"hide himself from thy face." Chap. ix. 10."Forsake not an old friend; for the new is not "comparable to him.-A new friend is as new "wine; when it is old, thou shalt drink it with pleasure."

When you have discreetly chosen, the next point is how to preserve, your friend. Numbers complain of the fickleness and ingratitude of those on whom they bestowed their affection; but few examine whether what they complain of, is not owing to themselves. Affection is not like a portion of freehold land, which once settled upon you is a possession for ever, without farther trouble on your part. If you grow less deserving, or less attentive to please, you must expect to see the effects of your remissness, in the gradual decline of your friend's steem and attachment. Resentment and reproaches will not recall what you have lost; but, on the contrary, will hasten the dissolution of every remaining tie. The best remedy is, to renew your care and assiduity to deserve and cultivate affection, without seeming to have perceived its abatement. Jealousy and distrust are the bane of friendship, whose essence is esteem and affiance. But if jealousy is expressed by unkind upbraidings, or, what is worse, by cold, haughty looks, and insolent contempt, it can hardly fail, if often repeated, to realize the misfortune, which at first, perhaps, was imaginary. Nothing can be more an antidote to affection, than such behaviour; or than the cause of it, which, in reality, is nothing but pride; though the jealous person would fain attribute it to uncommon tenderness and delicacy: But tenderness is never so expressed; it is, indeed, deeply sensible of unkindness, but it cannot be unkind;-it may subsist with anger, but not with contempt;-it may be weak. ened, or even killed, by ingratitude; but it cannot be changed into hatred. Remember always, that if you would be loved, you must be amiable. Habit may indeed, for a time, supply the deficiency of merit: what we have long loved, we do not easily cease to love; but habit will at length be conquered

by frequent disgusts." Whoso casteth a stone at "the birds, frayeth them away: and he that up"braideth his friend, breaketh friendship. Though

thou drewest a sword at thy friend, yet despair "not, for there may be a returning to favour."If thou hast opened thy mouth against thy friend, "fear not, for there may be a reconciliation; excepting for upbraiding, or pride, or disclosing "of secrets, or a treacherous wound,-for, for "these things, every friend will depart."

I have hitherto spoken of a friend in the singular number, rather in compliance with the notions of most writers, who have treated of friendship, and who generally suppose it can have but one object, than from my own ideas. The highest kind of friendship is indeed confined to one; I mean the conjugal; which, in its perfection, is so entire and absolute an union, of interest, will, and affection, as no other connection can stand in competition with. But there are various degrees of friendship, which can admit of several objects, esteemed, and delighted in, for different qualities,-and whose scparate rights are perfectly compatible. Perhaps it is not possible to love two persons exactly in the same degree; yet, the difference may be so small, that none of the parties can be certain on which side the scale preponderates.

It is narrowness of mind to wish to confine your friend's affection solely to yourself; since you are conscious that, however perfect your attachment may be, you cannot possibly supply to her all the blessings she may derive from several friends, who may each love her as well as you do, and may each contribute largely to her happiness. If she depends on you alone for all the comforts and advantages of friendship, your absence or death may leave her desolate and forlorn. If, therefore, you prefer her good to your own selfish gratification, you should rather strive to multiply her friends, and be ready to embrace in your affections all who love, and de

Eccl'us xxii. 20.

serve her love: this generosity will bring its own reward, by multiplying the sources of your pleasures and supports; and your first friend will love you the more for such an endearing proof of the extent of your affection, which can stretch to receive all who are dear to her. But if, on the contrary, every mark of esteem shewn to another excites un easiness or resentment in you, the person you love must soon feel her connection with you a-burthen and restraint. She can own no obligation to so selfish an attachment: nor can her tenderness be increased by that which lessens her esteem. If she is really fickle and ungrateful, she is not worth your reproaches: if not, she must be reasonably offended by such injurious imputations.

You do not want to be told, that the strictest fidelity is required in friendship: and though pos.. sibly instances might be brought, in which even the secret of a friend must be sacrificed to the calls of justice and duty, yet these are rare and doubtful cases, and we may venture to pronounce that, "Whoso discovereth secrets, loseth his credit, "and shall never find a friend to his mind.". "Love thy friend, and be faithful unto him: but "if thou betrayest his secrets, follow no more after "him. For as a man that hath destroyed his "enemy, so hast thou destroyed the love of thy "friend. As one that letteth a bird go out of his "hand, so hast thou let thy neighbour go. Follow "no more after him, for he is too far off; he is as a "roe escaped out of the snare.-As for a wound, "it may be bound up; and after revilings there "may be reconcilement: but he that bewrayeth se"crets, is without hope."

But, in order to reconcile this inviolable fidelity with the duty you owe to yourself, or others, you must carefully guard against being made the repository of such secrets as are not fit to be kept. If friend should engage in any unlawful pursuit; if, for instance, she should intend to carry on an

your

* 'Eccl'us xxvii. 16.

affair of love, unknown to her parents; you must first use your utmost endeavours to dissuade her from it; and, if she persists, positively and solemnly declare against being a confidant in such a case. Suffer her not to speak to you on the subject, and warn her to forbear acquainting you with any step she may propose to take towards a marriage unsanctified by parental approbation. Tell her, you would think it your duty to apprize her parents of the danger into which she was throwing herself. However unkindly she may take this at the time, she will certaiuly esteem and love you the more for it, whenever she recovers a sense of her duty, or experiences the sad effects of swerving from it.

There is another case, which I should not choose to suppose possible, in addressing myself to so young a person, was it not that too many instances of it have of late been exposed to public animadversion: I mean the case of a married woman, who encourages or tolerates the addresses of a lover, May no such person be ever called a friend of your's! but, if ever one whom, when innocent, you had loved, skould fall into so fatal an error, I can only say that, after proper remonstrances, you must immediately withdraw from all intimacy and confidence with her. Nor let the absurd pretence of innocent intentions, in such circumstances, prevail with you to lend your countenance, a moment, to disgraceful conduct. There cannot be innocence, in any degree of indulgence to unlawful passion. The sacred obligations of marriage are very ill understood by the wife, who can think herself innocent, while she parleys with a lover, or with love, and who does not shut her heart and ears against the most distant approaches of either. A virtuous wife, though she should be so unhappy as not to be secured, by having her strongest affections fixed on her husband,-will never admit an idea of any other man, in the light of a lover; but, if such an idea should unawares intrude into her mind, she would instantly stifle it, before it grew strong enough to give her much uneasiness. Not to the

most intimate friend,-hardly to her own soul,would she venture to confess a weakness, she would so sincerely abhor. Whenever, therefore, such infidelity of heart is made a subject of confidence, depend upon it the corruption has spread far, and has been faultily indulged. Enter not into her counsels: Shew her the danger she is in, and then withdraw yourself from it, whilst you are yet un sullied by contagion.

It has been supposed a duty of friendship to lay open every thought and every feeling of the heart to our friend. But I have just mentioned a case in which this is not only unnecessary, but wrong. A disgraceful inclination, which we resolve to conquer, should be concealed from every body; and is more easily subdued when denied the indulgence of talking of its object; and, I think, there may be other instances, in which it would be most prudent to keep our thoughts concealed even from our dearest friend. Some things I would communicate to one friend, and not to another whom, perhaps, I loved better, because I might know that my first friend was not so well qualified as the other to counsel me on that particular subject: a natural bias on her mind, some prevailing opinion, or some connection with persons concerned, might make her an improper confidant with regard to one particu. lar, though qualified to be so on all other occasions.

This confidence of friendship is indeed one of its sweetest pleasures and greatest advantages. The human heart often stands in need of some kind and faithful partner of its cares, in whom it may repose all its weaknesses, and with whom it is sure of finding the tenderest sympathy. Far be it from me to shut up the heart with cold distrust, and rigid caution, or to adopt the odious maxim, that "we "should live with a friend, as if he were one day "to become an enemy." But we must not wholly abandon prudence in any sort of connection; since, when every guard is laid aside, our unbounded openness may injure others as well as ourselves. Secrets entrusted to us, must be sacredly kept, even