A FAIR QUARREL: A COMEDY. BY THOMAS MIDDLETON AND WM. ROWLEY. Captain Ager in a dispute with a Colonel his friend, receives from the Colonel the appellation of Son of a Whore. A challenge is given and accepted: but the Captain, before he goes to the field, is willing to be confirmed of his mother's honor from her own lips. Lady Ager, being questioned by her Son, to prevent a duel, falsely slanders herself of unchastity. The Captain, thinking that he has a bad cause, refuses to fight. But being reproached by the Colonel with cowardice, he esteems that he has now a sufficient cause for a quarrel, in the, vindicating of his honor from that aspersion; and draws, and disarms his opponent. Lady. Captain, her Son. La. Where left you your dear friend the Colonel? The fame and reputation of your time Is much engag'd to. Cap. Yes and you knew all, mother. La. I thought I'd known so much of his fair goodness, More could not have been look'd for. Cap. O yes, yes, Madam: And this his last exceeded all the rest. La. For gratitude's sake let me know this I prithee. Cap. Then thus ; and I desire your censure freely, Whether it appear'd not a strange noble kindness in him. La. Trust me, I long to hear't. Cap. You know he's hasty; That by the way. La. So are the best conditions : Your father was the like. Cap. I begin now Το To doubt me more: why am not I so too then? Cup. Marry, thus, good Madam. There was in company a foul-mouth'd villain Who should I liken him to that you have seen? He comes so near one that I would not match him with, Faith, just o' the Colonel's pitch: he's ne'er the worse man; Usurers have been compar'd to magistrates, But they all prove ne'er the worse men for that. Cap. This rude fellow, A shame to all humanity and manners, Breathes from the rottenness of his gall and malice, Which heighten'd my affliction. La. Mine, my honor, Sir? Cap. The Colonel soon enrag'd (as he's all touchwood) Takes fire before me, makes the quarrel his, Appoints the field; my wrath could not be heard, His was so high pitcht, so gloriously mounted. Now what's the friendly fear that fights within me, Should his brave noble fury undertake A cause that were unjust in our defence, And so to lose him everlastingly, In that dark depth where all bad quarrels sink Never to rise again, what pity 'twere, First to die here, and never to die there! La. Why what's the quarrel, speak, Sir, that should raise Such fearful doubt, my honor bearing part on't? The words, what e'er they were Cap. Son of a whore. La. Thou liest: And And were my love ten thousand times more to thee, So thou shouldst feel my anger. Dost thou call [Strikes That quarrel doubtful? where are all my merits? him.] Not one stand up to tell this man his error? Thou might'st as well call the Sun's truth in question, Cap. Now blessings crown you for 't; It is the joyfull'st blow that ere flesh felt. La. Nay, stay, stay, Sir; thou art not left so soon : This is no question to be slighted off, And at your pleasure closed up fair again, As though you'd never touch'd it, no; honor doubted, More than a common smart, being of thy making. Where should fame seek for her reward, when he For nothing else looks toward thee. Tell me, pray, With this vile thought? which of my prayers or wishes? Many thou ow'st me for. This seven year hast thou known me A widow, only married to my vow; That's no small witness of my faith and love And live I now to know that good mistrusted? Cap. No, it shall appear that my belief is chearful; For never was a mother's reputation Noblier defended; 'tis my joy and pride I have a firmness to bestow upon it. To crave forgiveness of you. I will earn it first. Cap. Cap. My joy's beyond expression: Cap. Mine? think me not so miserable, Not to be mine: then were I worse than abject, Which is but one of virtue's easiest wonders. La. But pray stay; all this while I understood you' The Colonel was the man, Cap. Yes, he's the man, The man of injury, reproach, and slander, La. The Colonel do 't! that's strange. Cap. The villain did it : That's not so strange. Your blessing, and your leave Cap. Not go? were death Sent now to summon me to my eternity, I'd put him off an hour: why, the whole world Which if you force upon me in this case, I must be forc'd to break it. La. Stay, I say. Cap. In any thing command me but in this, Madam. La. 'Las, I shall lose him. You will hear me first? Cap. At my return I will. La. You'll never hear me more then. Cap. How! La. Come back, I say! You may well think there's cause, I call so often. Cap. Cap. Ha? cause? what cause? La. So much, you must not go. La. I know a reason for 't; Which I could wish you'd yield to, and not know : Cap. Why, I desire To know no other than the cause I have, Nor should you wish it, if you take your injury; La. Yes; one that makes this nothing:—yet be ruled, And if you understand not, seek no farther. Cap. I must, for this is nothing. La. Then take all; 1 And if amongst it you receive that secret That will offend you, though you condemn me, I would have made my reputation sound Cap. How, La. I dare not: 'Twas your own seeking, this. Cap. If you mean evilly, I cannot understand you, nor for all the riches La. Would you never might! Cap. Why, your goodness, that I joy to fight for. La. Oh, fearfully; As much as you come to. Cap. Oh silence cover me; I've felt a deadlier wound than man can give me. La. I was betray'd to a most sinful hour By |