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Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy! lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'er-look'd even in thy
Pist. A trial, come.
[They burn him with their tapers. Fal. Oh, oh, oh!
Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire !
Eva. It is right; indeed he is full of lecheries and iniquity...
Kindled with unchaste desire,
Pinch him for his villainy ;
During this song, the fairies pinch Falstaff. Doctor
Caius comes one way, and steals away a fairy in green ; Slender another way, and takes off a fairy inz
white; and Fenton comes, and steals away Mrs. Anne Page. A noise of hunting is made within. All the , fairies run away. Falstaff pulls off his buck's head, and rises.
Enter PAGE, FORD, Mrs. PAGE, and Mrs. FORD.
They lay hold on him.
higher : : Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives? See you these, husband ? do not these fair yokes Become the forest better than the town? . · Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now?-Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, · his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money; which must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, master Brook..
Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we, could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer.
Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.
Ford. Ay, and an ox too ; both the proofs are extant.
Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought, they were not fairies : and
6 Horns which Falstaff had. VOL. I. .
yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now, how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment!
Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you.
Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh.
Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you. · Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English.
Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching as this ? Am I ridden with a Welsh-goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize?7 'tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese.
Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter.
Fal. Seese and putter! Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking, through the realm.
Mrs. Page. Why, sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?
Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of fax?
7 A fool's cap of Welsh materials.
Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?
Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan?
Eva. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles ?
Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel ; ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me : use me, as you will. ..
Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make
amends : le Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends.
Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last.
Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shall eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: Tell her, master Slender hath married her daughter.
Mrs. Page. Doctors doubt that: If Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. i
Page. Son! how now? how now, son? have you despatched?
Slen. Despatched—I'll make the best in Glocestershire know on't ; would I were hanged, la, else.
Page. Of what, son ? . .
Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy: If it had not been i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir, and ’tis a post-master's boy.
Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong.
Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him.
Page. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you, how you should know my daughter by her garments ?
Slen. I went to her in white, and cry'd mum, and she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy.
Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but marry boys?
Page. O, I am vexed at heart: What shall I do? • Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green ; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.