by the Duke. Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK, a foolish knight, pre- VIOLA, in love with the Duke. tending to Olivia. A Sea-Captain, friend to Viola. MARIA, OLIVIA'S woman. Enter the Duke, Curio, and Lords. The appetite may ficken, and fo die.- O fpirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou! Gur. Will you go hunt, my lord? Duke. What, Curio? Car. The hart. Dake. Why, fo I do, the nobleft that I have: O, when my eyes did fee Olivia first, Methought the purg'd the air of peftilence: That inftant was I turn'd into a hart; And my defires, like fell and cruel hounds, from her? Enter Valentine. Val. So please my lord, I might not be admitted, But from her hand-maid do return this anfwer; The element itself, till feven years hence, Shall not behold her face at ample view; But, like a cloiftrefs, she will veiled walk, And water once a day her chamber round With eye-offending brine: all this, to season A brother's dead love, which the would keep fresh, And lafting, in her fad remembrance. Duke. O, the, that hatha heart of that fine frame, That live in her! when liver, brain, and heart, * That is, value. 2 i. e. love... 3 i. e. fantastical to the height. Xa [Excust SCEN Cap. True, madam: and, to comfort you with chance, Affure yourself, after our ship did fplit, Vio. For faying fo, there's gold: The like of him. Know'st thou this country? I pray thee, and I'll pay thee bounteoufly, Cap. Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be: Enter Sir Toby, and Maria. Sir To. What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her brother thus? I am fure, Care's an enemy to life. Mar. By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o' nights; your coufin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours. Sir To. Why, let her except, before excepted. Mar. Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modeft limits of order. Sir To. Confine? I'll confine myself no finer than Cap. Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born I am these clothes are good enough to drink in, Not three hours travel from this very place. Vio. Who governs here? Cap. A noble duke in nature, as in name. Cap. Orfino. Vio. Orfino! I have heard my father name him: He was a batchelor then. Cap. And fo is now, or was so very late: For but a month ago I went from hence; And then 'twas fresh in murmur, (as, you know, What great ones do, the less will prattle of) That he did feek the love of fair Olivia. Vio. What's the? Cap. A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count Fio. O, that I ferv'd that lady; Cap. That were hard to compafs; Vio. There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain; And though that nature with a beauteous wall Doth oft clofe in pollution, yet of thee I will believe, thou haft a mind that fuits With this thy fiir and outward character. and fo be these boots too, an they be not, let them hang themselves in their own ftraps. Mar. That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it ycsterday; and of a foolish knight, that you brought in one night here to be her wooer. Sir To. Who? Sir Andrew Ague-cheek? Sir To. He's as tall 3 a man as any's in Illyria. Sir To. Why, he has three thousand ducats a year, ducats; he's a very fool, and a prodigal. Sir To. Fie, that you'll fay fo! he plays o'th' viol-de-gam.bo, and speaks three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature. Mar. He hath, indeed, almoft natural: for, befides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the guft he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a grave. Sir To. By this hand, they are scoundrels, and fubtractors, that fay fo of him. Who are they? Mar. They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company. Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece; I'll drink to her, as long as there's a paflage in my threat, and drink in Illyria. He's a coward, and a coyftril 4, that will not drink to my niece, till his 4 Mr. That is, made public to the world. 21. c. afproie. 3 Tall means Aout, courageous. Steevens explains conftril to mean a coward cock, or a bastard hawk; while Mr. Toilet fays, it im plies a paltry groom, one only fit to carry arms, but not to use them, brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top 1. What, wench? Caftiliano volgo 2; for here comes Sir Andrew Ague-face. Enter Sir Andrew. man has: but I am a great eater of beef, and, I believe, that does harm to my wit. Sir To. No queftion. Sir And. An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll Sir And. Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby ride home to-morrow, fir Toby. Belch? Sir And. By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of accoft? Mar. Fare you well, gentlemen. Sir To. An thou let part fo, fir Andrew, would thou might'st never draw fword again. Sir And. An you part fo, mittress, I would I might never draw fword again! Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand? Mar. Sir, I have not you by the hand. Sir And. Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand. Mar. Now, fir, thought is free: I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar, and let it drink. Sir And. Wherefore, fweet-heart? what's your metaphor? Sir To. Pourquoy, my dear knight ? Sir And. What is pourquoy? do, or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting : O, had I but follow'd the arts ! Sir To. Then hadft thou had an excellent head of hair. Sir And. Why, would that have mended my hair? curl by nature. Sir And. But it becomes me well enough, does't not? Sir To. Excellent! it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to fee a housewife take thee between her legs, and spin it off. Sir And. 'Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby your niece will not be feen; or, if the be, it's four to one she'll none of me; the count himfelf, here hard by, wooes her. Sir To. She'll none o' the count; she'll not match above her degree, neither in eftate, years, nor wit; I have heard her fwear it. Tut, there's life in't, man. Sir And. I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o'the ftrangest mind i' the world; I delight in marques and revels sometimes altogether. Sir To. Art thou good at these kick-fhaws, knight ? Sir And. As any man in Illyria, whatfoever he be, under the degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man. Sir To. What, is thy excellence in a galliard, knight? Sir And. 'Faith, I can cut a caper. Sir Ta. And I can cut the mutton to't. Sir And. And, I think, I have the back-trick, fimply as strong as any man in Illyria. Sir To. Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have these gifts a curtain before them? Are they like to take duft, like miftrefs Mall's picture? why doft thou not go to church in a galliard, and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not fo much as make I It was anciently the custom to keep a large top in every village, to be whipped in frosty weather, as well to warm the peafants by exercife, as to keep them out of mischief, while they could not work. 2 Dr. Warburton thinks, we should read velto; the meaning with then be in English, Put on your Caftilian countenance; that is, your grave folemn looks. Mr. Malone obferves, that Caftilian leems to have been a cant term for a finical affected courtier. 3 That is, not a lover's hand; a moift hand being vulgarly deemed a sign of an amorous conftitution. 4 Shalfpeare is here fuppofed to allude to one Mary Frith, more generally known by the appellation of Mall Cut-purse, and of whom Mr. Grainger gives the following account in his Biographical History of England. "She was commonly supposed to have been an hermaphrodite, and practifed, or was initrumental to almost every crime and wild frolic which is notorious in the most abandoned and eccentric of both fexes. She was infamous as a prostitute and a procuicis, a fortune-teller, a pickpocket, a thief, and a receiver of flolen goods. Her moit fignal exploit was robbing General Fatifax upon Hounflow Heath, for which the was fent to Newgate, but was, by the proper application of a large fum of money, foon fet at liberty. She died of the droply, in the 75th year of her age, but would probably have died fooner, if the had not fmoked tobacco, in the frequent use of which the had long indulged herfelf." water, but in a fink-a-pace 1. What dost thou And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? I did To call his fortunes thine. think, by the excellent conftitution of thy leg, it was form'd under the star of a galliard. Sir And. Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a flame-colour'd stock 2. Shall we fet about fome revels ? Sir To. What shall we do elfe? were we not born under Taurus ? Sir And. Taurus? that's fides and heart 3. Sir To. No, fir; it is legs and thighs. Let me fee thee caper: ha! higher ha, ha !-excellent! [Excunt. SCENE The Palace. IV. Enter Valentine and Viola in man's attire. Val. If the duke continue these favours towards you, Cefario, you are like to be much advanc'd; be hath known you but three days, and already you are no ftranger. Vio. You either fear his humour, or my negligence, that you call in question the continuance of his love: Is he inconftant, fir, in his favours? Val. No, believe me. Enter Duke, Curio, and Attendants. Vio. On your attendance, my lord; here. Vio. Sure, my noble lord, As it is fpoke, the never will admit me. [then Vio. Say, I do fpeak with her, my lord: What Vio. I'll do my best, SCENE Olivia's House. V. Enter Maria and Clown. Mar. Nay, either tell me where thou haft been, or I will not open my lips so wide as a briftle may enter in way of thy excufe: my lady will hang thee for thy abfence. Clo. Let her hang me: he, that is well hang'd in this world, needs fear no colours. Mar. You are resolute then? Clo. Not fo neither; but I am refolv'd on two points. Mar. That, if one break, the other will hold; or, if both break, your gaikins fall. Glo. Apt, in good faith; very apt! Well, go thy way; if Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria. Mar. Peace, you rogue, no more of that; here comes my lady: make your excuse wifely, you were beft. [Exit. Enter Olivia and Malvolio. Glo. Wit, and 't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft prove fools;, and 1, that am fure I lack thee, may pafs for a wife man: For what fays Qunapalus? Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit. God biefs thee, lady! Olh. Take the fool away. Clo. Do you not hear, fellows? take away the For they shall yet belye thy happy years, And all is semblative a woman's part. I know, thy conftellation is right apt When least in company :-Profper well in this, Oli. Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you beides, you grow dishonest. Clu. Two faults, Madonna 6, that drink and good counsel will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry; bid the dishoneft man mend himfelf; if he mend, he is no longer dif That is. a cinque-pace; the name of a dance, the meafures whereof are regulated by the num 2 Stockings were in Shaktpeare's time called flocks. logy, which refers the affections of particular parts of the body, to the predominance of particular conftellations. 4 i. e. a conteft full of impediments. 5 Meaning, a short and share one; alluding to the commons in Lent. 6 The cant word for mifirefs, dame. ber five. 3 This alludes to the medical aftro honeft; 'tis honeft; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him: Any thing that's mended, is but patched: virtue, that tranfgreffes, is but patch'd with fin; and fin, that amends, is but patch'd with virtue: If that this fimple fyllogifm will ferve, fo; if it will not, What remedy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity, fo beauty's a flower:-the lady bade take Mar. I know not, medam; 'tis a fair young man, and well attended. Oli. Who of my people hold him in delay ? Oli. Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but madman; Fie on him! Go you, Malvolio: if it be a fuit from the count, I am fick, or away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her not at home; what you will, to dismiss it. [Exit away. Oli. Sir, I bade them take away you. Clo. Mifprifion in the highest degree!-Lady, Cucullus non facit monachum; that's as much as to fay, I wear not motley in my brain. Good Madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool. Oli. Can you do it? Clo. Dexteroufly, good Madonna. Oli. Make your proof. Glo. I must catechize you for it, Madonna; Good my mouse of virtue, anfwer me. Oli. Well, fir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof. Clo. Good Madonna, why mourn'st thou ? Clo. I think his foul is in hell, Madonna. Clo. The more fool you, Madonna, to mourn for your brother's foul being in heaven.-Take away the fool, gentlemen. Ofi. What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend? Mal. Yes; and shall do, till the pangs of death Thake him: Infirmity, that decays the wife, doth ever make the better fool. Clo. God fend you, fir, a fpeedy infirmity, for the better encreasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn, that I am no fox; but he will not pafs his word for two pence that you are no fool. Oli. How fay you to that, Malvolio? Mal. I marvel your ladyship takes delight in fuch a barren rascal; I faw him put down the other day with an ordinary fool, that has no more brain than a ftone: Look you now, he's out of his guard already; unless you laugh and minister occafion to him, he is gagg'd. I protest, I take these wife men, that crow fo at these set kind of fools, no better than the fools' zanies. Oli. O, you are fick of felf-love, Malvolio, and tafte with a distemper'd appetite to be generous, guiltless, and of free difpofition, is to take thofe things for bird-bolts, that you deem cannon-bullets: There is no flander in an allow'd fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known difcreet man, though he do nothing but reprove. Clo. Now Mercury indue thee with leasing, for thou speak'it well of fools! Enter Maria. Mar. Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much defires to speak with you. Oli. From the count Orfino, is it? Malvolio.] Now you fee, fir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it. Clo. Thou hast spoke for us, Madonna, as if thy eldest fon should be a fool; whose scull Jove cram with brains, for here comes one of thy kin has a most weak pia mater! Enter Sir Toby. Oli. By mine honour, half drunk. - What is he at the gate, coufin? Sir To. A gentleman. Oli. A gentleman? What gentleman ? Sir To. 'Tis a gentleman here- A plague o' these pickle-herring!-How now, fot? Clo. Good Sir Toby, Oli. Coufin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy? Sir To. Lechery! I defy lechery: There's one at the gate. Oli. Ay, marry; what is he? Sir To. Let him be the devil, an he will, I cire not: give me faith, fay I. Well, it's all one. [Exit. Oli. What's a drunken man like, fool? Clo. Like a drown'd man, a fool, and a madman: one draught above heat makes him a fool; the fecond mads him; and a third drowns him. Oli. Go thou and feek the coroner, and let him fit o' my coz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's drown'd: go, look after him. Cio. He is but mad yet, Madonna; and the fool fhall look to the madman. [Exit Clown. Re-enter Malvolio. Mal. Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with you. I told him you were fick; he takes on him to understand so much, and therefore comes to speak with you: I told him you were aflcep; he seems to have a fore-knowledge of that too, and therefore comes to speak with you. What is to be faid to him, lady? he's fortified against any denial. Oli. Tell him, he shall not speak with me. Mal. He has been told fo; and he says, he'll stand at your door like a sheriff's post 2, and be the fupporter to a bench, but he'll speak with you. Oli. What kind of man is he? Mal. Why, of man kind. Oli. What manner of man? Mal. Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you, or no. Oli. Of what perfonage, and years, is he? Mal. Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy as a squash is before 'tis a peafcod, or a codling when 'tis almost an apple: That is, lying. 2 It was the custom of that officer to have large posts set up at his door, as an indication of his office; the original of which was, that the king's proclamations, and other public acts, might be affixed thereon by way of publication. X 4 |