To Agamemnon: go we to him straight. Two curs shall tame each other: Pride alone Must tarre' the mastiffs on, as 'twere their bone. Ajax. You dog! Ther. You scurvy lord! Ajax. You cur! [Beating him. ACT II.2 [Exeunt. Ajar. Toads-stool, learn me the proclamation. Ther. Dost thou think, I have no sense, thou strikest me thus ? Ajax. The proclamation, Ther. Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think. Ajax. Do not, porcupine, do not; my fingers itch. Ther. I would, thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another. Ajax. I say, the proclamation, Ther. Do, do. [Beating him. Ajar. Thou stool for a witch! Ther. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows: an assinico may tutor thee: Thou scurvy-valiant ass! thou art here put to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a Barbarian slave. If thou use1o to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou! 1 i. e. urge, stimulate, or set the mastiffs on. King John, Act iv. Sc. 1. See 2 This play is not divided into acts in any of the ori. ginal editions. Ther. Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel ; do, do. Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS. Achil. Why, how now, Ajax? wherefore do you thus? How now, Thersites? what's the matter, man? Ther. But yet you look not well upon him: for whosoever you take him to be, he is Ajax. Achil. I know that, fool. Ther. Ay, but that fool knows not himself. Ther. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain, more than he has beat my bones; I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This, lord Achilles, Ajax,-who wears his wit in his belly, and his guts in his head,-I'll tell you what I say of him. Achil. What? Ther. I say, this Ajax- [AJAX offers to strike him, ACHILLES Ther. Has not so much witAchil. Nay, I must hold you. Ther. As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes to fight. Achil. Peace, fool! Ther. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he there; that he; look you there. Ajar. O thou damned cur! I shall Achil. Will you set your wit to a fool's? Ther. No, I warrant you: for a fool's will shame it. Patr. Good words, Thersites. Achil. What's the quarrel? Ajax. I bade the vile owl, go learn me the tenor of the proclamation, and he rails upon me. Ther. I serve thee not. Ajax. Well, go to, go to. Ther. I serve here voluntary.12 Achil. Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not voluntary; no man is beaten voluntary; Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an un press. Ther. Even so?-a great deal of your wit too lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch, if he knock out either of your brains;13 'a were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel. Achil. What, with me too, Thersites ? Ther. There's Ulysses, and old Nestor,-whose wit was mouldy ere your grandsires had nails on his mistress knock with her foot to call up her attendant, he said, Hark! madam is punning. 9 The commentators changed this word to asinego, and then erroneously affirm it to be Portuguese. It is 3 Alluding to the plague sent by Apollo on the Gre-evidently from the Spanish asnico, a young or little ass; cian army. 4 He calls Ajax mongrel, on account of his father being a Grecian and his mother a Trojan. Sir Andrew Aguecheek says, in Twelfth Night, I am a great cater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit. 5 The folio has thou whinid'st leaven,' a corruption undoubtedly of vinew'dst or vinniedst, i. e. mouldy leaven. Thou unsalted leaven, is as much as to say, 'thou foolish lump.' 6 In The Tempest, Caliban says, 'The red plague rid you.' 7 Cobloaf is perhaps equivalent to ill shapen lump. Minsheu says, a cob-loaf is a little loaf made with a round head, such as eob irons which support the fire. si. e. pound; still in use provincially. It is related of a Staffordshire servant of Miss Seward, that hearing their toes,-yoke you like draught oxen, and make | As fears and reasons? fye, for godly shame! Ther. Yes, good sooth; To, Achilles! to, Ajax! to! Ther. "Tis no matter; I shall speak as much as thou, afterwards. Patr. No more words, Thersites; peace. Ther. I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach' bids me, shall I ? Achil. There's for you, Patroclus. Ther. I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come any more to your tents; I will keep where there is wit stirring, and leave the faction of fools. [Exit. Patr. A good riddance. Achil. Marry, this sir, is proclaimed through all our host: That Hector, by the first hour of the sun, Ajax. O, meaning you :-I'll go learn more of it. SCENE II. HELENUS. Pri. After so many hours, lives, speeches spent, Thus once again says Nestor from the Greeks; Deliver Helen, and all damage else— Hel. No marvel, though you bite so sharp at reasons, You are so empty of them. Should not our father You fur your gloves with reason. Here are your reasons: You know, an enemy intends you harm; thoughts With this cramm'd reason: reason and respects Hect. Brother, she is not worth what she doth cost Tro. What is aught, but as 'tis valued? As honour, loss of time, travel, expense, In hot digestion of this cormorant war, Shall be struck off:-Hector, what say you to't? As far as toucheth my particular, yet, There is no lady of more softer bowels, Tro. Of common ounces? will you with counters sum 1 Both the old copies read brooch, which may be right; for we find monile and bulla in the dictionaries interpreted a bosse, an hart; a brooch, or jewell of a round compasse to hang about ones neck. It has been ob served that Thersites afterwards cal's Patroclus Achillen's male harlot, and his masculine whore. The term brach was suggested by Rowe, and which la ter editors have continued in the text, has been already explained, it is a mannerly name for all hound-bitches. 2 Who knows what ill consequences may follow from pursuing this or that course? 3 Disme is properly tenths or tythes, but dismes is here used for tens. 4 i. e. that greatness to which no measure bears any proportion. 5 i. e. consideration, regard to consequences. 6 The will dotes that attributes or gives the quali ties which it affects that first causes excellence, and then admires it. The folio reads inclinable, the quarto attributice. My will, enkindled by mine eyes and ears, ness Wrinkles Apollo's, and makes pale the morning. If you'll avouch, 'twas wisdom Paris went, 7 i. e. under the guidance of my will. 9 That is, into a common veder. It is well known that sieves and half sieces are baskets, to be met with in every quarter of Covent Garden: and baskets lined with tin are still employed as roiders. In the former of these senses sieve is used in The Wits, by Sir W. Da. -apple-wives venant That wrangle for a sieve.' Dr. Farmer says, that in some counties the baskets used for carrying out dirt, &c. are called sieves. The folio copy reads by mistake unrespective sume.' 10 Priam's sister, Hesione. 11 Fortune was never so unjust and mutable as to rate a thing on one day above all price, and on the next to set no estimation whatsoever upon it. You are doing what Fortune, inconstant as she is, never did. That we have stolen what we do fear to keep! Pri. What noise? what shriek is this? Tro. 'Tis our mad sister, I do know her voice, Cas. [Within.] Cry, Trojans! Hect. It is Cassandra. Enter CASSANDRA, raving. Cas. Cry, Trojans, cry! lend me ten thousand eyes, And I will fill them with prophetic tears. Hect. Peace, sister, peace. Cas. Virgins and boys, mid-age and wrinkled elders,1 Soft infancy, that nothing canst but cry, Cry, Trojans, cry! practise your eyes with tears! strains Of divination in our sister, work Some touches of remorse? or is your blood So madly hot, that no discourse of reason, Nor fear of bad success in a bad cause, Can qualify the same? Tro. [Exit. Why, brother Hector, Par. Else might the world convinces of levity Pri. Par. Sir, I propose not merely to myself The pleasures such a beauty brings with it; On terms of base compulsion? Can it be, Should once set footing in your generous bosoms 7 1 The quarto thus. The folio reads wrinkled old,' which Ritson thinks should be wrinkled eld. Shak. speare has idle-headed eld,' and 'palsied eld,' in other places. 2 See p. 157, note 5. This line brings to mind one in the second book of the Eneid : Hect. Paris, and Troilus, you have both said well : The reasons you allege, do more conduce In resolution to keep Helen still; For 'tis a cause that hath no mean dependance Tro. Why, there you touch'd the life of our Were it not glory that we more affected A spur to valiant and magnanimous deeds: I am yours, 10 We may be amused at Hector's mention of Aristotle, but Let it be remembered (says Steevens) as often as Shakspeare's anachronisms occur, that errors in computing time were very frequent in those ancient romances which seem to have formed the greater part of his library. These old writers perhaps did not think an attention to chronology any part of the duty of a wri Trojaque nunc stares, Priamique arx alta maneres.' 3 Hecuba, when pregnant with Paris, dreamed sheter of works of fiction. Indeed one of the most fertile should be delivered of a burning torch.-Æneid, x. 703. 4 Corrupt, change to a worse state. 5 i. e. to make it graceful, to grace it, to set it off. 6 To convince and to convict were synonymous with our ancestors. The word was also used for to overcome, and will generally be found in Shakspeare with that signification. See Baret's Alvearie, C. 1244. 7 Consent is agreement, accord, approbation. 8 Rape and ravishment anciently signified only seizing or carrying away. Indeed the Rape of Helen is inerely Raptus Helene, without any idea of personal violence. 9 Gloz'd here means commented. See King Henry V. Act i. Sc. 2. and distinguished writers of the present age, in his admirable historical novels, blends circumstances of various periods, and exhibits persons on the stage of action together who were not contemporaries; yet his language, manners, and costume are in admirable keeping. 11 Through. 12 Incline to, as a question of honour. 13 The hope of being registered as a saint is rather out of its place at so early a period as this of the Trojan war,' says Steevens. It is not so meant, the expression must not be taken literally; it merely means be inscribed among the heroes or demigods. Ascribi numinibus' is rendered by old translators, 'to be canonized, or made a saint.' You valiant offspring of great Priamus.- [Exeunt. SCENE III._ The Grecian Camp. Before Achilles' Ther. How now, Thersites? what, lost in the labyrinth of thy fury? Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus ? he beats me, and I rail at him: O worthy satisfaction! 'would, it were otherwise; that I could beat him, whilst he railed at me: 'Sfoot, I'll learn to conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of my spiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles, -a rare engineer. If Troy be not taken till these two undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus, forget that thou art Jove the king of gods; and, Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of thy Caduceus; if ye take not that little little less-than-little wit from them that they have! which short-armed ignorance itself knows is so abundant scarce, it will not in circumvention deliver a fly from a spider, without drawing their massy irons, and cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the whole camp! or, rather, the bone-ache! for that, methinks, is the curse dependant on those that war for a placket. I have said my prayers; and devil, envy, say Amen. What, ho! my lord Achilles ! Enter PATROCLUS. Patr. Who's there? Thersites ? Good Thersites, come in and rail. Ther. If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou wouldst not have slipped out of my contemplation: but it is no matter; Thyself upon thyself! The common curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in great revenue! heaven bless thee from a tutor, and discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy direction till thy death! then if she, that lays thee out, says-thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and sworn upon't, she never shrouded any but lazars. Amen.-Where's Achilles? Patr. What, art thou devout? wast thou in prayer? Ther. Ay; The heavens hear me ! Achil. Who's there? Achil. Where, where?-Art thou come? Why, my cheese, my digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to my table so many meals? Come; what's Agamemnon? Ther. Thy commander, Achilles :-Then tell Patroclus, what's Achilles? me, Patr. Thy lord, Thersites; Then tell me, I pray thee, what's thyself? Ther. Thy knower, Patroclus; Then tell me, Patroclus, what art thou? Patr. Thou mayest tell, that knowest. 1 Blustering. Ther. Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool : a fool. Thersites is a fool; and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is Achil. Derive this; come. Achilles; Achilles is a fool to be commanded of fices me, thou art. Ther. Make that demand of the prover.-It sufLook you, who comes here! Enter AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, DIOMEDES, and AJAX. Achil. Patroclus, I'll speak with nobody :-Come in with me, Thersites. Ther. Here is such patchery, such juggling, and [Exit. such knavery! all the argument is, a cuckold and a whore; a good quarrel, to draw emulous factions, and bleed to death upon! Now the dry serpigolo on the subject! and war, and lechery, confound all! Agam. Where is Achilles? [Exit. Patr. Within his tent: but ill dispos'd, my lord. I shall say so to him. may call it melancholy, if you will favour the man; [Takes AGAMEMNON aside. Nest. What moves Ajax thus to bay at him? Ulyss. Achilles hath inveigled his fool from him. Nest. Who? Thersites ? Ulyss. He. Nest. Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have lost his argument. Ulyss. No; you see he is his argument, that has his argument; Achilles. Nest. All the better; their fraction is more our wish, than their faction: But it was a strong composure, 12 a fool could disunite. Ulyss. The amity that wisdom knits not, folly may easily untie. Here comes Patroclus. Re-enter PATROCLUS. Nest. No Achilles with him. Ulyss. The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy: his legs are legs for necessity, not for flexure. 13 Goods. 2 Emulation is here put for envious rivalry, factious contention. It is generally used by Shakspeare in this sense: the reason will appear from the following defi-sities. nition:-To have envie to some man, to be angry with another man which hath that which we covet to have, to envy at that which another man hath, to studie, indevour, and travaile to do as well as another: emulatio is such kinde of envy.' 3 The ward of Mercury is wreathed with serpents. So Martial, lib. vii. epig. lxxiv.: 'Cyllenes cœlique decus! facunde minister Aurea cui torto virga dracone viret.' 4 In the quarto the Neapolitan boue-ache! 5 To understand this joke it should be known that counterfeit and slip were synonymous:- And therefore he went out and got him certain slips, which are counterfeit pieces of money, being brasse, and covered over with silver, which the common people call slips.' 7 The four next speeches are not in the quarto. degree of comparison is here alluded to. 8 The grammatical allusion is still pursued, the first 9 See Act ii. Sc. 2. 10 The serpigo is a kind of tetter. 11 Rebuked, reprimanded. See Hamlet, Act iii. Sc. ii. note the last. Instead of shent the folio reads sent: the quarto, sate. 12 The folio reads counsel. assert that an elephant, being unable to lie down, slept 13 It was one of the errors of our old Natural History, to leaning against a tree, which the hunters observing, do saw it almost asunder; whereon the beast relying, by the fall of the tree, falls also down itself and is able to rise no more ' Patr. Achilles bids me say he is much sorry, If any thing more than your sport and pleasure Did move your greatness, and this noble state' To call upon him; he hopes, it is no other, But, for your health and your digestion sake, An after-dinner's breath.2 Agam. Much attribute he hath; and much the reason himself Here tend the savage strangeness he puts on ; Patr. I shall; and bring his answer presently. [Exit. Agam. In second voice we'll not be satisfied, We come to speak with him.-Ulysses, enter. [Exit ULYSSES. ness; And speaks not to himself, but with a pride And batters down himself: What should I say? Agam. Ulyss. O Agamemnon, let it not be so! Ajax. What is he more than another? thinks himself a better man than I am? Agam. No question. Ajax. Will you subscribe his thought, and say -he is? Agam. No, noble Ajax; you are as strong, as valiant, as wise, no less noble, much more gentle, and altogether more tractable. Ajar. Why should a man be proud? How doth pride grow? I know not what pride is. Agam. Your mind's the clearer, Ajax, and your virtues the fairer. He that is proud, eats up himself: pride is his own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle: and whatever praises itself but in the deed, devours the deed in the praise." 1 This stately train of attending nobles. 2 Breath for breathing; i. e. exercise, relaxation. "It is the breathing time of the day with me.' 3 i. e. attend upon the brutish distant arrogance or rude haughtiness he assumes. Thus in Proverbs, xxi. 8: The way of man is froward and strange." 4 To underwrite is synonymous with to subscribe, which is used by Shakspeare in several places for to yield, to submit. 5 Fitful lunacies. The quarto reads: His course and time, his ebbs and flows, and if The passage and whole stream of his commencement Rode on his tide.' 6 Allowance is approbation. 7 We have this sentiment before in Act i. Sc. 3:The worthiness of praise disdains his worth, If that the prais'd himself the praise bring forth.' Malone has cited a passage from Coriolanus in both instances, which has nothing in it of similar sentiment, and which he could neither comprehend nor explain. See Coriolanus, Act iv. Sc. 7. 8 See Goldsmith's History of the Earth and Animated Nature. 9 The genius and the mortal instruments 10 Alluding to the decisive spots appearing on those That were to enlard his fat-already pride; Nest. O, this is well; he rubs the vein of him. [Aside. Dio. And how his silence drinks up this applause' Aride. Ajax. If I go to him, with my arm'd fist I'll pashia him Over the face. Agam. O, no, you shall not go. Ajax. An he be proud with me, I'll pheeze11 his pride : Let me go to him. Ulyss. Not for the worth that hangs upon our quarrel.15 13 'And Cancer reddens with the solar blaze.' Thomson. Baret. Scyphus ei impactus est. 'He was pushed over the pate with a pot. The word is used twice by Massinger in his Virgin Martyr; and Mr. Gifford has adduced an instance from Dryden; he justly observes, it is to be regretted that the word is now obsolete, as we have none that can adequately supply its place. To dash signifying to throw one thing with violence against another; to pash is to strike a thing with such force as to crush it to pieces. 14 See note on the Induction to the Taming of the Shrew. 15 Not for the value of that for which we are fighting. |