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Her presence banish'd all his peace.

So with decorum all things carried;

Miss frown'd, and blush'd, and then was-married.

Need we expose to vulgar sight

The raptures of the bridal night?
Need we intrude on hallow'd ground,
Or draw the curtains clos'd around?
Let it suffice that each had charms:
He clasp'd a goddess in his arms;
And though she felt his usage rough,
Yet in a man 'twas well enough.

The honeymoon like lightning flew,
The second brought its transports too;
A third, a fourth, were not amiss,
The fifth was friendship mix'd with bliss:
But, when a twelvemonth pass'd away,
Jack found his goddess made of clay;
Found half the charms that deck'd her face
Arose from powder, shreds, or lace;


b Our alter'd parson now began
To be a perfect ladies' man;
Made sonnets, lisp'd his sermons o'er,
And told the tales he told before,
Of bailiffs pump'd, and proctors bit;
At college how he show'd his wit;
And, as the fair one still approv❜d,
He fell in love -or thought he lov❜d.

c visage

But still the worst remain'd behind,

That very face had robb'd her mind.

Skill'd in no other arts was she, But dressing, patching, repartee; And, just as humour rose or fell, By turns a slattern or a belle.

'Tis true she dress'd with modern grace,
Half-naked at a ball or race;

But when at home, at board or bed,
Five greasy nightcaps wrapp'd her head.
Could so much beauty condescend
To be a dull, domestic friend?
Could any curtain-lectures bring
To decency so fine a thing?

In short, by night 'twas fits or fretting;
By day 'twas gadding or coquetting.
Fond to be seen, she kept a bevy d
Of powder'd coxcombs at her levee;
The 'squire and captain took their stations,
And twenty other near relations;

Jack suck'd his pipe, and often broke

A sigh in suffocating smoke;


While all their hours were pass'd' between Insulting repartee or spleen.


d Now tawdry madam kept a bevy.
e She in her turn became perplexing,
And found substantial bliss in vexing.
f Thus every hour was pass'd.

Thus as her faults each day were known,s
He thinks her features coarser grown;
He fancies every vice she shows

Or thins her lip, or points her nose
Whenever rage or envy rise,

How wide her mouth, how wild her eyes!
He knows not how, but so it is,

Her face is grown a knowing phiz;
And, though her fops are wondrous civil,
He thinks her ugly as the devil.

Now, to perplex the ravell'd noose,
As each a different way pursues,
While sullen or loquacious strife
Promis'd to hold them on for life,
That dire disease, whose ruthless power
Withers the beauty's transient flower,
Lo! the smallpox, with horrid glare,
Levell❜d its terrors at the fair;
And, rifling every youthful grace,
Left but the remnant of a face.

The glass, grown hateful to her sight, Reflected now a perfect fright:

Each former art she vainly tries

To bring back lustre to her eyes.


Each day the more her faults were known.

h Thus.

In vain she tries her paste1 and creams, To smooth her skin, or hide its seams; Her country beaux and city cousins, Lovers no more, flew off by dozens; The 'squire himself was seen to yield, And e'en the captain quit the field.

Poor madam now condemn'd to hack
The rest of life with anxious Jack,
Perceiving others fairly flown,
Attempted pleasing him alone.
Jack soon was dazzled to behold
Her present face surpass the old:
With modesty her cheeks are dyed,
Humility displaces pride;

For tawdry finery is seen
A person ever neatly clean;
No more presuming on her sway,
She learns good-nature every day;
Serenely gay, and strict in duty,
Jack finds his wife a perfect beauty.

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LONG had I sought in vain to find A likeness for the scribbling kind; The modern scribbling kind, who write In wit, and sense, and nature's spite: Till reading, I forget what day on, A chapter out of Tooke's Pantheon, I think I met with something there To suit my purpose to a hair. But let us not proceed too furious, First please to turn to god Mercurius: You'll find him pictur'd at full length In book the second, page the tenth: The stress of all my proofs on him I lay, And now proceed we to our simile.

Imprimis, pray observe his hat,

Wings upon either side, mark that. Well! what is it from thence we gather? Why, these denote a brain of feather.

1 Printed among the Essays (the xxvii.)


a I long had rack'd my brains to find.

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