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POLITICAL RECEIPT BOOK,
FOR THE YEAR 1784.
HOW TO MAKE A PREMIER.
TAKE a man with a great quantity of that sort of words which produce the greatest effect upon the many, and the feast upon the few mix them with a large portion of affected candour and ingenuousness, introduced in a haughty and contemptuous manner. Let there be a great abundance of falsehood, concealed under an apparent disinterestedness and integrity; and the two last to be the most professed when the former is most practised. Let his engagements and declarations, however solemnly made, be broken and disregarded, if he thinks he can procure afterwards a popular indemnity for illegality and deceit. He must subscribe to the doctrine of PASSIVE OBEDIENCE, and to the exercise of patronage independent of his approbation; and be
careless of creating the most formidable enemies, if he can gratify the personal revenge and hatred of those who employ him, even at the expense of public ruin and general confusion.
HOW TO MAKE A SECRETARY OF STATE.
Take a man in a violent passion, or a man that never has been in one; but the first is the best. Let him be concerned in making an ignominious peace, the articles of which he could not comprehend, and cannot explain. Let him speak loud, and yet never be heard; and this will be the kind of man for a SECRETARY OF STATE when nobody else will accept it.
HOW TO MAKE A PRESIDENT OF THE COUNCIL.
Take a man who all his life loved office, merely for its emolument; and when measures which he had approved were eventually unfortunate, let him be notorious for relinquishing his share of the responsibility of them; and be stigmatized for political courage in the period of prosperity, and for cowardice when there exists but the appearance of danger.
HOW TO MAKE A CHANCELLOR.
Take a man of great abilities, with a heart as black as his countenance. Let him possess a rough inflexibility, without the least tincture of generosity or affection, and be as manly as oaths and ill manners can make him. He should be a man who will act politically with all parties, hating and deriding every one of the individuals which compose them.
HOW TO MAKE A MASTER OF THE ORDNANCE.
Take a man of a busy, meddling turn of mind, with just as much parts as will make him troublesome, but never respectable. Let him be so perfectly callous to a sense of personal honour, and to the distinction of public fame, as to be marked for the valour of insulting where it cannot be revenged; and, if a case should arise, where he attempts to injure reputation, because it is dignified and absent, he should possess discretion enough to apologize and to recant, if it is afterwards dictated to him
"What care I for the King's Birth-day!"
to do so, notwithstanding any previouslydeclared resolutions to the contrary. Such a man will be found to be the most fit for servitude in times of disgrace and degradation.
HOW TO MAKE A TREASURER OF THE NAVY.
Take a man, composed of most of the ingredients necessary to enable him to attack and defend the very same principles in politics, or any party or parties concerned in them, at all times, and upon all occasions. Mix with these ingredients a very large quantity of the root of interest, so that the juice of it may be always sweet and uppermost. Let him be one who avows a pride in being so necessary an instrument for every political measure, as to be able to extort those honours and emoluments from the weakness of a government, which he had been deliberately refused, at a time when it would have been honourable to have obtained them.
HOW TO MAKE A LORD OF THE TREASURY.
Take the most stupid man you can find, but who can make his signature; and, from
ignorance in every thing, will never contradict you in any thing. He should not have a brother in the church; for if he has, hẹ will most probably abandon or betray you. Or, take a man of fashion, with any sort of celebrity; if he has accustomed himself to arguments, though the dulness can only be measured by the length of them, he will serve to speak against time, with a certainty in that case of never being answered.
HOW TO MAKE A SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY.
Take a plodding Country Attorney, without passion, and without parts. Let him be one who will seize the first opportunity of renouncing his connexion with the first man who draws him out of obscurity and serves him. If he has no affections or friendships, so much the better; he will be more ready to contribute to his own advantage. He should be of a temper so pliable, and a perseverance so ineffectual, as to lead his master into troubles, difficulties, and ruin, when he thinks he is labouring to overcome them. Let him be a man, who has cunning enough, at the same time, to