Host. Here's a goodly tumult ! I'll forswear Keeping house, afore I'll be in these tirrits and frights. So; murder, I warrant now. - Alas, alas! put up your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons. [Exeunt PISTOL and BARDOLPH. Doll. I pray thee, Jack, be quiet; the rascal is gone. Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you. Host. Are you not hurt i'the groin? methought, he made a shrewd thrust at your belly. Re-enter BARDOLPH. Fal. Have you turned him out of doors? Bard. Yes, sir. The rascal's drunk you have hurt him, sir, in the shoulder. Fal. A rascal! to brave me! Doll. Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, poor ape, how thou sweat'st! Come, let me wipe thy face; -come on, you whoreson chops: Ah, rogue! i'faith, I love thee. Thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than the nine worthies. Ah, villain ! Fal. A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket. Doll. Do, if thou darest for thy heart: if thou dost, I'll canvas thee between a pair of sheets. Enter Musick. Page. The musick is come, sir. Fal. Let them play; - Play, sirs. - Sit on my Fal. Kiss me, Doll. P. Hen. Saturn and Venus this year in conjunc tion! what says the almanack to that? Poins. And, look, whether the fiery Trigon, his man, be not lisping to his master's old tables; his note-book, his counsel-keeper. Fal. Thou dost give me flattering busses. stant heart. Fal. I am old, I am old. Doll. I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young boy of them all. Fal. What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money on Thursday; thou shalt have a cap to-morrow. A merry song, come: it grows late, we'll to bed. Thou'lt forget me, when I am gone. Doll. By my troth thou'lt set me a weeping, an thou sayest so: prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return Well, hearken the end. Fal. Some sack, Francis. [Advancing. P. Hen. Poins. Anon, anon, sir. Fal. Ha! a bastard son of the king's? — And art not thou Poins his brother? P. Hen. Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou lead? Fal. A better than thou; I am a gentleman, thou art a drawer. P. Hen. Very true, sir: and I come to draw you out by the ears. Host. O, the lord preserve thy good grace! by knee, Doll. A rascal bragging slave! the rogue my troth, welcome to London. Now the Lord Aed from me like quicksilver. bless that sweet face of thine! O Jesu, are you come from Wales? Doll. I'faith, and thou followedst him like a church. Thou whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou leave fighting o'days, and foining o'nights, and begin to patch up thine old body for heaven? Fal. Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, -by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome. [Leaning his hand DOLL. upon Doll. How! you fat fool, I scorn you. Poins. My lord, he will drive you out of your Enter behind, PRINCE HENRY and POINS, disguised revenge, and turn all to a merriment, if you take like Drawers. Fal. Peace, good Doll! do not speak like a death's head: do not bid me remember mine end. : Doll. Sirrah, what humour is the prince of? Fal. A good shallow young fellow he would have made a good pantler, he would have chipped bread well. Doll. They say, Poins has a good wit. Fal. He a good wit? hang him, baboon! his wit is as thick as Tewksbury mustard; there is no more conceit in him, than is in a mallet. Doll. Why does the prince love him so then? Fal. Because their legs are both of a bigness: and he plays at quoits well; and eats conger and fennel; and drinks off candles' ends for flap-dragons; and rides the wild mare with the boys; and jumps upon joint-stools; and swears with a good grace; and wears his boot very smooth, like unto the sign of the leg; and breeds no bate with telling of discreet stories, and such other gambol faculties he hath, that show a weak mind and an able body, for the which the prince admits him: for the prince himself is such another; the weight of a hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois. P. Hen. Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off? Poins. Let's beat him before his whore. P. Hen. Look, if the withered elder hath not his poll clawed like a parrot. not the heat. P. Hen. You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you speak of me even now, before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman? Host. 'Blessing o' your good heart! and so she is, by my troth. Fal. Didst thou hear me? P. Hen. Yes; and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by Gads-hill: you knew, I was at your back; and spoke it on purpose, to try my patience. Fal. No, no, no, not so; I did not think, thou wast within hearing. P. Hen. I shall drive you then to confess the wilful abuse; and then I know how to handle you. Fal. No abuse, Hal, on mine honour; no abuse. P. Hen. Not! to dispraise me; and call me pantler, and bread-chipper, and I know not what? Fal. No abuse, Hal. Poins. No abuse ! Fal. No abuse, Ned, in the world; honest Ned, none. I dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love with him : — in which doing, I have done the part of a careful friend, and a true subject, and thy father is to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal; - none, Ned, none;-no, boys, none. P. Hen. See now, whether pure fear, and entire cowardice, doth not make thee wrong this virtuous Poins. Is it not strange, that desire should so gentlewoman to close with us? Is she of the wicked? many years outlive performance ? Is thine hostess here of the wicked? or is the boy of Fal. For one of them, -she is in hell already, and burns, poor soul! For the other, I owe her money; and whether she be damned for that, I know not. Host. No, I warrant you. Fal. No, I think thou art not; I think, thou art quit for that: Marry, there is another indictment upon thee, for suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the law; for the which, I think, thou wilt howl. Host. All victuallers do so: What's a joint of mutton or two in a whole Lent? P. Hen. You, gentlewoman, Fal. His grace says that which his flesh rebels against. Host. Who knocks so loud at door? look to the door, there, Francis. Enter PETO. P. Hen. Peto, how now? what news? Peto. The king your father is at Westminster; And there are twenty weak and wearied posts, Come from the north: and, as I came along, I met, and overtook, a dozen captains, Bare-headed, sweating, knocking at the taverns, And asking every one for sir John Falstaff. P. Hen. By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame, So idly to profane the precious time; When tempest of commotion, like the south Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt, And drop upon our bare unarmed heads. Give me my sword, and cloak:-Falstaff, good night. [Exeunt PRINCE HENRY, POINS, PETO, and BARDOLph. Fal. Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we must hence, and leave it unpicked. [Knocking heard.] More knocking at the door? Re-enter BARDOLPH. How now? what's the matter? Bard. You must away to court, sir, presently; dozen captains stay at door for you. Fal. Pay the musicians, sirrah. [To the Page.]— Farewell, hostess; farewell, Doll.-You see, my good wenches, how men of merit are sought after : the undeserver may sleep, when the man of action is called on. Farewell, good wenches: If I be not sent away post, I will see you again ere I go. Doll. I cannot speak ; — - If my heart be not ready to burst-well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself. Fal. Farewell, farewell. [Exeunt FALSTAFF and BARdolph. Host. Well, fare thee well: I have known thee these twenty-nine years, come peascod time; but an honester and truer-hearted man, Well, fare thee well. Bard. [Within.] Mistress Tear-sheet, Host. What's the matter? Bard. [Within.] Bid mistress Tear-sheet come to my master. Host. O run, Doll, run; run, good Doll. [Exeunt. ACT III. [Exit Page. And hush'd with buzzing night-flies to thy slumber; And lull'd with sounds of sweetest melody? Curling their monstrous heads, and hanging them Enter WARWICK and SURREY. War. Many good morrows to your majesty! War. 'Tis one o'clock, and past. K. Hen. Why then, good morrow to you all, my lords. Have you read o'er the letters that I sent you? K. Hen. Then you perceive, the body of our kingdom How foul it is; what rank diseases grow, And with what danger, near the heart of it. War. It is but as a body, yet, distemper'd; Which to his former strength may be restor❜d, With good advice, and little medicine: My lord Northumberland will soon be cool'd. K. Hen. O heaven! that one might read the book of fate; And see the revolution of the times Too wide for Neptune's hips; how chances mock, Since Richard, and Northumberland, great friends, [TO WARWICK, When Richard, with his eye brimfull of tears, Then check'd and rated by Northumberland, Did speak these words, now prov'd a prophecy? Northumberland, thou ladder, by the which My cousin Bolingbroke ascends my throne; SCENE II. Court before Justice Shallow's House in Gloucestershire. Enter SHALLOW and SILENCE, meeting; MOULDY, SHADOW, WART, FEEBLE, BULL-CALF, and Servants behind. Shal. Come on, come on, come on; give me your hand, sir, give me your hand, sir: an early stirrer, by the rood. And how doth my good cousin Silence? Sil. Good morrow, good cousin Shallow. Shal. And how doth my cousin, your bedfellow? and your fairest daughter, and mine, my goddaughter Ellen? Sil. Alas, a black ouzel, cousin Shallow. Shal. By yea and nay, sir, I dare say, my cousin William is become a good scholar: He is at Oxford, still, is he not? Sil. Indeed, sir; to my cost. Shal. He must then to the inns of court shortly: I was once of Clement's-inn; where, I think, they will talk of mad Shallow yet. Sil. You were called-lusty Shallow, then, cousin. Shal. By the mass, I was called any thing; and I would have done any thing, indeed, and roundly There was I, and little John Doit of Staffordshire, and black George Bare, and Francis Pickbone, too. Though then, heaven knows, I had no such in- and Will Squele a Cotswold man,—you had not four tent; But that necessity so bow'd the state, That I and greatness were compell'd to kiss : War. There is a history in all men's lives, Such things become the hatch and brood of time; King Richard might create a perfect guess, K. Hen. Are these things then necessities? Then let us meet them like necessities: And that same word even now cries out on us; They say, the bishop and Northumberland Are fifty thousand strong. War. It cannot be, my lord; Rumour doth double, like the voice and echo, The numbers of the fear'd: - Please it your To comfort you the more, I have receiv'd K. Hen. [Exeunt. such swinge-bucklers in all the inns of court again : and, I may say to you, we knew where the bonarobas were; and had the best of them all at commandment. Then was Jack Falstaff, now sir John, a boy; and page to Thomas Mowbray, duke of Norfolk. Sil. This sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about soldiers? Shal. The same sir John, the very same. I saw him break Skogan's head at the court gate, when he was a crack, not thus high: and the very same day did I fight with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer, behind Gray's inn. O, the mad days that I have spent! and to see how many of mine old acquaintance are dead! Sil. We shall all follow, cousin. Shal. Certain, 'tis certain; very sure, very sure : death, as the Psalmist saith, is certain to all; all shall die. How a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair? of this county, and one of the king's justices of the peace: What is your good pleasure with me? Bard. My captain, sir, commends him to you: my captain, sir John Falstaff: a tall gentleman, by heaven, and a most gallant leader. Shal. He greets me well, sir; I knew him a good backsword man: How doth the good knight? may I ask, how my lady his wife doth? Bard. Sir, pardon; a soldier is better accommodated, than with a wife. Shal. It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well said indeed too. Better accommodated! - it is good; yea, indeed, it is good phrases are surely, and ever were, very commendable. Accommodated! it comes from accommodo: very good; a good phrase. Bard. Pardon me, sir: I have heard the word. Phrase, call you it? By this good day, I know not the phrase: but I will maintain the word with my sword, to be a soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good command. Accommodated; That is, when a man is, as they say, accommodated: or, when a man is, -being, - whereby, - he may be thought to be accommodated; which is an excellent thing. Fal. I am glad to see you well, good master Robert Shallow : Master Sure-card, as I think. Shal. No, sir John; it is my cousin Silence, commission with me. Fal. Good master Silence, it well befits you should be of the peace. Sil. Your good worship is welcome. Fal. Fye! this is hot weather. Gentlemen, have you provided me here half a dozen sufficient men? Shal. Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit? Fal. Let me see them, I beseech you. Shal. Where's the roll? where's the roll? where's the roll? - Let me see, let me see. So, so, so, so : Yea, marry, sir: — Ralph Mouldy: - let them appear as I call; let them do so, let them do so. Let me see; Where is Mouldy? Moul. Here, an't please you. Shal. What think you, sir John? a good limbed fellow young, strong, and of good friends. Fal. Is thy name Mouldy? Moul. Yea, an't please you. Fal. 'Tis the more time thou wert used. Shal. Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i' faith! things, that are mouldy, lack use: Very singular good! In faith, well said, sir John; very well said. Fal. Prick him. [TO SHALLOW. Moul. I was pricked well enough before, an you could have let me alone: my old dame will be undone now, for one to do her husbandry, and her drudgery: you need not to have pricked me; there are other men fitter to go out than I. Shal. Thomas Wart! Fal. Where's he? Fal. Is thy name Wart? Fal. Thou art a very ragged wart. Fal. It were superfluous; for his apparel is bunt upon his back, and the whole frame stands upon pins: prick him no more. Shal. Ha, ha, ha! - you can do it, sir; you can do it I commend you well. - Francis Feeble! Fee. Here, sir. Fal. What trade art thou, Feeble? Shal. Shall I prick him, sir? : Fal. You may but if he had been a man's tai lor, he would have pricked you. Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemy's battle, as thou hast done in a woman's petticoat! Fee. I will do my good will, sir; you can have no inore. Fal. Well said, good woman's tailor! well said, courageous Feeble! Thou wilt be as valiant as the wrathful dove, or most magnanimous mouse.-Prick the woman's tailor well, master Shallow; deep, master Shallow. Fee. I would, Wart might have gone, sir. Fal. I would, thou wert a man's tailor; that thou might'st mend him, and make him fit to go. I cannot put him to a private soldier, that is the leader of so many thousands: Let that suffice, most forcible Feeble. Fee. It shall suffice, sir. Fal. I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. — Who is next? Shal. Peter Bull-calf of the green! Fal. Yea, marry, let us see Bull-calf. Fal. 'Fore God, a likely fellow ! — Come, prick me Bull-calf till he roar again. Bull. O lord! good my lord captain, Fal. What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked? Bull. O lord, sir! I am a diseased man. Fal. What disease hast thou? Bull. A whoreson cold, sir; a cough, sir; which I caught with ringing in the king's affairs, upon his coronation day, sir. Fal. Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown; we will have away thy cold; and I will take such Fal. Go to; peace, Mouldy, you shall go. Mouldy, order, that thy friends shall ring for thee. - Is here it is time you were spent. Moul. Spent! all? Shal. Here is two more called than your number: you must have but four here, sir: -and so, i pray you, go in with me to dinner. Ful. Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry dinner. I am glad to see you, in good troth, master Shallow. Shal. O, sir John, do you remember since we lay all night in the windmill in Saint George's fields. Fal. No more of that, good master Shallow, no more of that. Shal. Ha, it was a merry night. And is Jane Night-work alive? Fal. She lives, master Shallow. Shal. She never could away with me. Fal. Never, never: she would always say, she could not abide master Shallow. Shal. By the mass, I could anger her to the heart. She was then a bona-roba. Doth she hold her own well? Fal. Old, old, master Shallow. Shal. Nay, she must be old; she cannot choose but be old; certain, she's old; and had Robin Night-work by old Night-work, before I came to Clement's inn. Sil. That's fifty-five year ago. Shal. Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that this knight and I have seen! - Ha, sir John, said I well? Fal. We have heard the chimes at midnight, master Shallow. Shal. That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith, sir John, we have; our watch-word was, Hem, boys! Come, let's to dinner; come, let's to dinner: - - O, the days that we have seen! Come, come. [Exeunt FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, and SILENCE. Bull. Good master corporate Bardolph, stand my friend; and here is four Harry ten shillings in French crowns for you. In very truth, sir, I had as lief be hanged, sir, as go: and yet, for mine own part, sir, I do not care: but, rather, because I am unwilling, and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with my friends; else, sir, I did not care, for mine own part so much. Bard. Go to; stand aside. Moul. And good master corporal captain, for my old dame's sake, stand my friend: she has nobody to do any thing about her, when I am gone; and she is old, and cannot help herself: you shall have forty, sir. Bard. Go to; stand aside. Fee. By my troth I care not; -a man can die but once; We owe God a death; - I'll ne'er bear a base mind: -an't be my destiny, so; an't be not, so: No man's too good to serve his prince; and, let it go which way it will, he that dies this year, is quit for the next. Bard. Well said; thou'rt a good fellow. Re-enter FALSTAFF, and Justices. Fal. Come, sir, which men shall I have? you see what a ragged appearance it is: he shall charge you, and discharge you, with the motion of a pewterer's hammer; come off, and on, swifter than he that gibbets on the brewer's bucket. And this same half-faced fellow, Shadow,-give me this man; he presents no mark to the enemy; the foeman may with as great aim level at the edge of a penknife: And, for a retreat, how swiftly will this Feeble, the woman's tailor, run off? O, give me the spare men, and spare me the great ones. - Put me a caliver into Wart's hand, Bardolph. Shal. He is not his craft's-master, he doth not do it right. I remember at Mile-end green, (when I lay at Clement's inn, I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthur's show,) there was a little quiver fellow, and 'a would manage you his piece thus: and 'a would about, and about, and come you in, and come you in rah, tah, tah, would 'a say; bounce, would 'a say; and away again would 'a go, and again would 'a come: - I shall never see such a fellow. Fal. These fellows will do well, master Shallow. - God keep you, master Silence; I will not use many words with you :- Fare you well, gentlemen both I thank you: I must a dozen mile to-night. Bardolph, give the soldiers coats. Shal. Sir John, heaven bless you, and prosper your affairs, and send us peace! As you return, visit my house; let our old acquaintance be renewed: peradventure, I will with you to the court. Fal. I would you would, master Shallow. Shal. Go to; I have spoke, at a word. Fare you well. [Exeunt SHALLOW and SILENCE. Fal. Fare you well, gentle gentlemen. On, Bardolph; lead the men away. [Exeunt BARDOLPH, Recruits, &c.] As I return, I will fetch off these justices: I do see the bottom of justice Shallow. Lord, lord, how subject we old men are to this vice of lying! This same starved justice hath done nothing but prate to me of the wildness of his youth, and the feats he hath done about Turnbullstreet; and every third word a lie, duer paid to the hearer than the Turk's tribute. I do remember him at Clement's inn, like a man made after supper of a cheese-paring: when he was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forked radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it with a knife: he was so forlorn, Bard. Sir, a word with you :-) - I have three pound that his dimensions to any thick sight were invisible: to free Mouldy and Bull-calf. Fal. Go to; well. he was the very Genius of famine; yet lecherous as a monkey, and the whores called him — mandrake: he came ever in the rear-ward of the fashion; and sung those tunes to the over-scutched huswifes that he heard the carmen whistle, and sware- they were his fancies, or his good-nights. And now is this Vice's dagger become a squire; and talks as familiarly of John of Gaunt, as if he had been sworn brother to him; and I'll be sworn he never saw him but once in the Tilt-yard; and then he burst |