Mr Hugh White in Larbert, a man of confiderable abilities, great piety and tenderness, was also very friendly and affectionate but I had little occafion of converfe with him, being on the other fide of Forth.

Having preached fome time in these parts, and before the prefbytery of Stirling on July 13. fome of the parish of Carnock, in the prefbytery of Dunfermline, took occafion to hear me at Clackmannan and Airth. Whereupon I had two letters from Mr John Wylie, then minifter of Saline, afterwards of Clackmannan, inviting me to preach at Saline, a parish neighbouring with Carnock: but Mr Turnbull fhewed me, that I behoved not to go; and I went not. William Paton, one of the elders of Clackmannan, was clear for my going, and told me, what others kept fecret from me, that they had a design on me for Clackmannan; but withal, that Mr Inglis, tackfman of the eftate of Clackmannan, whofe coal-grieve he was, and Kennet, would fet their foot against it. But on July 26. two of the elders of Carnock came to the Ferritown unto me, trying how I would relish a call to their parish. I left the matter open, faying little, and defiring them to feek a minifter from the Lord.

About the beginning of Auguft, Mr Wylie wrote to the prefbytery of Stirling, in name of the presbytery of Dunfermline, defiring them to allow me to come a day or two to them; the which they abfolutely refufed: and that day, or foon after, I perceived the prefbytery had a defign on me for Clackmannan. That their refufal I did not take well: but they never asked my inclination, and L had no freedom to urge their letting me go. However, afterward, on a letter from Mr James Frafer of Brea, minister of Culross, inviting me to affift by preaching at the communion there, on the 21ft, I went and preached there accordingly in the church-yard; Mr Turnbull having allowed, that if there was fuch a neceffity as was alledged in the letter, it could not well be refufed. At this time began my acquaintance with the worthy Mr George Mair, Brea's colleague, whofe converfation was afterwards of good ufe to me, in regard of the fpirituality of it, and the infight he had into the doctrine of the gofpel. I think, that holy and learned man Brea died not very long after.

On the 14th of Auguft i communicated at Larbert, and was not altogether deferted in it: but I think, as I waswalking alone to my lodgings, I got my communion in

deed.

deed. Two or three days before, I did endeavour to examine myself thus: They that have a fincere defire of union and communion with Chrift, have true faith, Matth. v. 6.; 2 Cor. viii. 12.: and fuch are thofe who, 1. chufe and defire Chrift, without defire to retain fin; that chufe Christ whatever may follow, Hcb. xi. 25.; 2. that are not carried forth after spiritual good things merely as profitable to themfelves, but as things in themfelves good and defirable, Pfal. lxxiii. 25.; 3. who defire a whole Chrift, as well for fanctification as juftification, 1 Cor. i. 30.; 4. who efteem Chrift above all, Pet. ii. 7.; 5. who have a fenfe of fin preffing the confcience, and ferious difpleasure with it, Matth. xi. 28. ; 6. who make fuitable endeavours after Chrift, Prov. xxi. 25. But I (I appeal to God's omnifcience) have fuch a defire. For, 1. I defire Chrift without exception of any fin, or the crofs: I am content to part with all fin, and take Christ, to follow him in his ftrength whitherfoever he goes. 2. I defire union and communion with Chrift, though there were no hell to punish those who are united to their fins. 3. I defire a whole Chrift, and would as fain have fin fubdued and mortified, as guilt taken away. 4. I efteem Christ above all: Give me Chrift, and take from me what thou wilt. 5. Sin is a burden to me, efpecially my predominant luft. 6. I endeavour, in fome meafure, to feck after Chrift: Lord, thou knoweft. Therefore I have true faith.

The week after the communion at Culrofs, my acquaintance with Katharine Brown, now my wife, was carried on to a direct propofal of marriage made to her. She was fifth daughter to Robert Brown of Barhill, in the parish of Culrofs; her mother, then a widow, and her eldeft fifter, who had been married to Thomas Brown above mentioned, being dead more than a year before. I had, while I was at Kennet, heard a very favoury report of her; and from the first time that I faw her, which was March 3. 1697, the day on which I left that country, fomething ftuck with me. A few days after I returned, as faid is, the had occafion to come and tarry fome time with her brother-in-law. And my health being broken. as above mentioned, I was valetudinary, and particularly fubject to faintings; with one of which I was feized June 3. the being prefent: but by her advice, whofe father had been a practitioner in phyfic, I ufed wormwood boiled,

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and

and applied to my ftomach in linen bags, that month, and was much relieved of thefe faintings. Howbeit, when they left me, I was feized with a binding at my breaft; and for a long time that year I used Lucatellus's balfam by the fame advice. What engaged me to her, was her piety, parts, beauty, chearful difpofition fitted to temper mine, and that I reckoned her very fit to fee to my health. I never was in a mind to marry before I fhould be fettled: but I judged both the one and the other requifite for my health. But though I made choice of a moft worthy woman, I was afterwards obliged to confefs, before God, my fin, in that I had not been at more pains to know his mind in the matter before had propofed it. And howbeit I did frequently that fummer lay it before the Lord, and confider it; yet I can never forgive myfelf, though I hope my God hath forgiven me, that I did not fet fome time or times apart for fafting and prayer for that end, before I made the propofal. But God did chastise my rafhnefs, partly by my finding, that procefs very entangling to me in my vagrant circumftances, partly by fuffering perplexing fcruples to rife in my mind about it; while yet he did, in the iffue of them, convincingly fhew the matter to be of himself, and bound it on my confcience as duty; which cleared, my difficulty was not to get love to her, but rather to bound it.

In the beginning of September I had a letter from Mr Wylie, defiring me to preach a Sabbath-day, either at Salin or Carnock, or on a week-day at Carnock. In anfwer to which, I promised to preach a Sabbath-day at Salin, if they would procure the day from the prefbytery; but declined feeking it for myself.

About the middle of that month, I received a letter from Mr Murray, inviting me to Nithfdale; and had thoughts of complying with it. On the 11th, being a national faft-day, I had preached at Clackmannan, the Lord helping me; and that night going to bed weakened and wearied, I found myfelf, notwithstanding, able to lie on my back; a posture which for a long time before I could not place myself in, without being in hazard of fainting. Some were much offended at that day's work, others much endeared to me. But about this time the business of my fettlement there being ftill in agitation, and the elders not fpeaking of it to me, till they might fee the matter brought to a bearing, I thought it meet to fhew one of them, that

it was needlefs to make a bustle between heritors and elders on my account, in regard, for any thing I knew, I fhould never accept of a call to Clackmannan.

So, on Oct. 5. I went to the presbytery, with an intention to crave my teftimonials, in order to leave that country; but ere I got it moved, there was produced and read a letter from Kennet, defiring, that in regard the parish of Clackmannan had a defire for me to be their minifter, they would interpofe with me not to leave the bounds, and appoint me to preach three Sabbaths at Clackmannan, in regard fome of the heritors had not heard me. Whereupon the prefbytery urged me to stay till the next presbytery-day at leaft, and appointed me two days at Clackmannan; whereto I at length yielded; though it troubled me fomewhat after, that i fhould have confented to preach there on that account.

On the 18th came to me an elder of Carnock, with a line figned by five of their number, fhewing, that they had the prefbytery's allowance for drawing up a call to me; but that Kincairdine and Sir Patrick Murray would not allow it to be done for any young man, till once the parish had a hearing of him; and defiring me to fhew, whether they might go on or not. I found by the bearer that they were not unanimous; fhewed them I could not have accefs to preach a day to them; left them to their liberty; and defired they might not on my account deprive themselves of any other whom they pleafed.

Having preached the two days at Clackmannan, the elders could not prevail with the heritors to join in a call to me. Mr Inglis aforefaid fet himself against me particularly, alledging for a reason, that I was young, and but a probationer. It was fuppofed, that my not bowing in the pulpit, and going with none of them on the Sabbathnights, rendered me unacceptable: and I do believe, that they and I both agreed, that, in refpect of my temper and way, I was not fit for the parish of Clackmannan. However, the faid Mr inglis, who was a friend of Brea's, told me fome time or other, while in that country, (I apprehend it has been after this, when Brea was deceased), that there was fomething in my fermons fo like Brea's, that one would have thought I had feen his notes, but that he knew i had no accefs to them; which laft was very true. By this time I had preached twice at Dollar, then lately become vacant through the removal of the Epifcopal incumbent ;

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incumbent; and an inclination towards me there was fignified by fome of them; and thinking about fettling in that country, I could fcarcely be able to fay in mine own heart, where I would defire to fettle in it, if it was not in Dollar; and hardly there either. But I went to the prefbytery Nov. 2. fully refolved to have my liberty, thinking to go to Nithfdale. Accordingly I defired their teftimonial, fhewing that 1 could ftay no longer. Mr White, being moderator, did long prefs my ftay; which, with all the modesty I could, I declined, reprefenting, that if I continued longer, 1 behoved to continue all the winter, in refpect of the broken state of my health. (I was now ufing conferve of rofes, by the advice aforefaid). After they had urged me till I was afhamed, two minifters, whereof Mr Turnbull was one, took me out to converse with me privately. In the mean time a man from Dollar, with mush concern, addreffed himfelf to me, that I might not go away, fhewing the inclination of that parish toward me; and elders of the other vacant parishes urged me. Finding myfelf perplexed, and not knowing what to fay, I left myself to the presbytery's disposal, and fo received their appointments after.

Being thus locked in there again, the tongues of many were let loofe on me; and my railing and reflecting, as they called it, came often to my ears. Preaching at Clackmannan on the 27th, fome were vexed, and one in a rage went out of the church. When I came home to my lodging, I was much affected that my preaching was fo ftormed at; and the rather, that I thought I had not the inward fupport requifite in fuch a cafe: but I was comforted at family-worship, finging Pfal. Ixix. 7. and downwards. That fame week, it was uneafy to me to hear that fome concluded I had an inclination for the parish of Clackmannan, from the zeal fhewn for it by my most intimate acquaintance, thinking they could not have done fo without encouragement from me. Upon which I find I made this reflection, fetting that matter in a due light, viz. But, Lord, thou knoweft, that it was not my inclination, though in my own thoughts I would not be too peremptory, not knowing how God might call

• me.'

In the month of December, fome of the elders of Dollar fignified to me their inclination to give me a call, if they could get it done; but withal I had an account of

an