Page images

Sir Par. King Richard calls his horse--and then Macbeths,

Whene'er he murders--takes away the breath.
My blood runs cold at every syllable.

To see the dagger-that's invisible. [All laugh. Sir Pat, Laugh if you please, a pretty play

Ld. Min. Is pretty. Sir Pat. And when there's wit in't

Col. T. To be sure 'tis wittyó, Sir Pat. I love the playhouse now-fo light and gay, With all thole candles they have ta'en away!

[A11 laugh. For all your game, what makes it so much

brighter? Col. 7. Put out the lights, and then

Ld. Min. 'Tis so much lighter. Sir Pat. Pray do you mane, sirs, more than you express : Col. T. Just as it happens

ii. Min. Either more, or less. Mrs. Qu. An't you asham’d, Sir ? [To Sir Patrick

Sir Pat. Me!-I feldom bluthFor little Shakespeare, faith! I'd take a push ! Ld. Min. News, news here comes Miss Crotchet from:

the play.

Enter Miss Crotchet.
Mrs. Qu. Well, Crotchet, what's the news?

Miss Cro. We've lost the day. Cd. T. Tell us, dear Miss, all you have heard and i

seen. Miss Cro. I'm tir'd-a chair-here take my capuchin ! Ld. Min. And isn't it damn'd, Miss ?

Miss Cro. No, my Lord, not quite :: But we shall damn it.

Col, T. When ?

Miss Cro. To.morrow night,
There is a party of us, all of fashion,
Resolv'd to extirminate this vulgar pallion :
A playhouse, what a place--I muit for wear it.
A little mischief only makes one bear it.
Such crowds of city folks! - so rude and presling!!
And their horse-laughs, lo hideoully dittrelling!

[blocks in formation]


Whene'er we hiss’d, they frown'd and fell a swearing,
Like their own Guildhall giants—fierce and staring!
Col. T. What said the folks of fashion ? Were they cross?
Ld. Min. The rest have no more judgment than my horse.
Miss Cro. Lord Grimly swore 'twas execrable stuff.
Says one, Why so, my lord :- My lord took snuff.
In the first act, lord George began to doze,
And criticis'd the author-through his nose ;
So loud indeed, that as his lord ship snor'd,
The pit turn'd round, and all the brutes encor'd.
Some Lords, indeed, approv'd the author's jokes.
Ld. Min. We have among us, Miss, fome foolish folks.
Miss Cro. Says poor lord Simper : Well now, to my mind
The piece is good ;-- but he's both deaf and blind.
Sir Pat. Upon my soul a very pretty story!
And quality appears in all its glory!
There was some merit in the

piece, no doubt ;
Miss Cro. O, to be sure !-if one could find it out.
Col. T. But tell us, Miss, the subject of the play.
Miss Cro. Why, 'twas a marriage--yes, a marriage. Stay!
A lord, an aunt, two sisters, and a merchant
A baronet- ten lawyers-a fat serjeant-
Are all produc'do talk with one another;
And about something make a mighty pother ;
They all go in, and out; and to and fro;
And talk, and quarrel-as they come and go
Then go to bed, and then get up-and then-
Scream, faint, fcold, kifs--and go to bed again.

[ All laugh.
Such is the play.--- Your judgment! Never sham it.
Col. T. Oh, damn it!
Mrs. Qu. Damn it!
if Lady. Damn it!
Miss Cro. Damn it!

Ld. Min. Damn it! Sir Pat. Well, faith, you speak your minds, and I'll be

free--Good night! This company's too good for me. [Going. Col. T. Your judgment, dear Sir Patrick, makes us proud.

[All laugh. Bir Pat. Laugh if you please ; but pray don't laugh too loud,



Col. T. Now the Barbarian's gone, Miss, tune your

And let us raise our spirits high with song !

Miss Cro. Colonel, de tout mon cæur -I've one in peltog
Which you shall join, and make it a duetto.

Ld. Min. Bella Signora, & amico mio!
I too will join, and then we'll make a trio-
Col. T. Come all and join the full-mouth'd chorus,
And drive all tragedy and comedy before us !
All the Company rise, and advance to the front of the Stage.

A I Ri
Gd. T. Would you ever go to see a tragedy ? :

Miss Cro. Never, never.
Col. T. A comedy?

Ld. M. Never, never,

Live for ever!

Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee !
Col. T. Ld. M. and Miss Cro.
Live for ever!

Tweedle-dum and tweedle.dee! :

[ocr errors]

Would you ever go to see, &c.



E P I L O G. U E

Spoken by Mrs. Clive.

you all complain,
Lord! here's the talking creature come again!

The men seem frighted-for 'is on record
A prating female will have the last word.
But you're all out; for sure as you're alive,
Not Mrs. Friendly now, I'm Mrs. Clive;
No Character from Fiction will I borrow,
But, if you please, I'll talk again to-morrow.
Then you conclude, from custom long in vogue,
That I come here to speak an Epilogue,
With Satire, Humour, Spirit, quite refind,
Double-entendre too, with Wit combin'd,
Not for the Ladies--but to pleale the Men-
All this you guess--and now you're out again;
For to be brief, our Author bid me say
She tried, but cou'd n't get one to her Play.
No Epilogue ! why, Ma'am, you'll spoil your treat,
An Epilogue's the cordial after meat;
For when the feast is done, without all question,
They'll want liquors to help them to digestion ;
And Critics, when they find the banquet light,
Will come next time with better appetite ;
So beg your friends to write for faith 'tis hard,
If ’mongst them all you cannot find one Bard.
She took the hint-Will you, good Sir? or you, Sir?
A Sister Scribbler! sure you can't refuse her!
Some Lawyers try'd not one cou'd make an end on's,
They'd now fiech work with Plaintiff and Defendant.
A Poet tried, but he alledged for reason,
The Muses were so busy at this season,
In penning Libels, Politics, and Satires,
They had not leisure for such trifling matters.
What's to be done, me cry'd ? can't you endeavour

To fay some pretty thing ?-I know you're clever. .) promis'd--but unable to succeed,

Beg you'll accept the purpose for the deed ;
Tho' after three long hours in Play-house coop'd;
I fear you'll say you've all been finely dup'd..

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]
[blocks in formation]



Spoken by Mrs. BARRY.
ADIES, your country's ornament and pride,

Ye who the nuptial deity has tied.
In lilken fetters, will ye not impart
For pity's sake fome portion of your art
To a mere novice, and prescribe some plan
How you would have me live with my good man ?-

Tell me, if I should give each passing hour
To love of pleasure or to love of power ;
If with the fatal thirst of desperate play
I shou'd turn day to night and night to day;
Had I the faculty to make a prize
Of each pert animal that meets my eyes,
Say are these objects worth my serious aim ;
Do they give happiness, or health, or fame?
Are hecatombs of lovers hearts of force
To deprecate the demons of divorce ?

Speak my advisers, fhall I gain the plan
of that bold club, which gives the law to mar,
At their own weapons that proud sex defies
And sets up a new female Paradise ?
Lights for the Ladies ! Hark, the bar bells found !
Show to the club-room--See the glass goes round..
Hail, happy meeting of the good and fair,
Soft relaxation from domestic care,
Where virgin minds are early traind to loo,
And all Newmarket opens to the view.

In these gay scenes shall I affect to move, .
Or pass my hours in dull domestic love ?
Shall I to rural solitudes descend
With Tyrrel my protector, guardian, friend,
Or to the rich Pantheon's round repair,
And blaze the brightest heathen.goddess there
Where shall I fix? Determine ye who know,
Shall I renounce my husband, or Soho.
With eyes half-open's and an aking head,
And er'n the artificial roses dead,


« PreviousContinue »