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Enter Sir TOBY Belch and MARIA.
Sir To. Jove bless thee, master parson.
Clo. Bonos dies, sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of king Gorboduc, That, that is, is : so I, being master parson, am master parson; For what is that, but that ? and is, but is?
Sir To. To him, sir Topas.
Clo. Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit
Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas, go to
Clo. Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? talkest thou nothing but of ladies ?
Sir To. Well said, master parson.
Mal. Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they have laid me here in hideous darkness.
Clo. Fye, thou dishonest Sathan! I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones, that will use the devil himself with courtesy : Say'st thou, that house is dark?
Mal. As hell, sir Topas.
Clo. Why, it hath bay-windows 3 transparent as barricadoes, and the clear stones towards the southnorth are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction?
Mal. I am not mad, sir Topas; I say to you, this house is dark.
Clo. Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness, but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled, than the Egyptians in their fog.
Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused: I am no more mad than you are; make the trial of it in any constant question. 4
Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras, concerning wild-fowl ?
Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.
Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion?
Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.
Clo. Fare thee well: Remain thou still in darkness : thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee 'well.
Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas,
Mar. Thou might'st have done this without thy beard, and gown; he sees thee not.
Sir To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him: I would, we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were; for I am now so far in with any
4 Regular conversation.
5 Any other Gem as a Topaz.
offence with my niece, that I cannot pursue safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.
[Exeunt Sir Toby and MARIA. Clo. Hey Robin, jolly Robin,
Tell me how thy lady does. [Singing Mal. Fool, Clo. My lady is unkind, perdy. Mal. Fool, Clo. Alas, why is she so? Mal. Fool, I say; Clo. She loves another Who calls, ha?
Mal. Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper; as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for't.
Clo. Master Malvolio!
Mal. Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused: I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.
Clo. But as well? then you are mad, indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.
Mal. They have here propertied me;7 keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of
my wits. Clo. Advise you what you say; the minister is here.-Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble.
Mal. Sir Topas,
7 Taken possession of.
Who, I, sir? not I, sir. God b'wi'you, good sir Topas.-Marry, amen. I will, sir, I will.
Mal. Fool, fool, fool, I say,
Clo. Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to you.
Mal. Good fool, help me to some light, and some paper; I tell thee, I am as well in my wits, as any man in Illyria.
Clo. Well-a-day,--that you were, sir !
Mal. By this hand, I am: Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady; it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.
Clo. I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?
Mal. Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.
Cl). Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman, till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink,
Mal. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I pr’ythee, be gone. Clo. I am gone, sir,
And anon, sir,
In a trice;
and his wrath,
Scolded, reprimanded. 9 A buffoon character in the old
plays, and father of the modern harlequin.
Like a mad lad,
Adieu, goodman drivel.
Seb. This is the air; that is the glorious sun; This pearl she gave me, I do feelt, and see't : And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus, Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio then? I could not find him at the Elephant: Yet there he was; and there I found this credit,' That he did range the town to seek me out. His counsel now might do me golden service: For though my soul disputes well with my sense, That this may be some error, but no madness, Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune So far exceed all instance, all discourse, 2 That I am ready to distrust mine eyes, And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me To any other trust, but that I am mad, Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so, She could not sway her house, command her fol
lowers, 4 Take, and give back, affairs, and their despatch, With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing, As, I perceive, she does: there's something in't, That is deceivable. But here comes the lady.