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he shall shortly take orders for a very considerable benefice in the gift of the family, the present incum. bent of which is an aged man.

71 Dian. The last time I was at your house, he was teaching Miss Clarissa mathematics and philosophy. Lord, what a strange brain I have! If I was to sit down to distract myself with such studies

Col. Go, hússy, let some of your brother's rascals inform their master that he has been long enough at his toilet; here is a message from Sir John Flowerdale -You a brain for mathematics indeed! We shall have women wanting to head our regiments to-morrow or next day.

81 Dian. Well, papa, and suppose we did. I believe, in a battle of the sexes, you men would hardly get the better of us.

AIR.
To rob them of strength, when wise Nature thought fit

By women to still do her duty,
Instead of a sword she endu'd them with wit,
And
gave

them a shield in their beauty.

Sound, sound the trumpet, both sexes to arms

Our tyrants at once, and protectors !
We quickly shall see whether courage or charms,

Decide for the Helens or Hectors.

90

SCENE II.

Colonel OLDBOY, JENKINS. Col. Well, master Jenkins ! don't you think now that a Nobleman, a Duke, an Earl, or a Marquis, might be content to share his title - I say, you understand me with a sweetener of thirty or forty thousand pounds, to pay off Mortgages ? Besides, there's a prospect of my whole estate ; for I dare swear her brother will never have any children. 99

Fen. I should be concerned at that, Colonel, when there are two such fortunes to descend to his heirs, as your's and Sir John Flowerdale's.

Col. Why look you, master Jenkins, Sir John Flowerdale is an honest gentleman; our families are nearly related ; we have been neighbours time out of mind; and if he and I have an odd dispute now and then, it is not for want of a cordial esteem at bottom. He is going to marry his daughter to my son; she is a beautiful girl, an elegant girl, a sensible girl, a worthy girl, anda word in your ear-damn me if I a'n't very sorry for her.

Jen. Sorry! Colonel ?

Col. Ayo between ourselves, master Jenkins, my son won't do.

Jen. How do you mean?

Col. I tell you, master Jenkins, he won't do he is not the thing, a prig—At sixteen years old, or there

B

111

121

abouts, he was a bold, sprightly boy, as you should see in a thousand ; could drink his pint of port, or his bottle of claret -now he mixes all his wine with water.

Jen. Oh! if that be his only fault, Colonel, he will ne'er make the worse husband, I'll answer for it.

Col. You know my wife is a woman of qualityI was prevailed upon to send him to be brought up by her brother Lord Jessamy, who had no children of his own, and promised to leave him an estate -he has got the estate indeed, but, the fellow has taken his Lordship's name for it. Now, master Jenkins, I would be glad to know, how the name of Jessamy is better than that of Oldboy.

131 Jen. Well ! but Colonel, it is allowed on all hands that his Lordship has given your son an excellent education.

Col. Psha! he sent him to the university, and to travel forsooth; but what of that ; I was abroad, and at the university myself, and never a rush the better for either. I quarreld with his Lordship about six years before his death, and so had not an opportunity of seeing how the youth went on; if I had, master Jenkins, I would no more have suffered him to be made such a monkey of -He has been in my house but three days, and it is all turned topsey-turvey by him and his rascally servants then his chamber is ! like a perfumer's shop, with wash-balls, pastes, and pomatum and do you know, he had the impudence

to tell me yesterday at my own table, that I did not know how to behave myself?

148 Jen. Pray, Colonel, how does my Lady Mary?

Col. What, my wife? In the old way, master Jenkins; always complaining; ever something the matter with her head, or her back, or her legs -but we have had the devil to pay lately—she and I did not speak to one another for three weeks.

Jen. How so, Sir?

Col. A little affair of jealousy-you must know, my game-keeper's daughter has had a child, and the plaguy baggage takes it into her head to lay it to me

- Upon my soul it is a fine fat chubby infant as ever I set my eyes on; I have sent it to nurse ; and be. tween you and me, I believe I shall leave it a fortune.

Jen. Ah, Colonel, you will never give over.

Col. You know my Lady has a pretty vein of poetry; she writ me an heroic epistle upon it, where she calls me her dear false Damon; so I let her cry a little, promised to do so no more, and now we are as good friends as ever.

Jen. Well, Colonel, I must take my leave; I have delivered my message, and Sir John may expect the pleasure of your company to dinner.

170 Col. Ay, ay, we'll come-pox o' ceremony among friends. But won't you stay to see my son? I have sent to him, and suppose he will be here as soon as his valet-de-chambre will give him leave.

Jen. There is no occasion, good Sir: present my humble respects, that's all.

Col. Well, but, zounds, Jenkins, you must not go till you drink something-let you and I have a bottle of hock

Jen. Not for the world, Colonel; I never touch any thing strong in the morning.

181 Col. Never touch any thing strong! Why one bottle won't hurt you, man, this is old, and as mild as milk.

Fen. Well, but, Colonel, pray excuse me.

AIR.

To tell you the truth,
In the days of my youth,

As mirth and nature bid,
I lik'd a glass,
And I lov'd a lass,

And I did as younkers did.

But now I am old,
With grief be it told,
I must those freaks

forbear;
At sixty-three,
Twixt

you
and

me,
A man grows worse for wear.

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