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PASSAGES IN THE LIFE OF TILBURY NOGO, ESQ.;

OR,

THE ADVENTURES OF AN UNSUCCESSFUL MAN.

BY FOXGLOVE.

CHAP. XII.

"And they will learn you by rote where service were done-who came off bravely, who was shot, who disfigured-and this they can perfectly in the phrase of war; but you must learn to know such slanders of the age, or else you may be marvellously mistook."

"Now Lord be thanked for my good amends."

HENRY V.

TAMING OF THE SHREW.

People may talk of the blessings of health, and doubtless without health there can be but little enjoyment in any pleasure which life can bestow; but of all delightful sensations, commend me to those of what medical men call "convalescence," when every hour brings fresh proof of returning strength, and every function of nature is alone busied in the one great object of "getting well." getting well." The sturdy labourer, whose frame and appearance are the very types of "rude health," might have envied the soundness of my sleep and the keenness of my appetite during the fortnight or three weeks which restored to me the use of the arm I had myself so provokingly injured. In an airy and cheerful lodging, in a quiet street not very far from the park, with all the new novels to read, with all my acquaintances delighted to while away an idle hour in my society, with the most agreeable ef doctors, who persisted in looking upon me as a hero, who after several exchanges of shots had at length been taken unwillingly off the ground with an injury that nothing but his own skill could have healed, I found the confinement to one room and the regimen required of a patient anything but tedious or disagreeable.

Jack Raffleton, who had been kindness itself after the accident, and who perseveringly cursed his own stupidity in ever trusting "such a muff as Nogo with hair-triggers," had arranged my "affair with Cotherstone with a tact peculiarly his own. Pay I certainly did, but not to any very large amount, and as the musical sharper was compelled to leave England on business of his own, at very short notice-in fact, was in that pleasant predicament which the Yankees call "a fix," having made Tattersall's too hot to hold him, and got into some stock-jobbing scrape into the bargain-a compromise was effected, by which in consideration of certain "value received," nothing more was to be said on either side, as to his ingenious method of playing écarté, or my nonappearance at our matutinal trysting-place.

The worst of it was the manner in which those infernal Sunday papers got hold, as usual, of the wrong end of the story; and as each had its

own absurd version, of course from the very best authority, my leisure was amused with paragraphs such as the following:

"A hostile meeting is stated to bave taken place, between a well-known sporting character and a young and fashionable millionaire (!) The partics met on Tumble-down Common, and we regret to say that both were severely wounded. Two military gentlemen officiated as seconds. Of course until a judicial investigation has taken place, more especially as one of the combatants is in immediate danger, it would be premature to give the names of these offenders against the law."

"We have to record a rencontre of a hostile nature which has taken place between Mr. T-1-b-r-y N-g-o, and J. C th-st-ne, Esq. The causa teterrima belli is said to have been the attentions paid by the former gentleman to the fascinating and beautiful daughter of the latter. Mr. N-g-o was attended on the ground by the Hon. Capt, R-ff-t-n, and the well-known Major O'-C-v-r-ly officiated for Mr. C-th st-ne. Both gentlemen fired in the air!"

"The duello again! Another of these unmanly and un-English performances has again taken place, in the vicinity of Ascot, on the very ground immortalized by the game and never-to-be-forgotten struggle between The British Buster' and Turner's Black.' Our readers need hardly be reminded that exhausted nure gave way, and the Buster' ceased to breathe after fighting the unprecedented number of 157 rounds! And now two assassins have descerated this hallowed spot, and instead of settling their differences by peeling' and to it like men,' have had recourse to the cowardly pistol as an arbiter of their quarrel. England! indeed thy glory hath departed; and our upper classes have themselves to thank for hastening thy decay."

Such were a few of the versions furnished by these caterers for the amusement of the public. The Illuminated Gazette" presented its readers with an exceedingly well-composed tableau, in which were portraits of the two belligerents, their seconds, and Kate Cotherstone in the distance. The great daily organ of public opinion itself found room to insert a couple of lines, in which the whole business was disposed of under the heading "Determined Suicide by a Gentleman;" and as far as my unfortunate accident was concerned, this was perhaps nearer the truth than any of them. But the "Morning Muffineer," that chronicle of the fashionable world, was more mysterious, and yet more diffuse, than all the rest of its contemporaries put together. First of all it had heard of "a rumoured fracas in the higher circles, involving unpleasant disclosures, and ending in a personal collision." Then, "it was whispered that the elopement of a young lady in the vicinity of Windsor had led to a hostile encounter between the gay Lothario and offended parent, in which the latter was severely wounded." After this, "it was informed that the late affair' between two well-known sporting gentlemen, had its origin in certain play transactions to a large amount the younger belligerent lies dangerously wounded at his house in town." Lastly, it stated boldly that it was happy to hear Mr. Nogo was rapidly recovering from the effects of his wound, and that amputation was fortunately unnecessary. Mr., Mrs., and Miss Cotherstone, have taken their departure for the continent."

With all these paragraphs, and with all the different stories told by my different friends, each knowing his own version "for a fact," I was quite a hero during the nine days that clapsed, before some fresher "wonder" called off the attention of the gossiping and the idle. I began to think at last that I was in truth the champion they took me for, and although I could not quite persuade myself that I had actually received Cotherstone's fire, I took all the credit of having screwed my

courage up to fighting pitch, and was firmly persuaded that I should have gone through the affair with as much coolness and determination as everybody seemed to think I had, more particularly as Jack Raffleton himself declared, "Nogo showed a good deal more pluck than he should have expected-but nervous, confoundedly nervous."

My little doctor, as well, added largely to this hallucination; nothing would persuade him that the wound to which he applied so much surgical skill was the effect of accident; and although, like other well-principled men, he abhorred duelling in the abstract, still he could not divest himself of a certain degree of interest and admiration when brought into personal contact with a man whom he believed to have "stood fire' unflinchingly. How often we see this amongst mankind!

I am afraid more of us are cowards at heart than we would fain believe, as it is only to the principle of cowardice that we can attribute a blind admiration of that which is in itself wrong, merely because accompanied by a personal risk that we dare not ourselves incur. Woman is supposed to be most susceptible to the fascination of courage from her own deficiency in that quality; and it must be something of woman's weakness in our hearts that makes us gaze with approbation, which amounts almost to envy, at the prize-fighter or the steeple-chase rider, Van Amburgh in his cage, or Mr. Green in his parachute.

Doctor Dottrell was besides, like many who belong to the graver professions, devoted in theory to those field sports from which in practice he was debarred by his business; and if there was one thing the Doctor was really proud of, it was a certain black cob, the image of himself, which he drove with the careful and sedulous air of a daily coachman working a heavy load for a long distance over a bad road. His gloves and hat betokened "the Jehu," the rest of his " get up was strictly professional; but the Doctor at heart preferred Bells' Life to all the pharmacopoeia, and looked forward to his week's partridgeshooting with his cousin in September, more than to all the rest of the year put together. Now he had taken it into his head that his patient, Mr. Nogo, was a sportsman of the very highest calibre; an infatuation first suggested by my admiration of the black cob-a really clever, serviceable little animal. And a few words which I happened to drop alluding to Leicestershire, Scotland, and other sporting localities, served to confirm him in this opinion, to a degree which was inexpressibly ludicrous, when, as was often the case, he asked my opinion upon some matter of elephant-shooting or tiger-hunting, of which I knew as much as the man in the moon.

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Regular exercise, Mr. Nogo," he would say-" regular exercise will soon set us on our legs again, when once the injury to the biceps' is sufficiently restored to admit of personal exertion. To a man like yourself, devoted to the sports of the field, and accustomed to negotiate the ox-fences of Leicestershire, and to breathe your lungs in the pure air, and up the steep hills of the Highlands, I need not insist on the necessity of vigorous muscular exertion. I am myself always in better health when partridge-shooting with my cousin in Berkshire, and Mrs. Dottrell declares I am never so well as when I come home fagged and tired after ranging the stubbs with dog and gun. We must provide some substitute, Mr. Nogo, even in London, for this kind of severe exercise; and if I might venture to recommend a little fencing, or even

-alem-sparring, whilst you remain in town, I think I may stake my professional reputation that you will acknowledge the benefit of my advice." Such was ever the burden of the good little doctor's song; and I verily believe that in his own heart he was firmly persuaded that if a man could only remain in a state of profuse perspiration in the open air, during twelve hours out of the twenty-four, he would live for ever. After the worthy Esculapius had taken his final departure, and I had for the last time indulged myself by watching the knowing manner in which he patted the black cob, glanced over the "tackle," as he called the harness appertaining to his one-horse chaise, shook his beaver into its place on his little round head, drew on his gloves, and squared his elbows, preparatory to turning the corner into the next street, where another patient resided, I bethought myself seriously of following his advice; and feeling that my arm was now as strong as ever, and that a sedentary life with an increasing appetite had brought about the usual effect of making all my waistcoats too tight, I resolved on putting myself into the hands of some professor of self-defence, who whilst he knocked me about for his amusement, and worked me into a state of complete exhaustion for my improvement in condition as for his own benefit in pocket, should teach me that noble science, so useful at Vauxhall or Cremorne when the ambitious snob, or slightly inebriated "gent," vapouring about "punching heads," or in his vinous courage too abruptly coming to conclusions with a graduate in the art, finds, perchance, that he has unwittingly "caught a Tartar." Besides, I was now considered, amongst my friends and acquaintance, "a determined sort of fellow," "a man of undoubted pluck," " as game as a pebble, and stands no nonsense;" and it would be quite in keeping with this sort of character, that I should be able, if necessary, to vindicate my reputation in a chance row, or hand-to-hand conflict with some too "bumptious" adversary of the baser sort.

Accordingly, after a consultation with several of my young associates, beardless Guardsmen, and fast clerks in public offices-but one and all appearing to know everything that was to be learnt in London, and never to be at a loss-it was decided that I should immediately enter upon a course of tuition from the hands, or rather the knuckles, of no less a person than "The Muff of the Minories" himself. This was indeed a cause of self-gratulation, "The Muff" being acknowledged as the best glove-fighter of the day. His career in the ring had been, as he himself allowed, unfortunate. Out of five appearances, two battles had gone against him, as he said, by gross partiality on the part of the referee, his enemies declaring that each event was what is familiarly · denominated "a cross. Of the third contest in which this hero was engaged, it is only necessary to say that he was deprived of the laurels which he considered his due, by going down ignominiously, without a blow; as in the fourth he himself purposely delivered a foul stroke on the body of his antagonist. An opportunity, however, again offered itself for wiping away the stain of previous defeats, and the fancy invested largely on "The Muff," in his great match for 100 sovs. a-side, with the "Slasher of St. Giles." Money was posted, articles entered into, a referee agreed upon, time and place named, and for once the battle was fought upon the square. Fortune favours the brave. "The Slasher,' though of smaller proportions and lighter build, beat his man out of time

in the first ten minutes; and from that hour "The Muff" bid adieu to the Prize Ring, and devoted himself to the infinitely more agreeable and lucrative pursuit of knocking gentlemen about in their own private apartments. Of his personal appearance I need only state that he was a low, deep-chested, powerful man, very much let down in the shoulders, which gave him an appearance of being smaller in every way than he really was; and rejoicing in what is appropriately termed "a fighting nob," namely, a villanous-looking countenance, with deep-set twinkling eyes, projecting lips, and a broken nose.

Such was the worthy that, much to my servant's astonishment, made his appearance in my lodgings immediately after breakfast, one sweltering morning in July, and suggesting "beer" as his favourite refreshment in reply to my hospitable inquiries, pulled his extremely short hair, as he offered his "sarvice" to me ere he buried his unprepossessing physiognomy in the grateful pewter. This ceremony concluded, the professor calmly expectorated on my French carpet, and expressed his readiness to commence the lesson, premising that as his was the only method of teaching the art of boxing, it would be as well were I at once to dismiss from my mind, and endeavour totally to forget all my previous knowledge on the subject, to me by no means a difficult task. "Most of 'em teaches nothink," argued "The Muff;" but I teaches this-to keep the 'ands allays ready to stop and to return,' and above all, never to parry a blow with your 'cad." I was by this time placed "in position," and the latter self-evident maxim being enforced by a lightning rap, which made my eyes water and my nose swell, served to convince me that my present attitude of self-defence was one in which every portion of my frame was most utterly helpless. Do what I would, turn which way I might, the professor's glove struck, true as clock-work, exactly between my eyes; and as the lesson proceeded, so did my firm conviction that nature had never intended me for a bruiser, and that art would never succeed in making me one. 66 Did The Muff" generously devote his ugly face as a target to my blows, encouraging me to "'it out! let it come from the shoulder," and reassuring me with the faithful promise that there should be "no reprisals," a sharp electric pain in my elbow-joint warned me that all my strenuous exertions were "lost in air," and the forbidding object at which I aimed was still untouched. Did I summon up all my fortitude and resolution to parry the adversary's rapid blow, even if I succeeded in escaping the first half of what he called his " one, two," the latter was as certain to come in "flush" on mouth or nose, as it was to confuse and utterly bewilder all my ideas; and thankful was I indeed when the lesson came to a conclusion, which it did at the same time as the beer; "The Muff of the Minories" taking his departure with a kind promise that he would be with me at the same hour regularly, "Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays," and leaving with me two tickets for a sparring benefit, for which I paid him the sum of ten shillings, and an odour of violent exercise which open doors and windows seemed unable to alleviate.

According to promise, these lessons of chamber practice were day after day repeated; and by dint of constant pommelling, I did certainly in time obtain sufficient quickness to guard my own face, at least from the assaults of my instructor, to whose method I was getting accustomed. A hard hitter I should never have become, nor will all the painstaking in the