250 USE A BOOK AS A BEE DOES A FLOWER. STATE. The Sons and Daughters, Brothers 1758. OFFICIAL MEMBERS OF THE and Sisters, of Sovereigns. Sir, or Madam: May it please your Royal Highness. To his Royal Highness the Prince of Wales. To her Royal Highness the Princess Helena Augusta Victoria. Other Branches of the Royal Family. -Sir, or Madam: May it please your Highness. To his Highness the Duke of Cambridge; or, To her Highness the Princess Mary Adelaide of Cambridge. 1757. THE NOBILITY. ; or, A Duke or Duchess.-My Lord, or My My To the Most Noble the Marquis (or Marchioness) of An Earl or Countess.-The same. To the Right Honourable the Earl (or Countess) of A Viscount or Viscountess.-My Lord, or My Lady: May it please your Lordship; or, May it please your Ladyship. To the Right Honourable Viscount (or Viscountess) A Baron or Baroness.-The same. To the Right Honourable the Baron (or Baroness) The widow of a nobleman is addressed in the same style, with the introduction of the word Dowager in the superscription. A Member of Her Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council.-Sir, or My Lord; Right Honourable Sir, or My Lord, as the case may require. Her To the Right Honourable Majesty's Principal Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs. 1759. AMBASSADORS AND GOVERNORS UNDER HER MAJESTY. Sir, or My Lord, as the case may be: May it please your Excellency. To his Excellency the American (or Russian, or other) Ambassador. To his Excellency Marquis Lieutenant General, and General Governor of that part of the United Kingdom called Ireland. The Lord Provost of every other town in Scotland is styled Honourable. The Mayors of all Corporations (excepting the preceding Lord Mayors), and the Sheriffs, Aldermen, and Recorder of London are addressed Right Worshipful; and the Aldermen and To the Right Honourable the Dow-Recorders of other Corporations, and the Justices of the Peace, Worshipful. ager Countess 1761. THE PARLIAMENT. House of Peers.My Lords: May it please your Lordships. To the Right Honourable the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, in Parliament assembled. The Sons of Dukes and Marquises, and the eldest Sons of Earls, have, by courtesy, the titles of Lord and Right Honourable; and all the Daughters have those of Lady and Right Honourable. The younger Sons of Earls, and the Sons and Daughters of Viscounts and Barons, are styled Honourable. House of Commons.-May it please your Honourable House. To the Honourable the Commons of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, A GOOD BOOK IS A LIGHT TO THE SOUL. The Speaker of ditto.-Sir, or Mr. Speaker. -, To the Right Honourable Speaker of the House of Commons. A Member of the House of Commons, not ennobled.-Sir. Το Esq., M.P. 1762. THE CLERGY. An Archbishop.-My Lord: May it please your Grace. To his Grace the Archbishop of Canterbury; or, To the Most Reverend Father in God, Lord Archbishop of Canterbury. A Bishop.-My Lord; May it please your Lordship. To the Right Reverend Father in God, Lord Bishop of Oxford. A Dean-My Lord; May it please your Lordship. To the Rev. Dr. lisle. 251 1766. WHATEVER OBJECTIONS MAY BE RAISED to the teachings of works upon etiquette, there can be no sound argument against a series of simple and brief hints, which shall operate as precautions against mistakes in personal conduct. 1767. AVOID Intermeddling with the affairs of others. This is a most common fault. A number of people the affairs of some one who is absent. seldom meet but they begin discussing This is not only uncharitable, but positively unjust. It is equivalent to trying a cause in the absence of the person im ever, plicated. Even in the criminal code a until he is found guilty. Society, howprisoner is presumed to be innocent without hearing the defence. Depend is less just, and passes judgment Dean of Car-upon it, as a certain rule, that the people who unite with you in discussing the affairs of others will proceed to scandalize you in your absence. Archdeacons and Chancellors are addressed in the same manner. Sir. The rest of the Clergy-Sir, Reverend 1763. Hints upon Personal Manners. It is sometimes objected to books upon etiquette that they cause those who consult them to act with mechanical restraint, and to show in society that they are governed by arbitrary rules, rather than by an intuitive perception of what is graceful and polite. 1764. THIS OBJECTION IS UNSOUND, because it supposes that people who study the theory of etiquette do not also exercise their powers of observation in society, and obtain, by their intercourse with others, that freedom and ease of deportment which society alone can impart. 1765. Books UPON ETIQUETTE are useful, inasmuch as they expound the laws of polite society. Experience alone, however, can give effect to the precise manner in which those laws are required to be observed. 1768. BE CONSISTENT in the avowal of principles. Do not deny to-day that which you asserted yesterday. If you do, you will stultify yourself, and your opinions will soon be found to have no weight. You may fancy that you gain favour by subserviency; but so far from gaining favour, you lose respect. 1769. AVOID FALSEHOOD. There can be found no higher virtue than the love of truth. The man who deceives others must himself become the victim of morbid distrust. Knowing the deceit of his own heart, and the falsehood of his own tongue, his eyes must be always filled with suspicion, and he must lose the greatest of all happinessconfidence in those who surround him. 1770. THE FOLLOWING ELEMENTS of manly character are worthy of frequent meditation: i. To be wise in his disputes, ii. To be a lamb in his home. iii. To be brave in battle and great in moral courage. iy. To be discreet in public. vi. To be a teacher in his household. 252 TIME, WHICH IS MOST VALUABLE, IS MOST TRIFLED WITH. viii. To be an arbitrator in his the same sickening, mincing tone is too often vicinity. ix. To be a hermit in his church. x. To be a legislator in his country. xi. To be conscientious in his actions. xii. To be happy in his life. xiii. To be diligent in his calling. xiv. To be just in his dealing. xv. That whatever he doeth be to the will of God. OF 1771. AVOID MANIFESTATIONS ILL-TEMPER. Reason is given for man's guidance. Passion is the tempest by which reason is overthrown. Under the effects of passion, man's mind becomes disordered, his face disfigured, his body deformed. A moment's passion has frequently cut off a life's friendship, destroyed a life's hope, embittered a life's peace, and brought unending sorrow and disgrace. It is scarcely worth while to enter into a comparative analysis of ill-temper and passion; they are alike discreditable, alike injurious, and should stand equally condemned. 1772. AVOID PRIDE. If you are handsome, God made you so; if you are learned, some one instructed you; if you are rich, God gave you what you own. It is for others to perceive your goodness; but you should be blind to your own merits. There can be no comfort in deeming yourself better than you really are: that is self-deception. The best men throughout all history have been the most humble. found. Do, pray, good people, do talk in your natural tone, if you don't wish to be utterly ridiculous and contemptible." 1774. WE HAVE ADOPTED THE FOREGOING PARAGRAPH because we approve of some of its sentiments, but chiefly because it shows that persons who object to affectation may go to the other extreme-vulgarity. It is vulgar, we think, to call even the most affected people "Jackanapes, who screw their words into all manner of diabolical shapes." Avoid vulgarity in manner, in speech, and in correspondence. To conduct yourself vulgarly is to offer offence to those who are around you; to bring upon yourself the condemnation of persons of good taste; and to incur the penalty of exclusion from good society. Thus, cast among the vulgar, you hecome the victim of your own error. 1775. AVOID SWEARING. An oath is but the wrath of a perturbed spirit. It is mean. A man of high moral standing would rather treat an offence with contempt than show his indignation by an oath. It is vulgar: altogether too low for a decent man. It is cowardly implying a fear either of not being believed or obeyed. It is ungentlemanly. A gentleman, according to Webster, is a genteel man-well-bred, refined. It is indecent: offensive to delicacy, and extremely unfit for human ears. It is foolish. "Want of decency is want of sense." It is abusive-to the mind which conceives the oath, to the tongue which utters it, and to the person at whom it is aimed. It is venomous showing a man's heart to be as a nest of vipers; and every time he "If anything will sicken and disgust a man, swears, one of them starts out from his it is the affected, mincing way in which some head. It is contemptible: forfeiting the people choose to talk. It is perfectly naurespect of all the wise and good. It is seous. If these young jackanapes, who screw their words into all manner of diabolical wicked: violating the Divine law, and shapes, could only feel how perfectly disgust-provoking the displeasure of Him who ing they were, it might induce them to drop 1773. AFFECTATION IS A FORM OF PRIDE. It is, in fact, pride made ridiculous and contemptible. Some one writing upon affectation has remarked as follows: it. With many, it soon becomes such a confirmed habit that they cannot again be taught to talk in a plain, straightforward, manly way. In the lower order of ladies' boardingschools, and, indeed, too much everywhere, will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain. 1776. BE A GENTLEMAN. Moderation, decorum, and neatness distinguish the gentleman; he is at all times affable, diffident, and studious to please. In EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE IS A PAGE IN YOUR HISTORY. telligent and polite, his behaviour is pleasant and graceful. When he enters the dwelling of an inferior, he endeavours to hide, if possible, the difference between their ranks in life; ever willing to assist those around him, he is neither unkind, haughty, nor overbearing. In the mansions of the rich, the correctness of his mind induces him to bend to etiquette, but not to stoop to adulation; correct principle cautions him to avoid the gaming-table, inebriety, or any other foible that could occasion him self-reproach. Gratified with the pleasures of reflection, he rejoices to see the gaieties of society, and is fastidious upon no point of little import. Appear only to be a gentleman, and its shadow will bring upon you contempt; be a gentleman, and its honours will remain even after you are dead. 1777. THE HAPPY MAN, OR TRUE GENTLEMAN. How happy is he born or taught, That serveth not another's will, And simple truth his only skill: Of prince's ear, or vulgar breath: Whose conscience is his strong retreat; More of His grace than gifts to lend; With a well-chosen book or friend! Sir Henry Wotton, 1530. 1778. BE HONEST. Not only because "honesty is the best policy," but because it is a duty to God and to man. The heart that can be gratified by dishonest gains; the ambition that can be satisfied by dishonest means; the mind that can be devoted to dishonest purposes, must be of the worst order. 253 1779. HAVING LAID DOWN THESE GENERAL PRINCIPLES for the government of personal conduct, we will epitomize what we would still enforce : 1780. AVOID IDLENESS-it is the parent of many evils. Can you pray, "Give us this day our daily bread," and not hear the reply, "Do thou this day thy daily duty"? 1781. AVOID TELLING IDLE TALES, which is like firing arrows in the dark: you know not into whose heart they may fall. 1782. AVOID TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF, praising your own works, and proclaiming your own deeds. If they are good they will proclaim themselves; if bad, the less you say of them the better. 1783. AVOID ENVY; for it cannot benefit you, nor can it injure those against whom it is cherished. 1784. AVOID DISPUTATION for the mere sake of argument. The man who disputes obstinately, and in a bigoted spirit, is like the man who would stop the fountain from which he should drink. Earnest discussion is commendable; but factious argument never yet produced a good result. 1785. BE KIND IN LITTLE THINGS. The true generosity of the heart is more displayed by deeds of minor kindness, than by acts which may partake of ostentation. 1786. BE POLITE. Politeness is the poetry of conduct-and like poetry, it has many qualities. Let not your politeness be too florid, but of that gentle kind which indicates a refined nature. 1787. BE SOCIABLE-avoid reserve in society. Remember that the social elements, like the air we breathe, are purified by motion. Thought illumines thought, and smiles win smiles. 1788. BE PUNCTUAL. One minute too late has lost many a golden opportunity. Besides which, the want of punctuality is an affront offered to the person to whom your presence is due. 1789. THE FOREGOING REMARKS 252 TIME, WHICH IS MOST VALUABLE, IS MOST TRIFLED WITH. viii. To be an arbitrator in his the same sickening, mincing tone is too often vicinity. ix. To be a hermit in his church. x. To be a legislator in his country. xi. To be conscientious in his actions. xii. To be happy in his life. xiii. To be diligent in his calling. xiv. To be just in his dealing. xv. That whatever he doeth be to the will of God. OF 1771. AVOID MANIFESTATIONS ILL-TEMPER. Reason is given for man's guidance. Passion is the tempest by which reason is overthrown. Under the effects of passion, man's mind becomes disordered, his face disfigured, his body deformed. A moment's passion has frequently cut off a life's friendship, destroyed a life's hope, embittered a life's peace, and brought unending sorrow and disgrace. It is scarcely worth while to enter into a comparative analysis of ill-temper and passion; they are alike discreditable, alike injurious, and should stand equally condemned. 1772. AVOID PRIDE. If you are handsome, God made you so; if you are learned, some one instructed you; if you are rich, God gave you what you own. It is for others to perceive your goodness; but you should be blind to your own merits. There can be no comfort in deeming yourself better than you really are: that is self-deception. The best men throughout all history have been the most humble. found. Do, pray, good people, do talk in your natural tone, if you don't wish to be utterly ridiculous and contemptible." 1774. WE HAVE ADOPTED THE FOREGOING PARAGRAPH because we approve of some of its sentiments, but chiefly because it shows that persons who object to affectation may go to the other extreme-vulgarity. It is vulgar, we think, to call even the most affected people "Jackanapes, who screw their words into all manner of diabolical shapes." Avoid vulgarity in manner, in speech, and in correspondence. To conduct yourself vulgarly is to offer offence to those who are around you; to bring upon yourself the condemnation of persons of good taste; and to incur the penalty of exclusion_from_good society. Thus, cast among the vulgar, you hecome the victim of your own error. 1775. AVOID SWEARING. An oath is but the wrath of a perturbed spirit. It is mean. A man of high moral standing would rather treat an offence with contempt than show his indignation by an oath. It is vulgar: altogether too low for a decent man. It is cowardly implying a fear either of not being believed or obeyed. It is ungentlemanly. A gentleman, according to Webster, is a genteel man-well-bred, refined. It is indecent: offensive to delicacy, and extremely unfit for human ears. It is foolish. "Want of decency is want of sense.' It is abusive-to the mind which conceives the oath, to the tongue which utters it, and to the person at whom it is aimed. It is venomous showing a man's heart to be as a nest of vipers; and every time he "If anything will sicken and disgust a man, swears, one of them starts out from his it is the affected, mincing way in which some head. It is contemptible: forfeiting the people choose to talk. It is perfectly naurespect of all the wise and good. It is seous. If these young jackanapes, who screw their words into all manner of diabolical wicked: violating the Divine law, and shapes, could only feel how perfectly disgust-provoking the displeasure of Him who ing they were, it might induce them to drop 1773. AFFECTATION IS A FORM OF PRIDE. It is, in fact, pride made ridiculous and contemptible. Some one writing upon affectation has remarked as follows: it. With many, it soon becomes such a confirmed habit that they cannot again be taught to talk in a plain, straightforward, manly way. In the lower order of ladies' boardingschools, and, indeed, too much everywhere, will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain. 1776. BE A GENTLEMAN. Moderation, decorum, and neatness distinguish the gentleman; he is at all times affable, diffident, and studious to please. In |