CHAPTER XV. THE SQUIRE JOURNEYS TO THE NORTH, TO CATCH THE LITTLE BEAR BY THE TAIL. Reader. PRAY, what was the Squire doing? Author. He, who is a satirist from inclination-to whose mind satire is a food, and who would rather expose than correct faults, is an enemy to mankind; but we are not of that class; -we probe only when necessary, and solely with a view to heal. We have, therefore, the pleasure to acquaint thee, that the Squire was amusing himself innocently enough. Reader. In what manner? Author. In a journey to the North, to catch the LITTLE BEAR by the tail. Reader. You jest, surely? Author. Not in the least-we expect to catch the Little Bear by the tail; but some, who pre tend to be more in the secret than ourselves, have said that it was only a Tom-Cat expedition after a new favourite Grimalkin. Be that as it may-the Squire set out—he condescendingly hunted and feasted with the gentry, and gallantly chatted and danced with their wives and daughters. At one populous place, "The Slave-Pool, he made a speech to the HighBailiff and commonalty in full assembly, in which he observed, that it was the finest day he had ever seen in his life; (the Sun, to be sure, shone very bright;) to which the Bailiff, in the name of the rest, replied that it was indeed a charming day. After these sensible speeches, they went to feasting together-for there is no occasion however trifling, which is not seized by common councils, boards of aldermen, and overseers of the poor, to feast upon it. It was remarked by an arch wag, (one of the swinish multitude) that the great men feasted together; but that through their misconduct or extravagance-the body of the people were compelled to fast together! What a Grunter! Another of these vulgar plebeians, who with crowds of fools like himself, had come several miles across the country to take a peep at the Squire as he passed along the road, and who was disappointed by the Squire's leaning back in his carriage, angrily observed, that he might as well have let them have a peep at'un, as they paid enough to see the show. Reader. Was there no good resulting from this excursion-no traces left behind? Author. Those of the carriage wheels, I suppose. Reader. I mean traces of benevolence to the necessitous? Author. There were some ostentatious public gifts; but as for those secret acts of benevolence which flow from, and are the indications of a truly charitable heart-we are sorry to say that from Dan to Beersheba· - all was barren !— Some entertainers were proud of their guest, and received him with open arms and festivity; others, and one in particular, conducted himself with that forced civility and constraint, which, in `high life, is well known to imply, that the visit is unwelcome, and should be short; but this hint is commonly returned by staying as long as possible, to bore so cold an entertainer. Reader. Well but, how did the end of the journey answer the catching the Little Bear by the tail? Author. We will tell you an anecdote. - An Astronomer went to pay a visit at a friend's house, and staid so late that a bed was offered to him, which he accepted. In the middle of the night, the Astronomer could not resist the temptation of getting up to go a star gazing. It happened, also, that the mistress of the house got up about the same time, on some pressing occasion or other, and whether her husband had any occasion for jealousy or not, he also got up, and followed to watch her motions. By a mere chance, we suppose, the wife and the guest met, and he was describing to her the constellation of The Little Bear, and the North Pole, when the husband very un. fashionably surprised them, and demanded of the Astronomer what he was at? "Just at the tail of the Little Bear, through which the axis of the North Pole runs;" replied the Astronomer coolly. "Tis false!" know the difference. replied the husband "I Reader. Ha-ha-ha! a very pleasant anecdote. Author. We are glad you relish it, and now that our hand is cleverly in, we will tell you another story, which we composed on purpose for the inspection and benefit of the Squire; but as the odds are great against his deigning to read it, and still greater against his benefiting by it it may prove of advantage to thee, Reader, of whatever condition in life thou may'st be-as by applying it to a scale of comparison, and making a proper allowance for the immense distance between the Squire and thyself, it will apply as well to thee as to him. We advise thee, therefore, to read it, and carefully too, or thou may'st as well not read it at all. |