Page images
PDF
EPUB

this is a point which requires so much understanding to judge of in another, that I must earnestly recommend to you, not to rely entirely on your own, but to take the opinion of your older friends. I do not wish you to seek for bright and uncommon ta. lents, though these are sources of inexhaustible delight and improvement, when found in company with solid judgment and sound principles. Good sense (by which I mean a capacity for reasoning justly, and discerning truly), applied to the uses of life, and exercised in distinguishing characters, and directing conduct, is alone necessary to au intimate connection; but, without this, the best intentions, though certain of reward hereafter, may fail of producing their effects in this life: nor can they singly constitute the character of an useful and va luable friend. On the other hand, the most dazzling genius, or the most engaging wit and humour, can but ill answer the purposes of friendship, without plain common sense, and a faculty of just reasoning.

What can one do with those who will not be answered with reason,-and who, when you are endeavouring to convince or persuade them by serious arguments, will parry the blow with a witty repartee or a stroke of poignant raillery? I know not whether such a reply is less provoking than that of an obstinate fool, who answers your strongest reasons with," What you say, may be very true; but this is my way of thinking."-A small acquaintance with the world, will shew you instances of the most absurd and foolish conduct in persons of brilliant parts and entertaining faculties. But how trifling is the talent of diverting an idle hour, compared with true wisdom and prudence, which are perpetually wanted to direct us safely and happily through life, and to make us useful and valuable to others!

[ocr errors]

Fancy, I know, will have her share in friendship, as well as in love;-you must please as well as serve me, before I can love you as the friend of my heart. But the faculties that please for an evening,

may not please for life. The humorous man soon runs through his stock of odd stories, mimickry, and jest; and the wit, by constant repeated flashes, confounds and tires one's intellect, instead of enliven. ing it with agreeable surprise: but good sense can neither tire nor wear out; it improves by exercise, -and increases in value, the more it is known: the pleasure it gives in conversation, is lasting and satisfactory, because it is accompanied with improvement; its worth is proportioned to the occasion that calls for it, and rises highest on the most interesting topics; the heart, as well as the understanding, finds its account in it: and our noblest interests are promoted by the entertainment we receive from such a companion.

A good temper is the next qualification; the va lue of which, in a friend, you will want no arguments to prove, when you are truly convinced of the necessity of it in yourself, which I shall endea vour to shew you in a following letter. But, as this is a quality in which you may be deceived, without a long and intimate acquaintance, you must not be hasty in forming connections, before you have had sufficient opportunity for making observations on this head. A young person, when pleased and enlivened by the presence of her youthful compa nions, seldom shews ill temper: which must be extreme indeed, if it is not at least controllable in such situations. But, you must watch her beha viour to her own family, and the degree of estima. tion she stands in with them. Observe her manner to servants and inferiors,-to children,—and even to animals. See in what manner she bears disappointments, contradiction and restraint; and what degree of vexation she expresses on any accident of loss or trouble. If, in such little trials, she shews a meek, resigned, and cheerful temper, she will probably preserve it on greater occasions; but if she is impatient and discontented under these, how will she support the far greater evils which may await her in her progress through life?-If you should have an opportunity of seeing her in sickness; ob

2

serve whether her complaints are of a mild and gentle kind, forced from her by pain, and restrained as much as possible; or whether they are expres sions of a turbulent, rebellious mind, that hardly submits to the Divine hand. See whether she is tractable, considerate, kind, and grateful to those about her; or whether she takes the opportunity, which their compassion gives her, to tyrannize over and torment them. Women are in general very liable to ill health, which must necessarily make them, in some measure, troublesome and disagreeable to those they live with. They should, there fore, take the more pains to lighten the burthen as much as possible, by patience and good humour; and be careful not to let their infirmities break in on the health, freedom, or enjoyments of others, more than is needful and just. Some ladies seem to think it very improper for any person within their reach to enjoy a moment's comfort while they are in pain; and make no scruple of sacrificing to their own least convenience, whenever they are indisposed, the proper rest, meals, or refreshments of their servants, and even sometimes of their hus. bands and children. But their selfishness defeats its own purpose, as it weakens that affection and tender pity which excites the most assiduous services, and affords the most healing balm to the heart of the sufferer.

I have already expressed my wishes that your chosen friend may be some years older than yourself; but this is an advantage not always to be obtained. Whatever be her age, religion, discre. tion, good sense, and good temper, must on no account be dispensed with; and, till you can find one so qualified, you had better make no closer connection than that of a mutual intercourse of civilities and good offices. But if it is always your aim to mix with the best company, and to be wor thy of such society, you will probably meet with some one among them deserving your affection, to whom you may be equally agreeable.

When I speak of the best company, I do not

D

mean in the common acceptation of the word,persons of high rank and fortune,-but rather the most worthy and sensible. It is, however, very important to a young woman to be introduced into life, on a respectable footing, and to converse with those whose manners and style of life may polish her behaviour, refine her sentiments, and give her consequence in the eye of the world. Your equals in rank are most proper for intimacy, but to be sometimes amongst your superiors is every way de sirable and advantageous, unless it should inspire you with pride, or with the foolish desire of emu. Jating their grandeur and expence.

Above all things, avoid intimacy with those of low birth and education! nor think it a mark of humility to delight in such society: for, it much oftener proceeds from the meanest kind of pride, that of being the head of the company, and seeing your companions subservient to you. The servile flattery and submission, which usually recommend such people, and make amends for their ignorance and want of conversation, will infallibly corrupt your heart, and make all company insipid from whom you cannot expect the same homage. Your manners and faculties, instead of improving, must be continually lowered to suit you to your compa nions; and, believe me, you will find it no easy matter, to raise them again to a level with those of polite and well-informed people.

The greatest kindness and civility to inferiors is, perfectly consistent with proper caution on this head. Treat them always with affability, and talk. to them of their own affairs, with an affectionate interest: but never make them familiar, nor admit them as associates in your diversions: but, above all, never trust them with your secrets, which is putting yourself entirely in their power, and subjecting yourself to the most shameful slavery. The only reason for making choice of such confidants, must be the certainty that they will not venture to blame or contradict inclinations, which you are conscious no true friend would encourage. But

this is a meanness into which, I trust, you are in no danger of falling. I rather hope you will have the laudable ambition of spending your time chiefly with those whose superior talents, education, and politeness, may continually improve you, and whose society will do you honour. However, let no advantage of this kind weigh against the want of principle. I have long ago resolved with David, that, as far as lies in my power, "I will not know "a wicked person." Nothing can compensate for the contagion of bad example, and for the danger of wearing off by use that abhorrence of evil actions and sentiments which every innocent mind sets out with, but which an indiscriminate acquaintance in the world soon abates, and at length destroys.

If you are good, and seek friendship only among the good, I trust you will be happy enough to find it. The wise son of Sirach pronounces that you will." A faithful friend," saith he, "is the me"dicine of life; and he that feareth the Lord, "shall find him. Whoso feareth the Lord, shall di"rect his friendship aright; for as he is, so shall "his neighbour be also."-In the same admirable book, you will find directions how to choose and preserve a friend. Indeed there is hardly a circumstance in life, concerning which you may not there meet with the best advice imaginable. Caution in making friendships, is particularly recommended."Be in peace with many, nevertheless have but "one counsellor of a thousand.~If thou wouldest get a friend, prove him first, and be not hasty to "credit him; for some man is a friend for his own "occasion, and will not abide in the day of trou"ble. And there is a friend, who, heing turned to "enmity and strife, will discover thy reproach." Again," Some friend is a companion at the table, "and will not continue in the day of thy affliction; but in thy prosperity he will be as thy"self, and will be bold over thy servants: if thou "be brought low, he will be against thee, and will

"

[blocks in formation]
« PreviousContinue »