UNCLE REUBEN'S BAPTISM.

He is an industrious colored man, living in a small cabin down the river; and his wife is a corpulent, good-natured woman, but very deaf.

Some weeks ago, Reuben began to ponder. He had never been a bad darkey; but he had never embraced Christianity, much to the sorrow of Aunt Susan, his wife, who has been prepared for heaven, lo, these many years past. The more he pondered, the more he became convinced that he ought to become a Christian; and Aunt Susan encouraged him with tender words and tearful eyes.

The old man came to town several days ago to see about joining a church, and was informed that he would have to be baptized before he could become a member. He didn't relish the idea much; but he informed his wife that he would consent; and she clasped her hands, and replied,-

"Glory to Richmond! De angels am a-comin'!"

Uncle Reuben got the idea, the other day, that he'd like to try the water alone, before being publicly baptized; and while his wife was getting breakfast ready, he slipped down to the river-bank to take a preparatory dip. He removed his coat, hat, and boots, placed them on a log; and as he descended the bank, his broad feet slipped, and the convert came down on the back of his neck.

"What de debbil!"—he commenced, as he picked himself up; but suddenly remembering that he was soon to join the church, he checked himself, and remarked,—

"I'm ashamed of dat; and I hope de angels will 'scuse me." He put one foot into the water, and drew back with a shiver; put in the other, and looked longingly toward the house. At that moment Aunt Susan began singing,

"We's gwine up to glory:

We's gwine on de cars."

And old Reuben braced up, and entered the water. "Yes; we's gwine up to glory!" he remarked as he waded along,-"gwine on de fast express."

At the next step, his foot struck a sunken log: and he pitched over it, under water, head first. As soon as he came

to the surface, and blew the water from his mouth, he yelled,

"Woosh! What in blazes is dis yere performance?"

In raising up, his foot slid over the log, and under a limb, in such a manner, that the old darkey was caught fast. He could hang to a stub of a limb, but he could not put himself forward enough to slip his foot out of the trap.

"Whar de angels now?" he yelled out, as he kicked the water higher than his head.

Aunt Susan answered with,~

"De angels are a-comin':
I hear de music play."

When the old man realized that he was fast, and must have help from the shore, he yelled out,

"Ho, dare, old woman! Hi!"

She couldn't have heard a cannon fire on the bank of the river, and went on singing,

"Dare's a seat for me in heaven:

I's gwine to jine de band."

"Hi, dare! I'll jine your old black head off, if ye don't hear me!" yelled old Reuben.

He struggled and kicked, got his head under water, and out, and yelled,—

"Cuss dat old woman! Why don't she hear me?"

came the song.

"Uncle Reuben's a-gwine
To be an angel sho',"

"It' a lie, a big debbil lie!" he yelled, pulling his head under water again.

"And he'll fly among de angels,

And play upon a harp,"

continued the old woman, as she turned over the bacon. "Hi, dare! woosh, whoop!" he yelled, floundering around, pulling at his leg.

"De Lawd has got his name,
And dare is a place for him!"

howled the old woman.

"Whoa, dare, you old black villum!" yelled Uncle Reuben.

"Dey'll dress him up in white,

Wid a crown upon his brow,"

wailed Aunt Susan, as she poured the water off the potatoes. "If I ebber git out o' dis ribber alive, I'll break her old deaf head, I will!" growled the victim; and then, raising his voice, he shouted,―

"You dare, old Satan, hi, hi!" As if in direct answer, came the song,—

"He struggles wid de evil one;

But he gained de vict'ry, shore!"

"Susan, Susan! if I had ye by de wool, I'd barry dat old deaf head agin de cabin till yer eyes couldn't see!" he screamed; and he made another tremendous effort to get loose. It was successful; and just then she sang,

"Oh! whar's de angel now?

Send him 'long; send him 'long!"

“ 'De angel am a-comin'!" growled Uncle Reuben as he waded ashore; "and he'll turn dat cabin inside out!" He limped up to the house. She was placing the meal on the table, and singing,

"He's gwine to be baptized;
He's gwine-"

when he entered the house, and gave her a cuff on the ear which nearly loosened the roots of her hair.

"Oh, yes! I'ze an angel wid wings on, I is!" he yelled, as he brought her another cuff; "and I'ze gwine to glory, -and I'll knock yer old head off!-and I'ze gwine to jine de band and you deaf old alligator!-and I'ze gwine up to heaven-and blame yer old deaf ears!-and de glory am acomin'!"

People who know Uncle Reuben say that he swears again with great relish; and it is certain that he hasn't been up to Vicksburg to be baptized, and become a church-member.

OF THE "100 CHOICE SELECTIONS" SERIES.

Contents

of No. 1.

Oh, Why Should the Spirit of Address to the Soldiers.

Mortal be Proud?
The American Flag.
Infelicissime.

On the Death of A. Lincoln.
The Sleeping Sentinel.
Sir John Franklin.

Kane.

Discoveries of Galileo.
"Owed" to the Fire Engine,
Barbara Frietchie.
The Student.

The Two Roads.

On Board the Cumberland.
Sheridan's Ride.

Courtin' in the Country.
Extract from Senator Ba-
ker's Speech at Union
Square, 1861.
The Famine.

Scott and the Veteran.
The Ghost.

Opportunity for Work.
The Bachelor's Soliloquy.
Col. Halpine's Poem on the
Gettysburg Monument.
Crime its own Detector.
A. Ward's Trip to Richmond
Bingen on the Rhine.
Our Defenders.
Hezekiah Stubbin's Oration.
Sufferings of the Pilgrims.
The Great Bell Roland.

Cato's Soliloquy.

The Battle of Gettysburg.
The Soliloquy of Arnold.
Ode to my Little Son.
Unjust National Acquisition
The Raven.
No God.

My Lord Tomnoddy.
Birthday of Washington.
The Bridge of Sighs.
Wood of Chancellorsville.
The Smack in School.
Extract from Dickinson's
Speech at Union Square.
The Bells.
Wounded.

The Farmer's Blunder.
The Oath.

The Main Truck.
Driving Home the Cows.
The Confession.
Damon and Pythias.
Advice to a Fire Company.
Glorious New England.
The New Castle Apothecary.
New Year's Eve.

On the Shores of Tennessee
Spartacus to the Gladiators
The Modest Wit.
Hail to the Veterans.
Hamlet to the Players.
Hamlet's Soliloquy.

All We Ask is to be Let Alo
Capital Punishment.

Caudio's Umbrella Lecture. Maud Muller.

Contents of No.

U. S. National Anthem.
Paul Revere's Ride.
Lincoln's Address at the
Gettysburg Cemetery.
Socrates Saooks.

Battle of Lookout Mountain.
Nobody's Child.

Monument to Washington.
Vat You Please.
Will the New Year come
To-night, Mamma?
The Revolutionary Rising.
Tribute to our Honored Dead
Fourth of July Oration.
The Picket Guard.
Over the River.
Spartacus to the Romans.
Wonderful One-Hoss Shay.
All of them.

The Meeting Place.
Reply to "Beautiful Snow."
A Drunken Soliloquy.
Our Country's Call.
The Painter of Seville.
Give Me Three Grains of
Corn, Mother.
Mr. Pickwick in a Dilemma.
Bernardo del Carpio.
Bernardo and King Alphonso
Shall wo Give Up the Union?
There Once was a Toper.
The Cumberland.

The Ride from Ghent to Aix.
A Glass of Cold Water.
Deacon Stokes.
The Dying Soldier.

The May Queen.
Tubal Cain.
Caudle's Locture on Buttons
Mantle of St. John de Matha.
A Psalm of Life.
The Bell of the "Atlantic."
The Hypochondriao.
The Nation's Dead.
The Song of the Shirt.
Pledge with Wine.
The Gouty Merchant,
The Ballad of New Orleans.
The Hour of Death,
Answer to "Hour of Death."
A Yankee in Love.
Dedicatory Ode for the Get-
tysburg National Cemetery
The Rum Maniac.
Washington a Sword, &o.
The Housekeeper's Soliloquy
The Brave at Home.
Parrhasius and the Captive.
Death-Bed of Arnold.
Love, Murder, Matrimony.
The Death of Slavery.
Rain on the Roof.
Stand by the Flag.
A Frenchman's Dinner.
Union and Liberty.
No Sects in Heaven.
How Man should be Judged.
Artemus Ward in Dixie.
After the Battle.
The Light Brigade.
The Curse of Regulus.
Here She Goes, &c.

Thanatopsis.

Opposite Examples.
Drifting.

The Heart of the War.
The Closing Year.

Select Passages in Verse.
Lecture by Doctor Puff Stuff.
Kneel at no Human Shrine.
Lament of Irish Emigrant.
Absalom.

A Racy Stump Speech.
General Joseph Reed.
Liberty and Unibn.
The Seminole's Reply.
The Vagabonds.
Wolsey's Soliloquy.
Death of John Q Adams.
The Field of Waterloo.
Josh Billings on "Courting."
Hiawatha's Wooing.
Excelsior.

Song of Sherman's Army.
Getting in the Wrong Room.
Marco Bozzaris.

Soldier's Aid Societies.
The Ballad of Ishmael Day.
Yorkshire Angling.
Rienzi's Address.
The Black Regiment.
The Pauper's Death-bed.
A Bombastic Description.
Short Poetical Extracts.
The Letters.
Shamus O'Brien.
The Parting.

2.

Hate of the Bowl.
Bugle Song.

Gen. Grant to the Army, 1865
The Farmer and Counsellor.
Only One Pair of Stockings
to Mend To-night.
The Closing Scene.
Death of Copernicns.
Parody-Old Oaken Bucket.
Little Jim.

Horatius at the Bridge.
Your Mission.
Billings on "Manifest Dos-
tiny.'

The Quaker Widow.
Found Dead.
The Pretext of Rebellion.
A Psalm of marriage.
Hetty McEwen.
Masonic Emblems.
The Brides of Enderby.
Rules for Preserving Health.
Somebody's Darling.
The Wife.

The Fire-Fiend.
Mark Twain's Opinion of
"Chambermaids."

Awake Awake!-(1861.)
The Inquiry.

We Meet Upon the Level,
and Part Upon the Square.
Dundreary on "Pwoverbs."
Look Aloft.

The Modern Cain.

A Soliloquy from Hamlet.
Independence Bell, 1776.

Have been received with a degree of favor unequalled by any similar works of the kind published; and, were it necessary, hundreds of testimonials might be given, from leading Magazines, Instructors, Students, and Literary Men throughout the country; but a glance at the list of contents, is the only recommendation needed, to bespeak the favor of every intelligent reader. Price of cach number, pamphlet edition, 30 cts.; cloth bound, 75 ets

of No.

The Drawbridge Keeper.
Grave of Charles Dickens.
Little Nell's Funeral.

Ward at Shakspeare's Tomb
The Irish woman's Letter.
Not on the Battle-Field,
Jack Horner.
Meagher's Defence.
The Fate of Virginia.
Through Death to Life.
Footsteps on the Other Side.
Caudle a Mason.
The Old Clock on the Stairs.
If we knew.

The Ballot Box.
The Razor Seller.
Ginevra.

The Burial of Moses.
Grattan's Reply to Corry.
The Collegian and Porter.
The Changed Cross.
Brutus on Cesar's Denth.
Antony to the Romans.

of No. 4.