with gratitude to the Giver of all good, as long as I live. "His death was looked for, and by himself much desired. Montagu's came upon me in a different manner. His delirium, which was extremely violent, ended in a state of such apparent tranquillity, that I was congratulating myself on the danger being over, at the very time when Dr came, and told me, in his own name, and in that of the other two physicians that attended Montagu, that he could not live many hours this was at eleven at night, and he died at five next morning. I hope I am resigned, as my duty requires, and as I wish to be; but I have passed many a bitter hour, though on those occasions nobody sees me. I fear my reason is a little disordered, for I have sometimes thought of late, especially in a morning, that Montagu is not dead, though I seem to have a remembrance of a dream that he is. This you will say, what I myself believe, is a symptom not uncommon in cases similar to mine, and that I ought by all means to go from home as soon as I can. I will do so when the weather becomes tolerable. Inclination would draw me to Peterhead; but the intolerable road forbids it, and I believe I must go southward, where the roads are very good at least I hear so. Being now childless, by the will of Providence, (in which I trust I acquiesce,) I have made a new settlement in my small affairs; the only particular of which that needs to be mentioned at present is, that the organ, built by my eldest son and you, is now yours. "I am much obliged to the kind friends who sympathise with me. Montagu was indeed very popular wherever he went. His death was calm, resigned, and unaffectedly pious; he thought himself dying from the first attack of his illness. "I could wish," said he, "to live to be old, but "am neither afraid nor unwilling to die." LETTER CCXXXIV. DR BEATTIE TO SIR WILLIAM FORBES. Aberdeen, 17th April, 1796. "I have been these many days resolving to write to you and Mr Arbuthnot, to thank you for your very kind and sympathetic letters, but various things have come in my way to prevent it. I need not pretend a hurry of business, for every body knows I am not capable of any. A deep gloom hangs upon me, and disables all my faculties; and thoughts so strange sometimes occur to me, as to make me "fear that I am not," as Lear says, "in my perfect mind." But I thank God I am entirely resigned to the divine will; and, though I am now childless, I have friends whose goodness to me, and other virtues, I find great comfort in recollecting. The physicians not only advise but intreat, and indeed command me, to go from home, and that without further delay and I do seriously resolve to set out for Edinburgh to-morrow. As I shall travel slowly, it will perhaps be a week or more before I see you. At another time, and in different circumstances, I should have had much to say on the loss of our friend, Dr Campbell; but that. subject, as well as some others, I must defer till we meet." LETTER CCXXXV. DR BEATTIE TO MRS MONTAGU. Aberdeen, 17th April, 1796. "I thank you most cordially for your letter, so full of kindness and sympathy, and by consequence of comfort, to my bewildered mind. I trust, that in resignation to the will of the supremely wise and good Disposer of all events, I am not deficient; but my frailties are many, and I cannot yet counteract the pressure that bears ́so hard upon me. Time and recollection will, I hope, give some strength to my faculties, and restore to me the power of commanding my thoughts. The physicians, who see how it is with me, not only advise but command me to go from home, without further delay: and I intend to begin to-morrow, to try at least what I can do in the way of travelling. My first course will be towards Edinburgh, where I shall stay two or three weeks; and if I find I am able, I shall probably after that go a little way into England: but whether I shall find it advisable to proceed as far as London, I cannot as yet determine. "My son Montagu sleeps in his brother's grave; the depth of which allows sufficient room for both. The inscription I have enlarged a little, and inclose a copy: its only merit is its simplicity and truth. MONTAGU. BEATTIE. Jacobi. Hay. Beattie. Frater. Sepulchrique. Consors. Variarum. Peritus. Artium. Pingendi. imprimis. Natus. Octavo. Julii. MDCCLXXVIII. Multum. Defletus. Obiit. Decimo. Quarto. Martii. MDCCXCVI. |