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times, liued well, and in good compaffe: and now I live out of all order, out of * compasse.
Bar. Why, you are so fatte, fir Tohn, that you must needes be out of all compase: out of all reasonable compasse, sir John.
Fal. Do thou amend thy face, and Ile amend my life: thou art our admirall, thou bearest the lanterne in the poope, but t'is in the nose of thee : thou art the knight of the burning lampe.
Bar. Why, fir lohn, my face does you no harme.
Fal. No, Ile be sworne, I make as good vse of it, as many a man doth of a deaths head, or a memento mori. I neuer see thy face, but I thinke vpon hell fire, and Diues that liued in purple: for there he is in his robes burning, burning. If thou wert any way giuē to vertue, I would sweare by thy face: my oth should be, by this fire that's Gods angel: but thou art altogether giuen ouer; and wert indeed, but for the light in thy face, the sunne of viter darknesse. When thou ranst vp . Gads-hill in the night, to catch my horse, if I did not thinke that thou hadst been an ignis fatuus, or a ball of wild-fire there's no purchase in money. O thou art a perpetuall triumph, an euerlasting bone-fire-light, thou hast faued me a thousand markes in linkes and torches, walking with thee in the night betwixt tauerne and tauerne: but the sacke that thou hast drunke me, would haue bought me lights as good cheape, as the dearest chandlers in Europe. I haue maintained that salamander of yours, with fire, any time this two and thirtie yeares: God reward me for it.
Bar. Zloud, I would my face were in your belly.
Fals. God amercy, so should I be sure to be + heart-burnd. How now, dame Partlet the hen, haue you enquirde yet who pickt my pocket?
+ sure to be omitted,
Enter Hoft. Hof. Why sir Iohn, what do you thinke, sir Iohn? do you thinke I keepe theeues in my house? I haue searcht, I haue enquired, so haz my husband, man by man, boy by boy, feruant by feruant: the tight of a haire was neuer loft in my house before.
Fal. Ye lie hostelle, Bardoll was shau'd, and lost many a haire: and Ile be sworne my pocket was pickt: goe to, you are a woman, goe.
Hof. Who I? 1* defie thee: Gods light, I was neuer cald fo in mine owne house before.
Fal. Goe to, I know you well enough.
Hof. No, fir Iohn, you do not know me, sir Ihn; I know you sir Ihn, you owe me money sir Iohn, and now you picke a quarrell to beguile me of it: I bought you a dozen of Thirtes to your backe.
Fal. Doulas, filthy doulas: I haue given them away to bakers wiues, they haue made boulters of them.
Hof. Now at I am a true woman, holland of viii. s. an ell : you owe money heere besides, sir Ichn, for your diet, and bydrinkings, and money lent you, xxiiii. pound.
Fal. Hee had his part of it, let him pay. Hof. Hee? alas he is poore, he hath nothing. Fal. How; poore ? looke vpon his face : what call you rich ? let them coine his nose, let them coine his cheekes, Ile not pay a denyer : what, will you make a younker of mee? shall I not take mine ease in mine inne, but I Mall haue my pocket pickt? I haue lost a seale ring of my grandfathers worth fourty marke.
Hof. O Iesu, I haue heard the prince tell him, I koow not how oft, that that ring was copper.
Fal. How? the prince is a iacke, a sneak-cup: zbloud and he were here, would cudgel him like a dog, if he would say so.
Enter the prince marching, and Falstalffe meetes him playing
on his trunchion like a fife.
Bar. Yea, iwo and two; Newgate fashion.
Prin. What faist thou, mistris Quickly ? how dow * thy husband? I loue him well, he is an honest man.
Hoft. Good my lord heare me.
Fal. The other night I fell a sleepe here behind the arras, and had my pocket pickt, this house is turnde bawdy-house, they pick pockets.
Prin. What didst thou lose, lacke?
Fals. Wilt thou beleeue me, Hal? three or foure bonds of forty pound a peace, and a seale ring of my grandfathers.
Prin. A trifle, some eight penny matter.
Hoft. So I told him my lord, and I said, I heard your grace say fo : and my lord he speakes most vilely of you, like a foule mouth'd man, as he is, and said, he would cudgell you.
Prin. What he did not ?
Hoft. Ther's neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me els.
fal. There's no more faith in thee, then a stued prune; nor no more truth in thee, then in a drawne foxe: and for womanhood, Mayd-marian may be the deputies wife of the ward to thee. Goe you thing, goe.
Host. Say, what thing, what thing?
Hof. I am no thing to thanke God on, I would thou shouldīt know it; I am an honest mans wife, and setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knaue to call me so.
Fal. Setting thy woman-hood aside, thou art a beast, to say otherwise.
Hoft. Say, what beast, thou knaue thou?
Fals. Why? Mee's neither fish nor flesh; a man knowes not where to haue her.
Hoft. Thou art an vniust man in saying so: thou, or any man knowes where to haue me, thou knaue thou.
Prin. Thou sayest true hostesse, and hee flaunders the most grosely.
Hoft. So hee doth you, my lord, and fayd this other day, You ought him a thousand pound.
Prin. Sirra, doe I owe you a thousand pound?
Fal. A thousand pound Hal? a million: thy loue is worth a million : thou owest me thy loue.
Hoft. Nay, my lord, hee cald you lacke, and said hee would cudggell you.
Fal. Did I, Bardol?
Pri. I say tis copper: darst thou be as good as thy word now?
Fal. Why Hal? thou knowest, as thou art but a man, I dare, but as thou art prince, I feare thee, as I feare the roaring of the lyons whelpe.
Prin, And why not as the lion ?
Fal. The king himselfe, is to be feared as the lyon: doeft thou thinke Ile feare thee, as I feare thy father? nay, and I doe, I pray God my girdle breake.
Prin. O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees ? but firra, there's no roome for faith, truth, nor honesty, in this bosome of thine; it is all filde vp with guttes, and midriffe: charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket? why thou horeson impudent imbost rascall, if there were any thing in thy pocket, but tauerne reckonings, memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor peniworth of sugarcandie to make thee long-winded: if thy pocket were inricht with any other iniuries but these, I am a villaine; and yet you will stand to it, you will not pocket vp wrong: art thou not ashamed ?
Fal. Doest thou heare Hal ? thou knowst in the state of innocencie, Adam fell: and what should poore Iacke Falsta!ffe do in the daies of villany? thou feeft, I haue more felh then another man, and thefore more frailty. You confesse then you pickt my pocket.
Prin. It appeares so by the story.
Fal. Hostesse, I forgiue thee: goe make ready breakfast, loue thy hulband, looke to thy feruants, cherish thy gheftes, thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason : thou seest I am pacified still : nay, I prethee be gone.
Exit hoftefe. Now Hal, to the newes at court for the robbery, lad ? how is that answered ?
Prin. O my sweet beeffe, I must still be good angell to thee, the mony is paid backe againe.
Fal. O, I do not like that paying backe, tis a double labour. Prin. I am good friends with my father, and may do any
thing Fal. Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou doelt, and do it with vnwalht hands too.
Bar. Do my lord.