"Merrie conceited Iests: of George Peele Gentleman, sometimes a Student in Oxford. Wherein is shewed the coure of his life, how he lived: a man very well knowne in the Citic of London, and elsewhere. Buy, reade, and iudge, It will doe thee more pleasure, London, Printed by G. P. for F. Faulkner, and are to be sold at his Shop in Southwarke, neere Saint Margerds Hi'L 1627. 4to. Of this tract I have made particular mention in my Account of Peele and his Writings, p. 329. PEELE'S MERRY CONCEITED JESTS. THE JEST OF GEORGE PEELE WITH FOUR OF HIS COMPANIONS AT BRAINFORD. GEORGE, with others of his associates, being merry together at the tavern, having more store of coin than usually they did possess, although they were as regardless of their silver as a gardenwhore is of her honesty; yet they intended for a season to become good husbands, if they knew how to be sparing of that their pockets were then furnished withal. Five pounds they had amongst them; and a plot must be cast how they might be merry with extraordinary cheer three or four days, and keep their five pounds whole in stock. George Peele was the man must do it or none, and generally they conjured him by their loves, his own credit, and the reputation that went on him, that he would but in this show his wit; and withal he should have all the furtherance that in them lay. George, as easy as they earnest to be won to such an exploit, consented, and [they] gathered their money together, and gave it all to George, who should be their purse-bearer, and the other four should seem as servants to George Peele; and the better to colour it, they should go change their cloaks, the one like the other, so near as they could possible; the which at Beelzebub's brother the broker's they might quickly do. This was soon accomplished, and George was furnished with his black satin suit, and a pair of boots, which were as familiar to his legs as the pillory to a baker's or collier's neck; and he sufficiently possessed his friends with the whole scope of his intent, as, gentle reader, the sequel will show. Instantly they took a pair of oars, whose arms were to make a false gallop no further than Brainford, where their fare was paid them so liberally, that men. each of them, the next tide to London, purchased two new waistcoats: yet should these good benefactors come to their usual places of trade, and if they spy a better fare than their own, that happily the gentleman hath more mind to go withal, they will not only fall out with him that is of their own sweet transporters, as they are, but abuse the fare they carry with foul speeches, as "A pox," or " The devil go with you," as their godfather Charon, the ferryman of hell, hath taught them. I speak not this of all, but of some that are brought up in the east, some in the west, some in the north, but most part in the south; but for the rest, they are honest complete Leaving them, to come to my honest George; who is now merry at The Three Pigeons in Brainford,* with sack and sugar, not any wine wanting, the musicians playing, my host drinking, my hostess dancing with the worshipful justice, for so then he was termed, and his mansionhouse in Kent, who came thither of purpose to be merry with his men, because he could not so conveniently near home by reason of a shrewish wife he had. My gentle hostess gave him all the entertainment her house could afford; for Master Peele had paid royally, for all his five pounds was come to ten groats. Now George Peele's wit labours to bring in that five pounds there was spent; which was soon begotten. Being set at dinner, "My host," quoth George, "how falls the tide out for London?" "Not till the evening," quoth mine host: "have you any business, sir?" "Yes, marry," quoth George, "I intend not to go home this two days: therefore, my host, saddle my man a horse for London, if you be so * The Three Pigeons in Brainford] The persons who frequented The Three Pigeons at Brentford were generally not of the most respectable description. At a later period, when the Puritans had put down the stage, it was kept by the celebrated actor Lowin, then in old age and poverty. RR well furnished, for I must send him for one bag more," quoth George, “ten pounds hath seen no sun this six months" "I am ill furnished if I cannot furnish you with that," quoth my host, and presently saddled him a good nag, and away rides one of George's men to London, attending the good hour of his master Peele in London. In the mean time George bespeaks great cheer to supper, saying, he expected some of his friends from London. Now you must imagine there was not a penny owing in the house, for he had paid as liberal as Cæsar, as far as Cæsar's wealth went; for, indeed, most of the money was one Cæsar's, an honest man yet living in London. But to the catastrophe. All the day before, had one of the other men of George Peele been a great solicitor to my hostess, she would beg leave of his master he might go see a maid, a sweetheart of his, so far as Kingston, and before his master went to bed he would return again; saying, he was sure she might command it at his master's hands. My kind hostess willing to pleasure the young fellow, knowing in her time what belonged to such matters, went to Master Peele, and moved him in it, which he angerly refused; but she was so earnest in it, that she swore he should not deny her, protesting he went but to see an uncle of his some five miles off. "Marry, I thank you," quoth George: "my good hostess, would you so discredit me, or hath the knave no more wit than at this time to go, knowing I have no horse here, and would he base cullian go afoot?" "Nay, good sir," quoth mine hostess, "be not angry, it is not his intent to go a-foot, for he shall have my mare; and I will assure you, sir, upon my word, he shall be here again to have you to bed." "Well," quoth George, "hostess, I'll take you at your word, let him go; his negligence shall light upon you." "So be it," quoth mine hostess. So down goeth she, and sends away civil Thomas, for so she called him, to his sweetheart, backed upon her mare: which Thomas, instead of riding to Kingston, took London in his way; where meeting with my other horseman, attended the arrival of George Peele, which was not long after. They are at London; George in his chamber at Brainford, accompanied with none but one Anthony Nit, a barber, who dined and supped with him continually, of whom he had borrowed a lute,† to pass away the cullian] Or cullion, i. e. scoundrel, rogue. ta lute] Was always to be found in a barber's shop, for the amusement of those customers who were obliged to wait. melancholy a as well as Bar modestly take bids him to s fail. George supposed me escape, and w fault with the cold; which w hostess fetche which George withal called he would wal upon his lute. do so," quoth took directly to tage of a pair o journey for Lo had the plot struction for th gone. My host of provision fo tables; and m maids to excu "For," quoth t with my smug s warrant you," my men to the thence to Lond the horse and t which money lewdly got. 1 looked when the to The Three 1 know, JEST OF GEO GEORGE was not capons and clare * of] i. e. on, + Banks his horse Morocco, to perform any exhibited by th our time. The ascer Church is mentioned 1 tables] i. e. back; § lewdly) i. e. knav The Jest of Georg escapes from the sh When they arrest hin pound, five shillings had not crossed me, was sorrowful at Brainford for the loss of his lute; and therefore determined to come to London to seek out George Peele; which by the means of a kinsman that Anthony Nit had in London, his name was Cuts or Feats, a fellow that had good skill in tricks on the cards, and he was well acquainted with the place where George's common abode was; and for kindred-sake he directed the barber where he should have him, which was at a blind alehouse in Sea-coal Lane. There he found George in a green jerkin, a Spanish platter-fashioned hat, all alone at a peck of oysters. The barber's heart danced within him for joy he had so happily found him. He gave him the time of the day. George not a little abashed at the sight of the barber, yet went not to discover it openly. He that at all times had a quick invention, was not now behindhand to entertain my barber, who knew for what his coming was. George thus saluted him. “My honest barber," quoth George, "welcome to London: I partly know your business; you come for your lute, do you not?" "Indeed, sir," quoth the barber, "for that is my coming." "And believe me," quoth George, you shall not lose your labour: I pray you stand to and eat an oyster, and I'll go with you presently; for a gentleman in the city of great worship borrowed it of me for the use of his daughter, that plays exceeding well and had a great desire to have the lute but, sir, if you will go along with me to the gentleman's house, you shall have your lute with great satisfaction; for had not you come, I assure you, I had sent [it] to you; for you must understand that all that was done at Brainford among us mad gentlemen was but a jest, and no otherwise." "Sir, I think not any otherwise," quoth the barber: "but I would desire your worship that as you had it of me in love, so in kindness you would help me to it again." "O God, what else?" quoth George: "I'll go with thee presently, even as I am, for I came from hunting this morning; and should I go up to the certain gentlemen above, I should five pound of a gentleman, for the device of a masque here, drawn in this paper;" and they consent to accompany him to the gentleman's house, on condition of their receiving what remains of the five pounds after the claim of the hostess has been satisfied. George takes them to a house in the next street; and while the officers think he is talking to the owner of it about the masque, George explains his situation to him, and begs permission to make his exit by a back-door: the good-natured gentleman likes the jest, and George escapes.-The Paitan, Act 3, sc. 4 and 5. hardly get away." "I thank you, sir," quoth the barber. So on goes George with him in his green jerkin, a wand in his hand very pretty, till he came almost at the alderman's house where making a sudden stay, "Afore God," quoth George, "I must crave thy pardon at this instant, for I have bethought myself, should I go as I am, it would be imagined I had had some of my lord's hounds out this morning; therefore I'll take my leave of thee, and meet thee where thou wilt about one of the clock." "Nay, good sir," quoth the barber, "go with me now; for I purpose, God willing, to be at Brainford tonight." "Sayest thou so?" quoth George: "why, then, I'll tell thee what thou shalt do: thou art here a stranger and altogether unknown; lend me thy cloak and thy hat, and do thou put on my green jerkin, and I'll go with thee directly along." The barber, loth to leave him until he had his lute, yielded to the change. So when they came to the gentleman's porch, he put on George's green jerkin and his Spanish hat, and he the barber's cloak and his hat. Either of them being thus fitted, George knocks at the door to whom the porter bids heartily welcome, for George was well known, who at that time had all the oversight of the pageants.* He desires the porter to bid his friend welcome; "For he is a good fellow and a keeper, Master Porter, one that at his pleasure can bestow a haunch of venison on you." "Marry, that can I," quoth the barber. "I thank you, sir," answered the porter. "Master Peele, my master is in the hall; pleaseth it you to walk in?" "With all my heart," quoth George: "in the mean time let my friend bear you company." "That he shall, Master Peele," quoth the porter; "and if it please him, he shall take a simple dinner with me." The barber gives him hearty thanks, not misdoubting Master Peele any way, seeing him known; and himself so welcome, fell in chat with the porter. George Peele goes directly to the alderman, who now is come into the court, in the eye of the barber; where George, after many complaints, draws a blank + paper out of his bosom, and making action to the barber, reads to the alderman as followeth. "I humbly desire your worship to stand my friend in a slight matter. Yonder hard-favoured knave, that sits by your worship's porter, hath dogged me to * had all the oversight of the pageants] "He's an excellent scholar," says Puttock of George Pyeboard, "and especially for a masque "-The Puritan, Act. 3, sc. 5. t blank] Old ed. "black." arrest me, and I had no other means but to take your worship's house for shelter. The occasion is but trivial, only for stealing of a piece of flesh, myself consorted with three or four gentlemen of good fashion, that would not willingly have our names come in question. Therefore, this is my boon; that your worship would let one of your servants let me out at the garden-door, and I shall think myself much indebted to your worship." The kind gentleman, little dreaming of George Peele's deceit, took him into the parlour, gave him a brace of angels, and caused one of his servants to let George out at the garden-door; which was no sooner opened, but George made way for the barber seeing him any more, and all the way he went could not choose but laugh at his knavish conceit, how he had gulled the simple barber, who sat all this while with the porter blowing of his nails; to whom came this fellow that let out George. "You whoreson keeperly rascal," quoth the fellow, "do you come to arrest any honest gentleman in my master's house?" "Not I, so God help me," quoth the barber. "I pray, sir, where is the gentleman, Master Peele, that came along with me?" "Far enough," quoth the fellow, "for your coming near him; he is gone out at the gardendoor." "Garden-door!" quoth the barber; why, have you any more doors than one?" "We have, sir; and get you hence, or I'll set you going, goodman keeper." "Alas," quoth the barber, "sir, I am no keeper, I am quite undone! I am a barber dwelling at Brainford :" and with weeping tears up and told him how George had used him. The servant goes in, and tells his master; which when he heard, he could not but laugh at the first; yet in pity of the poor barber, he gave him twenty shillings towards his loss. The barber sighing took it, and towards Brainford home he goes; and whereas he came from thence in a new cloak and a fair hat, he went home weeping in an old hat and a green jerkin. HOW GEORGE PEELE BECAME A GEORGE on a time being happily furnished both of horse and money, though the horse he *Therefore, this is my boon, &c.] George Pycboard in the parallel scene of The Puritan, already mentioned, uses nearly the same words: "May it please your good worship, then, but to uphold my device, which is to let one of your men put me out at a back-door, and I shall be bound to your worship for ever." hired, and th year, and I hop quoth the hoste quarter of a mil sick of the same the hostess, "W your departure gentleman, and and I make no will be very that George, happil this time my hus good night, mine to bed; and my & of most women, ten, till she was which she had re so he termed hi break of the day gentleman's hous excellent man sho he was the best se most strangest c saying, that if sh question he woul woman, glad to procure the heal sent one of her me and visit her hus George heard, he w skill in physic than distant both from But, to conclude, |