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Whisp. Nay, sir, my business—is no great Mar. A fool! I'll justify she has more wit matter of business neither, and yet 'tis business than all the rest of her sex put together. Why, of consequence, too.
she'll rally me till I han't a word to say for
mySir Jeal. Sirrah, don't trifle with me.
self. Whisp. Trifle, sir! have you found him, sir? Cha. A mighty proof of her wit, trulySir Jeal. Found what, you rascal?
Mar. There must be some trick in it, sir Whis
. Why, Trifle is the very lap-dog, my lady | George : egad I'll find it out, if it cost me the lost, sir! I fancied I saw him run into this sum you paid for it. house. I'm glad you've seen him—Sir, my lady Sir Geo. Do, and command me will be overjoyed that I have found him.
Mar. Enough! let me alone to trace a se Sir Jeal. Who is your lady, friend? Whisp. My lady Lovepuppy, sir. Sir Jeal
. My lady Lovepuppy, sir! then, pri- Enter WHISPER, and speaks aside to his master. thee, carry thyself to her, for I know of no other The devil! he here again? damn that fellow, he whelp that belongs to her; and let me catch you never speaks out! Is this the same, or a new seno more puppy-hunting about my doors, lest I cret? You may speak out; here are none but have you prest into the service, sirrah.
friends. Whis. By no means, sir_Your humble ser- Cha. Pardon me, Marplot, 'tis a secret. vant. I must watch whether he goes or no, be- Mar. A secret! aye, or ecod I would not give fore I can tell my master. [Erit WHISPER. a farthing for it. Sir George, won't you ask
Sir Jeal. This fellow bas the officious leer of a Charles what news Whisper brings? pimp, and I half suspect a design; but I'll be Sir Geo. Not I, sir; I suppose it does not reupon them before they think on me, I warrant late to me. them,
[Exit. Mar. Lord lord! how little curiosity some
people have! Now, my chief pleasure is in SCENE III.-CHARLES's lodgings. knowing every body's business.
Sir Geo. I fancy, Charles, thou hast some enEnter CHARLES and MARPLOT.
gagement upon thy hands ? Cha. Honest Marplot ! I thank thee for this Mar. Have you, Charles ? supply. I expect my lawyer with a thousand Sir Geo. I have a little business, too. ! pounds I have ordered him to take up, and then Mar. Have you, sir George? you shall be repaid.
Sir Geo. Marplot, if it falls in your way to Mar. Pho, pho! no more of that. Here bring me any intelligence from Miranda, you'll comes sir George Airy,
find me at the Thatched-house at six
Mar. You do me much honour.
Cha. You guess right, sir George; wish me cursedly out of humour at his disappointment.— success. See how he looks! ha, ha, ha!
Sir Geo. Better than attended me. Adieu ! Sir Geo. Ah, Charles! I am so humbled in my
[Exit Sie GEORGE. pretensions to plots upon women, that I believe Cha. Marplot, you must excuse meÍ shall never have courage enough to attempt a Mar. Nay, nay; what need of any excuse as chambermaid again—I'll tell thee
mongst friends ? I'll go with you. Cha. Ha, ha, ha! I'll spare you the relation by Cha. Indeed, you must not. telling you— Impatient to know your business Mar. No! then, I suppose it is a duel, and I with my father, when I saw you enter I slipt will go to secure you. back into the next room, where I overheard every Cha. Well, but tis no duel, consequently no yllable.
danger; therefore, prithee be answered. Mar. Did you, Charles? I wish I had been Mar. What, is't a mistress, then? Mum-you
know I can be silent upon occasion. Sir Geo. That I said—but I'll be banged if Cha. I wish you could be civil, too: I tell you heard her answer-But, prithee, tell me, you, you neither must nor shall go with me.Charles, is she a fool?
[Erit CHARLES. Cha. I never suspected her for one; but Mar- Mar. Why then-I must and will follow you. plot can inform you better, if you'll allow him a
uncle's estate; that surely will support us till one
of our fathers relent. Enter Charles.
Isa. There's no trusting to that, my friend. I Char. Well, here's the house which holds the doubt your father will carry his humour to the lovely prize, quiet and serene: here no noisy grave, and mine till hu sees ine settled in Spain. footmen throng to tell the world that beauty Cha. And can you, then, cruelly resolve to stay dwells within; no ceremonious visit makes the till that cursed Don arrives, and suffer that youth, lover wait, no rival to give my heart a pang.- beauty, fire, and wit, to be sacrificed to the arms Who would not scale the window at midnight of a dull Spaniard, to be iinmured, and forbid without fear of the jealous father's pistol, rather the sight of any thing that's human? than fill up the train of a coquette, where every Isa. No; when it comes to that extremity, and ininute he is jostled out of place! (Knocks soft- no stratagem can relieve us, thou shalt list for a ly.] Mrs Patch, Mrs Patch!
soldier, and I'll carry thy knapsack after thee.
Cha. Bravely resolved! the world cannot be Enter Patch.
more savage than our parents, and fortune genePatch. Oh, are you come, sir? All's safe. rally assists the bold; therefore consent now: Cha. So ! in, in, then.
why should we put it to a future hazard? who
knows when we shall have another opportunity? Enter MARPLOT.
Isa. Oh, you have your ladder of ropes, I supMar. There he goes! Who the devil lives pose, and the closet window stands just where it
I can find out that, I am as far did; and if you han't forgot to write in characfrom knowing his business as ever. Gad I'll ters, Patch will find a way for our assignations. watch; it may be a bawdy-house, and he may Thus much of the Spanish contrivance my fahave his throat cut. If there should be any ther's severity has taught me, I thank him : mischief I can make oath he went in. Well, though I hate the nation, I admire their manageCharles, in spite of your endeavours to keep me ment in these affairs. out of the secret, I may save your life for aught I know. At that corner I'll plant myself; there
Enter Patch. I shall see whoever goes in or comes out. Gad I Patch. Oh, madam! I see my master coming love discoveries.
[Exit Mar. up the street.
Cha. Oh, the devil! would I had my ladder SCENE II.
now! I thought you had not expected him till
night. Why, why, why, why, what shall I do, Draws, and discovers Charles, ISABINDA,
madam? and Patch.
Isa. Oh! for Heaven's sake, don't go that Isa. Patch, look out sharp; have a care of way; you'll meet him full in the teeth. Oh, undad.
lucky moment ! Patch. I warrant you.
Cha. 'Adsheart! can you shut me into no cupIsa. Well, sir, if I may judge your love by board, nor ram me into a chest, ha? your courage, 1 ought to believe you sincere; for Patch. Impossible, sir; he searches every hole you venture into the lion's den when you come in the house.
Isa. Undone for ever! if he sees you, I shall Cha. If you'd consent whilst the furious beast never see you more. is abroad, I'd free you from the reach of his Patch. I have thought on it: run you to your paws.
chamber, madam; and, sir, come you along with Isa. That would be but to avoid one danger by me; I'm certain you may easily get down from running into another; like poor wretches, who fly the balcony. the burning ship, and meet their fate in the wa- Cha. My life! adieu—Lead on, guide. ter. Come, come, Charles; I fear, if I consult my
[Exeunt Patch and Cha. reason, confinement and plenty is better than li- Isa. Heaven preserve him! [Erit Isa. berty and starving. I know you would make the frolic pleasing for a little time, by saying and
SCENE III.-Changes to the street. doing a world of tender things; but, when our small substance is exhausted, and a thousand re- Enter Sir JEALOUS, with Marplot behind him. quisites for life are wanting, Love, who rarely dwells with Poverty, would also fail us.
Sir Jeal. I don't know what's the matter, but Cha. Faith, I fancy not; methinks my heart I have a strong suspicion all is not right within ; has laid up a stock will last for life; to back that fellow's sauntering about my door, and his which I have taken a thousand pounds upon my tale of a puppy, had the face of a lie, methought.
to see me.
By St Iago, if I should find a man in the house, I
Enter Sir Jealous and his Servants. Mar. Mince-meat! Ah, poor Charles ! how I sweat for thee! Egad he's old-I fancy I might Sir Jeal. Are you sure you have searched every bully him, and make Charles have an opinion of where? my courage. Egad I'll pluck up, and have a Ser. Yes, from the top of the house to the bottouch with him.
tom. Sir Jeal. My own key shall let me in ; I'll give Sir Jeal. Under the beds, and over the beds ? them no warning.
[Feeling for his key. Ser. Yes, and in them too, but found nobody, Mar. What's that you say, sir?
sir. [Going up to Sir JEAL. Sir Jeal. Why, what could this rogue mean? Sir Jeal. What's that to you, sir? [Turns quick upon him.
Enter ISABINDA and Patch. Mar. Yes, 'tis to me, sir; for the gentleman Patch. Take courage, madam; I saw him safe you threaten is a very honest gentleman. Lookout.
[Aside to Isa. to't, for if he comes not as safe out of your house
Isa. Bless me! what's the matter, sir? as he went in
Sir Jeal. You know best-Pray, where's the Sir Jeal. What, is he in, then ?
man that was here just now? Mar. Yes sir, he is in then; and, I say, if he Isa. What man, sir? I saw none. does not come out, I have half a dozen myrmidons Patch. Nor I, by the trust you repose in me. hard by, shall beat your house about your ears. Do you think I would let a man come within
Sir Jeal. Ab! a combination to undo me-I'll these doors, when you are absent? myrmidon you, ye dog you !-Thieves ! thieves ! | Sir Jeal. Ah, Patch ! she may be too cunning
Beats MARPLOT all the while he cries thieves. for thy honesty: the very scout, that he had set Mar. Murder! murder! I was not in your to give warning, discovered it to me--and threathouse, sir.
ened me with half a dozen myrmidons--but I
think I mauled the villain. These afflictions you Enter Servant.
draw upon me, mistress!
Isa. Pardon me, sir; 'tis your own ridiculous Ser. What's the matter, sir?
humour draws you into these vexations, and gives Sir Jeal. The matter, rascal! you have let a every fool pretence to banter you. man into my house; but I'll flea him alive. Fol Sir Jeal. No, 'tis your idle conduct, your colow me; I'll not leave a mousehole unsearched, quettish flirting into the balcony-Oh! with what If I find him, by St Iago, I'll equip him for the joy shall I resign thee into the arms of Don opera.
Erit Sie JEAL. Diego Babinetto! Mar. A deuce of his cane! there's no trusting Isa. And with what industry shall I avoid bim! to age- What shall I do to relieve Charles ?
[ Aside. egad I'll raise the neighbourhood.- Murder! Sir Jeal. Certainly that rogue had a message murder - CHARLES drops down upon him from from somebody or other, but, being baulked by the balcony. Charles ! faith I'm glad to see my coming, popped that sham upon me. Come thee safe out, with all my heart!
along, ye sots! let's see if we can find the dog Cha. A pox of your bawling ! how the devil again. Patch! lock her up, d'ye hear? came you here?
Exit Sir JEAL. Mar. Egad it's very well for you that I was Patch. Yes, sir-Ay, walk till jour heels ache; here; I have done you a piece of service: I told you'll find nobody, I promise you. the old thunderbolt that the gentleman that was Isa. Who could that scout be whom he talks gone in was
of ? Cha. Was it you that told him, sir? (Laying Patch. Nay, I can't imagine, without it was hold of him.] 'Sdeath! I could crush thee into Whisper. atoms.
[Exit Cha. Isa. Well, dear Patch ! let's employ all our Mar. What! will you choke me for my kind thoughts how to escape this horrid Don Diego; ness? Will my inquiring soul never leave search- | my very heart sinks at his terrible name. ing into other people's affairs till it gets squeezed | Patch. Fear not, madam ; Don Carlo shall be out of my body? I dare not follow him now for the man, or I'll lose the reputation of contriving : my blood, he's in such a passion. I'll to Miran- and then, what's a chambermaid good for? da; if I can discover aught that may oblige sir | Isa. Say'st thou so, my girl ? then George, it may be a means to reconcile me again to Charles.
Let dad be jealous, multiply his cares; Sir Jeal. [Within.] Look about ! search ! find · Whilst love instructs me to avoid the snares, him out!
"I'll, spite of all his Spanish caution, show . Mar. Oh, the devil! there's old Crabstick How much for love a British maid can do.' again! (Exit Mar.
SCENE IV. SIR FRANCIS GRIPE's house.
in the Temple, to settle matters just to your lik
You are to give your consent to my marEnter Sir Francis and Miranda meeting. riage, which is to yourself you know: but, mum,
Mir. Well, Gardy, how did I perform the you must take no notice of that. So then I will, dumb scene?
that is, with your leave, put my writings into his Sir Fran. To admiration—Thou dear little hands; then, to-morrow, we come slap upon them rogue ! let me buss thee for it: nay, adad I will, with a wedding that nobody thought on, by which Chargy, so muzzle, and tuzzle, and hug thee; I will
, you seize me and my estate, and I suppose make i'faith, I will, (Hugging and kissing her. ) a bonfire of your own act and deed.
Mir. Nay, Gardy, don't be so lavish. Who Sir Fran. Nay, but Chargy, if would ride post when the journey lasts for life? Mir. Nay, Gardy, no ifs Have I refused
Sir Fran. Ah wag, ah' wag! I'll buss thee three northern lords, two British peers, and half again for that. Oh, I'm transported! When, a score knights, to have you put in your ifs? when, my dear, wilt thou convince the world of Sir Fran. So thou hast indeed, and I will the happy day? when shall we marry, ha? trust to thy management. 'Od, I'm all of a fire!
Mir. There's nothing wanting but your con- Mir. Tis a wonder the dry stubble does not sert, sir Francis,
Aside. Sir Fran. My consent! what does my charmer mean?
Enter MARPLOT. Mir. Nay, 'tis only a whim; but I'll have Sir Fran. How now, who sent for you, sir? every thing according to form therefore, when What, is the hundred pound gone already?' you sign an authentic paper, drawn up by an Mar. No, sir; I don't want money, now, able lawyer, that I have your leave to marry, Gardy. the next day makes me yours, Gardy.
Sir Fran. No, that's a miracle! but there's Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! a whim indeed! why, one thing you want I'm sure. is it not demonstration I give my leave, when I Mar. Ay, what's that? marry thee?
Sir Fran. Manners! What, had I no servants Mir. Not for your reputation, Gardy; the without ? malicious world will be apt to say you trick me
Mar. None that could do my business, guar. into marriage, and so take the merit from my dian, which is at present with this lady: choice : : now, I will have the act my own, to let Mir. With me, Mr Marplot! what is it, I bethe idle fops see how much I prefer a man loaded seech you? with years and wisdom.
Sir Fran. Ay, sir, what is it? any thing that Sir Fran. Humph! Prithee leave out years, relates to her may be delivered to me. Chargy; I'm not so old, as thou shalt find. Adad Mar. I deny that. I'm young: there's a caper for ye ! [Jumps. Mir. That's more than I do, sir.
Mir. Oh, never excuse it; why, I like you the Mar. Indeed, madam! Why, then, to pro better for being old—but I shall suspect you ceed : Fame says-you know best whether she don't love me, if you refuse me this formality. lies or not-that you and my most conscionable
Sir Fran. Not love thee,,Chargy! Adad'I do guardian here have designed, contrived, plotted, love thee better than, than, than, better than- and agreed, to chouse a very civil, honest, honouwhat shall I say? egad better than money; i'faith rable gentleman out of a hundred pounds : GuilI do
ty or not? Mir. That's false, I'm sure. [Aside.] To prove
Mir. That I contrived it! it, do this, then.
Mar. Ay, you—you said never a word against Sir Fran. Well, I will do it, Chargy, provided it; so far you are guilty; I bring a licence at the same time.
Sir Fran. Pray tell that civil, honest, honourMir. Ay, and a parson, too, if you please. able gentleman, that if he has any more such Ha, ha, ha! I can't help laughing to think how sums to fool away, they shall be received like the all the young coxcombs about town will be mor- last; ha, ha, ha! Choused, quotha ! But hark ye, tified when they bear of our marriage !
let him know at the same time, that if he dare to Sir Fran. So they will, so they will; ha, ha, ha! report I tricked him of it, I shall recommend a
Mir. Well, I fancy I shall be so happy with lawyer to him shall shew him a trick for twice as my Gardy
much. D'ye hear? tell him that. Sir Fran. If wearing pearls and jewels, or Mar. So, and this is the way you use a gentle. eating gold, as the old saying is, can make thee man, and my friend ! happy, thou shalt be so, my sweetest, my lovely, Mir. Is the wretch thy friend? my charming, my-verily' I know not what to Mar. The wretch ! look ye, madam, don't call call thee.
names; egad I won't take it. Mir. You must know, Gardy, that I am so Mir. Why, you won't beat me, will you ? Ha, eager to have this business concluded, that I have ha! employed my woman's brother, who is a lawyer Mar. I don't know whether I will or no.
Sir Fran. Sir, I shall make a servant shew Sir Fran. Oh, monstrous! Why, Chargy, did you out at the window if you are saucy. he use to come to the garden-gate?
Mar. I am your most humble servant, guar- Mir. The gardener described just such another dian; I design to go out the same way I came man that always watched his coming out, and in. I would only ask this lady one question ; fain would have bribed him for his entrancedon't you think he's a fine gentleman?
Tell him he shall find a warm reception if he Sir Fran. Who's a fine gentleman?
coines this night. Mar. Not you, Gardy; not you! Don't you Mar. Pistols and blunderbusses ! Egad! a think in your soul that sir George Airy is a very warm reception indeed! I shall take care to infine gentleman?
form him of your kindness, and advise hiin to Mir. He dresses well.
keep farther off. Sir Fran. Which is chiefly owing to his tailor Nir. I hope he will understand my ineaning and valet de chambre.
better than to follow your advice. [ Aside. Mar. Well! and who is your dress owing to, Sir Fran. Thou hast signed, sealed, and ha? There's a beau, ma’am-do but look at him! taken possession of my heart for ever, Chargy, Sir Fran. Sirrah !
ha, ha, ha! and for you, Mr Saucebos, let me Mir. And if being a beau be a proof of his have no more of your messages, if ever you being a fine gentleman, he may be so.
design to inherit your estate, gentleman. Mar. He may be so ! Why, ma'am, the judi- Mar. Why, there 'tis now. Sure I shall be cious part of the world allow him wit, courage, out of your clutches one day-Well, Guardian, I gallantry, ay, and economy, too; though I say no more : but if you be not as arrant a think he forfeited that character, when he Aung cuckold as e'er drove bargain upon the exchange, away a hundred pounds upon your dumb lady- or paid attendance to a court, I am the son of ship
a whetstone; and so your humble servant. Sir Fran. Does that gall him? Ha, ha, ha!
[Going. Mir. So, sir George, remaining in deep discon- Mir. Mr Marplot, don't forget the message : tent, has sent you, his trusty squire, to utter his ha, ha, ha, ha! complaint. Ha, ha, ha!
Mar. Nang, naug, nang !
[Erit. Mar. Yes, madam; and you, like a cruel hard- Sir Fran. I am so provoked—'tis well he's hearted Jew, value it no more-than I would gone. your ladyship, were I sir George; you, you, Mir. Oh, mind him not, Gardy, but let's sign you
articles, and then Mir. Oh, don't call names: I know you love Sir Fran. And then--Adad I believe I am to be employed, and I'll oblige you, and you metamorphosed; my pulse beats high, and my shall carry bím a message from me.
blood boils, methinksMar. According as I like it. Wbat is it?
[Kissing and hugging her. Mir. Nay, a kind one, you may be sure- Mir. Oh, fie, Gardy! be not so violent: conFirst, tell him I have chose this gentleman, to sider the market lasts all the year.--Well; I'll have and to hold, and so forth.
lin, and see if the lawyer be come: you'll follow? (Clapping her hand into Sir Francis's.
[Erit. Mar. Much guod may do you !
Sir Fran. Ay, to the world's end, my dear! Sir Fran. Oh, the dear rogue ! how I dote on Well, Frank, thou art a lucky fellow in thy old her!
[Aside. age, to have such a delicate morsel, and thirty Mir. And advise his impertinence to trouble thousand pounds, in love with thee. I shall be me no more, for I prefer sir Francis for a hus- the envy of bachelors, the glory of married men, band before all the fops in the universe. and the wonder of the town. Some guardians
Mar. Oh Lord, oh Lord! she's bewitched, would be glad to compound for part of the that's certain. Here's a husband for eighteen—'estate at dispatching an heiress, but I engross the here's a titbit for a young lady-here's a shape, whole. O! mihi præteritos referet si Jupiter an air, and a grace-here's bones rattling in a
[Erit. leathern bag-[Turning Sir Francis about.}Here's buckram and canvas to scrub you to re- SCENE V.-Changes to a tavern. pentance. Sir Fran. Sirrah, my cane shall teach you re
Discovers Sir GEORGE and CuARLES with wine pentance presently.
before them, and Whisper waiting. Mar. No, faith; I have felt its twin brother Sir Geo. Nay, prithce, don't be grave, Charles: from just such a whithered hand too lately. misfortunes will happen. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis some
Mir. One thing more; advise him to keep comfort to have a companion in our sufferings. from the garden-gate on the left hand; for if he Cha. I am only apprehensive for Isabinda; ber dare to saunter there, about the hour of eight, as father's humour is implacable ; and how far his he used to do, he shall be saluted with a pistol or jealousy may transport him to her undoing, a blunderbuss.
shocks my soul to think. Vol. II.