Tum adfcitus in contubernium illuftriffimi MARCHIONIS HARTINGTONENSIS Sua ipfius indole ad omnem virtutem comparatum Quem PRO-REGEM HIBERNIA, et dilexit, et admirata efl: Hoc præcipue Patrono, quod ipfum in magno laude ponendum Epifcopus CLONFERTENSIS et KILMAC-DUACENSIS tranflatus, A. D. Deinde ad MIDENSEM, A, D. MDCCLXV. Poftremo ad Archi-Epifcopatum DUBLINIENSEM evectus, A.D. MDCCLXVI. Per omnem vitæ et honorum decurfum Mitis, facilis, humanus, candidus, Morbi fupremi acerrimos cruciatus Die XIV Decembris, A. D. MDCCLXXI. Uxorem duxit feminam le&tiffimam De ABBOT-RIBTON in Comitatu HUNTINGTONENSI, Armigeri Die XIV Julii, A. D. MDCCLXXI Ætatis fuæ LVII. Fratri bene merenti, optimo, cariffimo ९. Parallel between DIOGENES the Cynic embellishes human nature. Dr. J. and Doctor J-N. D' IOGENES and Doctor J n were both very extraordinary perfonages; and there is a remarkable fimilarity between them, rarely to be met with in two men living in fuch diftant ages and countries, and under fuch different forms of government and religion. They, however, differ in fome articles, but they agree in many more. I fhall begin with the last, and conclude with the first. They were both born in the most enlightened ages, and were both citizens of the most illuftrious nations that have yet appeared in the world. Diogenes was a Grecian, a people justly esteemed the fathers and inventors of poetry, hiftory, eloquence, philofophy, medicine, painting, ftatuary, architecture; fhort, of every art and fcience which in is an Englishman, a people equally renowned, who, if they are not great inventors, are at least great improvers, and who have actually carried the most difficult and ufeful of all arts, thofe of legiflation and civil government, to fuch a degree of perfection, as to excel all other nations, as much as the most civilized hitherto known excel uncultivated barbarians. Diogenes flourished and funk in the days of Philipand Alexander; doctor J n in thofe of George II. and III. Great as the reputation of both was and is, they feem to have been indebted for it more to their fingularities and oddities than to any real fuperior merit. They were both, without exception, in their drefs, manners, and perfons, the filthiest, dirtieft, naftieft, mott flovenly, furlieft, worst-bred fellows of chiefly refided; Diogenes in Athens, any in the celebrated capitals where they whe who obtained the appellation of Dog; doctor Jn in London, who de ferves that of Bear. for if the Scotch had been a people of very delicate noftrils, they would not willingly have entered the atmosphere of his effluvia, which extends far beyond the fphere of his vifion. The kind and hofpitable reception, therefore, which he met with in Scotland, and which he has fo highly celebrated, must be imputed to fimilarity of appearance, and fympathy of manners; for the Scotch are, in general, almoft as nafty as himself, and as much addicted to the royal exercise of fcratching, which one of their kings used to fay was a pleasure too great for a subject. n They were alfo exceffively indolent and lazy, indeed to a degree hardly credible. The lazinefs of Diogenes was, in fome cafes, quite unaccountable, for he was, at all times, welcome to the embraces of the finest women in Greece, particularly Lais, the Poll Kennedy of that age and country: whereas there is hardly a bunter in London, though as dirty as Dr. Jn himself, but who would fhrink with horror at his amorous advances. The women of pleasure in Athens must have differed widely in Both Diogenes and doctor Jtafte from thofe of London. In other were fout, robuft fellows, and remarkarticles, Diogenes does not appear to able for a rough blunt fpecies of humour. have carried his laziness to fuch a length An Athenian porter, with a load on as Dr. Jn; we have never heard his fhoulders, happening to run against but that he used to keep his manfion- Diogenes one day, in the street, after houfe, which was a tub, fweet and having almoft knocked him down, cried clean; and when he was under certain out, "Take care." Diogenes, on recopreffing neceffities, retire to a conve- vering himself, lifted up his cudgel, knocknient diftance. Dr. J- -n does noted the porter down, and then cried out, always pay the fame refpect to his mantion-houfe, which has, at times been, a garret; it is certain, that when he lived in one of Sir Harry Gough's houses, that gentleman gave him warning, that he might get his premiíes properly aired and cleanfed. “Now, my friend, do you take care.” Doctor Jn being one day in a London bookfeller's fhop, on fome difference arifing, knocked the bookfeller down with one of his own folios. On his attempting to get up, Pray, my dear Sir," faid the doctor, "lie ftill, that I may not have the trouble of knocking you down again." Diogenes being afhed "Which was the beft wine?" made answer, "That which I drink at other people's coft." Therefore availing himself of his cynical impudence, he never failed being prefent at all entertainments where there was nothing to pay. Dr. Jn being obliged to define the words penfion and penfioner, explained them as follows, in his witty and ingenious dictionary. Diogenes, once on a time, took it into his head to walk through the streets of Athens, at mid-day, with a lighted candle in a lanthorn, in queft of a man, but, as he faid, could not find one. Dr. Jn feems lately to have travelled through Scotland in fearch of a tree, but was equally unfuccessful. If Diogenes could not find a man, it was in him a froke of humour, thereby infinuating that he did not reckon any of the twolegged animals he met with worthy of that appellation. That Dr. J could not find a tree in Scotland may poffibly be true, but owing to a natural caufe, the fhortnefs of his fight. Indeed it would not have been wonderful if, during his whole peregrination, he had teen neither man, woman, nor child; NOT E. Ariftippus, the philofopher, was fond of Lais, and was very lavith in the When Alexander the Great was gocourfe of his connection with her. His ing to conquer the inveterate enemies of footman took the liberty of blaming him his country, he vifited Diogenes, and one day, for giving her fo much money, afked him what he could do for him? when the lay with Diogenes for nothing. "All I afk of thee," faid Diogenes, Know, my friend, replied the philo-" is not to take from me that which fopher, that I do not give Lais money thou can't not give me; ftand from bethat the may not lie with Diogenes, but tween me and the fun." Alexander comI give her money that he may lie with plied, and was heard to fay, myfelf." not Alexander, I would be Diogenes." B b 2 Penfion. Pay given to a state hireling for treafon to his country. Penfioner. A flave of ftate, hired by a ftipend to obey his master. Therefore, agreeable to his philofophical indifference about all principle, and confiftency of character, he took the fift opportunity to afk a pension, and become a penfioner, "If I were That We have hitherto beheld these two eminent luminaries of Greece and England in their conjunction: let us now behold them in their oppofition or contrast, which will be found no lefs remarkable; for even in this there is often a fympathy and fimilarity of manners to be obferved, the conduct and fentiment being frequently alike, though proceeding from different caufes. They both entertained a fovereign contempt for the human fpecies; the only difference is, Diogenes did not except himself, whereas Dr. Jmakes himself the only exception. This fentiment was produced in the one from perhaps, a too well founded opinion and intimate knowledge of mankind, and a philofophical indifference about all diftinctions of rank, wealth, or power: in the other, it arifes from a total ignorance of mankind, and from a very ill founded opinion of himself, and from thinking himfelf a being of an order fuperior to mortals, infomuch, that thofe who are best acquainted with him, feem to make it a queftion, whether a certain neceffary utenfil, which used to remind Antigonus he was a man and not a god, has the fame effect on Dr. J. They were both infenfible of ridicule, and regardless of the good or bad opinion of their cotemporaries. In the one it proceeded from a real indifference about himself, in the other from a high over-weaning opinion of himself. They were both revilers and calumniators of reputations and talents fuperior to their own, Diogenes of Plato,. Dr. J- of Swift; in the one it was, perhaps, whim and humour, but the other is perfectly ferious: in Diogenes, who never wrote any thing, it could not be envy; in Dr. J- who has written mott voluminously, it must be envy, if NOTE. That is to fay, which was in character, "If I were not the greatest man in the world, I would be the most independent." When George the Great was going to restore to the inveterate enemies of his country fome conquefis made by his grandfather, he caufed enquiry to be made of Doctor J n what he could do for him. "Let him give me what he can give," quoth the doctor, Let him give me a pension."-George complied; but we know not whether he faid, "If I were not king George, I would be doctor Jn;" that would be to fay, though most probably it is not in character," If I were not a giver, I would be a receiver of penfions." When Diogenes refided in his tub, at Corinth, the Corinthians apprehending an attack from a foreign enemy, were very bufy in repairing their fortifications, and putting their city in a posture of defence. During all the time of the hurry Diogenes was obferved rolling his tub very affiduoufly up and down the market-place. Upon being asked his reafon for fo doing, he replied, "While every one is bufy, I muft not be idle, I mult help my fellowcitizens." When the miniltry were, like the Corinthians, as bufily, as profitably employed in the expulfion of Jack Wilkes, in the negociation about Falkland's iflands, in the general election, and in the difputes with America; Dr. J-n, that he might not be idle, but, like Diogenes, affift his friends, continued rolling about and jumbling together his hard, long-tailed words, fonorous indeed, but empty and hollow, like his predeceffor's tub, till he was delivered of the following effufions; the Falfe Alarm, Thoughts on Falkland's Iflands, the Patriot, and Taxation no Tyranny. We do not find that the Corinthian magiftracy ever rewarded Diogenes for the eminent affiftance he afforded them in their diftrefs, by rolling about his tub; but the Englith miniftry have been more grateful, as well as more liberal; they have rewarded doctor J-n, for fervices, I will prefume to fay, neither greater nor more meritorious, with a penfion of 300l. a year . NOTE. Every one must be fenfible it was neceffary, in the conduct of this parallel, to fuppofe a fort of antithefis between the character of Alexander the Great and that of our prefent fovereign; and a fort or resemblance between the conduct of the Corinthians and that of his minifters; I mean nothing elfe by it, for I have To opinion of my own in politics, they are a science above my comprehenfion; I understand as little of them as Dr. J himself, and therefore I do not meddle with them; I wifh he were as wife. Though the motive of his writings cannot altogether be blamed, which muft be, fuch as they are, either articles of his agreement, or effufions of his gratitude; for my own part, I feriously declare, I am as willing to believe in the uprightnefs of our fovereign's intentions, and the rectitude of the measures pursued by his minifters, as the doctor is willing to believe in the fecond fight, but I hope on far better grounds. Our great men are too busy to take notice of an innocent jeft in a fugitive pamphlet, or if they were not, too good-natured to be offended at it. We we can confiftently impute that paffion to a fuperior being, or which is the fame thing, to one who thinks himself fo. Plato having, unluckily, defined man to be a two-legged unfeathered animal, Diogenes plucked the feathers off a cock, and fet the naked animal down in Plato's academy, crying out to the fcholars, "Behold your matter's man." Dr. -, in a mixed company, gave out, in his usual stile and manner, that Swift was a fhallow, a very thallow fellow. One prefent, modeftly hinted in his fayour, that he was a very clear writer; "all shallows are clear," replied the doc tor. If the converfe of this propofition be true, Dr. J must be very deep, for we all know he is very muddy. Both Diogenes and Dr. J profeffed to hold money in the utmost contempt, but the profeffion of Diogenes was fincere, that of the other all affectation; witnefs the very different answers which, in fimilar circumstances, the one gave to Alexander the Great, and the other to George the Great. Diogenes was generous and difinterested in the extreme, and, would serve his friends, witness the powerful affiftance he afforded the Corinthians, as was before-mentioned, without expecting, far lefs ftipulating, either fee or reward. Dr. J is venal and mercenary to an equal degree; for it is well known he would not have rolled about one hard word, nor jumbled any of them together, in behalf of the minifiry, in all their late perilous adventures and hair-breadth escapes, unless he had fecured a penfion before-hand. But thefe illuftrious perfonages differed in nothing fo much as in their fentiments refpecting religion, wherein they agree in nothing but by being both in the extreme, though on oppofite fides. In whatever country, under whatever form of government or worship Diogenes had lived, he would always have been of the fame religion; that is to fay, he would have had no religion at all: on the contrary, Dr. J-would have been of the eltablishment, whatever that was, and firm, and orthodox, in the particular sect of that particular spot where he was bred. In North America, among the Indians, he would have carried a Manitou about his neck, and prayed to it on all emergencies; in Whidah, he would have adored the great Serpent; in Perfia, among the Bramins, worshipped the Everlafting Fire; and in Tartary he would have partaken, with all due reverence, and according to the established form, of the great Lama's Excrement. Among the Mahometans, if educated in the fect of Omar, he would have hated and defpifed that of Ali; just as happening to be born in England, and bred up in the Church of England, he hates and defpifes the members of the church of Scotland; and when he meets with a gentleman of that perfuafion, however refpectable for his Learning, his talents, and his virtues, the utmost length his charity carries him, is to regret his being a Prefbyterian. Diogenes, not contented with disbelieving the established religion, or if you will, fuperftition of his native country, attacked natural and univerfal religion itfelf; he denied a God and Providence, and the ftanding object of his ridicule was the immortality of the human soul. Dr. J-, not contented with believing the thirty-nine articles of the church of England in their full extent, and swallowing all the manifold abfurdities of the Athanafian creed, which many serious well meaning clergymen fo earnestly with to get expunged from the Liturgy, believes in the groffeft fuperftitions, fuperftitions which have hitherto difgraced even the vulgar of former ages, and which the vulgar of the prefent age are now beginning to fee through and defpife. Dr. J– believed in the Cocklane ghoft, and he now believes in the fecond fight of the Scotch Highlanders! To conclude, were we to allow for a moment the existence of a Metempsychofis, which Dr. Jwould have ferioufly believed all his life time, had he been bred up in the school of Pythagoras, we could not help imagining that the foul of Diogenes had been transmigrated into the carcafe of Dr. J——, in order to punifh him for believing nothing while a Grecian, by believing every thing while an Englishman, The Progrefs of Love: a Novel. NJOYMENT is the grave of E love, cries the libertine, and, we may add, " familiarity is its bane." Sophia experienced the truth of thefe maxims. Sophia, the only child of a widow lady, whofe maternal anxiety permitted her but feldom to go abroad, was arrived at that age, when nature begins to whifper her purposes to the heart; but, though endowed with the most exquifite fenfibility, fhe had never been conscious of a particular attachment. It was then that Modeftus returned from the univerfity. Heir to a fine eftate in the neighbourhood, he came to spend a few months in the country before the commencement of hi his travels. How ftrong in fome hearts the tender fympathies!-Modeftus, who had applied to his fludies with an affiduity uncommon to men of fortune, was even, if poffible, more a ftranger to love than Sophia. But no fooner did he view this artless maid than he felt the influence of the God of raptures-he was incapable of the common civilities. Sophia caught the infection-fhe flood motionless. Ye admirers of art, had ye beheld this fweet scene, this glorious triumph of nature, how had ye contemned her lifelefs beauties!-How poor the finest expreffion of Raphael, to the foft confufion of Modeftus !-How cold the happieft ftrokes of Titian, to the glowing cheek, the heaving bofom, and the downcaft eye of Sophia ! It is the obfervation of a celebrated ancient, that the most beautiful colour in nature is the blush of an ingenuous youth, The bluth of Modettus was more, it was modesty enlivened by fenfibility-it was an emanation of love and innocence. It would convey but a faint idea of it to fay, 64 "When I was a lad of your age," faid he, there was not a courtier in the kingdom could have faid handfomer things to a fine woman, or come fooner to his purpose; yet I never learned logicthat univerfity has spoiled you, Modeftus." What a difcernment have women in the bufinefs of the heart! Mrs. Lovebond (Sophia's mother) was not deceived; the difcovered the true caufe of the embarraffment, and exulted in the power of her daughter's charms. Modeftus, fmiling at his Father's fimplicity, walked out to the Garden, where Sophia had retired to recompofe her difordered fpirits. The feafon was Autumn, and fruits of various kinds, in the greatest luxuriance, loaded every tree; but they attracted not the eye of Modeftus, they engaged not the heart of Sophia. Is love a cameleon-No-but he is blind and childish; and his votaries, like other enthusiasts, often reject fubftantial nourishment, while they fondly dream of nectar and ambrofia. Modeftus had a thoufand things to fay; but betwixt the fear of offence and the defire to please, they vanished as foon as conceived; fo that there paffed only fome aukward civilities between this enamoured couple, till Modeftus, recollecting an university exercife, attempted to introduce a converfation of an indifferent nature. The subject he had an eye to was anticipation and enjoyment. Pray, Madam, which do you think the most agreeable season ?-Spring or Autumn? Spring furely, Sir, when all is gay and chearful." "And do you really think this garden more delightful, when all the trees are in bloffom, than when the ripened fruit, blufhing like the morn, or fmiling like burnithed gold, invite the hand and provoke the talte ?” "There you come too clofe, Sir." "Such I have ever found to be the opinion of the ladies." And pray, Sir, what may be your opinion?" "I have no opinion, Madam, when I have heard yours." "You are very polite, Sir," faid Sophia, blufhing; "but I would rather that fincerity fhould take the place of compliment." Modeftus fmiled, and was forming a reply, when the bell ringing for dinner put an end to the converfation. The company broke up foon after dinner and thus ended the first interview between these inexperienced lovers. But, though ftrangers to the power of the tender paffions, they were by no means unacquainted with polite life. Though an application to fcience, and a tafte for the fine arts, had detached Modestus from the engagements of the heart, he had feen much good company, and had every quality that can accomplish the gentlemah: and though Sophia had never vifited the metropolis, fie was poffeffed of all the elegancies of a fine lady, except the power of difguifing her paffions; which was more owing to an excess of feeling than any unacquaintance with the world. How delightful, yet how equivocal the emotions of love, while the mind is uncertain of the affections of its object! Hope and fear pafs over the heart, Like airs that fan the fummer."Such was now the fituation of Modestus and |