THE ELECTIONEERING "HONOUR" OF A "GENTLEMAN."+

THE first public signification of my becoming a candidate, to represent the borough of Buyemall in parliament, was drawn up by Mr. Sharpon, our lawyer, and considered by our friends as a master-piece: for, as my mother sagely observed, it did not commit me in a single instance espoused no principle, and yet professed what all parties would allow was the best. At the first house where I called, to canvass, the proprietor was a clergyman of good family, who had married a lady from Baker Street; of course the Reverend Combermere St. Quintin and his wife valued themselves upon being "genteel." I arrived at an unlucky moment; on entering the hall, a dirty footboy was carrying a yellow-ware dish of potatoes into the back room. Another ganymede (a sort of footboy major), who opened the door, and who was still settling himself into his coat, which he slipped on at my tintennabulary summons, ushered me, with a mouthful of bread and cheese, into this said back room. I gave up every thing as lost, when I entered, and saw the lady helping her youngest child to some infallible trash, which I have since heard is called "blackberry pudding." Another of the tribe was bawling out, "A tatoe, pa!" The father himself was carving for the little group, with a napkin stuffed into the top buttonhole of his waistcoat, and the mother with a long bib, plentifully bespattered with congealed gravy, and the nectarian liquor of the "blackberry pudding," was sitting with a sort of presiding complacency on a high stool, like Jupiter on Olympus, enjoying rather than stilling the confused hubbub of the little domestic deities, who eat, clattered, spattered, and squabbled around her. Amidst all this din and confusion, the candidate for the borough of Buyemall was ushered into the household privacy of the genteel Mr. and Mrs. St. Quintin. Up started the lady at the sound of my name. The Reverend Combermere St. Quintin seemed frozen into stone. The plate between the youngest child and the blackberry pudding stood as still as the sun in Ajalon. The morsel

spell-bound more suddenly and completely. "Ah!" cried I, advancing eagerly, with an air of serious and yet abrupt gladness; "how deuced lucky that I should find you all at luncheon. I was up and finished breakfast famished. Only think how fortunate, Hardy so early this morning, that I am half (turning round to one of the members of my committee, who accompanied me); I was just saying what would I not give to find Mr. St. Quintin at luncheon? Will you allow me, madam, to make one of your party?" Mrs. St. Quintin coloured, and faltered, and muttered out something which I was fully resolved not to hear. I took a chair, looked round the table, not too attentively, and said—“ Cold veal; ah! ah! nothing I like so much. May I trouble you, Mr. St. Quintin ?-Hollo, my little man, let's see if you can't give me a potato. There's a brave fellow. How old are you, my young hero?—to look at your mother, I should say two; to look at you, six."—" He is four next May," said his mother, colouring, and this time not painfully. "Indeed!" said 1, looking at him earnestly, and then in a graver tone, turned to the Reverend Combermere, with" I think you have a branch of your family still settled in France. I met monsieur, the Duc de Poictiers, abroad."-"Yes," said Mr. Combermere, yes, the name is still in Normandy, but I was not aware of the title."-" No!" said I, with surprize," and yet (with another look at the boy), it is astonishing how long family likenesses last. I was a great favourite with all the duc's children. Do you know, I must trouble you for some more veal, it is so very good, and I am so very hungry.". "How long have you been abroad?" said Mrs. St. Quintin, who had slipped off her bib, and smoothed her ringlets; for which purposes I had been most adroitly looking in an opposite direction the last three minutes. "About seven or eight months. The fact is, that the continent only does for us English people to see-not to inhabit; and yet there are some advantages there, Mr. St. Quintin!-Among others, that of the due respect ancient birth is held in. Here you know, money makes the man,' as the vulgar proverb has it."-"Yes," said Mr. St. Quintin, with a sigh," it is really dreadful to see those upstarts rising around us, and throwing every thing that is respectable and ancient into the back-ground. Dangerous times these, Mr. Pelham-dangerous times; nothing but innovation upon the most sacred institutions. I am sure, Mr. Pelham, that your principles must be decidedly against these new-fashioned doctrines, which lead to nothing but anarchy

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and confusion-absolutely nothing."-"I'm delighted to find you so much of my opinion!" said I; "I cannot endure any thing that leads to anarchy and confusion." Here Mr. Combermere glanced at his wife who rose, called to the children, and accompanied by them, gracefully withdrew. "Now then," said Mr. Combermere, draw ing his chair nearer to me-" now, Mr. Pelham, we can discuss these matters. Women are no politicians," and at this sage aphorism, the Reverend Combermere laughed a low solemn laugh, which could have come from no other lips. After I had joined in this grave merriment a second or two-I bemmed thrice, and with a countenance suited to the subject and the host, plunged at once in medias res. "Mr. St. Quintin," said I, "you are already aware, I think, of my intention of offering myself as a candidate for the borough of Buyemall. I could not think of such a measure, without calling upon you, the very first person, to solicit the honour of your vote." Mr. Combermere looked pleased, and prepared to reply. "You are the very first person I called upon," repeated I. Mr. Combermere smiled. "Well, Mr. Pelham," said he, "our families have long been upon the most intimate footing."-" Ever since," cried I, ever since Henry the Seventh's time have the houses of St. Quintin and Glenmorris been allied. I do trust, sir, that we have done nothing to forfeit a support so long afforded us." 99 Mr. St. Quintin bowed in speechless gratification; at length he found voice. "But your principles, Mr. Pelham?"-"Quite yours, my dear sir, quite against anarchy and confusion.' I said this with warmth, and Mr. St. Quintin was either too convinced, or too timid to pursue so dangerous a topic any further. "Yes, Mr. St. Quintin, I called upon you the very first person. Your rank in the country, your ancient birth, to be sure demanded it; but I only considered the long, long time the St. Quintins and Pelhams had been connected."-" Well," said the Reverend Combermere, "well, Mr. Pelham, you shall have my support; and I wish, from my very heart, all success to a young gentleman of such excellent principles."

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From Mr. Combermere St. Quintin's, we went to a bluff, hearty, radical winemerchant, whom I had very little probability of gaining, but my success with the clerical Armado had inspirited me, and I did not suffer to fear, though I could scarcely persuade myself to hope. How exceedingly impossible it is, in governing men, to lay down positive rules, even where we know the temper of the individual to be gained. "You must be very stiff and formal with the St. Quintins," said my mother. She was right in the general admonition, and had I found them all seated in the best

drawing-room, Mrs. St. Quintin in her best attire, and the children on their best behaviour, I should have been as stately as Don Quixote in a brocade dressing-gown ; but finding them in such dishabille, I could not affect too great a plainness and almost coarseness of bearing, as if I had never been accustomed to any thing more refined than I found them; nor might I, by any appearance of pride in myself, put them in mind of the wound their own pride had received. The difficulty was to blend with this familiarity, a certain respect, just the same as a French ambassador might have testified towards the august person of George the Third, had he found his majesty at dinner at one o'clock over mutton and turnips. But I must return to my wine-merchant, Mr. Briggs. His house was at the entrance of the town of Buyemall; it stood enclosed in a small garden, flaming with crocusses and sunflowers, and exhibiting an arbour to the right, where, in summer evenings, the respectable owner might be seen with his waistcoat unbuttoned, to give that just and rational liberty to the subordinate parts of the human commonwealth, which the increase of their consequence after the hour of dinner naturally demands. There, as he smoked and puffed, did Mr. Briggs resolve in his mind the vast importance of the borough of Buyemall to the British empire, and the vast importance John Briggs was to the borough of Buyemall. When I knocked at the door a prettyish maid-servant opened it; with a smile and a glance I was ushered into a small parlour-where sat, sipping brandy and water, a short, stout, monosyllabic sort of a figure, corresponding in outward shape to the name of Briggs-even unto a very nicety. "Mr. Pelham," said this gentleman, who was dressed in a brown coat, white waistcoat, buff-coloured inexpressibles, with long strings, and gaiters of the same hue and substance-" Mr. Pelham, pray be seated-excuse my rising. I'm like the bishop in the story, Mr. Pelham, too old to rise ;" and Mr. Briggs grunted out a short, quick, querulous, "he-he-he," to which, of course, I replied to the best of my cachinnatory powers. No sooner, however, did I begin to laugh, than Mr. Briggs stopped short-eyed me with a sharp suspicious glance-shook his head, and pushed back his chair at least four feet from the spot it had hitherto occupied. Ominous signs thought I-I must sound this gentleman a little further, before I venture to treat him as the rest of his species. have a nice situation here, Mr. Briggs," said I. Ay, Mr. Pelham, aud a nice vote too, which is somewhat to your purpose, I believe." Oh, thought I, I see through you now, Mr. Briggs !-you must not be too civil to one who suspects you are going to be civil in order to take him in. "Why,"

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"You

covered during the day; so that, in future, each person so affected had one eye for day, and the other for night; and it was amusing enough to see Jack guarding, with tender care, his night eye from any the slightest communication with the sun's rays, and occasionally changing the bandage, that each eye in turn might take a spell of night duty; it being found that guarding the eye for one day was sufficient to restore the tone of the optic nerve, a torpor of which, and of the retina, is supposed to be the proximate cause of the disease. I much question whether any purely medical treatment would have had so complete, and, above all, so immediate, an effect. Persons affected with nyctalopia become perfectly blind as night approaches, and continue so till the return of daylight. The medical treatment recommended is, bleeding and purging, blisters applied repeatedly to the temples, close to the external canthus of the eye, cinchona bark, joined with chalybeates, &c.; all of which was impracticable by us, having no medicine on board our little vessel. I am aware that this disease frequently attends scurvy in tropical climates, and is sometimes occasioned by derangement of the digestive organs and hepatic system, in which cases our simple treatment would be useless; but in the above instance it was evidently caused only by the sun.

THE late Mr. Perry, editor of the " Morning Chronicle" was very convivial during his whole life, but never neglected his business for pleasure. He was a member of many clubs, one of which, of a very singular nature, originated with him. It was called the "Humbug Club," was instituted about forty years ago, and existed for two seasons. It was a sort of quiz on all institutions, and composed of many men of esprit of its time. There were a president and twelve judges, and the meetings were weekly, at a tavern, during three or four of the winter months. The club was assembled by proclamation on the first day of the year, and published in the "Chronicle:" it was written by Mr. Perry, who was the president, designated "Humbugallo Rex!" and countersigned by his secretary," Screech." These proclamations were very humourous, and may be seen by looking on the files of the paper of 1790 (I think). When a new member was proposed, he was admitted blind-folded with great ceremony. He was

+ From Pryse Lockhart Gordon's Memoirs, &c. London, 1830.

then conducted by a member to the bottom of a large apartment, where he mounted a dozen of almost perpendicular steps, being warned, "that if he slipped, he would probably break his neck!" When the candidate had ascended to the top of this rostrum, and the bandage was removed from his eyes, he found himself elevated some ten feet above the rest of the company, near the ceiling, and standing on a platform of four feet square, looking on a table round which were sitting the president, his secretary, and twelve judges, all masked, with long beards and black gowns; and in the centre of the table was a cauldron of spirits of wine, which threw a most lugubrious light on these hideous dramatis persone! It required a man of good nerves to look on this coup d'œil without being a little agitated, Behind the president's chair was placed on a perch a live owl, whom he consulted in all difficult cases. The secretary," Screech," was ordered to examine the candidate, and the queries were so extremely absurd, that answering them gravely was out of the question: they were merely intended to raise a laugh at the expense of the candidate; but it sometimes happened that a witty reply turned the laugh on the examiner; the candidate was in this case admitted without further questioning. "Pray, sir, were you present at your birth?" was the first question put to me. "I do not remember," said I. "Are you a sportsman?"-"Yes."-" Well, suppose you are in a stubble field-the wind being easterly, your dog Nero points, and your bitch Juno backs-a covey of partridges take flightwith the first barrel, and one with the there are thirteen in it: you kill two birds second, how many remain ?-take care what you reply, sir; think well before you speak." I did not hesitate, boldly exclaiming, 66 remained!"-"You may be a good shot, sir," rejoined my examiner, "but you have made a bad hit here-why three only remained, the ten flew away!" After having been badgered in this way for ten minutes, I was admitted a member on paying a bottle

ten

of claret-the usual fine. If a member became obnoxious to the society, he was got general was ordered to prosecute him for rid of in a summary way. The attorney some alleged crime, and council was appointed to defend him; but he was always "found guilty, and fined 5007. or to quit the club!" Mr. Felix M'Carthy, a celebrated personage, was indited "for being a coxcomb." His case was heard at a great length, and he made an able defence without the assistance of council, and was acquitted of the charge, but recommended 66 to put on a clean shirt, when he went to the club." Another worthy, who was obnoxious to the society, had a practical joke

played off on him, which produced great mirth. It was known he had many debts, and that he was afraid of being arrested. A hint was given to him one evening, "that a suspicious fellow, looking like a bailiff, had got into the house, and was inquiring for him." The bait took, and the same goodnatured friend who had given him this information, recommended him to make his escape from the window. Ropes were procured, and the Jew (for he was a Levite) of sixteen stone was lowered into a yard from which there was no outlet. He remained quiet for two hours, fearing discovery; at length he began to hollow out for aid. It came-but he was taken for a thief, and the watch was about to be called, when an explanation saved Moses from the roundhouse; and he never showed his face again at the club. This society, however, was short-lived; it became too mixed, and many disagreeable low-bred persons got into it. It died a natural death after the second year. Messrs. Perry and Gray were also members of a club (to which I belonged) at the British, in Cockspur Street: it was $ called "the Anonymous," and the meetings were monthly. Many eminent men were members of this society, which lasted till more than half of the club were dead. Professor Porson, Dr. Burney, Dr. Raine, my brother Mr. George Gordon, Mr. John Kemble, and many other men of esprit, composed one of the pleasantest societies ever formed, where wit, tempered with good humour, was "the order of the day." Toasts from Shakspeare were given, and it was expected that the members were to produce a new one at every meeting. The variety of convivial sentiment found in this great author was astonishing. Dr. Burney, on one occasion, having nothing new to propose, gave "Another can!" All were puzzled to recollect the passage, till Porson exclaimed "If one can't—another can." Such was the extraordinary memory and quick imagination of the Greek professor. Out of this club rose another called " the One Bottle;" but it was short-lived:-" the days of chivalry were gone," along with many of

the wits of the Anon. Hewerdine, the con

vivial poet, was laureate to the Humbug Club, as well as prosecutor-general; and his cross-examinations were never exceeded by Mr. Scarlett in his best days. Hewerdine was also ordered to write a constitutional song in eight days, under penalty of an amende of 500l.! He executed this task in four and twenty hours, and sang it the following evening. It was an admirable piece of humour.

TRAVELS IN KAMTCHATKA AND SIBERIA.†

SIBERIA is associated in the mind of Europeans with nothing but ideas of sterility, banishment, and frost; a very different impression of it is derived from the report of Mr. Dobell the reader will be surprised to hear of its beautiful scenery, its splendid rivers, its rich mines, its fertility, its fruits, and flowers. But still more is it unexpected to find Kamtchatka spoken of as the land of plenty; and Kamtchatkans as the mildest and most amiable people in the world. Nature is fond of compensations; if the summers are short in the regions of the north, they make up for it by their great heat, and the rapidity with which they encourage vegetation: if the frost of winter is so severe as to prevent the growth of natural productions, or the chase of animal ones, this very frost interferes to preserve those objects that have been already laid up in

summer. The author first arrived in Kamtchatka in August, 1812, by sea. He appears to have commanded a vessel which at that

period anchored in the port of St. Peter and Bay of Avatcha, in which "the united fleets St. Paul. This port is one of the inlets of the of Europe might ride in safety." The river of Avatcha has one hundred mouths, which, together with a great number of salt-water inlets, intersect an immense tract of low ground: here, as in many other parts of Kamtchatka, dikes and mounds have been raised in considerable numbers, and of con

siderable magnitude; giving evidence of the country having been at one time much more thickly inhabited, by a people farther advanced in civilization, than it is at present. The banks of the Avatcha river are composed for the most part of fine meadow lands, or hills covered with birch.

grass

The

the height of a horse's belly: a coarser kind in Kamtchatka grows commonly to breast high. It is eaten only when young. on the declivity of hills and in swamps, For a short distance the travellers proceeded up this river in canoes; they landed on a the luxury of the country, and, with the aid desert island, boiled a kettle and made tea, of a more populous land. They slept aboard of fish-pie and biscuit, enjoyed a meal worthy their canoes, wrapped up in their parkas, or loose shirts, made of rein-deer's skin, with the fur inside. On leaving the river, they found horses awaiting them, and made for an ostrog, or village, where they rested. The toyune, or chief, that is to say, constable, spread before them a table well

† Abridged from the Westminster Review.No. XXV, of-Travels in Kamtchatka and Siberia, &c. By Peter Dobell. London, 1830.