (without any pause or staggering,) take this love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. love mistress Page. basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters! in Datchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames' side.
Mrs. Page. You will do it?
Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: be gone, and come when [Exeunt Servants. you are called. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin.
Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket?2 what news with you?
Fal. Thou might'st as well say, I love to walk
Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows, how I love
Rob. [within.] Mistress Ford, mistress Ford!
Fal. She shall not see me; I will ensconce' me
Rob. My master, sir John, is come in at your back-door, mistress Ford; and requests your com-behind the arras.8 pany.
Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-lent,3 have you
been true to us?
Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: my master knows not of your being here; and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for, he swears, he'll turn me away.
Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do so; she's a very tat[Falstaff hides himself. tling woman.
Enter Mistress Page and Robin.
Mrs. Page. O mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you are overthrown, you
Mrs. Page. Thou'rt a good boy; this secrecy thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make theeare undone for ever. a new doublet and hose.-I'll go hide me.
Mrs. Ford. Do so-Go tell thy master, I am alone. Mrs. Page, remember you your cue.
Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good mistress Page?
Mrs. Page. O well-a-day, mistress Ford! hav[Exit Robin.ing an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion? Mrs. Page. What cause of suspicion ?-Out upon you! how am I mistook in you?
Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, [Exit Mrs. Page. hiss me. Mrs. Ford. Go to then; we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watry pumpion ;we'll teach him to know turtles from jays.
Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!
Mrs. Ford. O sweet sir John!
Mrs. Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman, that, he says, is here now in the You are undone. house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence. Mrs. Ford. Speak louder.-[Aside.]—'Tis not so, I hope.
Mrs. Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here; but 'tis most certain your husband's coming, with half Windsor at his heels,
Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead: I'll speak it be-to search for such a one. I come before to tell fore the best lord, I would make thee my lady. Mrs. Ford. I your lady, sir John! alas, 1 should be a pitiful lady.
you: if you know yourself clear, why I am glad
Fal. Let the court of France show me such another; I see how thine eyes would emulate the Mrs. Ford. What shall I do?-There is a gendiamond: thou hast the right arched bent of the brow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant,tleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own or any tire of Venetian admittance.4
shame, so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound, he were out of the house.
Mrs. Page. For shame, never stand you had rather, and you had rather; your husband's here at hand, bethink you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him.-O, how have you deceived me!-Look, here is a basket; if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to
bucking: or, it is whiting-time,' send him by your men to Datchet Mead.
Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: what shall I do?
Fal. Let me see't, let me see't! O let me see't! I'll in, I'll in ;-follow your friend's counsel;-I'll || in.
Mrs. Page. What! sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?
Fal. I love thee, and none but thee; help me away: let me creep in here; I'll never
[He goes into the basket; they cover him with foul linen.]
Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy: call your men, mistress Ford:-You dissembling knight! Mrs. Ford. What, John, Robert, John! [Exit Robin; re-enter Servants.] Go take these clothes here, quickly; where's the cowl-staff?2 look, how you drumble :3 carry them to the laundress in Datchet Mead; quickly, come.
Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to be tray him to another punishment?
Mrs. Page. We'll do it; let him be sent for tomorrow eight o'clock, to have amends.
Re-enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass.
Mrs. Page. Heard you that?
Mrs. Ford. Ay, ay, peace :-You use me well, master Ford, do you? Ford. Ay, I do so.
Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts! Ford. Amen.
Mrs. Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, master Ford.
Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it.
Eva. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment! Caius. By gar, nor I too; dere is no bodies. Page. Fie, fie, master Ford! are you not asham
Enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me, then leted? What spirit, what devil suggests this imaginame be your jest; I deserve it.-How now? whither bear you this?
Serv. To the laundress, forsooth.
tion? 1 would not have your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle.
Ford. 'Tis my fault, master Page: I suffer for it. Eva. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife as honest a 'omans, as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too.
Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? you were best meddle with buck-is washing.
Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of Caius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. the buck! Buck, buck, buck? ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall ap-come, walk in the park: I pray you, pardon me; Ford. Well--I promised you a dinner :-Come, pear. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentle-I will hereafter make known to you, why I have men, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my done this.-Come, wife;-come, mistress Page; I dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my pray you pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me. chambers, search, seek, find out: I'll warrant, we'll unkennel the fox:-Let me stop this way first :-So, now, uncape.4
Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself toc much.
Ford. True, master Page.-Up, gentlemen; you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen.
Eva. This is fery fantastical humours, and jealousies.
Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France.
Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. [Exeunt Evans, Page, and Caius. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in
Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or sir John.
Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket!
Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.
Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would, all of the same strain were in the same distress.
Mrs. Ford. I think, my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now.
Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his solute disease will scarce obey this medicine.
(2) A staff for carrying a large tub or basket.
Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house to breakfast; after, we'll a birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush:
shall it be so?
Ford. Any thing.
Eva. If there is one, I shall make two in the company.
Caius. If there be one or two, I shall make-a de
Eva. In your teeth: for shame.
Ford. Pray you go, master Page.
on the lousy knave, mine host.
Caius. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart.
SCENE IV-A room in Page's house. Enter
Fent. I see, I cannot get thy father's love;
(3) Drone. (4) Unbag the fox. (5) What.