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was calm before, I am apt to fly out again, when the thing that first disturbed me is presented to my imagination. I shall therefore leave off when I am well, and fight with windmills no more; only shall be so arrogant as to say of myself, that, in spite of all the force of fashion and prejudice, in the face of all the world, I alone bewailed the condition of an English gentleman, whose fortune and life are at this day

rend myself against the imputation of being | indeed, like one of those knights too, though I moved rather by party than opinion; and I think it is apparent. I have, with the utmost frankness, allowed merit wherever I found it, though joined in interests different from those for which I have declared myself. When my Favonius is acknowledged to be Dr. Smallridge, and the amiable character of the Dean in the sixty-sixth Tatler, drawn for Dr. Atterbury, I hope I need say no more as to my impartiality. I really have acted in these cases with hon-precarious; while his estate is liable to the deesty, and am concerned it should be thought otherwise; for wit, if a man had it, unless it be directed to some useful end, is but a wanton frivolous quality; all that one should value himself upon in this kind is, that he had some honourable intention in it.

As for this point, never hero in romance was carried away with a more furious ambition to conquer giants and tyrants, than I have been in extirpating gamesters and duellists. And

mands of gamesters, through a false sense of justice; and to the demands of duellists, through a false sense of honour. As to the first of these orders of men, I have not one word more to say of them; as to the latter, I shall conclude all I have more to offer against them, with respect to their being prompted by the fear of shame, by applying to the duellist what I think Dr. South says some where of the liar, He is a coward to man, and a bravo to God.'

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Nostri est farrago libelli.

Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86.

P.

'Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream, Our motley paper seizes for its theme.' THOUGH the other papers, which are published for the use of the good people of England, have certainly very wholesome effects, and are laudable in their particular kinds, they do not seem to come up to the main design of such narrations; which, I humbly presume, should be principally intended for the use of political persons, who are so public-spirited as to neglect

title of Grecian;t foreign and domestic news you will have from Saint James's Coffee-house; and what else I have to offer on any other subject shall be dated from my own apartment.

"I once more desire my reader to consider, that as I cannot keep an ingenious man to go daily to Will's under twopence each day, merely for his charges; to White's under sixpence; nor to the Grecian, without allowing him some plain Spanish, to be as able as others at the learned table; and that a good observer cannot speak with even Kidney at Saint James's without clean linen; I say, these considerations will, I hope, make all persons willing to comply with my humble request (when my gratis stock is state. Now these gentlemen, for the most part, exhausted) of a penny a-piece; especially since being persons of strong zeal and weak intellects, they are sure of some proper amusement, and it is both a charitable and necessary work to that it is impossible for me to want means to offer something whereby such worthy and well-entertain them; having, besides the force of my own parts, the power of divination, and that I

their own affairs to look into transactions of

affected members of the commonwealth

may be

instructed, after their reading, what to think;
which shall be the end and purpose of this my
paper, wherein I shall from time to time report
and consider all matters, of what kind soever,
ad.
my
that shall occur to me, and publish such
vices and reflections every Tuesday, Thursday,
and Saturday in the week, for the convenience
of the post. I resolve to have something which
may be of entertainment to the fair-sex, in ho-
nour of whom I have invented the title of this

can, by casting a figure, tell you all that will happen before it comes to pass.

"But this last faculty I shall use very sparingly, and speak but of few things until they are passed, for fear of divulging matters which may offend our superiors."

White's Chocolate-house, April 7.

The deplorable condition of a very pretty paper. I therefore earnestly desire all persons, gentleman, who walks here at the hours when without distinction, to take it in for the present, men of quality first appear, is what is very much gratis, and hereafter, at the price of one penny, lamented. His history is, that on the ninth of forbidding all hawkers to take more for it at September, 1705, being in his one-and-twentieth their peril. And I desire all persons to consider, year, he was washing his teeth at a tavern winthat I am at a very great charge for proper dow in Pall-Mall, when a fine equipage passed materials for this work, as well as that, before by, and in it a young lady who looked up at I resolved upon it, I had settled a correspon him; away goes the coach, and the young gendence in all parts of the known and knowing tleman pulled off his night cap, and instead of world. And forasmuch as this globe is not rubbing his gums, as he ought to do, out of the trodden upon by mere drudges of business only, window until about four of the clock, sits him but that men of spirit and genius are justly to down and spoke not a word until twelve at be esteemed as considerable agents in it, we night; after which, he began to inquire if any shall not, upon a dearth of news, present you body knew the lady?-The company asked with musty foreign edicts, or dull proclamations, what lady? but he said no more, until they but shall divide our relation of the passages broke up at six in the morning. All the ensu which occur in action or discourse throughouting winter he went from church to church every this town, as well as elsewhere, under such dates Sunday, and from play-house to play-house of places as may prepare you for the matter you are to expect, in the following manner.

"All accounts of gallantry, pleasure, and entertainment, shall be under the article of White's Chocolate-house; poetry, under that of Will's Coffee-house;† learning, under the

White's Chocolate-house was then on the west side of St. James's-street.

↑ Will's Coffee-house was on the north side of Russel-street, Covent garden, where the wits of that time

used to assemble, and where Dryden had, when he lived, been accustomed to preside."-Johnson's “Lives," &c. vol. iv. p. 15. 8vo, edit. 1781.

The Grecian was, and still is, in Devereux-court in the Strand; probably the most ancient coffee house in or about London. In 1652, an English Turkey-merchant brought home with him a Greek servant, who first opened a house for making and selling coffee. § Kidney was one of the waiters at St. James's Coffeehouse. The same introduction was prefixed to No. 2, and No. 3. 11

every night in the week; but could never find the original of the picture which dwelt in his bosom. In a word, his attention to any thing but his passion was utterly gone. He has lost all the money he ever played for, and been confuted in every argument he has entered upon, since the moment he first saw her. He is of a noble family, has naturally a very good air, and is of a frank, honest temper; but this passion has so extremely mauled him, that his features are set and uninformed, and his whole visage is deadened by a long absence of thought. He never appears in any alacrity but when raised by wine; at which time he is sure to come hither and throw away a great deal of wit on fellows who have no sense further than just to observe, that our poor lover has most understanding when he is drunk, and is least in his senses when he is sober.*

The reader is desired to take notice of the article from this place, from time to time, for I design to be very exact in the progress this unhappy gentleman makes, which may be of great instruction to all who actually are, or who ever shall be in love.

Will's Coffee-house, April 8.

this gentleman, they pitied Mark Anthony of Rome, Hamlet of Denmark, Mithridates of Pontus, Theodosius of Greece, and Henry the Eighth of England. It is well known, he has been in the condition of each of those illustrious personages for several hours together, and behaved himself in those high stations, in all the changes of the scene, with suitable dignity. For these reasons, we intend to repeat this late favour to him on a proper occasion, lest he, who can instruct us so well in personating feigned sorrows, should be lost to us by suffering under real ones.* The town is at present in very great expectation of seeingt a comedy now in rehearsal, which is the twenty-fifth production of my honoured friend Mr. Thomas D'Urfey; who, besides his great abilities in the dramatic, has a particular talent in the lyric way of writ ing, and that with a manner wholly new and unknown to the ancient Greeks and Romans, wherein he is but faintly imitated in the translation of the modern Italian operas.

St. James's Coffee-house, April 11.

Letters from the Hague of the sixteenth, say that Major-general Cadogan was gone to Brussels, with orders to disperse proper instructions for assembling the whole force of the allies in Flanders, in the beginning of the next month. The late offers concerning peace were made in the style of persons who think themselves upon equal terms; but the allies have so just a sense of their present advantages, that they will not admit of a treaty, except France offers what is more suitable to her present condition. At the same time, we make preparations as if we were alarmed by a greater force than that which we are carrying into the field. Thus this point seems now to be argued sword in hand. This was what a great generalt alluded to, when being asked the names of those who were to be plenipotentiaries for the ensuing peace, he an

On Thursday last was acted, for the benefit of Mr. Betterton, the celebrated comedy called Love for Love. Those excellent players, Mrs. Barry, Mrs. Bracegirdle, and Mr. Dogget, though not at present concerned in the house, acted on that occasion. There has not been known so great a concourse of persons of distinction as at that time; the stage itself was covered with gentlemen and ladies, and when the curtain was drawn, it discovered even there, a very splendid audience. This unusual encouragement, which was given to a play for the advantage of so great an actor, gives an undeniable instance, that the true relish for manly entertainments and rational pleasures is not wholly lost. All the parts were acted to perfec-swered with a serious air, "There are about tion: the actors were careful of their carriage, a hundred thousand of us." Mr. Kidney, who and no one was guilty of the affectation to in- has the ear of the greatest politicians that come sert witticisms of his own; but a due respect hither, tells me, there is a mail come in to-day was had to the audience for encouraging this with letters, dated Hague, April the nineteenth, accomplished player. It is not now doubted but N. S. which say, a design of bringing part of plays will revive, and take their usual place in our troops into the field, at the latter end of this the opinion of persons of wit and merit, notwith-month, is now altered to a resolution of marchstanding their late apostacy in favour of dressing towards the camp about the twentieth of and sound. This place is very much altered the next. Prince Eugene was then returned since Mr. Dryden frequented it; where you used to see songs, epigrams, and satires, in the hands of every man you met, you have now only a pack of cards; and instead of the cavils about the turn of the expression, the elegance of the style, and the like, the learned now dispute only about the truth of the game. But however the company is altered, all have shown a great respect for Mr. Betterton; and the very gaming part of this house have been so touched with a sense of the uncertainty of human affairs (which alter with themselves every moment) that in

* Edward Lord Viscount Hinchinbroke, mentioned afterwards under the name of Cynthio. He died in the lifetime of his father, Oct. 3, 1729 See No. 5. and No. 22. By Congreve. Published in quarto, 1695.

thither from Amsterdam. He sets out from Brussels on Tuesday: the greater number of the general officers at the Hague, have orders to go at the same time. The squadron at Dunkirk consists of seven vessels. There happened the other day, in the road of Scheveling, an engagement between a privateer of Zeeland and one of Dunkirk. The Dunkirker, carrying thirty-three pieces of cannon was taken and

Thomas Betterton, justly esteemed the Roscius of his age, was born in 1635, came upon the stage in 1656, and continued on it with great reputation more than fifty years. He died April 28, 1710.

"The Modern Prophets, c. quarto, 1709, his twenty. seventh production, according to the list of his plays in Biog. Dram. See Tat. No. 11, and note; and No. 43. The duke of Marlborough.

No. 2.]

brought into the Texel. It is said, the courier of Monsieur Rouille is returned to him from the court of France. Monsieur Vendosme, being reinstated in the favour of the dutchess of Burgundy, is to command in Flanders.

Mr. Kidney added, that there were letters of the seventeenth from Ghent, which give an account that the enemy had formed a design to surprise two battalions of the allies which lay at Alost; but those battalions received advice of their march, and retired to Dendermond. Lieutenant-general Wood appeared on this occasion at the head of five thousand foot, and one thousand horse; upon which, the enemy with. drew without making any farther attempt.

From my own Apartment.

I am sorry I am obliged to trouble the public with so much discourse upon a matter which I at the very first mentioned as a trifle, viz. the death of Mr. Partridge,* under whose name there is an almanack come out for the year 1709; in one page of which, it is asserted by the said John Partridge, that he is still living; and not only so, but that he was also living some time before, and even at the instant when I writ of his death. I have in another place, and in a paper by itself, sufficiently convinced this man that he is dead, and, if he has any shame, I do not doubt but that by this time he owns it to all his acquaintance; for though the legs and arms and whole body of that man my still appear, and perform their animal functions; yet since, as I have elsewhere observed, his art is gone, the man is gone. I am, as I said, concerned that this little matter should make so much noise; but since I am engaged, I take myself obliged in honour to go on in my lucubrations, and by the help of these arts, of which I am master, as well as my skill in astrological speculations, I shall, as I see occasion, proceed to confute other dead men who pretend to be in being, although they are actually deceased. I therefore give all men fair warning to mend their manners; for I shall, from time to time, print bills of mortality; and I beg the pardon of all such who shall be named therein, if they who are good for nothing shall find themselves in the number of the deceased.

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Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream,
Our motley paper seizes for its theme.

Will's Coffee-house, April 13.

THERE has lain all this evening on the table, the following poem. The subject of it being matter very useful for families, I thought it deserved to be considered, and made more public. The turn the poet gives it, is very happy; but the foundation is from a real incident which

* Dr. Swift, in his "Predictions for 1708," foretold, that Partridge the almanack-maker, would infallibly die on the twenty-ninth of March about eleven at night, of a raging fever. The wits resolved to support this prediction, and uniformly insisted that Partridge actually died at that time.

13

happened among my acquaintance. A young
gentleman of a great estate, fell desperately in
love with a great beauty of very high quality,
but as ill-natured as long flattery and an ha-
bitual self-will could make her. However, my
young spark ventures upon her like a man of
quality, without being acquainted with her, or
having ever saluted her until it was a crime to
kiss any woman clse. Beauty is a thing which
palls with possession; and the charms of this
lady soon wanted the support of good-humour
Upon this, my
and complacency of manners
spark flies to the bottle for relief from satiety.
She disdains him for being tired with that for
which all men envied him; and he never came
home, but it was-"Was there no sot that
would stay longer? would any man living but
you? did I leave all the world for this usage?"
to which, he-" Madam, split me, you are very
impertinent !" In a word, this match was wed-
lock in its most terrible appearances. She, at
last, weary of railing to no purpose, applies to
a good uncle, who gives her a bottle he pre- -
tended he had bought of Mr. Partridge the con-
This," said he, "I gave ten guineas
jurer.
for. The virtue of the enchanted liquor (said
he that sold it) is such, that if the woman you
marry proves a scold, (which it seems, my dear
niece, is your misfortune, as it was your good
mother's before you,) let her hold three spoon-
fuls in her mouth for a full half hour after you
come home-." But I find I am not in humour
for telling a tale, and nothing in nature is so
ungraceful as story-telling against the grain;
therefore take it as the author has given it you.

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THE MEDICINE.

A Tale-for the Ladies.

Miss Molly, a famed toast, was fair and young,
Had wealth and charms-but then she had a tongue!
From morn to night th' eternal larum run,
Which often lost those hearts her eyes had won.

Sir John was smitten, and confessed his flame,

Possessed, he thought, of every joy of life:
Sighed out the usual time, then wed the dame;
But his dear Molly proved a very wife.
Excess of fondness did in time decline,
From whence some petty discord would arise,
Madam loved money, and the knight loved wine.
As, "You're a fool!"-and, "You are mighty wise ?"
Though he and all the world allow'd her wit,
Her voice was shrill, and rather loud than sweet;
When she began-for hat and sword he'd call,
Then after a faint kiss,-cry, "Bye, dear Moll!
Supper and friends expect me at the Rose."—
"And, what, Sir John, you'll get your usual dose!
Go, stink of smoke, and guzzle nasty wine;
Sure, never virtuous love was used like mine!"
Oft as the watchful bell-man marched his round,
At a fresh bottle gay Sir John he found.
By four the knight would get his business done,
And only then reeled off, because alone;
Full well he knew the dreadful storm to come,
But, armed with Bourdeaux be durst venture home.
My lady with her tongue was still prepared,
She rattled loud, and he impatient heard:
""Tis a fine hour! In a sweet pickle made!
Here I sit moping all the live-long night,
And this, Sir John, is every day the trade.
Devoured with spleen, and stranger to delight;
Till morn sends staggering home a drunken beast,
"Hey! hoop!d'ye hear my damned obstreperous spouse,
Resolved to break my heart, as well as rest."
What, can't you find one bed about the house?
Will that perpetual clack lie never still?
Some couch and distant room must be my choice,
That rival to the softness of a mill!
Where I may sleep uncursed with wife and noise."
Long this uncomfortable life they led,
With snarling meals, and each a separate bed.

To an old uncle oft she would complain,

Beg his advice, and scarce from tears refrain.
Old Wisewood smoked the matter as it was,
"Cheer up!" cried he, "and I'll remove the cause.
"A wonderous spring within my garden flows,
Of sovereign virtue, chiefly to compose
Domestic jars, and matrimonial strife,
The best elixir t' appease man and wife;
Strange are th' effects, the qualities divine,
'Tis water called, but worth its weight in wine.
If in his sullen airs Sir John should come,
Three spoonfuls take, hold in your mouth-then mum,
Smile, and look pleased, when he shall rage and scold,
Still in your mouth the healing cordial hold;
One month this sympathetic medicine tried,
He'll grow a lover, you a happy bride.
But, dearest niece, keep this grand secret close,
Or every prattling hussey 'll beg a dose."

A water bottle's brought for her relief;
Not Nants could sooner ease the lady's grief;
Her busy thoughts are on the trial bent,
And, female like, impatient for th' event!

The bonny knight reels home exceeding clear,
Prepared for clamour and domestic war:
Entering, he cries,-" Hey! where's our thunder fled!
No hurricane! Betty's your lady dead?"
Madam, aside, an ample mouthful takes,'
Court'sies, looks kind, but not a word she speaks!
Wondering, he stared, scarcely his eyes believed,
But found his ears agreeably deceived.

"Why, how now, Molly, what's the crotchet now?"
She smiles, and answers only with a bow.
Then clasping her about-" Why, let me die!
These night cloaths, Moll, become thee mightily!"
With that he sighed, her hand began to press,
And Betty calls, her lady to undress.
"Nay, kiss me, Molly,-for I'm much inclined."
Her lace she cuts, to take him in the mind.
Thas the fond pair to bed enamoured went,
The lady pleased, and the good knight content. *
For many days these fond endearments past,
The reconciling bottle fails at last;
"Twas used and gone, Then midnight storms arose,
And locks and words the union discompose.
Her coach is ordered and post-haste she flies
To beg her uncle for some fresh supplies,
Transported does the strange effects relate,
Her knight's conversion, and her happy state!
"Why, niece," says he,-"I pr'ythee apprehend,
The water's water-be thyself thy friend;
Such beauty would the coldest husband warm,,
Bat your provoking tongue undoes the charin:
Be silent and complying.-You'll soon find,
Sir John without a medicine will be kind.”

allies, they have had no other effect, but to make all the members concerned in the alliance more doubtful of their safety, from the great offers of the enemy. The emperor is roused by this alarm, and the frontiers of all the French doninions are in danger of being insulted the ensuing campaign. Advices from all parts confirm, that it is impossible for France to find a way to obtain so much credit as to gain any one potentate of the allies, or conceive any hope for safety from other prospects.

From my own Apartment, April 13.

I find it of very great use, now I am setting up for a writer of news, that I am an adept in astrological speculations; by which means, I avoid speaking of things which may offend great persons. But, at the same time, I must not prostitute the liberal sciences so far, as not to utter the truth in cases which do immediately concern the good of my native country. I must, therefore, contradict what has been so assuredly reported by the news writers of England, that France is in the most deplorable condition, and that their people die in great multitudes. I will therefore let the world know, that my correspondent by the way of Brussels, informs me upon his honour, that the gentleman who writes the gazette of Paris, and ought to know as well as any man, has told him, that ever since the king has been past his sixty-third year, or grand climacteric, there has not died one man of the French nation who was younger than his majesty, except a very few who were taken sud. denly near the village of Hockstet in Germany; and some more who were straitened for lodging at a place called Ramilies, and died on the road to Ghent and Bruges.* There are also other things given out by the allies, which are shifts below a conquering nation to make use of. Among others, it is said there is a general mur. muring among the people of France, though at the same time, all my letters agree, that there is so good an understanding among them, that there is not one morsel carried out of any market in the kingdom but what is delivered upon credit.

No. 3.]

Saturday, April 16, 1709.

Jur Sat. i. 85, 86.

Quicquid agunt homines-
Nostri est farrago libelli.
'Whate'er men do, or say, or think or dream,
Our motley paper seizes for its theme.

P.

St. James's Coffee-house, April 13. Letters from Venice say, the disappointment of their expectation to see his Danish majesty has very much disquicted the court of Rome. Our last advices from Germany inform us, that the minister of Hanover has urged the council at Ratisbonne to exert themselves in behalf of the common cause, and taken the liberty to say, that the dignity, the virtue, the prudence of his electoral highness, his master, were called to the head of their affairs in vain, if they thought| fit to leave him naked of the proper means to Will's Coffee-house, April 14. make those excellencies useful for the honour] This evening the comedy called the Country and safety of the empire. They write from Wife, was acted in Drury-lane, for the benefit Berlin of the thirteenthi, O. S. that the true de- of Mrs. Bignell. The part which gives name sign of general Fleming's visit to that court was to the play was performed by herself. Through to insinuate, that it will be for the mutual in the whole action she made a very pretty figure, terest of the king of Prussia and king Augustus, and exactly entered into the nature of the part. to enter into a new alliance; but that the min- Her husband, in the drama, is represented to isters of Prussia are not inclined to his senti- be one of those debauchees who run throngh ments. We hear from Vienna, that his imperial the vices of the town, and believe, when they majesty has expressed great satisfaction in their think fit, they can marry and settle at their high mightinesses having communicated to him the whole that has passed in the affair of a pcare. Though there have been practices used by the agents of France, in all the courts of Europe, to break the good understanding of the

* An humorous compliment to the duke of Marlborough, who, as Mr. Stocle insmuates, so reduced the Freuch, that they had now, neither more young men to go to war, uor more ready money to carry to market. By Wycherley. It was first acted in 1683.

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