Page images
PDF
EPUB

SALMAGUNDI.

[blocks in formation]

There are two rules to follow in skimming milk. If the cream is to be sold, skim deep; if the milk is to be sold, skim deep. Never fail to skim deep.

HOWARD: "A penny for your thoughts -but I suppose you value them at more than that?" Edith: "Oh no. The fact is, I was thinking of you just then."

"FATHER," said Willie, "did Columbus discover the Atlantic ocean?" "Why certainly not. What made you ask such a ques tion?" "My joggerfy says he come across it."

SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER: "You must recollect that all I am telling you happened one thousand eight hundred and seventy-nine years ago." Pupil: "Oh, miss, how the time do slip away!"

MARRIAGE increases a man's modesty, so that after a year or two he can't sum enough courage to kiss the woman whose lips, in the past, were glued to his for hours on a stretch three times a week.

"THIS bell," said a well-meaning sexton, when showing the belfry of an interesting village church to a party of visitors, "is only rung in case of a visit from the Lord Bishop of the diocese, a fire, a flood or any other such calamities."

"UNCLE JOHN." said little Emily, "do yon know that a baby that was fed on elephant's milk gained twenty pounds in a week?'' "Nonsense! Impossible!" exclaimed Uncle John, and then asked, "Whose baby was it?" "It was the elephant's baby," replied little Emily.

"WHAT do you mean, you rascal, by spilling your soup all over me?" demanded an irate passenger at a dinning-station of a waiter who had just deluged him. "That's all right," replied the waiter, soothingly: "don't get mad. There's more soup in the kitchen, though I'm not sure it's warm."

POLICE MAGISTRATE-"Did you see the beginning of this trouble?" Witness-"Yes, sir; I saw the very commencement. It was about two years ago." Police Magistrate-"Two years ago?" Witness-"Yes sir. The parson said, 'Will thou have this man to be thy wedded husband?' And she said, 'I will.

[ocr errors]

HE: "Will you marry me?" She: "Can me?" you support He reproachfully ) : "Havn't I supported you every Sunday evening for two years?"

"I'M AFRAID, Johnny," said the Sunday School teacher, rather severely, "that I will never meet you in heaven." "Why? What you been doin' now?"

WIDOW CASEY: "Ah, Mr. Dolan, when my ould man died it left a big hole in my heart." Mr. Dolan: "Mrs. Casey, would ye moind patchin' it wid a bit out of mine?"

CERTAINLY.-Teacher: "And now, Tommy, can you tell us why the children hang up their stockings for presents on Christmas eve?" Tommy: 'Cause they have to wear 'em in day-time."

"So you have twins at your house, Johnnie." "Yes'm, two of 'em." "What have you named them?" "Thunder and L." "Is that so?" "Yes,m, that's what pa called 'em soon's the doctor brought 'em."

A COFFIN-MAKER, in one of the leading streets of London, happening to have apartments to let, has pasted his bills upon the coffins in his window, announcing "Lodgings for single gentlemen.

[ocr errors]

Mrs

YOUNGLOVE: (as his wife takes up the latest novel) "Good bye, darling." Younglove: "Good-bye! Why, are you going away?" Younglove: "No; but I don't expect to have a chance to speak to you till you read that book through."

GROCER: "Come on, now. I expect you to pay this bill without further comment. The bill is all right and if you don't pay it I'll bring suit." Spongecake: "Go ahead and sue then, I'll get the best of you." Grocer: "Well, if you get the best of me, you'll be the first who ever did." Spongecake: (rembering the quality of certain goods sent to him) “I guess you're right there."

He was a shrewd grocer; and, when the lady, who was going to have the sewing society, came down for a jug of vinegar, he filled the jug with whiskey. And folks quietly asked her where she bought her vinegar, and the next day the grocer sold six barrels of cheap vinegar to the customers who thronged his store. And, though they were all pretty mad, they couldn't very well kick, as he had given them what they had called for; and then to say anything would be to get laughed at.

[graphic][merged small]

THE UTAH

MONTHLY MAGAZINE.

VOL. VII.

FEBRUARY 1891.

NO. 5.

THE BIG TREES OF CALIFORNIA.

[graphic][merged small]

One who has never seen these great monsters can have no just conception of their immensity, nor of the impression made by them upon the mind. In the Eastern or Atlantic States, we think we have seen monsters in the tree world when we have stood beneath a pine or an oak which measures four or six feet in diameter, and is a hundred feet high. But the largest trees in California have limbs that are six and one-half feet in diameter, one hundred feet from the ground.

"The Grizzly Giant," one of the most famous of the trees in the Mariposa Grove, has its first limb one hundred feet from the roots. The limb is six and one-half feet in diameter.

Nine feet from the ground the tree

is twenty-seven feet in diameter, and below that height its thickness increases. The tree stands grim and grizzly, far apart from any of its companions, with a sublime solitariness in its grandeur.

All the largest and most prominent of the Big Trees have their distinguishing titles.

Each of the States has its

representative among the names; and many of America's most famous men are honored in the appellations. General Grant has a namesake, as grim and stolid as the great General-who was present, I believe, at the christening of the tree.

One of the greatest of the trees lies fallen on the earth. It is called the "Andrew Johnson," or the "Fallen Monarch." The title was given at the time of the impeachment of Pre

[graphic][merged small]

sident Johnson. It is estimated that the "Fallen Monarch' was, when standing, about four hundred feet high, and nearly forty feet in diameter. The bark and sap are now gone, but the tree still measures nearly thirty feet in diameter as it lies prone on the earth. A long ladder is used in mounting to its crest.

The very largest of the Big Trees of California are in what is known as the Calaveras Grove, which is owned by private parties. Among these there is a dead and fallen tree, which is supposed to have been forty feet in diameter, and four hundred and fifty feet high when standing. It is estimated that it has been prostrate a thousand

[blocks in formation]

other tree, not so tall, which is thirtyseven feet in diameter, and the bark alone measures thirty-one inches in thickness.

In the Mariposa Grove there is a tree known as the "Telescope." The trunk is a hollow cylinder, open at the top, about one hundred feet away. The cavity at the base is large enough to shelter half a dozen men on horseback. One of the largest of the fallen trees is also hollow. One may ride in at the lower end, and go out at a knothole one hundred feet up the trunk.

One of the most remarkable of these gigantic trees stands directly over the broad roadway which has been constructed through the grove. There is an archway for the drive, cut through the base of the very tree itself. This archway, which was bored and burned through, is some ten feet in diameter and twelve feet high, and on either side there yet remains ten feet of solid wall of wood which supports the tree. Into the archway, under the vertical trunk of the tree, a stage-coach drawn by four horses may be driven, and can find there secure shelter from rain or storm above.

There are in all some six hundred of these Big Trees in the Mariposa Grove. The lands-twenty-five hundred acres have been withdrawn from sale by the general government, and they are now kept as a National and World's Park, held in trust forever by the State of California for the people of the world. The reservations include the Yosemite Valley.

The regions are visited during the summer-for they are inaccessible usually during the winter and spring in consequence of the deep snowfall there by tourists from all parts of the world, and especially by people of the Old World, who find these stupendous

[graphic]
« PreviousContinue »