From my own Apartment, September 8. WHEREAS, by letters from Nottingham, we have advice that the young ladies of that place complain for want of sleep, by reason of certain riotous lovers, who for this last summer have very much infested the streets of that eminent city, with violins and bass-viols, between the hours of twelve and four in the morning, to the great disturbance of many of her majesty's peaceable subjects: And whereas I have been importuned to publish some edict against those midnight alarms, which, under the name of serenades, do greatly annoy many well-disposed persons, not only in the place above-mentioned, but also in most of the polite towns of this island; I have taken that matter into my serious consideration, and do find that this custom is by no means to be indulged in this country and climate. But notwithstanding the opinions of many learned men upon this subject, I rather agree with them who look upon this custom, as now practised, to have been introduced by castrated musicians; who found out this method of ap. plying themselves to their mistresses at these hours, when men of hoarser voices express their passions in a more vulgar method. It must be confessed, that your Italian eunuchs do practice this manner of courtship to this day. But whoever were the persons that first thought of the serenade, the authors of all countries are unanimous in ascribing the invention to Italy. There are two circumstances, which qualified that country above all others for this midnight music. The first I shall mention was the softness of their climate. This gave the lover opportunities of being abroad in the air, or of lying upon the earth whole hours together, without fear of damps or dews; but as for our tramontane lovers, when they begin their midnight complaint with, My lodging upon the cold ground is,* we are not to understand them in the rigour of the letter; since it would be impossible for a British swain to condole himself long in that situation, without really dying for his mistress. A man might as well serenade in Greenland as in our region. Milton seems to have had in his thoughts the absurdity of these northern serenades, in the censure which he passes upon them: It is indeed very unaccountable, that most of our British youth should take such great delight in these nocturnal expeditions. Your robust true-born Briton, that has not yet felt the force of flames and darts, has a natural inclination to break windows; while those, whose natural ruggedness has been soothed and softened by gentle passions, have as strong a propensity to languish under them, especially if they have a fiddler behind them to utter their complaints; for, as the custom prevails at present, there is scarce a young man of any fashion in a corporation, who does not make love with the townmusic. The waits often help him through his courtship; and my friend Banister* has told me he was proffered five hundred pounds by a young fellow, to play but one winter under the Or serenade, which the starv'd lover sings window of a lady that was a great fortune, but To his proud fair, best quitted with disdain. more cruel than ordinary. One would think The truth of it is, I have often pitied, in a they hoped to conquer their mistresses' hearts winter night, a vocal musician, and have attrias people tame hawks and eagles, by keep-buted many of his trills and quavers to the colding them awake, or breaking their sleep when ness of the weather. they are fallen into it. I have endeavoured to search into the original of this impertinent way of making love, which, according to some authors, is of great antiquity. If we may believe monsieur Dacier and other critics, Horace's tenth Ode of the third book was originally a serenade. And if I was disposed to show my learning, I could produce a line of him in another place, which seems to have been the burden of an old heathen serenade. * Mr. John Banister was educated under his father -Or midnight ball, The second circumstance, which inclined the Italians to this custom, was that musical genius which is so universal among them. Nothing is more frequent in that country, than to hear a cobbler working to an opera-tune. You can scarce see a porter that has not one nail much longer than the rest, which you will find upon inquiry, is cherished for some instrument. In short, there is not a labourer, or handicraftman, that, in the cool of the evening, does not relieve himself with solos and sonatas. The Italian soothes his mistress with a plaintive voice; and bewails himself in such melting a musician, of both the same names, whom Charles II. music, that the whole neighbourhood sympasent into France for his improvement on the violin.thizes with him in his sorrow. The father died in 1679. His son, probably the gentle. man here mentioned, was likewise a composer, and at the head of the band in Drary-lane, where he continued to play the first violin till about 1720, when he was succeeded by Carbonelli. The first line of an old song in a tragi-comedy, called 'The Rivals,' 4to. 1668, ascribed to sir William Davenant. | Mrs. D. therefore I shall from henceforth make it indifferent to me whether from this time forward I shall be a fool or a knave. And, therefore, in full and perfect health of body, and a sound mind, not knowing which of my children will prove better or worse, I give to my first born, be he perverse, ungrateful, impious, or cruel, the lump and bulk of my estate; and leave one year's purchase only to each of my younger children, whether they shall be brave or beautiful, modest or honourable, from the time of the date hereof, wherein I resign my senses, and hereby promise to employ my judg ment no further in the distribution of my worldly goods from the day of the date hereof; hereby further confessing and covenanting, that I am from henceforth married, and dead in law.' There is no man that is conversant in modern settlements, but knows this is an exact translation of what is inserted in these instruments. Men's passions could only make them submit to such terms; and therefore all unreasonable bar-. gains in marriage ought to be set aside, as well as deeds extorted from men under force, or in prison, who are altogether as much masters of their actions, as he that is possessed with a violent passion. How strangely men are sometimes partial to themselves appears by the rapine of him that has a daughter's beauty under his direction. He will make no scruple of using it to force from her lover as much of his estate as is worth ten thousand pounds, and at the same time, as a justice on the bench, will spare no pains to get a man hanged that has taken but a horse from him. It is to be hoped the legislature will in due time take this kind of robbery into consideration, and not suffer men to prey upon each other when they are about making the most solemn league, and entering into the strictest bonds. The only sure remedy is to fix a certain rate on every woman's fortune; one price for that of a maid, and another for that of a widow: for it is of infinite advantage, that there should be no frauds or uncertainties in the sale of our women. I HAVE been very much solicited by Clarinda, Flavia, and Lysetta, to re-assume my discourse concerning the methods of disposing honourably the unmarried part of the world, and taking off those bars to it, jointures and settlements; which are not only the greatest impediments towards entering into that state, but also the frequent causes of distrust and animosity in it after it is consummated. I have with very much attention considered this case; and, among all the observations that I have made through a long course of years, I have thought the coldness of wives to their husbands, as well as disrespect from children to parents, to arise from this one source. This trade for minds and bodies in the lump, without regard to either, but as they are accompanied with such sums of money, and such parcels of land, cannot but produce a commerce between the parties concerned, suitable to the mean motives upon which they at first came together. I have heretofore given an ac. count, that this method of making settlements was first invented by a griping lawyer, who made use of the covetous tempers of the parents of each side, to force two young people into these vile measures of diffidence, for no other end but to increase the skins of parchment, by which they were put into each other's possession out of each other's power. The law of our country has given an ample and generous provision for the wife, even the third of her husband's estate, and left to her good-humour and his gratitude the expectation of further provision; but the fantastical method of going further, with rela- It grieves me, when I consider that these retion to their heirs, has a foundation in nothing straints upon matrimony take away the advanbut pride and folly for as all men wish their tage we should otherwise have over other counchildren as like themselves, and as much better tries, which are sunk much by those great as they can possibly, it seems monstrous that checks upon propagation, the convents. It is we should give out of ourselves the opportunities thought chiefly owing to these, that Italy and of rewarding and discouraging them according Spain want above half their complement of to their deserts. This wise institution has no people. Were the price of wives always fixed more sense in it, than if a man should begin a and settled, it would contribute to filling the deed with, 'Whereas no man living knows how nation more than all the encouragements that long he shall continue to be a reasonable crea- I can possibly be given to foreigners to transplant ture, or an honest man. And whereas I, B. am themselves hither. going to enter into the state of matrimony with I, therefore, as censor of Britain, until a law : If any man should exceed the settled rate, he ought to be at liberty after seven years are over, by which time his love may be supposed to abate a little, if it is not founded upon reason, to renounce the bargain, and be freed from the settlement upon restoring the portion; as a youth married under fourteen years old may be off, if he pleases, when he comes to age, and as a man is discharged from all bargains but that of marriage, made when he is under twenty-one. is made, will lay down rules which shall be observed, with penalty of degrading all that break them, into Pretty Fellows, Smarts, Squibs, Hunting-Horns, Drums, and Bagpipes. The females that are guilty of breaking my orders, I shall respectively pronounce to be Kits, Hornpipes, Dulcimers, and Kettle-drums. Such widows as wear the spoils of one husband, I will bury, if they attempt to rob another. I ordain, That no woman ever demand one shilling to be paid after her husband's death, more than the very sum she brings him, or an equivalent for it in land. That no settlement be made, in which the man settles on his children more than the reversion of the jointure, or the value of it in money; so that at his death, he may in the whole be bound to pay his family but double to what he has received. I would have the eldest, as well as the rest, have his provision out of this. When men are not able to come up to those settlements I have proposed, I would have them receive so much of the portion only as they can come up to, and the rest to go to the woman by way of pin-money, or separate maintenance. In this, I think, I determine equally between the two sexes. If any lawyer varies from these rules, or is above two days in drawing a marriage-settlement, or uses more words in it than one skin of parchment will contain, or takes above five pounds for drawing it, I would have him thrown over the bar. Were these rules observed, a woman with a small fortune, and a great deal of worth, would be sure to marry according to her deserts, if the man's estate were to be less incumbered, in proportion as her fortune is less than he might have with others. A man of a great deal of merit, and not much estate, might be chosen for his worth; because it would not be difficult for him to make a settlement. The man that loves a woman best, would not lose her for not being able to bid so much as another, or for not complying with an extravagant demand. A fine woman would no more be set up to auction as she is now. When a man puts in for her, her friends or herself take care to publish it; and the man that was the first bidder is made no other use of but to raise the price. He that loves her will continue in waiting as long as she pleases, if her fortune be thought equal to his; and, under pretence of some failure in the rent-roll, or difficulties in drawing the settlement, he is put off until a better bargain is made with another. in a regular way; and the men of merit would not live unmarried, as they often do now, because the goodness of a wife cannot be ensured to them; but the loss of an estate is certain, and a man would never have the affliction of a worthless heir added to that of a bad wife. I am the more serious, large, and particular on this subject, because my lucubrations, designed for the encouragement of virtue, cannot have the desired success as long as this incumbrance of settlements continues upon matrimory. No. 224.] Thursday, September 14, 1710. Materiam superabat opus. Ovid. Met. ii. 5. The matter equall'd not the artist's skill. R. Wynne. From my own Apartment, September 13. Ir is my custom, in a dearth of news, to entertain myself with those collections of advertisements that appear at the end of all our pub. lic prints. These I consider as accounts of news from the little world, in the same manner that the foregoing parts of the paper are from the great. It in one we hear that a sovereign prince is fled from his capital city, in the other we hear of a tradesman who hath shut up his shop, and run away. If in one we find the victory of a general, in the other we see the descrtion of a private soldier. I must confess I have a certain weakness in my temper, that is often very much affected by these little domestic occurrences, and have frequently been caught with tears in my eyes over a melancholy advertisement. But to consider this subject in its most ridiculous lights, advertisements are of great use to the vulgar. First of all, as they are instruments of ambition. A man that is by no means big enough for the Gazette, may easily creep into the advertisements; by which means we often see an apothecary in the same paper of news with a plenipotentiary, or a running-footman with an ambassador. An advertisement from Piccadilly goes down to posterity with an arti cle from Madrid, and John Bartlett of Goodman's-fields* is celebrated in the same paper with the emperor of Germany. Thus the fable tells us, that the wren mounted as high as the cagle, by getting upon his back. A second use which this sort of writings hath been turned to of late years, has been the management of controversy; insomuch that above half the advertisements one meets with now-aAll the rest of the sex that are not rich or days are purely polemical. The inventors of beautiful to the highest degree, are plainlystrops for razors' have written against one gainers, and would be married so fast, that the least charming of them would soon grow beauties to the bachelors. Widows might be easily married, if they would not, as they do now, set up for discreet, only by being mercenary. The making matrimony cheap and easy would be the greatest discouragement to vice: the limiting the expense of children would not make men ill inclined, or afraid of having them another this way for several years, and that with great bitterness; as the whole argument pro and con in the case of the morning-gown' is still carried on after the same manner. I need not mention the several proprietors of Dr. Ander. son's pills; nor take notice of the many satirical works of this nature so frequently published by Dr. Clark, who has had the confidence to ad * A truss-maker. vertise upon that learned knight, my very worthy friend, sir William Read: but I shall not interpose in their quarrel: sir William can give him his own in advertisements, that, in the judgment of the impartial, are as well penned as the doctor's. The third and last use of these writings is to inform the world, where they may be furnished with almost every thing that is necessary for life. If a man has pains in his head, colicks in his bowels, or spots in his clothes, he may here meet with proper cures and remedies. If a man would recover a wife or a horse that is stolen or strayed; if he wants new sermons, electuaries, asses' milk, or any thing else, either for his body or his mind; this is the place to look for them in. The great art in writing advertisements, is the finding out a proper method to catch the reader's eye, without which a good thing may pass over unobserved, or be lost among commissions of bankrupts. Asterisks and hands were formerly of great use for this purpose. Of late years the N. B. has been much in fashion, as also little cuts and figures, the invention of which we must ascribe to the author of spring-trusses. I must not here omit the blind Italian charac. ter, which, being scarce legible, always fixes and detains the eye, and gives the curious reader something like the satisfaction of prying into a secret. But the great skill in an advertiser is chiefly seen in the style which he makes use of. He is to mention the universal esteem, or general reputation,' of things that were never heard of. If he is a physician or astrologer, he must change his lodgings frequently; and, though he never saw any body in them besides his own family, give public notice of it, for the information of the nobility and gentry.' Since I am thus usefully employed in writing criticisms on the works of these diminutive authors, I must not pass over in silence an advertisement, which has lately made its appearance, and is written altogether in a Ciceronian manner. It was sent to me, with five shillings, to be inserted among my advertisements; but as it is a pattern of good writing in this way, I shall give it a place in the body of my paper. doctor had called them only his carminative pills, he had been as cleanly as one could have wished; but the second word entirely destroys the decency of the first. There are other absurdities of this nature so very gross, that I dare not mention them; and shall therefore dismiss this subject with a public admonition to Michael Parrot, That he do not presume any more to mention a certain worm he knows of, which, by the way, has grown seven feet in my memory; for, if I am not much mistaken, it is the same that was but nine feet long about six months ago. By the remarks I have here made, it plainly appears, that a collection of advertisements is a kind of miscellany; the writers of which, contrary to all authors, except men of quality, give money to the booksellers who publish their copies. The genius of the bookseller is chiefly shown in his method of ranging and digesting these little tracts. The last paper I took up in my hand, places them in the following order: The true Spanish blacking for shoes, &c. The beautifying cream for the face, &c. Pease and plaisters, &c. Nectar and ambrosia, &c. Four freehold tenements of fifteen pounds per annum, &c. Annotations upon the Tatler, &c. The present state of England, &c. A commission of bankruptcy being awarded against B. L. bookseller, &c. No. 225.] Saturday, September 16, 1710. Si quid novisti rectius istis, From my own Apartment, September 15. THE hours which we spend in conversation are the most pleasing of any which we enjoy ; yet, methinks, there is very little care taken to improve ourselves for the frequent repetition of them. The common fault in this case is that "The highest compounded spirit of lavender, of growing too intimate, and falling into disthe most glorious, if the expression may be used, pleasing familiarities: for it is a very ordinary enlivening scent and flavour that can possibly thing for men to make no other use of a close be, which so raptures the spirits, delights the acquaintance with each other's affairs, but to gust, and gives such airs to the countenance, as teaze one another with unacceptable allusions. are not to be imagined but by those that have One would pass over patiently such as converse tried it. The meanest sort of the thing is ad-like animals, and salute each other with bangs mired by most gentlemen and ladies; but this far more, as by far it exceeds it, to the gaining among all a more than common esteem. It is sold, in neat flint bottles, fit for the pocket, only at the Golden Key in Wharton's court, near Holborn-bars, for three shillings and sixpence, with directions.' At the same time that I recommend the several flowers in which this spirit of lavender is wrapped up, if the expression may be used, I cannot excuse my fellow-labourers for admitting into their papers several uncleanly advertisements, not at all proper to appear in the works of polite writers. Among these I must reckon the 'Carminative wind-expelling pills.' If the on the shoulder, sly raps with canes, or other robust pleasantries practised by the rural gentry of this nation: but even among those who should have more polite ideas of things, you see a set of people who invert the design of conversation, and make frequent mention of ungrate ful subjects; nay, mention them because they are ungrateful; as if the perfection of society were in knowing how to offend on the one part, and how to bear an offence on the other. In all parts of this populous town, you find the merry world made up of an active and a passive companion; one who has good-nature enough to suf fer all his friend shall think fit to say, and one who is resolved to make the most of his good of their quality or fortune, it will immediately humour to show his parts. In the trading part | stracted the company from all considerations I was this evening with a set of wags of this class. They appear generally by two and two; and what is most extraordinary, is, that those very persons who are most together, appear least of a mind when joined by other company. This evil proceeds from an indiscreet familiarity, whereby a man is allowed to say the most grating thing imaginable to another, and it shall be accounted weakness to show an impatience for the unkindness. But this and all other deviations from the design of pleasing each other when we meet, are derived from interlopers in society; who want capacity to put in a stock among regular companions, and therefore supply their wants by stale histories, sly observations, and rude hints, which relate to the conduct of others. All cohabitants in general, run into this unhappy fault; men and their wives break into reflections, which are like so much Arabic to the rest of the company; sisters and brothers often make the like figure, from the same unjust sense of the art of being intimate and familiar. It is often said, such-a-one cannot stand the mention of such a circumstance; if he cannot, I am sure it is for want of discourse, or a worse reason, that any companion of his touches upon it. This way of talking I am fallen into from the reflection that I am, wherever I go, entertained with some absurdity, mistake, weakness, or illluck of some man or other, whom not only I, but the person who makes me those relations, has a value for. It would therefore be a great benefit to the world, if it could be brought to pass, that no story should be a taking one, but what was to the advantage of the person of whom it is related. By this means, he that is now a wit in conversation would be considered as a spreader of false news is in business. But above all, to make a familiar fit for a bosom friend, it is absolutely necessary that we should always be inclined rather to hide, than rally each other's infirmities. To suffer for a fault is a sort of atonement; and nobody is concerned for the offence for which he has made reparation. P. S. I have received the following letter, which rallies me for being witty sooner than I designed; but I have now altered my resolution, and intend to be facetious until the day in October heretofore mentioned, instead of beginning from that day. Tuesday, September 19, 1710. -Juvenis quondam, nunc femina, Cæneus, Ceneus, a woman once, and once a man; From my own Apartment, September 18. Familiarity, among the truly well-bred, never gives authority to trespass upon one another in the most minute circumstance; but it allows to be kinder than we ought otherwise to presume to be. Eusebius has wit, humour, and spirit; It is one of the designs of this paper to but there never was a man in his company who transmit to posterity an account of every thing wished he had less; for he understands fami- that is monstrous in my own times. For this liarity so well, that he knows how to make use reason, I shall here publish to the world the of it in a way that neither makes himself or life of a person who was neither man nor his friend contemptible; but if any one is les- woman; as written by one of my ingenious sened by his freedom, it is he himself, who al correspondents, who seems to have imitated ways likes the place, the diet, and the reception Plutarch in that multifarious erudition, and those when he is in the company of his friends. occasional dissertations, which he has wrought Equality is the life of conversation; and he is into the body of his history. The life I am as much out who assumes to himself any part putting out is that of Margery, alias John above another, as he who considers himself be-Young, commonly known by the name of low the rest of the society. Familiarity in inferiors is sauciness; in superiors, condescension; neither of which are to have being among companions, the very word implying that they are to be equal. When, therefore, we have ab doctor Young; who, as the town very well 'SIR,-I here make bold to trouble you with |