a natural subtilty of mind, which discovers itself rather in forbearing to declare his thoughts on any occasion, than in any visible way of exerting himself in discourse. For which reason I will place him, where, if he commits no faults, he may go farther than those in other his father's darling, the second his mother's, and the third mine, who am their uncle. Mr. William is a lad of true genius; but, being at the upper end of a great school, and having all the boys below him, his arrogance is insupportable. If I begin to show a little of my Latin, he immediately interrupts: Uncle, un-stations, though they excel in virtues. The boy der favour, that which you say, is not understood in that manner.' Brother,' says my boy Jack, you do not show your manners much in contradicting my uncle Isaac !' You queer cur,' says Mr. William, 'do you think my uncle takes any notice of such a dull rogue as you are? Mr. William goes on, He is the most stupid of all my mother's children: he knows nothing of his book : when he should mind that, he is hiding and hoarding his taws and mar. bles, or laying up farthings. His way of thinking is, four-and-twenty farthings make sixpence, and two sixpences a shilling; two shillings and sixpence half-a-crown, and two half-crowns five shillings. So within these two months the close hunks has scraped up twenty shillings, and we will make him spend it all before he comes home.' Jack immediately claps his hands into both pockets, and turns as pale as ashes. There is nothing touches a parent (and such I am to Jack) so nearly as a provident conduct. This lad has in him the true temper for a good husband, a kind father, and an honest executor. All the great people you see make considerable figures on the exchange, in court, and sometimes in senates, are such as in reality have no greater faculty than what may be called human instinct, which is a natural tendency to their own preservation, and that of their friends, without being capable of striking out the road for adventurers. There is sir William Scrip was of this sort of capacity from his childhood; he has bought the country round him, and makes a bargain better than sir Harry Wildfire, with all his wit and humour. Sir Harry never wants money but he comes to Scrip, laughs at him half an hour, and then gives bond for the other thousand. The close men are incapable of placing merit any where but in their pence, and therefore gain it; while others, who have larger capacities, are diverted from the pursuit by enjoyments which can be supported only by that cash which they despise; and, therefore, are in the end slaves to their inferiors both in fortune and understanding. I once heard a man of excellent sense observe, that more affairs in the world failed by being in the hands of men of too large capacities for their business, than by being in the conduct of such as wanted abilities to execute them. Jack, therefore, being of a plodding make, shall be a citizen: and I design him to be the refuge of the family in their distress, as well as their jest in prosperity. His brother Will shall go to Oxford with all speed, where, if he does not arrive at being a man of sense, he will soon be informed wherein he is a coxcomb. There is in that place such a true spirit of raillery and humour, that if they cannot make you a wise man, they will certainly let you know you are a fool; which is all my cousin wants, to cease to be so. Thus, having taken these two out of the way, I have leisure to look at my third lad. I observe in the young rogue K is well-fashioned, and will easily fall into a graceful manner; wherefore, I have a design to make him a page to a great lady of my acquaint. ance; by which means he will be well skilled in the common modes of life, and make a greater progress in the world by that knowledge, than with the greatest qualities without it. A good mien in a court, will carry a man greater lengths than a good understanding in any other place. We see a world of pains taken, and the best years of life spent in collecting a set of thoughts in a college for the conduct of life, and, after all, the man so qualified shall hesitate in a speech to a good suit of clothes, and want common sense before an agreeable woman. Hence it is, that wisdom, valour, justice, and learning, cannot keep a man in countenance that is possessed with these excellences, if he wants that inferior art of life and behaviour, called good-breeding. A man endowed with great perfections, without this, is like one who has his pockets full of gold, but always wants change for his ordinary occasions. Will Courtly is a living instance of this truth, and has had the same education which I am giving my nephew. He never spoke a thing but what was said before, and yet can converse with the wittiest men without being ridiculous. Among the learned, he does not appear igno rant; nor with the wise, indiscreet. Living in conversation from his infancy, makes him no where at a loss; and a long familiarity with the persons of men, is, in a manner, of the same service to him, as if he knew their arts. As ceremony is the invention of wise men to keep fools at a distance, so good-breeding is an expedient to make fools and wise men equals. Will's Coffee-house, June 17. The suspension of the play-house has made me have nothing to send you from hence; but calling here this evening, I found the party I usually sit with, upon the business of writing, and examining what was the handsomest style in which to address women, and write letters of gallantry. Many were the opinions which were immediately declared on this subject. Some were for a certain softness; some for I know not what delicacy; others for something inexpressibly tender. When it came to me, I said there was no rule in the world to be made for writing letters, but that of being as near what you speak face to face as you can; which is so great a truth, that I am of opinion, writing has lost more mistresses than any one mistake in the whole legend of love; for, when you write to a lady for whom you have a solid and honourable passion, the great idea you have for her, joined to a quick sense of her absence, fills your mind with a sort of tenderness, that gives your language too much the air of complaint, which is seldom successful. For a man may flatter The beloved lady is a woman of a sensible mind; but she has confessed to me, that after all her true and solid value for Constant, she had much more concern for the loss of Careless. Those noble and serious spirits have something equal to the adversities they meet with, and consequently lessen the objects of pity. Great accidents seem not cut out so much for men of familiar characters, which makes them more easily pitied, and soon after beloved. Add to this, that the sort of love which generally succeeds, is a stranger to awe and distance. I asked Romana, whether of the two she should have chosen, had they survived? She said, she knew she ought to have taken Constant: but believed she should have chosen Careless. himself as he pleases; but he will find that the women have more understanding in their own affairs than we have, and women of spirit are not to be won by mourners. He that can keep handsomely within rules, and support the carriage of a companion to his mistress, is much more likely to prevail, than he who lets her see the whole relish of his life depends upon her. If possible, therefore, divert your mistress rather than sigh for her. The pleasant man she will desire for her own sake, but the languishing lover has nothing to hope for, but her pity. To show the difference, I produced two letters a lady gave me, which had been writ by two gentlemen who pretended to her, but were both killed the next day after the date, at the battle of Almanza. One of them was a mercurial gay-humoured man; the other a man of a serious, but a great and gallant spirit. Poor Jack Careless! this is his letter: you see how it is folded; the air of it is so negligent, one might have read half of it by peeping into S. it, without breaking it open. He had no exact-up Olivenza, was posted on the Guadiana. ness. 'MADAM,--It is a very pleasant circumstance I am in, that while I should be thinking of the good company we are to meet within a day or two, where we shall go to loggerheads, my thoughts are running upon a fair enemy in England. I was in hopes I had left you there; but you follow the camp, though I have endea. voured to make some of our leaguer ladies* drive you out of the field. All my comfort is, you are more troublesome to my colonel than myself: I permit you to visit me only now and then; but he downright keeps you. I laugh at his honour, as far as his gravity will allow me; but I know him to be a man of too much merit to succeed with a woman. Therefore defend your heart as well as you can: I shall come home this winter irresistibly dressed, and with quite a new foreign air. And so I had like to say, I rest, but, alas! I remain, madam, your most obedient, most humble servant, 'JOHN CARELESS.' Now for colonel Constant's epistle; you see it is folded and directed with the utmost care. 'MADAM,-I do myself the honour to write to you this evening, because I believe to-morrow will be the day of battle; and something forebodes in my breast that I shall fall in it. If it proves so, I hope you will hear I have done nothing below a man who had the love of his country, quickened by a passion for a woman of honour. If there be any thing noble in going to a certain death; if there be any merit, that I meet it with pleasure, by promising myself a place in your esteem; if your applause, when I am no more, is preferable to the most glorious life without you: I say, madam, if any of these considerations can have weight with you, you will give me a kind place in your memory, which I prefer to the glory of Cæsar. I hope this will be read, as it is writ, with tears.' Women who accompany the army. St. James's Coffee-house, June 17. Letters from Lisbon of the ninth instant, N. say, that the enemy's army, having blocked The Portuguese are very apprehensive that the garrison of that place, though it consists of five of the best regiments of their army, will be obliged to surrender, if not timely relieved, they not being supplied with provisions for more than six weeks. Hereupon their general held a council of war on the fourth instant, wherein it was concluded to advance towards Badajos. With this design the army decamped on the fifth from Jerumena, and marched to Cancaon. It is hoped, that if the enemy follow their mo. tions, they may have opportunity to put a sufficient quantity of provision and ammunition into Olivenza. 'Mr. Bickerstaff gives notice to all persons that dress themselves as they please, without regard to decorum (as with blue and red stockings in mourning, tucked cravats, and nightcap wigs, before people of the first quality,) that he has yet received no fine for indulging them in that liberty, and that he expects their compliance with this demand, or that they go home immediately and shift themselves. This is further to acquaint the town, that the report of the hosiers, toymen, and milliners, having compounded with Mr. Bickerstaff for tolerating such enormities, is utterly false and scandalous.' no assistance, a very hopeful young gentleman, | tleman, that the high names which are used my relation, who is to be called to the bar with- among us with so great veneration, were in a year and a half at farthest, told me, that he other than stage-fighters, and worthies of the had ever since I first mentioned duelling, turned ancient bear-garden. The renowned Hercules his head that way; and that he was principally always carried a quarterstaff, and was from moved thereto, because he designed to follow thence called Claviger. A learned chronolo the circuits in the north of England and south gist is about proving what wood this staff was of Scotland, and to reside mostly at his own es- made of, whether oak, ash, or crab-tree. The tate at Landbadernawz* in Cardiganshire. The first trial of skill he ever performed was with northern Britons and the southern Scots are a one Cacus, a deer-stealer; the next was with warm people, and the Welsh 'a nation of gen- Typhonus, a giant of forty feet four inches. tlemen; so that it behoved him to understand Indeed it was unhappily recorded, that meeting well the science of quarrelling. The young at last with a sailor's wife, she made his staff gentleman proceeded admirably well, and gave of prowess serve her own use, and dwindle away the board an account that he had read Fitz- to a distaff; she clapped on an old tar jacket herbert'st Grand Abridgment,' and had found of her husband; so that this great hero drooped that duelling is a very ancient part of the law; like a scabbed sheep. Him his contemporary for when a man is sued, be it for his life or his Theseus succeeded in the bear-garden, which land, the person that joins the issue, whether honour he held for many years. This grand plaintiff or defendant, may put the trial upon duellist went to hell, and was the only one of the duel. Further he argued, under favour of that sort that ever came back again. As for the court, that when the issue is joined by the Achilles and Hector (as the ballads of those duel, in treason or other capital crimes, the times mention,) they were pretty smart fellows; parties, accused and accuser, must fight in they fought at sword and buckler; but the fortheir own proper persons: but if the dispute be mer had much the better of it; his mother, who for lands, you may hire a champion at Hockley was an oyster-woman, having got a blacksmith in the Hole, or any where else. This part of of Lemnos to make her son's weapons. There the law we had from the Saxons; and they had is a pair of trusty Trojans in a song of Virgil it, as also the trial by ordeal, from the Lapland- that were famous for handling their gauntlets, ers. It is indeed agreed, said he, the southern Dares and Entellus; and indeed it does appear, and eastern nations never knew any thing of they fought no sham-prize.' it; for though the ancient Romans would scold and call names filthily, yet there is not an example of a challenge that ever passed among them. His quoting the eastern nations, put another gentleman in mind of an account he had from a boatswain of an East-Indiaman; which was, that a Chinese had tricked and bubbled him, and that when he came to demand satisfaction the next morning, like a true tar of honour, called him a son of a whore, liar, dog, and other rough appellatives used by persons conversant with winds and waves; the Chinese, with great tranquillity, desired him not to come abroad fasting, nor put himself into a heat, for it would prejudice his health.' Thus the east knows nothing of this gallantry. There sat at the left of the table a person of a venerable aspect, who asserted, that half the impositions which are put upon these ages have been transmitted by writers who have given too great pomp and magnificence to the exploits of the ancient bear-garden, and made their gladiators, by fabulous tradition, greater than Gormant and others of Great Britain.' He informed the company, that 'he had searched authorities for what he said, and that a learned antiquary, Humphrey Scarecrow, esquire, of Hockley in the Hole, recorder to the bear-gar. den, was then writing a discourse on the subject. It appears by the best accounts,' says this gen *There is no such place. It is probable Llanbadern Vawr in Cardiganshire is intended. A book published under this title in 1516 by Anthony Fitzherbert, one of the judges in the reign of Henry VIII. This-author died in 1538. [Gorman is mentioned in the epilogue to Lansdowne's 'Jew of Venice,' and is there explained to have been a prize-fighter. The Roman bear-garden was abundantly more magnificent than any thing Greece could boast of: it flourished most under those delights of mankind, Nero and Domitian. At one time it is recorded, four hundred senators entered the list, and thought it an honour to be cudgelled and quarterstaffed. I observe the Lanista were the people chiefly employed, which makes me imagine our bear-garden copied much after this, the butchers being the greatest men in it. Thus far the glory and honour of the beargarden stood secure, until fate, that irresistible ruler of sublunary things, in that universal ruin of arts, and politer learning, by those savage people the Goths and Vandals, destroyed and levelled it to the ground. Then fell the grandeur and bravery of the Roman state, until at last the warlike genius (but accompanied with more courtesy) revived in the Christian world under those puissant champions, Saint George, Saint Dennis, and other dignified heroes: one killed his dragon, another his lion, and were all afterwards canonized for it, having red letterst before them to illustrate their martial temper. The Spanish nation, it must be owned, were devoted to gallantry and chivalry above the rest of the world. What a great figure does that great name, Don Quixote, make in history! How shines this glorious star in the western world! O renowned hero! O mirror of knighthood! Thy brandished whinyard all the world defies, I am forced to break off abruptly, being sent for in haste with my rule, to measure the degree *Club-bearer. † An allusion to the rubricks in the Roman missals. of an affront, before the two gentlemen (who are now in their breeches and pumps ready to engage behind Montague-house) have made a pass. From my own Apartment, June 18. knack of saying the commonest things: the other, with a sly serious one, says home things enough. The first, mistress Giddy, is very quick; but the second, mistress Slim, fell into Giddy's own style, and was as good company as she. Giddy happens to drop her glove; Slim reaches it to her. Madam,' says Giddy, 'I hope It is an unreasonable objection, I find, against you will have a better office.' Upon which my labours, that my stock is not all my own, Slim immediately repartees, and sits in her lap, and, therefore, the kind reception I have met and cries, Are you not sorry for my heavi with, is not so deserved as it ought to be. But ness? The sly wench pleased me, to see how I hope, though it be never so true that I am she hit her height of understanding so well. We obliged to my friends for laying their cash in sat down to dinner. Says Giddy, mighty pret my hands, since I give it them again when they tily, "Two hands in a dish, and one in a purse.' please, and leave them at their liberty to call it Says Slim, Ay, madam, the more the merrier; home, it will not hurt me with my gentle read-but the fewer the better cheer.' I quickly took ers. Ask all the merchants who act upon con- the hint, and was as witty and talkative as they. signments, where is the necessity (if they an- Says I, swer readily what their correspondents draw) of their being wealthy themselves? Ask the greatest bankers, if all the men they deal with were to draw at once, what would be the consequence? But indeed a country friend has writ me a letter which gives me great mortification; wherein I find I am so far from expecting a supply from thence, that some have not heard of me, and the rest do not understand me: his epistle is as follows. DEAR COUSIN,-I thought when I left the town, to have raised your fame here, and helped you to support it by intelligence from hence; but, alas! they had never heard of the Tatler until I brought down a set. I lent them from house to house, but they asked me what they meant. I began to enlighten them, by telling who and who were supposed to be intended by the characters drawn. I said, for instance, Chloe and Clarissa are two eminent toasts. A gentleman who keeps his greyhound and gun, and one would think might know better, told me, he supposed they were Papishes, for their names were not English. Then,' said he, "why do you call live people toasts?' I answered, "That was a new name found out by the wits, to make a lady have the same effect, as burridge in the glass when a man is drinking. But, says I, sir, I perceive this is to you all bamboozling; why, you look as if you were Don Diego'd to the tune of a thousand pounds.' All this good language was lost upon him: he only stared, though he is as good a scholar as any layman in the town, except the barber. Thus, cousin, you must be content with London for the centre of your wealth and fame; we have no relish for you. Wit must describe its proper circumfer. ence, and not go beyond it, lest, like little boys when they straggle out of their own parish, it may wander to places where it is not known, and be lost. Since it is so, you must excuse me, that I am forced at a visit to sit silent, and only lay up what excellent things pass at such conversations. 'This evening I was with a couple of young ladies; one of them has the character of the prettiest company, yet really I thought her but silly; the other, who talked a great deal less, I observed to have understanding. The lady, who is reckoned such a companion among her acquaintance, has only, with a very brisk air, a He that will not when he may, and so helped myself. Giddy turns about 'What, versation.' 'It is so; and hereby you may see how small an appearance the prettiest things said in company make, when in print.' St. James's Coffee-house, June 20. A mail from Lisbon has brought advices, of June the twelfth, from the king of Portugal's army encamped at Torre Allegada, which inform us, that the general of the army called a court-martial on the fourth at the camp of Jerumena, where it was resolved to march with a design to attempt the succour of Olivenza. Accordingly the army moved on the fifth, and marched towards Badajos. Upon their approach, the marquis de Bay detached so great a party from the blockade of Olivenza, that the marquis das Minas, at the head of a large detachment, covered a great convoy of provisions towards Olivenza, which threw in their stores, and marched back to their army, without molestation from the Spaniards. They add, that each army must necessarily march into quarters within twenty days. Whosoever can discover a surgeon's apprentice who fell upon Mr. Bickerstaff's messenger, or (as the printers call him) Devil, going to the press, and tore out of his hand part of his essay against duels, in the fragments of which were the words you lie,' and man of honour,' taken up at the Temple-gate, and the words, perhaps,' may be not,' by your leave, sir,'-and other terms of provocation, taken up at the door of Young Man's Coffee-house, shall receive satis. faction from Mr. Morphew, besides a set of argu. ments to be spoken to any man in a passion, which, if the said enraged man listens to, will prevent quarrelling. > Mr. Bickerstaff does hereby give notice that he has taken the two famous Universities of this land under his immediate care, and does hereby promise all tutors and pupils, that he will hear what can be said of each side between them, and to correct them impartially, by placing them in orders and classes in the learned world, according to their merit. Mr. Bickerstaff has received the advices from Clay-hill, which, with all intelligence from honest Mr. Sturdy and others, shall have their place in our future story. As answer to the following letter being absolutely necessary to be despatched with all expedition, I must trespass upon all that come with horary questions into my antichamber, to give the gentleman my opinion. To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esquire. June 18, 1709. the rack and the torture, only to convince her, My patient has put his case with very much warmth, and represented it in so lively a manner, that I see both his torment and tormentor with great perspicuity. This order of Platonic ladies are to be dealt with in a manner peculiar from all the rest of the sex. Flattery is the general way, and the way in this case; but it is not to be done grossly. Every man that has wit, and humour, and raillery, can make a good flatterer for women in general: but a Platonne is not to be touched with panegyric: she will tell you, it is a sensuality in the soul to be delighted that way. You are not therefore to commend, but silently consent to all she does and says. You are to consider, in her the scorn of you is not humour, but opinion. เ There were, some years since, a set of these ladies who were of quality, and gave out, that virginity was to be their state of life during this mortal condition, and therefore resolved to join their fortunes, and erect a nunnery. The 'SIR,-I know not whether you ought to pity place of residence was pitched upon; and a or laugh at me; for I am fallen desperately in pretty situation, full of natural falls and risings love with a professed Platonne, the most unac- of waters, with shady coverts, and flowery arcountable creature of her sex. To hear her talk bours, was approved by seven of the founders. seraphics, and run over Norris, and More, and There were as many of our sex who took the Milton, and the whole set of intellectual triflers, liberty to visit their mansions of intended setorments me heartily; for, to a lover who un-verity; among others,* a famous rake of that derstands metaphors, all this pretty prattle of time, who had the grave way to an excellence. ideas gives very fine views of pleasure, which He came in first; but, upon seeing a servant only the dear declaimer prevents, by understand-coming towards him, with a design to tell him ing them literally: why should she wish to be a cherubim, when it is flesh and blood that make her adorable? If I speak to her, that is a high breach of the idea of intuition. If I offer at her hand or lip, she shrinks from the touch like a sensitive plant, and would contract herself into mere spirit. She calls her chariot, vehicle; her furbelowed scarf, pinions; her blue mantua and petticoat is her azure dress; and her footman goes by the name of Oberon. It is my misfortune to be six feet and a half high, two full spans between the shoulders, thirteen inches diameter in the calves; and, before I was in love, I had a noble stomach, and usually went to bed sober with two bottles. I am not quite six-and-twenty, and my nose is marked truly aquiline. For these reasons, I am in a very particular manner her aversion. What shall I do? Impudence itself cannot reclaim her. If I write miserably, she reckons me among the children of perdition, and discards me her region; if I assume the gross and substantial, she plays the real ghost with me, and vanishes in a moment. I had hopes in the hypocrisy of her sex; but perseverance makes it as bad as fixed aversion. I desire your opinion, whether I may not lawfully play the inquisition upon her, make use of a little force, and put her to was the famous rake here alluded to. this was no place for him or his companions, up goes my grave impudence to the maid; Young woman,' said he, if any of the ladies are in the way on this side of the house, pray carry us on the other side towards the gardens: we are, you must know, gentlemen that are travelling England; after which we shall go into foreign parts, where some of us have already been.' Here he bows in the most humble manner, and kissed the girl, who knew not how to behave to such a sort of carriage. He goes on: 'Now, you must know, we have an ambition to have it to say, that we have a protestant nunnery in England: but pray Mrs. Betty'—' Sir,' she replied, my name is SUSAN, at your service.' Then I heartily beg your pardon'-' No offence in the least,' said she, for I have a cousin-german, whose name is Betty.' 'Indeed,' said he I protest to you, that was more than I knew; I spoke at random: but since it happens that I was near in the right, give me leave to present this gentleman to the favour of a civil salute.' His friend advances, and so on, until they had all saluted her. By this means the poor girl was in the middle of the crowd of these fellows, · * It is said, that Mr. Repington, a Warwickshire wag, |