St. James's Coffee-house, May 9.

No. 14.]

Thursday, May 12, 1709.

Quicquid agunt homines

-nostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86. Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream, Our motley paper seizes for its theme.

From my own Apartment, May 10.

P.

HAD it not been that my familiar had ap

We hear from the Hague, of the fourteenth instant, N. S. that monsieur de Torcy hath had frequent conferences with the grand pensioner, and the other ministers who were heretofore commissioned to treat with monsieur Rouille. The preliminaries of a peace are almost settled, and the proceedings wait only for the arrival of the duke of Marlborough; after whose appeared to me, as I told you in my last, in perprobation of the articles proposed, it is not doubted but the methods of the treaty will be son, I had certainly been unable to have found even words without meaning, to keep up my publicly known. In the mean time, the States intelligence with the town; but he has checked have declared an abhorrence of taking any step me severely for my despondence, and ordered in this great affair, but in concert with the me to go on in my design of observing upon court of Great Britain, and other princes of the things, and forbearing persons; for, said he, alliance. The posture of affairs in France does the age you live in is such, that a good picture necessarily oblige that nation to be very much of any vice or virtue will infallibly be misrepin earnest in their offers; and monsieur de resented; and though none will take the kind Torcy hath professed to the grand pensioner, descriptions you make so much to themselves, that he will avoid all occasions of giving him as to wish well to the author, yet all will resent the least jealousy of his using any address in the ill characters you produce, out of fear of private conversation for accomplishing the ends their own turn in the licence you must be of his embassy. It is said, that as soon as the obliged to take, if you point at particular perpreliminaries are adjusted, that minister is to sons. I took his admonition kindly, and immereturn to the French court. The states of Hol-diately promised him to beg pardon of the auland have resolved to make it an instruction to thor of the Advice to the Poets,' for my raillery all their men-of-war and privateers, to bring upon his work; though I aimed at no more in into their ports whatever neutral ships they that examination, but to convince him, and all shall meet with, laden with corn, and bound for men of genius, of the folly of laying themselves France; and, to avoid all cause of complaint out on such plans as are below their characters. from the potentates to whom these ships shall I hope too it was done without ill breeding, and belong, their full demand for their freight shall nothing spoken below what a civilian (as it is be paid them there. The French Protestants allowed I am,) may utter to a physician.* After residing in that country have applied themselves this preface, all the world may be safe from my to their respective magistrates, desiring that writings; for, if I can find nothing to comthere may be an article in the treaty of peace, mend, I am silent, and will forbear the subject: which may give liberty of conscience to the for, though I am a reformer, I scorn to be an Protestants in France. Monsieur Bosnage, mininquisitor. ister of the Walloon church at Rotterdam, has been at the Hague, and hath had some conferences with the deputies of the States on that subject. It is reported there, that all the French refugees in those dominions are to be naturalized, that they may enjoy the same good effects of the treaty with the Hollanders themselves, in respect of France.

Letters from Paris say, the people conceive great hopes of a sudden peace, from monsieur Torcey's being employed in the negotiation; he being a minister of too great weight in that court, to be sent on any employment in which his master would not act in a manner wherein he might justly promise himself success. The French advices add, that there is an insurrection in Poictou, three thousand men having taken up arms, and beaten the troops which were appointed to disperse them; three of the mutineers, being taken, were immediately executed; and as many of the king's party were used after the same manner.

Our late act of naturalization hath had so great an effect in foreign parts, that some princes have prohibited the French refugees in their dominions to sell or transfer their estates to any other of their subjects; and, at the same time, have granted them greater immunities than they hitherto enjoyed. It has been also thought necessary to restrain their own subjects from eaving their country on pain of death.

It would become all men, as well as me, to lay before them the noble character of Verus the magistrate,† who always sat in triumph over, and contempt of, vice: he never searched after it, or spared it when it came before him: at the same time he could see through the hypocrisy and disguise of those, who have no pretence to virtue themselves, but by their severity to the vicious. The same Verus was, in times past, chief justice (as we call it amongst us,) in Felicia. He was a man of profound knowledge of the laws of his country, and as just an observer of them in his own person. He considered justice as a cardinal virtue, not as a trade for maintenance. Wherever he was judge, he never forgot that he was also counsel. The criminal before him was always sure he stood before his country, and, in a sort, a parent of it. The prisoner knew, that though his spirit was broken with guilt, and incapable of language to defend itself, all would be gathered from him which could conduce to his safety; and that his judge would wrest no law to destroy him, nor conceal any that could save him. In this time there was a nest of pretenders to justice, who

White's Chocolate-house, May 11.

happened to be employed to put things in a actions of the puritan, the epicure, the gamemethod for being examined before him at his ster, and the trader; and that all their endeausual sessions: these animals were to Verus, vours, how differently soever they seem to tend, as monkeys are to men, so like, that you can centre only in that one point of gain, shows he hardly disown them; but so base, that you are had, to a great perfection, that discernment of ashamed of their fraternity. It grew a phrase, spirit which constitutes a genius for comedy. 'Who would do justice on the justices?" That certainly would Verus. I have seen an old trial where he sat judge on two of them; one was called Trick-track, the other Tear-shift: one It is not to be imagined, how far the vio was a learned judge of sharpers; the other the lence of our desires will carry us towards our quickest of all men at finding out a wench. own deceit in the pursuit of what we wish for. Trick-track never spared a pick-pocket, but A gentleman here this evening was giving me was a companion to cheats: Tear-shift would an account of a dumb fortune-teller* who outmake compliments to wenches of quality, but does Mr. Partridge, myself, or the Unborn doccertainly commit poor ones. If a poor rogue tor,† for predictions; all his visitants come to wanted a lodging, Trick-track sent him to him full of expectations, and pay his own rate gaol for a thief: if a poor whore went only for the interpretations they put upon his shrugs with one thin petticoat, Tear-shift would im- and nods. There is a fine rich city-widow stole prison her for being loose in her dress. These thither the other day (though it is not six weeks patriots infested the days of Verus, while they since her husband's departure from her comalternately committed and released each other's pany to rest,) and with her trusty maid deprisoners. But Verus regarded them as crimi-manded of him, whether she should marry nals, and always looked upon men as they again, by holding up two fingers like horns on stood in the eye of justice, without respecting her forehead. The wizard held up both his whether they sat on the bench, or stood at hands forked. The relict desired to know, the bar.

Will's Coffee-house, May 11.

whether he meant, by his holding up both hands, to represent that she had one husband before, and that she should have another? or, that he intimated she should have two more ?

Yesterday we were entertained with the The cunning man looked a little sour, upon tragedy of the Earl of Essex*; in which there which Betty jogged her mistress, who gave the is not one good line, and yet a play which was other guinea; and he made her understand, she never seen without drawing tears from some should positively have two more; but shaked part of the audience; a remarkable instance his head, and hinted that they should not live that the soul is not to be moved by words, but long with her. The widow sighed, and gave things; for the incidents in this drama are laid him the other half-guinea. After this prepostogether so happily, that the spectator makes session, all that she had next to do was to make the play for himself, by the force which the sallies to our end of the town, and find out who circumstance has upon his imagination. Thus, it is her fate to have. There are two who frein spite of the most dry discourses, and expres-quent this place, whom she takes to be men of sions almost ridiculous with respect to pro- vogue, and of whom her imagination has given priety, it is impossible for one unprejudiced to her the choice. They are both the appearances see it, untouched with pity. I must confess, of fine gentlemen, to such as do not know when this effect is not wrought on such as examine they see persons of that turn; and, indeed they why they are pleased; but it never fails to are industrious enough to come at that characappear on those who are not too learned in ter, to deserve the reputation of being such. But nature, to be moved by her first suggestions. this town will not allow us to be the things we It is certain, the person and behaviour of Mr. seem to aim at, and is too discerning to be fobbed Wilks has no small share in conducing to the off with pretences. One of these pretty fellows popularity of the play; and when a handsome fails by his laborious exactness; the other, by fellow is going to a more coarse exit than be- his as much studied negligence. Frank Careheading, his shape and countenance make every less, as soon as his valet has helped on and adtender one reprieve him with all her heart, with-justed his clothes, goes to his glass, sets his wig out waiting until she hears his dying words. awry, tumbles his cravat; and, in short, unThis evening, The Alchymist was played.t dresses himself to go into company. Will Nice This comedy is an example of Ben Jonson's is so little satisfied with his dress, that all the extensive genius, and penetration into the pas- time he is at a visit, he is still mending it, and sions and follies of mankind. The scene in is for that reason the more insufferable; for he the fourth act, where all the cheated people who studies carelessness has, at least, his work oppose the man that would open their eyes, has the sooner done of the two. The widow is dissomething in it so inimitably excellent, that it is certainly as great a master-piece as has ever appeared by any hand. The author's great address in showing covetousness, the motive of the

* By John Banks, 4to. 1685; the prologue and the epilogue by Dryden.

The Alchymist' was first acted in 1610, and published in 4to. the same year

tracted whom to take for her first man; for Nice is every way so careful, that she fears his length of days; and Frank is so loose, that she has ap

* Duncan Campbell, said to be deaf and dumb, who practised at this time on the credulity of the vulgar, and pretended to predict fortunes by the second sight, &e.

†The real name of the quack-doctor and man-midwife, who affected to be distinguished as unborn,' was Kirlens.

prehensions for her own health with him. I am | Wagstaff; all which relate chiefly to their being puzzled how to give a just idea of them; but in left out in the genealogy of the family lately a word, Careless is a coxcomb, and Nice a fop: published;* but my cousin who writ that both, you will say, very hopeful candidates for a draught, being a clerk in the Herald's office, gay young woman just set at liberty. But there and being at present under the displeasure of is a whisper, her maid will give her to Tom Ter- the chapter; it is feared, if that matter should ror the gamester. This fellow has undone so be touched upon at this time, the young genmany women, that he will certainly succeed if tleman would lose his place for treason against he is introduced; for nothing so much prevails the king of arms. with the vain part of that sex, as the glory of deceiving them who have deceived others.

Desunt multa.

St. James's Coffee-house, May 11.

'Castabella's complaint is come to hand.'

Quicquid agunt homines

--nostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86. Whate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream, Our motley paper seizes for its theme.

From my own Apartment, May 12.

P.

I HAVE taken a resolution hereafter, on any want of intelligence, to carry my familiar abroad with me, who has promised to give me very proper and just notices of persons and things, to make up the history of the passing day. He is wonderfully skilful in the know

Letters from Berlin, bearing date May the eleventh, N. S. inform us, that the birth-day of her Prussian majesty has been celebrated there with all possible magnificence; and the king made her, on that occasion, a present of jewels to the value of thirty-thousand crowns. The marquis de Quesne, who has distinguished himself by his great zeal for the Protestant interest, was, at the time of the despatch of these letters, at that court, soliciting the king to take care, that an article in behalf of the refugees, admitting their return to France, should be inserted in the treaty of peace. They write from Han-ledge of men and manners, which has made me over, of the fourteenth, that his electoral high- more than ordinary curious to know how he ness had received an express from count Merci, came to that perfection, and I communicated representing how necessary it was to the com- to him that doubt. Mr. Pacolet,' said I, 'I mon cause, that he would please to hasten to am mightily surprised to see you so good a the Rhine; for that nothing but his presence judge of our nature and circumstances, since could quicken the measures towards bringing you are a mere spirit, and have no knowledge the imperial army into the field. There are of the bodily part of us.' He answered, smiling, very many speculations upon the intended in-You are mistaken; I have been one of you, terview of the king of Denmark and king Au- and lived a month amongst you, which gives gustus. The latter has made such preparations me an exact sense of your condition. You are for the reception of the other, that it is said, his to know, that all, who enter into human life, Danish majesty will be entertained in Saxony have a certain date or stamen given to their with much more elegance than he met with in being, which they only who die of age may be Italy itself. said to have arrived at; but it is ordered sometimes by fate, that such as die infants are, after death, to attend mankind to the end of that stamen of being in themselves, which was broke off by sickness or any other disaster. These are proper guardians to men, as being sensible of the infirmity of their state. You are philosopher enough to know, that the difference of men's understandings proceeds only from the various dispositions of their organs; so that he who dies at a month old, is in the next life as knowing, though more innocent, as they who live to fifty; and after death, they have as perfect a memory and judgment of all that passed in their lifetime, as I have of all the revolutions in that uneasy turbulent condition of yours; and you would say I had enough of it in a month, were I to tell you all my misfortunes. A life of a month cannot have, one would think, much variety. But pray,' said I, 'let us have your story.'

Letters from the Hague, of the eighteenth instant, N. S. say, that his grace the duke of Marlborough landed the night before at the Brill, after having been kept out at sea, by adverse winds, two days longer than is usual in that passage. His excellency the lord Townshend, her majesty's ambassador extraordinary and plenipotentiary to the States-general, was driven into the Veer in Zealand on Thursday last, from whence he came to the Hague within a few hours after the arrival of his grace. The duke, soon after his coming to the Hague, had a visit from the pensioner of Holland. All things relative to the peace were in suspense until this interview; nor is it yet known what resolutions will be taken on that subject; for the troops of the allies have fresh orders despatched to them, to move from their respective quarters, and march with all expedition to the frontiers, where the enemy are making their utmost efforts for the defence of their country. These advices further inform us, that the marquis de Torcy had received an answer from the court of France, to his letters which he had sent thither by an express on the Friday before.

'Mr. Bickerstaff has received letters from Mr. Colstaff, Mr. Whipstaff, and Mrs. Rebecca

F

Then he proceeds in the following manner: 'It was one of the most wealthy families in Great Britain into which I was born, and it was a very great happiness to me that it so

*See a humourous genealogical account of the Staffian family, No. 11.

soon spoil her milk; another was in a consumption; the third had an ill voice, and would frighten me instead of lulling me to sleep. Such exceptions were made against all but one country milch-wench, to whom I was com

jade was eternally romping with the footman, and downright starved me; insomuch that I daily pined away, and should never have been relieved had it not been that, on the thirtieth day of my life, a Fellow of the Royal Society, who had writ upon Cold Baths, came to visit me, and solemnly protested, I was utterly lost for want of that method :* upon which he soused me head and ears into a pail of water, where I had the good fortune to be drowned; and so es

running after wenches until twenty-five, and being married to an ill-natured wife until sixty: which had certainly been my fate, had not the enchantment between body and soul been broke by this philosopher. Thus, until the age I should have otherwise lived, I am obliged to watch the steps of men; and, if you please, shall accompany you in your present walk, and get you intelligence from the aërial lacquey, who is in waiting, what are the thoughts and purposes of any whom you inquire for.

I accepted his kind offer, and immediately took him with me in a hack to White's.

White's Chocolate-house, May 13.

happened, otherwise I had still, in all proba- | whispered to have a wanton eye, and would bility, been living; but I shall recount to you all the occurrences of my short and miserable existence, just as, by examining into the traces made in my brain, they appeared to me at that time. The first thing that ever struck my senses was a noise over my head of one shriek-mitted, and put to the breast. This careless ing; after which, methought, I took a full jump, and found myself in the hands of a sorceress, who seemed as if she had been long waking, and employed in some incantation: I was thoroughly frightened, and cried out; but she immediately seemed to go on in some magical operation, and anointed me from head to foot. What they meant, I could not imagine; for there gathered a great crowd about me, crying, "An heir! an heir!" upon which I grew a little still, and believed this was a cere-caped being lashed into a linguist until sixteen, mony to be used only to great persons, and such as made them, what they called heirs. I lay very quiet; but the witch, for no manner of reason or provocation in the world, takes me, and binds my head as hard as possibly she could; then ties up both my legs, and makes me swallow down a horrid mixture. I thought it a harsh entrance into life, to begin with taking physic; but I was forced to it, or else must have taken down a great instrument in which she gave it me. When I was thus dressed, I was carried to a bed side where a fine young lady (my mother I wot) had like to have hugged me to death. From her, they faced me about, and there was a thing with quite another look from the rest of the company, to whom they talked about my nose. He seemed wonderfully pleased to see me; but I knew since, my nose belonged to another family. That into which I was born is one of the most numerous amongst you; therefore crowds of relations came every The first thing we took notice of was a noday to congratulate my arrival ; amongst others, bleman of a goodly and frank aspect, with his my cousin Betty, the greatest romp in nature: generous birth and temper visible in it, playing she whisks me such a height over her head, that at cards with a creature of a black and horrid I cried out for fear of falling. She pinched countenance, wherein were plainly delineated me, and called me squealing chit, and threw the arts of his mind, cozenage, and falsehood. me into a girl's arms that was taken in to tend They were marking their game with counters, me. The girl was very proud of the womanly on which we could see inscriptions, impercepemployment of a nurse, and took upon her to tible to any but us. My lord had scored with strip and dress me anew, because I made a pieces of ivory, on which where writ Good noise, to see what ailed me: she did so, and Fame, Glory, Riches, Honour, and Posterity. stuck a pin in every joint about me. I still The spectre over-against him had on his councried upon which, she lays me on my face in ters the inscriptions of Dishonour, Impudence, her lap; and, to quiet me, fell a-nailing in all Poverty, Ignorance, and want of Shame. Bless the pins by clapping me on the back, and me!' said I; 'sure my Lord does not see what screaming a lullaby. But my pain made me he plays for?" 'As well as I do,' says Pacolet. exalt my voice above hers, which brought up He despises that fellow he plays with, and the nurse, the witch I first saw, and my grand- scorns himself for making him his companion.' mother. The girl is turned down stairs, and I At the very instant he was speaking, I stripped again, as well to find what ailed me, as saw the fellow who played with my lord, hide to satisfy my granam's further curiosity. This two cards in the roll of his stocking: Pacolet good old woman's visit was the cause of all my immediately stole them from thence; upon troubles. You are to understand, that I was which the nobleman soon after won the game. hitherto bred by hand, and any body that stood The little triumph he appeared in, when he got next gave me pap, if I did but open my lips; such a trifling stock of ready money, though insomuch, that I was growing so cunning, as he had ventured so great sums with indifferto pretend myself asleep when I was not, to pre-ence, increased my admiration. But Pacolet vent my being crammed. But my grandmother began a loud lecture upon the idleness of the wives of this age, who, for fear of their shapes, forbear suckling their own offspring: and ten nurses were immediately sent for; one was

We got in hither, and my companion threw a powder round us, that made me as invisible as himself; so that we could see and hear all others, ourselves unseen and unheard.

*The Fellow of the Royal Society here alluded to, was probably Sir John Floyer, Knight, M. D. who published, An Inquiry into the right use and abuses of the hot, cold, and temperate Baths in England, &c."