master to any lady, and which may pass thro' your hands. It has been both said and sung, that "Tis woman that seduces all mankind;" and as you are bound by your indenture to defend your master's good name, and to prevent as much as in your power, any injury to his character or fortune, you cannot render him a more essential service, than by preventing him from forming improper intimacies with the sex, for such connections often lead a man to ruin.

MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS, junior.

Notes to Number IX.

1 In olden times, unlike these more stirring days when intellect is so discursive, some stray agents might be found who were not peculiarly distinguished for their attainments, and who sometimes could not, as here

anticipated, "draw" a paper. One of these, a worthy commonly yclept black John F. —, who had a capital business, and who left a good fortune behind him-in which last particular he did not resemble many of his successors- -was impressed with the idea (in consequence perhaps of his having the preceding evening been somewhat excited, or as he himself expressed it, having "felt a commotion" whilst witnessing the performance of Mrs. Siddons in the character of Isabella, a delineation which after some hesitation, when the curtain dropped, he was inclined to think was a tragic not a comic one), that his powers were equal to the preparation of a petition for the appointment of a factor. His clerk was summoned, pens, ink, and paper, placed before him, and the process of "dictation" commenced.-"Unto the Right Honourable," "Right Honourable" quoth the clerk,—“ the Lords of Council and Session," "Session," continued the scribe, "the petition of Alexander Macdonald, tenant in Sky," "Sky," "humbly sheweth," "sheweth."-Stop John, read what you've said, "yes sir,-Unto the Right Honour

Session, the petition of
Sky, humbly sheweth,"

able the Lords of Council and Alexander Macdonald, tenant in very well John, very well. Where did you stop? "Humbly sheweth, that the petitioner," "petitioner," here a pause for a minute, "That the petitioner," "its down sir." Here the master got up-walked about the room, scratched his head,-took snuff, but in vain,the inspiration had fled with the mysterious word petitioner." The clerk looked up, somewhat amazed that his master had even got that length; and at last ventured to suggest that perhaps the difficulty might be got over,"how John," exclaimed his master eagerly? "As you

have done the most important part, what would you say Sir, to send the paper, to be finished, to Mr. Macgrugar, with a guinea? The very thing John, tak the paper to Macgrugar, and as we have done the maist fickle part of the work, he's deevilish weell off wi a guinea."

2 This advice has sometimes been adopted, at least one instance might be cited where it was followed. A gentleman, afterwards well known in the profession, who subsequently settled in London, and who is still alive, had been bound apprentice to a respectable writer to the signet of the old school, who was no great admirer of modern puppyism. The youth was deemed, or rather deemed himself a very fine sort of person, and the idea of carrying papers was revolting to his feelings. One evening the master rang the bell, and the apprentice was desired to take a very small parcel of papers to a professional gentleman, whose residence was not far distant, the packet was received in silence, not a word was said. A minute had hardly elapsed when the master saw a porter run hastily across the street, apparently to the office. This induced some suspicion of his errand,which was verified by shortly seeing the young man issue forth from the office followed by the porter. Seizing his hat the master followed, and overtaking the latter, re

lieved him of his burden. He then followed in the rear of his apprentice, who, of course, thought it beneath his dignity to look round. At last the place of destination was reached, the door bell was rang with violence, "here fellow," quoth the youth, "give me the parcel," slipping sixpence into his hand; but without condescending to look at him, "here it is for you," exclaimed the supposed porter, the voice struck the young gentleman, and his astonishment and confusion may be imagined when he beheld his inaster. In place of scolding him, the old gentleman contented himself with using the very powerful weapon of ridicule, and with such effect, as the apprentice afterwards candidly avowed, that in future he resolved not to be above his business.

3 This recommendation has met with due attention in modern days, and has led to a great improvement both in the mind and morals of the rising generation of youthful writers.

X.

EPIGRAM ON THE LATE HUGO ARNOT, ESQ., ADVOCATE

Written by the Honourable Henry Erskine.

The Scriptures assure us much may be forgiven
To flesh and to blood, by the mercy of heaven;
But I've searched all the books, and texts I find none
That extend such forgiveness to skin and to bone.1

Note to Number X.

1 Hugo was so attenuated as to be almost a walking skeleton, had he lived till the year 1825, he might have proved a formidable rival to the living skeleton

of that period. One day he was eating a split dried haddock, commonly called a spelding, when the reputed author of these lines came in,-" You see," says Hugo, "I am not starving," "I must own," observed Henry Erskine, "that you are very like your meat."

XI.

SONG, INTENDED TO HAVE BEEN SUNG BETWEEN THE ACTS OF A PLAY, (ACTED BY PARTICULAR DESIRE OF THE DEAN AND FACULTY OF ADVOCATES), IN THE CHARACTER OF A LAWYER.-January 1770.

From a volume of MS. in the Library of the Faculty of Advocates, written by the Hon. Henry Erskine, and said to have been corrected by himself.

1

The bards of all ages have made it their theme
To sing of the merits, and blazon the fame
Of other professions, and praise them at random
Of lawyers I sing, and make you avizandum.
Derry down, &c.

2

Tho' partial, I'll give you a representation

Of the good and the ill, we bestow on the nation.
Our use is so certain, there is no denying'nt,
If any one doubts it, he ne'er was a client.

3

Extraordinary actions belong to the great,-
The soldier, the patriot, or premier of state;

But we, unconnected with party or faction,

Spend our time and our breath on an ordinary action.

4

Altho' with our virtues, some faults may conjoin,
The process is short that can make us repine;

For whoe'er be the Judge that decides on our blame,
If he gives it against us, we're sure to reclaim.

5

Tho' peaceable folks, yet we often petition,

Tho' not like our neighbours stirred up by sedition,
So just are both houses, that when we're refused,
We petition again, nor think justice abus'd.

6

To the fair, the delight and the joy of creation,
We're tender and faithful without affectation;
And while to investigate, truth is our duty,

Can find nought in them, but love, honour, and beauty.

7

To other professions, old age is a ruin,

Unfits them for action, is a certain undoing;

We scorn to conceal it, like old maids and beaux,

A lawyer's the better the older he grows.

8

All mankind beside live in terror for death,

And with fear and unwillingness yield their last breath;
But a lawyer is happy, by labour hard toil'd,
When his suit's at an end, and he's fairly assoil'd.

9

On the whole, we submit to your righteous decision,
Having stated the law and the fact with precision;
And we crave that in ranking professions you'll find,
If not pari passu, we're not far behind.