in one. MUSICAL PERIPATETICS. THE Promenade Concerts are designed to suit every shade of But on Wednesdays the first part of the pro Friday.-JOSEPH GILLIS long known to his friends as subtle humorist. To-night gave taste of his quality to new House. SEXTON been returned for two Irish constituencies. Election petition pending SPEAKER, therefore, a fortnight ago told him he must await decision in Sligo before deciding for which place he shall sit. To- musical taste. night JOEY B., with pince-nez airily dangling from his forefinger, and document in hand, gives notice for the issue of a writ for Sligo, SEXTON, he says, having decided to sit for Belfast. SPEAKER points out that Motion cannot be made for reasons communicated to SEXTON and familiar to JOSEPH GILLIS. JOSEPH said never a word in reply. But, regarding his expressive countenance, it was clear to read his response. 67 Really, now, and was that so? Well, SPEAKER was sure to be right, and if he (JOSEPH) had only known this, nothing would have induced him to trouble SPEAKER to make a public statement on the subject." Having made this clear-" much after the manner of Mr. Quilp paying deference to Mrs. Jinniwin," as HARCOURT observed-JOSEPH covered his face with his copy of the Orders, and audibly chuckled. After this, debate on Address resumed. HARCOURT made lively speech, which from time to time took the form of conversation with RANDOLPH. Leader of House continually bobbing up and down, interposing remarks. "This won't do," said old Mr. PUGH, regarding young Leader critically. GLADSTONE used to be easy to draw, but he was adamantine rock compared with RANDOLPH, who is more like a parched pea in a fryingpan than the Leader of the House of Commons. I remember how my old friend PAM used to sit and let people rave around him, and so did DIZZY. RANDOLPH, to start with at least, should never take his seat on Treasury Bench without having an eight-pound weight in either trouserpocket." "This won't do!" Business done.-Adjourned Debate on the Address. "GETTING ON SWIMMINGLY!" FROM the Times' record of the Royal Humane Society's recent awards-"A bronze medal was bestowed on Mr. HERMANN VEZIN, of the Opéra Comique, for the following gallant act: On the 18th ult. while at St. Margaret's Bay, Dover, Mr. VEZIN saw a man struggling in the sea, and apparently drowning twenty-five feet from the shore. He, at once, only divesting himself of his coat, plunged in, dived, and succeeded in rescuing the man, who, however, subsequently succumbed from the shock."-Bravo, Mr. VEZIN, by far the best part he has ever played! "Tis not in mortals to command success," and though he most thoroughly deserved it, he did not achieve it. How often have not his unaided efforts gone far to saving a piece from utter shipwreck? And how Mr. WILSON BARRETT must regret that, owing to the unavoidable accident of having to be present somewhere else at the moment, he was not " on the scene "of the great sensation Drama of All in the Downs, or St. Margaret's Bay. Brayvo, VEZIN! We hope he had some dry goods handy, and that he found his coat when he returned to shore. The "Bitter" Cry. SIR WILFRID LAWSON on the Bench says, "Here "Off with his Head!" WE read the following startling announcement in the Athenæum:"Sir JOHN SAVILE LUMLEY has given to the British Museum his fine head and fore-part of a horse from a chariot group which was dug up lately at Civita Lavinia (Lanuvium)." It is certainly a most generous gift. But we cannot help wondering what Sir JOHN will do without his head, and what the Authorities of the British Museum will do with it, now they have it. TO CORRESPONDENTS.-In no case can Contributions, whether by a Stamped and Directed Envelope or Cover. gramme is exclusively devoted to strains which are termed "classical," that is to say, sufficiently high-classical to be worthy a place in serious music. Last Wednesday's Concert was very largely attended by many to whom the announcement classical" was a distinct attraction. 66 Among the best features of the First Part was Miss JOSEPHINE LAWRENCE's rendering on the piano of a BEETHOVEN Concerto. Though at times overweighted by the band, who did not play so well together in this as in some subsequent numbers, Miss LAWRENCE rattled the ivories with a precision and execution that were in the highest degree creditable. Next followed Madame ENRIQUEZ, whose full round contralto voice elicited most deserved enthusiasm in HANDEL'S" Lascia ch'io pianga," but she was ill-advised in complying with the rowdy demand for an Crowe on "a Classical Night." encore. A Canzonetta for band, by BENJAMIN GODARD, though refreshingly delicate and quaint, was, on the other hand, ill-appreciated. Mr. BARTON MCGUCKIN sang, with orchestral accompaniment, the "Prize Song" from Die Meistersänger. He gave the voluptuous music very well, though the instrumentalists sometimes struggled for supremacy with the soloist. He, too, was approvingly yelled at by the enthusiasts in the gallery, and, after holding out till victory seemed in his grasp, weakly surrendered at the last moment, and sang the whole thing over again better than before. But all this wasted time sadly and indefensibly. If not undesirable on other grounds, the practice of spinning out the first part of a Concert is grossly unfair to the artists appearing in the second. And to say that encores cannot always be resisted, is, in the simple language of the East, "bosh.". The Symphony in D, by ANTON DVORAK, concluded the First Part. and its performance, especially that of the first and last movements, reflected equal credit on the patience of Conductor, Orchestra, and the audience. The Allegro was played finely; some passages in it recall the "Hallelujah Chorus." The Adagio was rather dry work -very long-drawn. The Finale closes with a massive sequence of ingenious and striking chords, bringing the Symphony to a not particularly pleasant, though hardly unwelcome conclusion. 66 66 After the solid meat come the sweets. And so, early in the Second Part, Mr. CROWE's new Vocal Waltz, "Little Sailors," was heard for the fourth time in public. The principal melody of "Little Sailors" is so like that of " See-Saw," and Fairie Voices," or rather, so like a combination of the two, that the resemblance can hardly be accidental. Having got a good idea, Mr. CROWE evidently means to develope it. His motto is, doubtless, When found, make a note of." His "Mine To-day" means a particularly rich mine for the future. But the question becomes a grave one how many more of these waltzes is he going to write? Is he merely working on the Three Years' System, or is each succeeding Season to revive the ashes of the past? These are solemn thoughts. It must not be supposed, however, that there is no novelty in the new waltz. On the contrary: the introduction and the last number (No. 4) are not only extremely effective and pretty, but also fairly original. The words are rather queer at times, and the promise-addressed to "Sweethearts and Wives" "When we are far away at sea, We'll drink then to thee," seems made rather in the interests of rhyme than of grammar, but "Little Sailors" answers very well on the whole, and the youths and maidens of Mr. STEDMAN's Choir make a pretty picture in their nautical costumes. Subsequently a new and capable vocalist, Miss M. LUCILLE SAUNDERS, sang an air from La Favorita. Owing to the lateness of the hour, a Saltarello by GOUNOD was passed over to make way for her. But even thus, thanks to the encores in the first part, many were unable to wait till the end of the song, and among those compelled to leave was NIBELUNGLET. PERTINENT TO A PEER.-Why did our latest Viscount refuse, angrily, to be called Lord WARRINGTON ?-Because he is accustomed to be CROSS. MS., Printed Matter, or Drawings, be returned, unless accompanied Copies of MS, should be kept by the Senders. PLAY OUT OF PLACE. crowded thoroughfare, dusty and noisy, and while trying to fit them in to suit the beautiful scene around me, I nodded, and fell asleep. Bang! I'm awake!what's that? A cannonball hit me in the back? I'm all of a heap on the grass, my hat one way, my umbrella another - and I nowhere! or, where am I? "Dear me, am I dreaming? -have I been carried by a shot? (Volunteers do practice in the Park.) Was it a Suburban Race Meeting!! Yes, it must be, and one of a low order. And yet this is surely Regent's Park! "Thank you, Sir!""Tha-a-nk y-0-0-u!" "Th-a-a-n-k y-0-0-0-u!" I pick myself up. Is it the monkey's half-holidayyes! they are imitating boys playing at cricket. Their cages are close at hand. VOL. XCI. L "MORE IRISH THAN THE IRISH."-PADDY has always been celebrated for his "bulls," and now BRITANNIA has sent him a BULLER. PAPER-KNIFE POEMS. (By Our Special Book-Marker.) "DISENCHANTMENT." MISS ROBINSON, a writer young and fresh, "LIVING PARIS." 'Tis certain while "ALB" knows his Paris by heart, He's able his knowledge to clearly impart! He writes of Society, salons, and shops, Of poets and players, and open-air "hops; " Of cafés and dinners discourseth he well, Of restaurant, theatre, club, and hotel; Of churches and politics, billiards and chess, Of manners and monuments, fashion and dress A difficult thing 'tis indeed to find out A subject Parisian he writes not about: All lovers of Paris should hasten to scan This Guide on a new and original plan! "A BOOK OF THE RUNNING BROOK AND OF STILL WATERS." IN Lady COLIN CAMPBELL'S clever book, "CHAPTERS IN EUROPEAN HISTORY." They are discussed, sans favour, and sans fear. LOOK OUT! HE IS COMING!! THE CZAR OF ALL THE RUSSIAS, WIZARD OF THE NORTH AND Having performed with great success in the presence of ALL THE CROWNED HEADS OF EUROPE His now celebrated Trick, which has entirely baffled the most knowing ones, and with which "The Vanishing Lady" cannot compete, entitled THE INVISIBLE PRINCE, Is at liberty to accept any engagements (which will of course be religiously observed) for other Entertainments in Town or Country. He has in preparation (by kind permission of the respective Managers of the Austrian and German Companies) A GRAND ORIENTAL EXTRAVAGANZA, ENTITLED CONSTANTINOPLE; or, THE TROUBLESOME TURK, With a Sensation Scene that will, he can confidently assert, TAKE THE TOWN BY STORM, And in which will be exhibited several STARTLINGLY NOVEL AND ORIGINAL EFFECTS Never before witnessed on any European Stage! The Entertainment will conclude with the Laughable Farce of INDIAN RUBBER; OR, THE BOUNDARY BROTHERS. During which the celebrated Contortionist, Mr. JOHN BULL, will go through his facings. .N.B.-Due notice of a change in the latter part of this performance will be given, should the Wizard of the North be unable to engage Mr. BULL on special terms; but he can assure his Patrons that no expense will be spared to render this Entertainment THE MOST COMPLETE THING SEEN FOR YEARS!!! A superior German Band has been engaged to accompany the Show, and the Hungarian Orchestra will also perform. Prices as Usual. Sovereigns in Arms not admitted. Vive le Czar! know "The Ancient Company of Plumbers | Get you trained your trade to has established an Office for the registration of all properly-qualified persons belonging to the trade."-Daily Paper. SCAMPING Plumber, ere we part By the typhoid you have spread From those pipes unstopped with lead! By your love for leaking taps, Faulty joints, and bogus "traps "! Pass your plumbing Little-Go! By the cistern (whence we drink), Branding you a public foe! Scamping Plumber! you have wrought Evil much by being untaught. 'Spite of amateurish ways, Knowledge is the thing that pays. If you can't a licence show, | Scamping Plumber, out you go! AT Ripon Cathedral last Thursday, was unveiled the West window which, said the report in the Ti-no, in "A Morning Paper," "has been inserted, as a memorial of the recreated Diocese." Certainly the Diocese was considerably recreated during the highly successful festival, and that the memorial of such jollifications should have taken the form of a little extra glass, is natural enough. trouble's coming unpleasantly near, when we hear of a revolution in MRS. RAMSBOTHAM on foreign affairs, says, "Ah, my dear, the Belgravia.' A KENTISH FARMER says, "No, thank goodness, I haven't heard much o' Miss PHYLLOXERA this year; but if she do come, I'd just like to be there in time, and catch her on the hop." A WATER COURSE. IV. A Consultation-A Body-The Prisoner-Body again-Anxious moment-Decision-Rehearsal-Launched. WHENEVER I call upon a Doctor professionally, with a view to consulting him about my own health, I am invariably diverted from what ought to be the all-absorbing subject of my visit by an overpowering interest in his health. It seems,-that is, so it strikes me at the moment, so dreadfully selfish and egotistical when two men are together for one of them to have no other subject of conversation but himself, his history in the past and his manner of life in the present, and so I cannot avoid discarding my own health, putting that topic CASINO SAMIE "You examine him yourself," says the Cherubic One, nodding in the direction where I am seated, but not otherwise recognising my existence except as a body; "you'll see he's anemic." Dr. REM professes himself sceptical, but at once puts the assertion to the test. "Well," he exclaims, drawing a long breath, after having satisfied himself by a thorough examination, during which I simply remain a body, offering no resistance, making no remarks. "Well, I own I am astonished. Yes," he adds, emphatically, and yet with a slight indication of unwillingness at being compelled by truth to corroborate Dr. PUTTENEY's assertion, "he is anæmic." They do not talk to me, but of me, and an expression of surprise escaping me, which is an attempt on my part at joining in the consultation, passes as entirely unheeded as does the clock striking the quarter. Mentally I say to myself, "So I'm anémique, am I! I see no man's anémie but my own. Good! What next? Go it, Gentlemen!" But Dr. PUTTENEY having already scored, has nothing more to observe, and waits with a self-satisfied and critical air to hear his senior's verdict. Dr. REM asks me a few questions, but as my answers only confirm Dr. PUTTENEY's previous account of me, they fail to throw any fresh light on the subject, and Dr. REM enters the whole case in his notebook, considers it carefully, closes it, pushes it away as though its presence bothered him, sits back in his chair, and, after an awful silence of at least half a minute, during which I begin to wonder, rather nervously, whether he has hit upon something so fatal in my case as to render any treatment whatever utterly useless, and whether he is only meditating how best to break this unwelcome intelligence to me, he turns to Dr. PUTTENEY, and, to my infinite relief, observes that he has every hope of putting me all rightultimately, and states what his plan is to be. Dr. PUTTENEY ventures to suggest some alterations, but as he has had his turn, and played his part, Dr. REM only courteously considers his propositions in order to as courteously dismiss them, preferring his own "traitement," the particulars of which he will let me have a little later this morning, when he will introduce me to the Director of the Bath Establishment, and put me au courant with everything necessary. We are on the point of being bowed out, when Dr. PUTTENEY, smoothing his hat in a nervous manner, asks diffidently, "Don't you think he may take the douche nasale?" aside as one which we can take up at any moment when we've exhausted others of more pressing importance; and the Doctor, specially if he be one whom I am consulting for the first time, becomes at once the object of my sympathetic curiosity. I want to know all about himself, first; and when we've done that, then we will take up myself as a secondary consideration. If the medical man is an old friend, we have so much of common interest between us that it is a long time before we get at the special object of my visit. On this occasion, however, I am taken by the Cherubic Dr. HAMMOND PUTTENEY to see Dr. REM hesitates, and regards me dubiously. This part of the Dr. REM of Royat; and as they have to discuss me as a "case," it is interview reminds me of the time when a relation used to come for for me to listen and, if necessary, answer questions. Once in Dr. REM's me at school and ask the Head Master if, always supposing I had professional sanctum, Dr. HAMMOND PUTTENEY ceases to be cherubic, been a good boy, I mightn't have a half-holiday. How anxiously! puts on his gold spectacles (both Doctors wear gold-rimmed spec- used to await the master's answer, and how tremblingly I noted tacles) in a way that gives him a grave and anxiously scientific air, his hesitation, as he looked in my face inquiringly, as much as to and seats himself at such a distance from me, as conveys the idea say, "Shall I recall the fact that you were not a good boy yesterday that from this moment until the close of the interview we are no-that you were punished the day before-that you put jam in longer on our ordinary equal and friendly footing, and his entire another boy's hat last Thursday-and for these courtesies, am I to manner gives me clearly to understand that for the time being I grant you a half-holiday?" must look upon himself and Dr. REM as two superhuman intelligences, and myself as a mere passive body, conscious, but in a state of suspended animation. Then, as Dr. REM seats himself at his desk, with pen and paper and a book before him, the scene seems to undergo a change, and it occurs to me that he looks like a benevolent country Magistrate hearing a charge in his own private room, and that Dr. HAMMOND PUTTENEY figures in the scene as the constable who brings the charge, keeping an eye on me, who am, as it were, the prisoner. "Now! says Dr. REM, taking up his pen and looking in the direction of Dr. PUTTENEY. Whereupon Dr. PUTTENEY, in his character of constable, commences his charge against me, giving his evidence "from information he has received," i.e., from myself. I listen calmly, and, as he is stating the case fairly and succinctly, I see no reason for interrupting or That I am to take an ordinary bath every day, and to drink so much water regularly, seems to me to be so monotonous an affair that I shall really be glad if the Doctor will vary it with a douche nasale. From my former experiences at Aix-les-Bains, Aix-la-Chapelle, and La Bourboule, there is nothing so wearying as the mechanical order of the treatment, and it is therefore quite a little holiday for the patient to be prescribed a gargarisme, or a douche, or a vapeur, or a massage. So when Dr. REM's eyes meet mine, I am conscious of a beseeching look in my own, as if imploring him not to condemn me to a terrible unbroken monotony. With joy I recognise a gleam of pity in his glance as, with a benevolent smile, he turns towards Dr. PUTTENEY, and says, "Yes, he may take the nasal douche." 66 And," inquires Dr. PUTTENEY, with increasing diffidence, as if he feared the result of his temerity in asking too much all at once, but he'll risk it,-just as my relation coming to fetch me at school having gained a half-holiday, would request the Master to stretch one point more of discipline in my favour, and allow me to return after the hour of "lock-up,"-"Mightn't he take the pulverisation later on ?" Dr. REM regards me thoughtfully. He evidently considers we are presuming on his previous concession: besides, if he agrees to this addition to his original prescription, it is no longer his treatment, but his in collaboration with Dr. PUTTENEY. He is on the point of refusing (I am sure of it) and the Cherubic Doctor is already beginning to be sensible of having gone a little too far, when a brilliant idea of a compromise strikes Dr. REM, who quite brightens up as he says to the Medical Cherub, "I'll tell you what he shall do! He shall take the douche nasale and the pulverisation alternately," and thereupon he sits down, triumphantly, and makes a note of this in his book. The Cherubic Doctor beams on me through his spectacles, as much as to say, "There! you wouldn't have got all these luxuries if it hadn't been for me!" I feel immensely relieved and satisfied with the prospect of a pleasing variety in the treatment, and Dr. REM who has several patients waiting in the ante-room, bows us out |