CHAPTER XIII.

THE DESPAIR AND RAGE OF THE BRUSHITES.-THE AUTHOR DRAWS A COMPARISON BETWEEN THEM AND VORTEX, BY A POETICAL STORY OF A QUACKDOCTOR AND A REGULAR BRED PHYSICIAN. MERRYMAN, LIKE OTHER POOR PERSONS, IS EXCESSIVELY WITTY!-THE AUTHOR DISPLAYS MORE OF HIS TALENTS AT WRITING EPITAPHS, BY COMPOSING ONE FOR "ALL THE TALENTS."

THE Brushites no sooner found that they had gone too far to recede, than

"

their grief to anger turn'd,

Which in their manly stomachs burn'd;

Thirst of revenge and wrath, in place
Of sorrow, now began to blaze."

Hudibras.

They exclaimed loudly against the dismissal of a household, who had done so much for the

manor, without any satisfactory reason being assigned for so doing; and in their rage, Bowquick betrayed all that had passed between the lord and himself, notwithstanding that by the oath of his office he was bound to keep it secret, in order to justify himself and his friends, as he said, in the eyes of the public; but the public cared nothing about them; the public had no such self-boasters in the catalogue of their friends; -the public disowned them- the public despised them and, to their confusion, here stands CERVANTES HOGG, F. S. M. to tell them so! They were no more to be compared with Vortex, than the quack-doctor was with the regular bred physician, of whom we are going to tell the following story:

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THE QUACK-DOCTOR AND PHYSICIAN.

Two friends, from Germany, a trip once made
To London; one a reg'lar bred M.D.,
Of Leipsig, or of Leyden, or elsewhere;
The other was a clockmaker by trade,
But, from one thing t'another apt to flee,
Ne sutor ultra crepidam," he'd jeer.

Soon as arriv'd-the Doctor 'gan to pass
His time in coffee-rooms-an usual mode
Of getting into practice when there's none;—
Making the hammer strike the tinkling brass,

His comrade stroll'd each street-each lane-each road, Without success: their trades were both o'erdone.

The clockmaker-a shrewd, observing blade, Soon found out the weak side of the English rabble, - Who did to wonder-workers much repair :

He quickly bade the devil take his trade,
Profess'd in ailments of all kinds to dabble-
No case so desp❜rate was, they need despair.

Advertisements and hand-bills fill'd the town-
The great High-German Doctor, with hard name,
Cur'd every thing 'twas possible to cure:
All fees he took, from sixpence to a crown,
Gave pills and ointment-for all ills the same-
To hit one case, 'midst a hundred, he was sure.

The lucky patient blaz'd his fame about;
The other ninety-nine kept still thro' shame;
Our self-dubb'd Doctor soon had work enough:
He cleans'd the human frame, like clock-work, out;
Got money plenty, and no little fame-

'Twas small expense to him for Doctor's stuff.

His friend, surpriz'd his progress to behold,
Knew not which most t'admire, his impudence,
Or the credulity of the English nation:

Cried he:-"You're making here a mint of gold-
How is it, in the name of common sense,
Than I, you've had so much more penetration ?"

"observe

"Throw up the window," cried the quack, The twenty persons who shall first pass by, And, 'mongst them, say how many fools you see:". "Nineteen, perhaps, that title may deserve." "The wise-one," cried the quack, "to you will fly; The nineteen fools are sure to flock to me."

We think we may leave the Reader to himself, to make the application. The state-quacks, now in their old places, as oppositionists, abused their successors, who would have been wise to have treated them with silent contempt. They did not however, but retaliated. One who it appeared, had made an unsuccessful attempt at a situation among the state household, and who was now, perhaps, looking up to the new one, expressed his unqualified disapprobation of the entire course pursued by the late household, and his opinion that the cabals of men about power could serve only to discover secrets

that would make all honest men disgusted with both parties. This was true enough; and Merryman, stung with the closeness of the remark, replied, that he was no divulger of private secrets, or he might disclose a message which had been entrusted to him, at the formation of the last household. He was sure the gentleman perfectly understood him-(a loud and general laugh); he was rather inclined to believe, from the nature of that message, that the gen. tleman, notwithstandig his present acrimony, might then have been entirely dulcified towards that terrible household, he had been so much of late in the habit of condemning. Of the other gentlemen, whom he suspected of favouring the new household, he maliciously observed, that there had issued from them every day so many different gentlemen, like so many Jews, with their several boxes of financial ware strapped to their shoulders, each decrying the other's, and praising his own:-" Buy here, gentlemen, -this is the plan, -I've got it ;"-all professing with equal energy, that each had got the true bit of the Mulberry Tree.-The stage again! Merryman was never off the boards!