Page images

assistance, a very hopeful young gentleman, my relation, who is to be called to the bar within a year and a half at farthest, told me, that he had ever since I first mentioned duelling, turned his head that way; and that he was principally moved thereto, because he designed to follow the circuits in the north of England and south of Scotland, and to reside mostly at his own es. tate at Landbadernawz* in Cardiganshire. The northern Britons and the southern Scots are a warm people, and the Welsh ‘a nation of gentlemen;' so that it behoved him to understand well the science of quarrelling. The young gentleman proceeded admirably well, and gave the board an account that he had read “Fitzherbert's* Grand Abridgment,’ and had found that duelling is a very ancient part of the law; for when a man is sued, be it for his life or his land, the person that joins the issue, whether plaintiff or defendant, inay put the trial upon the duel. Further he argued, under favour of the court, that when the issue is joined by the duel, in treason or other capital crimes, the parties, accused and accuser, inust fight in their own proper persons: but if the dispute be for lands, you may hire a champion at Hockley in the Hole, or any where else. This part of the law we had from the Saxons; and they had it, as also the trial by ordeal, from the Lapland. ers. It is indeed agreed, said he, the southern and eastern nations never knew any thing of it : for though the ancient Romans would scold and call names filthily, yet there is not an example of a challenge that ever passed among thern. His quoting the eastern nations, put another gentleman in mind of an account he had from a boatswain of an East-Indiaman ; which was, that a Chinese had tricked and bubbled him, and that when he came to demand satisfaction the next morning, like a true tar of honour, called him a son of a whore, liar, dog, and other rough appellatives used by persons conversant with winds and waves; the Chinese, with great tranquillity, desired him “not to come abroad fasting, nor put himself into a heat, for it would prejudice his health.' Thus the east knows nothing of this gallantry. There sat at the left of the table a person of a venerable aspect, who asserted, that ‘half the impositions which are put upon these ages have been transmitted by writers who have given too great pomp and magnificence to the exploits of the ancient bear-garden, and made their gladiators, by fabulous tradition, greater than Gormans and others of Great Britain.” He informed the company, that “he had searched authorities for what he said, and that a learned antiquary, Humphrey Scarecrow, esquire, of Hockley in the Hole, recorder to the bear-gar. den, was then writing a discourse on the subject. It appears by the best accounts,’ says this gen

* There is no such place. It is probable Llanbadern Wawr in Cardiganshire is intended.

* A book published under this title in 1516 by Anthony Fitzherbert, one of the judges in the reign of Henry VIII. Thi- author died in 153*.

I Gorman is mentioned in the epilogue to Lansdowne's "Jew of Venice, and is there explained to have been a Prize-fighter.

tleman, “that the high names which are used among us with so great veneration, were no other than stage-fighters, and worthics of the ancient bear-garden. The renowned Hercules always carried a quarterstaff, and was from thence called Claviger." A learned chronologist is about proving what wood this staff was made of, whether oak, ash, or crab-tree. The first trial of skill he ever performed was with one Cacus, a deer-stealer; the next was with Typhonus, a giant of forty feet four inches. Indeed it was unhappily recorded, that meeting at last with a sailor's wife, she made his staff of prowess serve her own use, and dwindle away to a distaff; she clapped him on an old tar jacket of her husband; so that this great hero drooped like a scabbed sheep. Him his contemporary Theseus succeeded in the bear-garden, which honour he held for many years. This grand duellist went to hell, and was the only one of that sort that ever came back again. As for Achilles and Hector (as the ballads of those times mention,) they were pretty smart fellows; they fought at sword and buckler; but the for. iner had much the better of it; his mother, who was an oyster-woman, having got a blacksmith cf Lemnos to make her son's weapons. There is a pair of trusty Trojans in a song of Virgil that were famous for handling their gauntlets, Dares and Entellus; and indeed it does appear, they fought no sham-prize.” The Roman bear-garden was abundantly more magnificent than any thing Greece could boast of: it flourished most under those delights of mankind, Nero and Domitian. At one time it is recorded, four hundred senators entered the list, and thought it an honour to be cudgelled and quarterstaffed. I observe the Lanista, were the people chiefly employed, which makes me imagine our bear-garden copied much after this, the butchers being the greatest men in it. Thus far the glory and honour of the beargarden stood secure, until fate, that irresistible ruler of sublunary things, in that universal ruin of arts, and politer learning, by those savage people the Goths and Vandals, destroyed and levelled it to the ground. Then sell the grandeur and bravery of the Roman state, until at last the warlike genius (but accompanied with more courtesy) revived in the Christian world under those puissant champions, Saint George, Saint Dennis, and other dignified heroes: one killed his dragon, another his lion, and were all afterwards canonized for it, having red letters? before them to illustrate their martial temper. The Spanish nation, it must be owned, were devoted to gallantry and chivalry above the rest of the world. What a great figure does that great name, Don Quixote, make in history ! How shines this glorious star in the western world! O renowned hero ! O mirror of knighthood Thy brandished whinyard at: the world defies, And kills as sure as del Tobosa's eyes.

I am forced to break off abruptly, being sent for in haste with my rule, to measure the degree

* Cloth-bearer. - t An allusion to the rubricks in the Roman missals.

of an affront, before the two gentlenen (who are now in their breeches and pumps ready to engage behind Montague-house) have made a pass.

From my own Apartment, June 18.

It is an unreasonable objection, I find, against my labours, that my stock is not all my own, and, therefore, the kind reception I have met with, is not so deserved as it ought to be. But I hope, though it be never so true that I am obliged to my friends for laying their cash in my hands, since I give it them again when they please, and leave them at their liberty to call it home, it will not hurt me with my gentle readers. Ask all the merchants who act upon consignments, where is the necessity (if they answer readily what their correspondents draw) of their being wealthy themselves Ask the greatest bankers, if all the men they deal with were to draw at once, what would be the consequence? But indeed a country friend has writ me a letter which gives me great mortification; wherein I find I am so far from expecting a supply from thence, that some have not heard of me, and the rest do not understand me: his epistle is as follows.

• DEAR Cousix,−I thought when I left the town, to have raised your fame here, and helped i. to support it by intelligence from hence; ut, alas ! they had never heard of the Tatler until I brought down a set. I lent them from house to house, but they asked me what they meant. I began to enlighten them, by telling who and who were supposed to be intended by the characters drawn. I said, for instance, Chloe and Clarissa are two eminent toasts. A gentleman who keeps his greyhound and gun, and one would think might know better, told me, he supposed they were Papishes, for their names were not English. “Then,' said he, ‘why do you call live people toasts?' I answered, “That was a new name found out by the wits, to make a lady have the same effect, as burridge in the glass when a man is drinking. But, says I, sir, I perceive this is to you all bamboozling ; why, you look as if you were Don Diego'd to the tune of a thousand pounds.' All this good language was lost upon him: he only stared, though he is as good a scholar as any layman in the town, except the barber. Thus, cousin, you must be content with London for the centre of your wealth and fame; we have no relish for you. Wit must describe its proper circumference, and not go beyond it, lest, like little boys when they straggle out of their own parish, it may wander to places where it is not known, and be lost. Since it is so, you must excuse me, that I am forced at a visit to sit silent, and only lay up what excellent things pass at such conversations.

‘This evening I was with a couple of young ladies; one of them has the character of the prettiest company, yet really I thought her but silly; the other, who talked a great deal less, I observed to have understanding. The lady, who is reckoned such a companion among her acquaintance, has only, with a very brisk air, a

knack of saying the commonest things: the other, with a sly serious one, says home things enough. The first, mistress Giddy, is very quick ; but the second, mistress Slim, fell into Giddy's own style, and was as good company as she. Giddy happens to drop her glove ; Slim reaches it to her. ‘Madam,' says Giddy,' I hope you will have a better office.” Upon which Slim immediately repartees, and sits in her lap, and cries, “Are you not sorry for my heaviness " The sly wench pleased me, to see how she hit her height of understanding so well. We sat down to dinner. Says Giddy, mighty prettily, “Two hands in a dish, and one in a purse.” Says Slim, ‘Ay, madam, the more the merrier; but the fewer the better cheer.' I quickly took the hint, and was as witty and talkative as they. Says I, He that will not when he may, When he will, he shall have nay.

and so helped myself. Giddy turns about ‘What, have you found your tongue " ' Yes,’ says I, “it is manners to speak when I am spoken to ; but your greatest talkers are the least doers, and the still sow eats up all the broth.’ ‘Ha! ha :" says Giddy, “one would think he had nothing in him, and do you hear how he talks, when he pleases.” I grew immediately roguish and pleasant to a degree, in the same strain. Slim, who knew how good company we had been, cries, “You will certainly print this bright conversation.”

“It is so ; and hereby you may see how small an appearance the prettiest things said in company make, when in print.”

St. James's Coffee-house, June 20.

A mail from Lisbon has brought advices, of June the twelfth, from the king of Portugal's army encamped at Torre Allegada, which inform us, that the general of the army called a court-martial on the fourth at the camp of Jerumena, where it was resolved to march with a design to attempt the succour of Olivenza. Accordingly the army moved on the fifth, and marched towards Badajos. Upon their approach, the marquis de Bay detached so great a party from the blockade of Olivenza, that the marquis das Minas, at the head of a large detachment, covered a great convoy of provisions towards Olivenza, which threw in their stores, and marched back to their army, without molestatation from the Spaniards. They add, that each army must necessarily march into quarters within twenty days.

Whosoever can discover a surgeon's apprentice who fell upon Mr. Bickerstaff's messenger, or (as the printers call him) Devil, going to the press, and tore out of his hand part of his essay against duels, in the fragments of which were the words “you lie,' and ‘man of honour, taken up at the Temple-gate, and the words, “perhaps,” “may be not,’—‘by your leave, sir,'—and other terms of provocation, taken up at the door of Young Man's Coffee-house, shall receive satisfaction from Mr. Morphew, besides a set of arguments to be spoken to any man in a passion, which, if the said enraged man listens to, will prevent quarrelling.

[ocr errors]
[merged small][merged small][merged small][ocr errors][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small]

‘SIR,--I know not whether you ought to pity or laugh at me; for I am fallen desperately in love with a professed Platonne, the most unaccountable creature of her sex. To hear her talk seraphics, and run over Norris, and More, and Milton, and the whole set of intellectual triflers, torments me heartily ; for, to a lover who understands metaphors, all this pretty prattle of ideas gives very fine views of pleasure, which only the dear declaimer prevents, by understanding them literally: why should she wish to be a cherubim, when it is flesh and blood that make her adorable 2 If I speak to her, that is a high breach of the idea of intuition. If I offer at her hand or lip, she shrinks from the touch like a sensitive plant, and would contract herself into mere spirit. She calls her chariot, vehicle; her furbelowed scarf, pinions; her blue mantua and petticoat is her azure dress; and her footman goes by the name of Oberon. It is my misfortune to be six feet and a half high, two full spans between the shoulders, thirteen inches diameter in the calves; and, before I was in love, I had a noble stomach, and usually went to bed sober with two bottles. I am not quite six-and-twenty, and my nose is marked truly aquiline. For these reasons, I am in a very particular manner her aversion. What shall I do Impudence itself cannot reclaim her. If I write miserably, she reckons me among the children of perdition, and discards me her region; if I assume the gross and substantial, she plays the real ghost with me, and vanishes in a moment. I had hopes in the hypocrisy of her sex; but perseverance makes it as bad as fixed aversion. I desire your opinion, whether I may not lawfully play the inquisition upon her, make use of a little force, and put her to

[blocks in formation]

My patient has put his case with very much warmth, and represented it in so lively a manner, that I see both his torment and tormentor with great perspicuity. This order of Platonic ladies are to be dealt with in a manner peculiar from all the rest of the sex. Flattery is the general way, and the way in this case; but it is not to be done grossly. Every man that has wit, and humour, and raillery, can make a good flatterer for women in general: but a Platonne is not to be touched with panegyric: she will tell you, it is a sensuality in the soul to be delighted that way. You are not therefore to commend, but silently consent to all she does and says. You are to consider, in her the scorn of you is not humour, but opinion.

There were, some years since, a set of these

| ladies who were of quality, and gave out, that

virginity was to be their state of life during this mortal condition, and therefore resolved to join their fortunes, and erect a nunnery. The place of residence was pitched upon; and a pretty situation, full of natural falls and risings of waters, with shady coverts, and flowery arbours, was approved by seven of the founders. There were as many of our sex who took the liberty to visit their mansions of intended severity; among others,” a famous rake of that time, who had the grave way to an excellence. He came in first ; but, upon seeing a servant coming towards him, with a design to tell him this was no place for him or his companions, up goes my grave impudence to the maid; ‘Young woman,’ said he, “if any of the ladies are in the way on this side of the house, pray carry us on the other side towards the gardens: we are, you must know, gentlemen that are travelling England; after which we shall go into foreign parts, where some of us have already been.' Here he bows in the most humble manner, and kissed the girl, who knew not how to behave to such a sort of carriage. He goes on : ‘Now, you must know, we have an ambition to have it to say, that we have a protestant nunnery in England: but pray Mrs. Betty’—'Sir, she replied, “my name is Susan, at your service.” “Then I heartily beg your pardon'—“No offence in the least,' said she, “for I have a cousin-german, whose name is Betty.” “Indeed,” said he ‘ I protest to you, that was more than I knew; I spoke at random: but since it happens that I was near in the right, give me leave to present this gentleman to the favour of a civil salute." His friend advances, and so on, until they had all saluted her. By this means the poor girl was in the middle of the crowd of these fellows,

* It is said, that Mr. Repington, a Warwickshire wag, was the famous rake here alluded to.

at a loss what to do, without courage to pass through them; and the Platonics, at several peep-holes, pale, trembling, and fretting. Rake perceived they were observed, and therefore took care to keep Sukey in chat with questions concerning their way of life; when appeared at last Madonella," a lady who had writ a fine book concerning the recluse life, and was the projectrix of the foundation. She approaches into the hall; and Rake, knowing the dignity of his own mien and aspect, goes deputy from his company. She begins, ‘Sir, I am obliged to follow the servant, who was sent out to know what affair could make strangers press upon a solitude which we, who are to inhabit this place, have devoted to heaven and our own thoughts?” ‘Madam, replies Rake, with an air of great distance, mixed with a certain indifference, by which he could dissemble dissimulation, “your great intention has made more noise in the world than you design it should ; and we travellers, who have seen many foreign institutions of this kind, have a curiosity to see, in its first rudiments, the seat of primitive piety; for such it must be called by future ages, to the cternal honour of the founders; I have read Madonella's excellent and seraphic discourse on this subject.' The lady immediately answered, “If what I have said could have contributed to raise any thoughts in you that may make for the advancement of intellectual and divine conversation, I should think myself extremely happy.” He immediately fell back with the profoundest veneration; then advancing, ‘Are you then that admired lady ? If I may approach lips which have uttered things so sacred.”—He salutes her. His friends followed his example. The devoted within stood in amazement where this would end, to see Madonella receive their address and their company. But Rake goes on—‘We would not transgress rules; but if we may take the liberty to see the place you have thought fit to choose for ever, we would go into such parts of the gardens, as is consistent with the severities you have imposed on yearselves.” To be short, Madonclla permitted Rake to lead her into the assembly of nuns, followed by his friends, and each took his fair-one by the hand, after due explanation, to walk round the gardens. The conversation turned upon the lilies, the flowers, the arbours, and the growing vegetables; and Rake had the solemn impudence, when the whole company stood round him, to say,+ that ‘he sincerely wished men might rise out of the earth like plants; and that our minds were not of necessity to be sullied with carnivorous appetites for the generation, as well as support, of our species.' This was spoken with so easy and fixed an assurance, that Madonella answered, 'Sir, under the notion

of a pious thought, you deceive yourself in wishing an institution foreign to that of Providence. These desires were implanted in us for reverend purposes, in preserving the race of men, and giving opportunities for making our chastity more heroic." The conference was continued in this celestial strain, and carried on so well by the managers on both sides, that it created a second and a third interview; and, without entering into further particulars, there was hardly one of them but was a mother or father that day twelvemonth.*

Any unnatural part is long taking up and as long laying aside; therefore Mr. Sturdy may assure himself, Platonica will fly for ever from a forward behaviour; but if he approaches her according to this model, she will fall in with the necessities of mortal life, and condescend to look with pity upon an unhappy man, imprisoned in so much body, and urged by such violent desires.

From my own Apartment, June 22.

The evils of this town increase upon me to so great a degree, that I am half afraid I shall not leave the world much better than I found it. Several worthy gentlemen and critics have applied to me, to give my censure of an enormity which has been revived, after being long suppressed, and is called punning. I have several arguments ready to prove, that he cannot be a man of honour, who is guilty of this abuse of human society. But the way to expose it is, like the expedient of curing drunkenness, showing a man in that condition; therefore I must give my reader warning, to expect a collection of these offences; without which preparation, I thought it too adventurous to introduce the very mention of it in good company; and I hope, I shall be understood to do it, as a divine mentions oaths and curses only for their condemnation. I shall dedicate this discourse to a gentleman, my very good friend, who is the Janust of our times, and whom, by his years and wit, you would take to be of the last age; but by his dress and morals, of this.

St. James's Coffee-house, June 22.

Last night arrived two mails from Holland, which bring letters from the Hague of the twenty-eighth instant, N. S. with advice, that the enemy lay encamped behind a strong retrenchment, with the marsh of Romiers on their right and left, extending itself as far as Bethune; La Basse is in their front, Lens in their rear, and their camp is strengthened by another line from Lens to Douay. The duke of Marlborough caused an exact observation to be made of their ground, and the works by which they were covered, which appeared so strong, that it was not thought proper to attack them in their present posture. However the

*The person here represented, or rather greatly mis. represented, under the name of Madonella, a diminutive from Madona, which signifies the Virgin Mary, was Mrs. Mary Astell, a lady of superior understanding, of considerable learning, and singular piety. She was the daughter of a merchant in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, whore she was born about 100-, and lived about twenty years. The remainder of her inoff nsive, irreproachable, and exemplary life she spent at London and helsea, where she died in 1731.

t An allusion to, or rather a quotation from, sir T. Brown's ' Iteligio Medici.”

* This is mere fiction, and unpardonable, as it scerns to inply an oblique censure on Mrs. Astell of a nature totally repugnant to her eminently virtuous and respectable character.

+ tonder the fanciful name of Janus, Steele clearly alludes to Swist, the real author of the preceding part of this paper, and pays him some compliments in return ! for his communication.


duke thought fit to make a feint as if he designed it; his grace accordingly marched from the abbey at Looze, as did prince Eugene from Lampret, and advanced with all possible diligence towards the enemy. To favour the appearance of an intended assault, the ways were made, and orders distributed in such manner, that none in either camp could have thoughts of any thing but charging the enemy by break of day next morning ; but soon after the fall of the night of the twenty-sixth, the whole army faced towards Tournay, which place they invested early in the morning of the twenty-seventh. The marshal Villars was so confident that we designed to attack him, that he had drawn great part of the garrison of the place, which is now invested, into the field; for which reason, it is presumed, it must submit within a small time, which the enemy cannot prevent, but by coming out of their present camp, and hazarding a general engagement. These advices add, that the garrison of Mons had marched out under the command of marshal d'Aco; which, with the Bavarians, Walloons, and the troops of Cologn, have joined the grand army of the enemy.

No. 33.] Saturday, June 25, 1709. Quirquid agunt homines— nostriest farrago libelli. Jur. Sat. i. 85, 86.

Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream, Our Inotley paper seizes for its theme.


From my own Apartment, June 23. ,

My brother has made an excursion into the country, and the work against Saturday lies upon me. I am very glad I have got pen and ink in my hand; for I have for some time longed for his absence, to give a right idea of things, which I thought he put in a very odd light, and some of them to the disadvantage of my own sex. It is much to be lamented, that it is necessary to make discourses, and publish treatises, to keep the horrid creatures, the men, within the rules of common decency.

I gladly embrace this opportunity to express myself with the resentment I ought, on people who take liberties of speech before that sex, of whorn the honoured names of Mother, Daughter, and Sister are a part: I had like to have named wife in the number; but the sense. less world are so mistaken in their sentiments of pleasure, that the most amiable term in human life is become the derision of fools and scorners. My brother and I have at least fifty times quarrelled upon this topic. I ever argue, that the frailties of women are to be imputed to the false ornaments which men of wit put upon our folly and coquetry. He lays all the vices of men upon women's secret approbation of libertine characters in them. I did not care to give up a point; but, now he is out of the way, I cannot but own I believe there is very much in what he asserted: but if you will believe your eyes, and own, that the wickedest and

wittiest of them all marry one day or other, it is impossible to believe, that if a man thought he should be for ever incapable of being received by a woman of merit and honour, he would persist in an abandoned way; and deny himself the possibility of enjoying the happiness of wellgoverned desires, orderly satisfactions, and honourable methods of life. If our sex were wise, a lover should have a certificate from the last woman he served, how he was turned away, before he was received into the service of another: but at present any vagabond is welcome, provided he promises to enter into our livery. It is wonderful, that we will not take a footman without credentials from his last master; and in the greatest concern of life, we make no scruple of falling into a treaty with the most notorious offender in this behaviour against others. But this breach of commerce between the sexes proceeds from an unaccountable prevalence of custom, by which a woman is to the last degree reproachable for being deceived, and a man suffers no loss of credit for being a decelver. Since this tyrant humour has gained place, why are we represented in the writings of men in ill figures for artifice in our carriage, when we have to do with a professed impostor 2 When oaths, imprecations, vows, and adorations are made use of as words of course, what arts are not necessary to defend us from such as glory in the breach of them 7 As for my part, I am resolved to hear all, and believe none of them ; and therefore solemnly declare no vow shall deceive me, but that of marriage: for I am turned of twenty, and being of a small fortune, some wit, and (if I can believe my lovers and my glass) handsome, I have heard all that can be said towards my undoing ; and shall therefore, for warning-sake, give an account of the offers that have been made me, my manner of rejecting them, and my assistances to keep my resolution. In the sixteenth year of my life, I fell into the acquaintance of a lady extremely well known in this town for the quick advancement of her husband, and the honours and distinctions which her industry has procured him and all who belong to her. This excellent body sat next to me for some months at church, and “took the liberty, which, she said, “her years and the zeal she had for my welfare gave her claim to, to assure me, that she observed some parts of my behaviour which would lead me into errors, and give encouragement to some to entertain hopes I did not think of. What made you,' said she, “look through your fan at that lord, when your eyes should have been turned upwards, or closed in attention upon better objects " I blushed, and pretended fifty odd excuses;–but confounded myself the more. She wanted nothing but to see that confusion, and goes on ; ‘Nay, child, do not be troubled that I take notice of it; my value for you made me speak it; for though he is my kinsman, I have a nearer regard to virtue than any other consideration.” She had hardly done speaking, when this noble lord came up to us and led her to her coach. My head ran all that day and night on the

« PreviousContinue »