ber by whom they are to be tried are to be scholars. I am persuaded also, that Aristotle will be put up by all of that class of men. However, in behalf of others, such as wear the livery of Aristotle, the two famous universities are called upon, on this occasion; but I except the men of Queen's, Exeter, and Jesus Colleges, in Oxford, who are not to be electors, because he shall not be crowned from an implicit faith in his writings, but receive his honour from such judges as shall allow him to be censured. Upon this election, as I was just now going to say, I banish all who think and speak after others to concern themselves in it. For which reason, all illiterate distant admirers are forbidden to corrupt the voices, by sending, according to the new mode, any poor student's coals and candles for their votes in behalf of such worthies as they pretend

he feared, he will then be apt to discard all caution, and to think he owes himself the utmost pleasures of vice, as the price of his reputation. Nay, perhaps he advances farther, and sets up for a reversed sort of fame, by being eminently wicked, and he who before was but a clandestine disciple becomes a doctor of impiety," &c. This sort of reasoning, sir, most certainly induced our wise legislators very lately to repeal that law which put the stamp of infamy in the face of felons: therefore, you had better give an act of oblivion to your delinquents, at least for transportation, than to continue to mark them in so notorious a manner. I cannot but applaud your designed attempt of "raising merit from obscurity, celebrating virtue in distress, and attacking vice in another method, by setting innocence in a proper light." Your pursuing these noble themes will make a great-to esteem. All news-writers are also excluded, er advance to the reformation you seem to aim at, than the method you have hitherto taken, by putting mankind beyond the power of retrieving themselves, or, indeed, to think it possible. But if, after all your endeavours in this new way, there should then remain any hardened impenitents, you must even give them up to the rigour of the law, as delinquents not within the benefit of their clergy. Pardon me, good Mr. Bickerstaff, for the tediousness of this epistle, and believe it is not from self-conviction I have taken up so much of your time, or my own; but supposing you mean all your lucubrations should tend to the good of mankind, I may the easier hope your pardon, being, sir, Yours, &c.'

Grecian Coffee-house, September 29.

because they consider fame as it is a report which gives foundation to the filling up their rhapsodies, and not as it is the emanation or consequence of good and evil actions. These are excepted against as justly as butchers in case of life and death: their familiarity with the greatest names takes off the delicacy of their regard, as dealing in blood makes the Lanii less tender of spilling it.

St. James's Coffee-house, September 28.

Letters from Lisbon of the twenty-fifth instant, N. S. speak of a battle which has been fought near the river Cinca, in which general Staremberg had overthrown the army of the duke of Anjou. The persons who send this, excuse their not giving particulars, because they believed an account must have arrived here be fore we could hear from them. They had ad

This evening thought fit to notify to the literati of this house, and by that means to all the world, that on Saturday the fifteenth of Oc-vices from different parts, which concurred in tober next ensuing, I design to fix my first table of fame; and desire, that such as are acquainted with the characters of the twelve most famous men that have ever appeared in the world, would send in their lists, or name any one man for that table, assigning also his place at it before that time, upon pain of having such his man of fame postponed, or placed too high for ever. I shall not, upon any application whatever, alter the place which upon that day I shall give to any of these worthies. But, whereas, there are many who take upon them to admire this hero, or that author, upon second hand, I expect each subscriber should underwrite his reason for the place he allots his candidate.

The thing is of the last consequence; for we are about settling the greatest point that ever has been debated in any age; and I shall take precautions accordingly. Let every man who votes, consider, that he is now going to give away that, for which the soldier gave up his rest, his pleasure, and his life; the scholar resigned his whole series of thought, his midnight repose, and his morning slumbers. In a word, he is, as I may say, to be judge of that afterlife, which noble spirits prefer to their very real beings. I hope I shall be forgiven, therefore, if I make some objections against their jury, as they shall occur to me. The whole of the num

the circumstances of the action; after which, the army of his catholic majesty advanced as far as Fraga, and the enemy retired to Saragossa. There are reports, that the duke of Anjou was in the engagement; but letters of good authority say, that prince was on the road towards the camp when he received the news of the defeat of his troops. We promise ourselves great consequences from such an advantage obtained by so accomplished a general as Staremberg; who, among the men of this present age, is esteemed the third in military fame and reputation.

No. 75.]

Saturday, October 1, 1709.

with me rather like a daughter than a sister. I have, indeed, told her, that if she kept her honour, and behaved herself in such a manner as became the Bickerstaffs, I would get her an agreeable man for her husband; which was a promise I made her after reading a passage in Pliny's Epistles.' That polite author had been employed to find out a consort for his friend's daughter, and gives the following character of the man he had pitched upon. Aciliano plurimum vigoris et industriæ quanquam in maxima verecundia: est illi facies liberalis, multo sanguine, multo rubore, suffusa: est ingenua totius corporis pulchritudo, et quidam senatorius decor, que ego nequaquam arbitror negligenda: debet enim hoc castitati puellarum quasi præmium dari. Acilianus (for that was the gentleman's name) is a man of extraordinary vigour and industry, accompanied with the greatest modesty: he has very much of the gentleman, with a lively colour, and flush of health in his aspect. His whole person is finely turned, and speaks him a man of quality: which are qualifications that, I think, ought by no means to be overlooked; and should be bestowed on a daughter as the reward of her chastity.'

A woman that will give herself liberties, need not put her parents to so much trouble; for if she does not possess these ornaments in a husband, she can supply herself elsewhere. But this is not the case of my sister Jenny, who, I may say without vanity, is as unspotted a spinster as any in Great Britain. I shall take this occasion to recommend the conduct of our own family in this particular.

next generation, and the hump fell in a century and a half:* but the greatest difficulty was, how to reduce the nose; which I do not find was accomplished until about the middle of the reign of Henry VII. or rather the beginning of Henry VIII.

But, while our ancestors were thus taken up in cultivating the eyes and nose, the face of the Bickerstaffs fell down insensibly into chin; which was not taken notice of, their thoughts being so much employed upon the more noble features, until it became almost too long to be remedied.

But, length of time, and successive care in our alliances, have cured this also, and reduced our faces into that tolerable oval, which we enjoy at present. I would not be tedious in this discourse, but cannot but observe, that our race suffered very much about three hundred years ago, by the marriage of one of our heiresses with an eminent courtier, who gave us spindleshanks, and cramps in our bones; insomuch, that we did not recover our health and legs until sir Walter Bickerstaff married Maud the milk-maid, of whom the then garter king-at-arms, a facetious person, said pleasantly enough, that she had spoiled our blood, but mended our constitutions.'

After this account. of the effect our prudent choice of matches has had upon our persons and features, I cannot but observe, that there are daily instances of as great changes made by marriage upon men's minds and humours.

and minds, that we go into a house and see such different complexions and humours in the same race and family. But to me it is as plain as a pikestaff, from what mixture it is, that this daughter silently lours, the other steals a kind look at you, a third is exactly well behaved, a fourth a splenetic, and the fifth a coquette.

One might wear any passion out of a family by culture, as skilful gardeners blot a colour out of a tulip that hurts its beauty. One might proWe have, in the genealogy of our house, the duce an affable temper out of a shrew, by graftdescriptions and pictures of our ancestors from ing the mild upon the choleric; or raise a jackthe time of king Arthur; in whose days there pudding from a prude, by inoculating mirth and was one of my own name, a knight of his round melancholy. It is for want of care in the distable, and known by the name of sir Isaac Bick-posing our children, with regard to our bodies erstaff. He was low of stature, and of a very swarthy complexion, not unlike a Portuguese Jew. But he was more prudent than men of that height usually are, and would often communicate to his friends his design of lengthening and whitening his posterity. His eldest son, Ralph, for that was his name, was for this reason married to a lady who had little else to re- In this disposal of my sister, I have chosen, commend her, but that she was very tall and with an eye to her being a wit, and provided that very fair. The issue of this match, with the the bridegroom be a man of a sound and excelhelp of high shoes, made a tolerable figure in lent judgment, who will seldom mind what she the next age; though the complexion of the fa- says when she begins to harangue: for Jenny's mily was obscure until the fourth generation only imperfection is an admiration of her parts, from that marriage. From which time until which inclines her to be a little, but a very little, the reign of William the Conqueror, the females sluttish; and you are ever to remark, that we of our house were famous for their needle-work are apt to cultivate most, and bring into obserand fine skins. In the male line, there happen-vation, what we think most excellent in our. ed an unlucky accident in the reign of Richard III. the eldest son of Philip, then chief of the family, being born with a hump-back and very high nose. This was the more astonishing, because none of his forefathers ever had such a blemish; nor indeed was there any in the neighbourhood of that make, except the butler, who was noted for round shoulders, and a Roman nose: what made the nose the less excusable, was, the remarkable smallness of his eyes.

These several defects were mended by succeeding matches; the eyes were open in the

selves, or most capable of improvement. Thus, my sister, instead of consulting her glass and her toilet for an hour and a half after her private devotions, sits with her nose full of snuff, and a man's night-cap on her head, reading plays and romances. Her wit she thinks her

* Perhaps it is scarcely worth while to mention, that this century and a half of time, is all a fiction, and that the wit of the paper, and the truth of the history are Bosworth field; was his immediate successor in 1485, here at variance, as Henry VII. defeated Richard III. in and died in 1509.

1

distinction: therefore knows nothing of the skill
of dress, or making her person agreeable. It
would make you laugh to see me often, with my
spectacles on, lacing her stays; for she is so
very a wit, that she understands no ordinary
thing in the world.

For this reason I have disposed of her to a
man of business, who will soon let her see, that
to be well dressed, in good humour, and cheerful
in the command of her family, are the arts and
sciences of female life. I could have bestowed
her upon a fine gentleman, who extremely ad-
mired her wit, and would have given her a coach
and six but I found it absolutely necessary to
cross the strain; for had they met, they had en-
tirely been rivals in discourse, and in continual
contention for the superiority of understanding,
and brought forth critics, pedants, or pretty good
poets. As it is, I expect an offspring fit for the
habitation of the city, town, or country; crea-
tures that are docile and tractable in whatever
we put them to.

From my own Apartment, October 3.

Ir is a thing very much to be lamented, that a man must use a certain cunning to caution people against what it is their interest to avoid. All men will allow, that it is a great and heroic work to correct men's errors, and, at the price of being called a common enemy, to go on in being a common friend to my fellow-subjects and citizens. But I am forced in this work to revolve the same thing in ten thousand lights, and cast them in as many forms to come at men's minds and affections, in order to lead the innocent in safety, as well as disappoint the artifices of betrayers. Since, therefore I can make no impression upon the offending side, I shall turn my observations upon the offended; that is to say, I must whip my children for going into bad company, instead of railing at bad company for ensnaring my children.

To convince men of the necessity of taking this method, let any one, even below the skill of an astrologer, behold the turn of faces he meets as soon as he passes Cheapside Conduit, and you see a deep attention and a certain unthinking sharpness in every countenance. They look attentive, but their thoughts are engaged on mean purposes. To me it is very apparent, when I see a citizen pass by, whether his head is upon woollen, silks, iron, sugar, indigo, or stocks. Now, this trace of thought, appears or lies hid in the race for two or three gcnc-That a man who is commonly called good

rations.

The greatest misfortunes men fall into, arise from themselves; and that temper, which is called very often, though with great injustice, good nature, is the source of a numberless train of evils. For which reason, we are to take this as a rule, that no action is commendable which is not voluntary; and we have made this a maxim:

natured, is hardly to be thanked for any thing he does, because half that is acted about him is done rather by his sufferance than approbation.' It is generally laziness of disposition, which chooses rather to let things pass the worst way, than to go through the pain of examination. It must be confessed, such a one has so great a be

I know at this time, a person of a vast estate, who is the immediate descendant of a fine gentleman, but the great grandson of a broker, in whom his ancestor is now revived. He is a very honest gentleman in his principles, but cannot for his blood talk fairly: he is heartily sorry for it; but he cheats by constitution, and over-nevolence in him, that he bears a thousand unreaches by instinct.

easinesses rather than he will incommode others: nay, often when he has just reason to be offended, chooses rather to sit down with a small injury, than bring it into reprehension, out of pure compassion to the offender. Such a person has it usually said of him, 'He is no man's enemy but his own;' which is, in effect, saying, he is a friend to every man but himself and his friends: for, by a natural consequence of his neglecting himself, he either incapacitates himself to be another's friend, or makes others cease to be his. If I take no care of my own affairs, no man that is my friend can take it ill if I am negligent also of his. This soft disposition, if it continues uncorrected, throws men into a sea of

The happiness of the man who marries my
sister will be, that he has no faults to correct in
her but her own, a little bias of fancy, or parti-
cularity of manners, which grew in herself, and
can be amended by her. From such an untaint-
ed couple, we can hope to have our family rise
to its ancient splendour of face, air, countenance,
manner and shape, without discovering the pro-
duce of ten nations in one house. Obadiah
Greenhat says, he never comes into any com-
pany in England, but he distinguishes the dif-
ferent nations of which we are composed.'
There is scarce such a living creature as a true
Briton. We sit down, indeed, all friends, ac-
quaintance, and neighbours; but after two bot-difficulties.
tles, you see a Dane start up and swear, The
kingdom is his own.' A Saxon drinks up the
whole quart, and swears 'He will dispute that
with him.' A Norman tells them both, He
will assert his liberty' and a Welchman cries,
They are all foreigners and intruders of yes-
terday,' and beats them out of the room. Such
accidents happen frequently among neighbour's
children, and cousins-german. For which rea-
son, I say, study your race; or the soil of your
family will dwindle into cits or esquires, or run
up into wits or madmen.

There is Euphusius, with all the good quali ties in the world, deserves well of nobody; that universal good-will which is so strong in him, exposes him to the assault of every invader upon his time, his conversation, and his property, His diet is butcher's-meat, his wenches are in plain pinners and Norwich crapes, his dress like other people, his income great; and yet has he seldom a guinea at command. From these casy gentlemen, are collected estates by servants or gamesters; which latter fraternity are excusable, when we think of this clan, who seem born

I am obliged to leave this important subject, without telling whose quarters are severed, who has the humbles, who the haunch, and who the sides, of the last stag that was pulled down; but this is only deferred in hopes my deer will make their escape without more admonitions or examples; of which they have had, in mine and the town's opinion, too great a plenty. I must, I say, at present go to other matters of moment.

The er

But

to be their prey. All, therefore, of the family | its lashes were general; so that gentleman must of Acteon, are to take notice, that they are excuse me, if I do not see the inconvenience of hereby given up to the brethren of the Industry, a method he is so much concerned at. with this reserve only, that they are to be mark-rors he assigns in it, I think, are comprised in ed as stricken deer, not for their own sakes, but "the desperation men are generally driven to, to preserve the herd from following them, and when by a public detection they fall under the coming within the scent. infamy they feared. who otherwise, by checking their bridle, might have recovered their stumble, and, through a self-conviction, become their own reformers: so he that was before but a clandestine disciple, (to use your own quotation) is now become a doctor in impiety." The little success that is to be expected by these methods from a hardened offender, is too evident to insist on; yet, it is truc, there is a great deal of charity in this sort of reasoning, whilst the effects of those crimes extend not beyond themselves. what relation has this to your proceedings? It is not a circumstantial guessing will serve the turn, for there are more than one to pretend to any of your characters; but there must at least be something that must amount to a nominal description, before even common fame can separate me from the rest of mankind to dart at. A general representation of an action, either ridiculous or enormous, may make those winch who find too much similitude in the character with themselves to plead not guilty; but none but a witness to the crime can charge them with the guilt, whilst the indictment is general, and the offender has the asylum of the whole world to protect him. Here can then be no injustice, where no one is injured; for it is themselves must appropriate the saddle before scandal can ride them.

White's Chocolate-house, October 3.

The lady has answered the letter of Mr. Alexander Landlord, which was published on Thursday last, but in such a manner as I do not think fit to proceed in the affair; for she has plainly told him, that love is her design, but marriage her aversion. Bless me! what is this age come to, that people can think to make a pimp of an astronomer!

I shall not promote such designs, but shall leave her to find out her admirer, while I speak to another case sent to me by a letter of September the thirtieth, subscribed Lovewell Barebones, where the author desires me to suspend my care of the dead, until I have done something for the dying. His case is, that the lady he loves is ever accompanied by a kinswoman, one of those gay, cunning women, who prevent all Your method, then, in my opinion, is no way the love which is not addressed to themselves. subject to the charge brought against it; but, This creature takes upon her in his mistress's on the contrary, I believe this advantage is too presence to ask him, Whether Mrs. Florimel' often drawn from it, that whilst we laugh at, (that is the cruel one's name) is not very hand-or detest, the uncertain subject of the satire, some?' upon which he looks silly; then they we often find something in the error a parallel both laugh out, and she will tell him, That to ourselves; and being insensibly drawn to the Mrs. Florimel had an equal passion for him, but comparison we would get rid of, we plunge desired him not to expect the first time to be deeper into the mire, and shame produces that admitted in private; but that now he was at which advice has been too weak for; and you, liberty before her only, who was her friend, to sir, get converts you never thought of. speak his mind, and that his mistress expected it.' Upon which Florimel acts a virgin-confusion, and with some disorder waits his speech. Here ever follows a deep silence; after which a loud laugh. Mr. Barebones applies himself to me on

this occasion.

All the advice I can give him, is, to find a lover for the confidant, for there is no other bribe will prevail; and I see by her carriage, that it is no hard matter; for she is too gay to have a particular passion, or to want a general one. Some days ago the town had a full charge laid against my Essays, and printed at large. I altered not one word of what he of the contrary opinion said, but have blotted out some warm things said for me; therefore, please to hear the counsel for the defendant, though I shall be so no otherwise than to take a middle way, and, if possible, keep commendations from being insipid to men's taste, or raillery pernicious to their characters.

'As for descending to characters below the dignity of satire; what men think are not beneath commission, I must assure him, I think are not beneath reproof: for, as there is as much folly in a ridiculous deportment, as there is enormity in a criminal one, so neither the one nor the other ought to plead exemption. The kennel of curs are as much enemies to the state, as Gregg* for his confederacy; for, as this betrayed our government, so the other does our property; and one without the other is equally useless. As for the act of oblivion he so strenuously insists on, Le Roy s'aviserat is a fashionable answer; and for his modus of panegyric, the hint was unnecessary, where virtue need never ask twice for her laurel. But as for his reformation by opposites, I again must ask his pardon, if I think the effects of these sort of reasonings, by the paucity of converts, are too

* William Gregg was an under-clerk to Mr. Secretary Harley, in 1708, and was detected in a treasonable corresdesign on Toulon, and was executed for that crime. pondence. He discovered to the court of France, the i. e. The king will consider of it.

great an argument, both of their imbecility and unsuccessfulness, to believe it will be any better than misspending of time, by suspending a method that will turn more to advantage, and which has no other danger of losing ground, but by discontinuance. And as I am certain of what he supposes, that your lucubrations are intended for the public benefit; so I hope you will not give them so great an interruption, by laying aside the only method that can render you beneficial to mankind, and, among others, agreeable to, Sir, your humble servant, &c.'

St. James's Coffee-house, October 3.

with an account of his claps and diet-drink; though, to my knowledge, he is as sound as any of his tenants.

Letters from the camp at Havre, of the seventh instant, N. S. advise, that the trenches were opened before Mons on the twenty-seventh of the last month, and the approaches were carried on at two attacks with great application and success, notwithstanding the rains which had fallen; that the besiegers had made them-levelled at her from every quarter of the pit and selves masters of several redoubts, and other out-works, and had advanced the approaches within ten paces of the counterscarps of the hornwork. Lieutenant-general Cadogan received a slight wound in the neck soon after opening the trenches.

The enemy were throwing up entrenchments between Quesnoy and Valenciennes, and the chevalier de Luxemburg was encamped near Charleroy with a body of ten thousand men. Advices from Catalonia by the way of Genoa, import, that count Staremburg having passed the Segra, advanced towards Balaguier, which place he took after a few hours resistance, and made the garrison, consisting of three Spanish battalions, prisoners of war. Letters from Bern say, that the army under the command of count Thaun had begun to repass the mountains, and would shortly evacuate Savoy.

Whereas, Mr. Bickerstaff has received in. telligence, that a young gentleman, who has taken my discourses upon John Partridge and others in too literal a sense, and is suing an elder brother to an ejectment; the aforesaid young gentleman is hereby advised to drop his action, no man being esteemed dead in law,

who eats and drinks, and receives his rents.'

Whatever good is done, whatever ill-
By human kind, shall this collection fill.

From my own Apartment, October 5.

As bad as the world is, I find by very strict observation upon virtue and vice, that if men appeared no worse than they really are, I should have less work than at present I am obliged to undertake for their reformation. They have generally taken up a kind of inverted ambition, and affect even faults and imperfections of which they are innocent. The other day in a coffee. house I stood by a young heir, with a fresh, sanguine, and healthy look, who entertained us

This worthy youth put me into reflections upon that subject; and I observed the fantastical humour to be so general, that there is hardly a man who is not more or less tainted with it. The first of this order of men are the valetudinarians, who are never in health; but complain of want of stomach or rest every day until noon, and then devour all which comes before them. Lady Dainty* is convinced, that it is necessary for a gentlewoman to be out of order; and, to preserve that character, she dines every day in her closet at twelve, that she may become her table at two, and be unable to eat in public. About five years ago, I remember, it was the fashion to be short-sighted. A man would not own an acquaintance until he had first examined him with his glass. At a lady's entrance into the play-house, you might see tubes immediately side-boxes. However, that mode of infirmity is out, and the age has recovered its sight: but the blind seem to be succeeded by the lame, and a janty limp is the present beauty. I think I have formerly observed, a cane is part of the dress of a prig, and always worn upon a button for fear he should be thought to have an occasion for it, or be esteemed really, and not genteelly a cripple. I have considered, but could never find out the bottom of this vanity. I indeed have heard of a Gascon general, who, by the lucky grazing of a bullet on the roll of his stocking, took occasion to halt all his life after. But as for our peaceable cripples, I know no foundation for their behaviour, without it may be supposed that, in this warlike age, some think a cane the next honour to a wooden leg. This sort of affectation I have known run from one limb or member to another. Before the limpers came in, I remember a race of lispers, fine persons, who took an aversion to particular letters in our language. Some never uttered the letter H;

and others had as mortal an aversion to S.

Others have had their fashionable defect in their cars, and would make you repeat all you said whose table is every day surrounded with flattwice over. I know an ancient friend of mine,

terers, that makes use of this, sometimes as a piece of grandeur, and at others as an art, to make them repeat their commendations. Such affectations have been indeed in the world in ancient times; but they fell into them out of politic ends. Alexander the Great had a wry neck, which made it the fashion in his court to carry their heads on one side when they came into the presence. One who thought to outshine the whole court, carried his head so over complaisantly, that this martial prince gave him so great a box on the ear, as set all the heads of the court upright.

This humour takes place in our minds as well as bodies. I know at this time a young gentleman, who talks atheistically all day in coffee-houses, and in his degrees of understand

ley Cibber, in his play of The Double Gallant, or Sick Lady's Cure.'

*The name given to an affected invalid lady by Col