TWO VALENTINES

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TWO VALENTINES

I-TO MISTRESS BARBARA

THERE were three cavaliers, all handsome and true,
On Valentine's day came a maiden to woo,

And quoth to your mother: "Good-morrow, my dear,
We came with some songs for your daughter to hear!"

Your mother replied: "I'll be pleased to convey
To my daughter what things you may sing or may say!"

Then the first cavalier sung: "My pretty red rose,
I'll love you and court you some day, I suppose!"
And the next cavalier sung, with make-believe tears:
"I've loved you! I've loved you these many long years!"

But the third cavalier (with the brown, bushy head
And the pretty blue jacket and necktie of red)
He drew himself up with a resolute air,
And he warbled: "O maiden, surpassingly fair!
I've loved you long years, and I love you to-day,
And, if you will let me, I'll love you for aye!"

I (the third cavalier) sang this ditty to you,
In my necktie of red and my jacket of blue;
I'm sure you'll prefer the song that was mine
And smile your approval on your valentine.

I'd like to be a cowboy an' ride a firey hoss

Way out into the big an' boundless West;

I'd kill the bears an' catamounts an' wolves I come across,
An' I'd pluck the bal' head eagle from his nest!
With my pistols at my side,

I would roam the prarers wide,

An' to scalp the savage Injun in his wigwam would I rideIf I darst; but I darse n't!

THE LIMITATIONS OF YOUTH

I'd like to go to Afriky an' hunt the lions there,
An' the biggest ollyfunts you ever saw!

I would track the fierce gorilla to his equatorial lair,
An' beard the cannybull that eats folks raw!
I'd chase the pizen snakes

An' the 'pottimus that makes

His nest down at the bottom of unfathomable lakes-
If I darst; but I darse n't!

I would I were a pirut to sail the ocean blue,
With a big black flag aflyin' overhead;

I would scour the billowy main with my gallant pirut crew
An' dye the sea a gouty, gory red!

With my cutlass in my hand

On the quarterdeck I'd stand

And to deeds of heroism I'd incite my pirut band-
If I darst; but I darse n't!

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And, if I darst, I'd lick my pa for the times that he 's licked me!
I'd lick my brother an' my teacher, too!

I'd lick the fellers that call round on sister after tea,
An' I'd keep on lickin' folks till I got through!

You bet! I'd run away

From my lessons to my play,

An' I'd shoo the hens, an' tease the cat, an' kiss the girls all

day

If I darst; but I darse n't!

A PITEOUS PLAINT

I CANNOT eat my porridge,
I weary of my play;

No longer can I sleep at night,
No longer romp by day!

Though forty pounds was once my weight,

I'm shy of thirty now;

I pine, I wither and I fade

Through love of Martha Clow.

As she rolled by this morning
I heard the nurse girl say:

"She weighs just twenty-seven pounds
And she's one year old to-day."

I threw a kiss that nestled

In the curls upon her brow,
But she never turned to thank me-
That bouncing Martha Clow!

She ought to know I love her,
For I've told her that I do;
And I've brought her nuts and apples,
And sometimes candy, too!

I'd drag her in my little cart
If her mother would allow

That delicate attention

To her daughter, Martha Clow.

O Martha! pretty Martha!
Will you always be so cold?
Will you always be as cruel

As you are at one-year-old?

THE TWO LITTLE SKEEZUCKS

Must your two-year-old admirer
Pine as hopelessly as now
For a fond reciprocation

Of his love for Martha Clow?

You smile on Bernard Rogers
And on little Harry Knott;
You play with them at peek-a-boo
All in the Waller Lot!

Wildly I gnash my new-cut teeth
And beat my throbbing brow,
When I behold the coquetry

Of heartless Martha Clow!

I cannot eat my porridge,
Nor for my play care I;
Upon the floor and porch and lawn
My toys neglected lie;

But on the air of Halsted Street
I breathe this solemn vow:
"Though she be false, I will be true
To pretty Martha Clow!"

THE TWO LITTLE SKEEZUCKS

THERE were two little skeezucks who lived in the isle
Of Boo in a southern sea;

They clambered and rollicked in heathenish style

In the boughs of their cocoanut tree.

They didn't fret much about clothing and such
And they recked not a whit of the ills

That sometimes accrue

From having to do

With tailor and laundry bills.

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