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astonished when he hears it; surely his new invented medicine has done me a prodigious deal of service.
Col. Ah! you'll always be taking one slop or other, till you poison yourself.
174 Lady M. It brought Sir Barnaby Drugg from death's door, after having tried the Spaw and Bristol waters without effect : it is good for several things, in many sovereign ; as in colds and consumptions, and lowness of spirits: it corrects the humours, rectifies the juices, regulates the nervous system, creates an appetite, prevents flushings and sickness after meals, as also vain fears and head-achs ; it is the finest thing in the world for an asthma ; and no body that takes it, is ever troubled with hystericks.
184 Col. Give me a pinch of your Ladyship's snuff.
Lady M. This is a mighty pretty sort of a man, Colonel, who is he!
Col. A young fellow, my Lady, recommended to
Lady M. I protest he has the sweetest taste for poetry!-He has repeated to me two or three of his own things; and I have been telling him of the poem my late brother Lord Jessamy made on the mouse that was drowned.
194 Col. Ay, a fine subject for a poem; a mouse that was drowned in a
Lady M. Hush, my dear Colonel, don't mention it; to be sure the circumstance was vastly indelicate; but for the number of lines, the poem was as charming a morsel I heard the earl of Punley say, who under
stood Latin, that it was equal to any thing in Catullus.
Col. Well, how did you like your son's behaviour at dinner, Madam? I thought the girl looked a little askew at him—Why, he found fault with every thing and contradicted every body.
Lady M. Softly, Miss Flowerdale, I understand, has desired a private conference with him.
Col. What, Harman, have you got entertaining my daughter there? Come hither, Dy; has he been giving you a history of the accident that brought him down here?
Dian. No, Papa, the gentleman has been tellinghe
Lady M. No matter what, Miss-'tis not polite to repeat what has been said.
Col. Well, well, my Lady, you know the compact we made ; the boy is yours, the girl mine- Give me your hand, Dy.
219 Lady M. Colonel, I have done-Pray, Sir, was there any news when you left London; any thing about the East-Indies, the ministry, or politics of any kind ? I am strangely fond of politics; but I hear nothing since my Lord Jessamy's death; he used to write to me all the affairs of the nation, for he was a very great politician himself. I have a manuscript speech of his in my cabinet—He never spoke it, but it is as fine a thing as ever came from man?
Col. What is that crawling on your Ladyship's petticoat?
Lady M. Where! Where !
Lady M. Oh Heavens! Ah don't let me look at it! I shall faint, I shall faint! A spider! a spider ! a spider!
Colonel OLDBOY, DIANA, HARMAN. Col. Hold ; zounds let her go; I knew the spider would set her a galloping, with her damned fuss about her brother, my Lord Jessamy.--Harman, come here. How do you like my daughter? Is the girl you are in love with as handsome as this?
240 Har. In my opinion, Sir.
Col. What, as handsome as Dy!—I'll lay you twenty pounds she has not such a pair of eyes.- He tells me he's in love, Dy; raging mad for love, and, by his talk, I begin to believe him.
Dian. Now, for my part, Papa, Idoubtit very much; though, by what I heard the gentleman say just now within, I find he imagines the lady has a violent partiality for him; and yet he may be mistaken there too.
Col. For shame, Dy, what the mischief do you mean? How can you talk so tartly to a poor young fellow under misfortunes! Give him your hand, and ask his pardon. Don't mind her, Harman. For all this, she is as good natured a little devil, as ever was born. Har. You may remember, Sir, I told you before
dinner, that I had for some time carried on a private correspondence with my lovely girl; and that her tather, whose consent we despair of obtaining, is the great obstacle to our happiness.
259 Col. Why don't you carry her off in spight of him, then ?-I ran away
my Lady Mary, she'll tell you the thing herself.—Her old conceited Lord of a father thought I was not good enough; but I mounted a garden-wall, notwithstanding their cheveux-de-frize of broken glass bottles, took her out of a three pair of stairs window, and brought her down a ladder in my arms
-By the way, she would have squeezed through a cat-hole to get at me.And I would have taken her out of the Tower of London, damme, if it had been surrounded with the three regiments of guards.
271 Dian. But, surely, Papa, you would not persuade the gentleman to such a proceeding as this is ; consider the noise it will make in the country; and if you are known to be the adviser and abettor
Col. Why, what do I care ? I say, if he takes my advice he'll run away with her, and I'll give him all the assistance I can.
Har. I am sure, Sir, you are very kind; and, to tell you
the truth, I have more than once had the yery scheme in my head, if I thought it was feasible, and knew how to go about it.
Col. Feasible, and knew how to go about it! The thing's feasible enough, if the girl's willing to go
off with you, and you have spirit sufficient to undertake it.
Har. O, as for that, Sir, I can answer.
Dian. What, Sir, that the lady will be willing to go off with you?
289 Har. No, Ma'am, that I have spirit enough to take her, if she is willing to go ; and thus far I dare venture to promise, that between this and to. morrow morning I will find out whether she is or not,
Col. So he may; she lives but in this county; and tell her, Harman, you have met with a friend, who is inclined to serve you. You shall have my postchaise at a minute's warning ; and if a hundred pieces will be of any use to you, you may command 'em.
Har. And are you really serious, Sir?
Col. Serious ; damme if I an't. I have put twenty young fellows in the way of getting girls that they never would have thought of: and bring her to my house; whenever you come, you shall have a supper and a bed; but you must marry her first, because my Lady will be squeamish.
Dian. Well, but, my dear Papa, upon my word you have a great deal to answer for : suppose it was your own case to have a daughter in such circumstances, would you be obliged to any one 310
Col. Hold your tongue, hussy, who bid you put in your oar? However, Harman, I don't want to set you upon any thing; 'tis no affair of mine to be sure;