that the moment an archbishoprie is obtained, incense smokes to a cardinal's hat; which also obtained, loses its worshipper, who is now converted to the worship of the triple crown, the great god and father of all the other idols.

Nor are the laity less devout than their reverend brethren, for one man worships universal empire, like Lewis of France and some others; but it is said that George of Britain is an apostate from this religion. Another worships a crown and sceptre, like the descendant of a certain bricklayer; and many adore the place of prime minister, chancellor of the kingdom, first lord of the treasury, with every other place of honour and trust in government. Some you shall see fall prostrate before a star and garter, whilst others are all obedience to a coronet. The husband lies in the dust before" his honour," whilst his wife in raptures adores "her ladyship." His lordship is bended to by one, and another pays all his devotion to his grace.

In this country you may find some men religious enough to worship a corporal's knot, or a serjeant's halberd. Some worship an ensign's sash, others a lieutenant's commission, whilst the captain is absolutely as much devoted to a regiment, as his colonel is to a marshal's staff.

The third county is the dwelling of those who worship their own bodies, than which, I presume there is not a more ravenous idol in the synod. Around the shrine of this god stand the baker, brewer, pastry-cook, confectioner, distiller, weaver, and male and female taylors. Hard by are a constellation of the softer sex prostrate before an Indian shrub, the leaves of which are in great veneration. At no great distance, are a cloud of worshippers of Virginia tobacco; they are divided into no less than four different sects. The first of whom worship the tobacco in the neat leaf cut small, or well rolled together. The second worship it after it is well ground into flour. The third put it through the fire to the dear sensation. And the fourth are of such a catholic disposition, that they worship the dearly beloved tobacco in all its forms. Of this sect The LISTNER professes himself.

The belly is worshipped by many as the principal god, and so profuse are they in their offerings, that its altar is sometimes almost overturned, and the idol, greedy as it is, is unable to bear the fruits of their devotion. The sect of gluttons, a very devout race, ransack both earth and sea to bring plenty of offerings to the idol; and that of drunkards, in no less proportion pour on the wines in such profusion, that all the surrounding trenches are gorged to the brim. This same idol differs exceedingly from most other objects of idolatrous worship; for when it has swelled to excess in the drink offering, it invites the brain to share in the feast, to which it presents every vapourish effluvia, whilst it reserves for its own use only the parts excrementitious. Moreover,

this same belly is apt to resent the profusion of its worshippers, and sends forth the bluest plagues, most chilling agues, burning, putrid, and malignant fevers, with all manner of acute and chronical distempers amongst the worshippers, and thus provides employment for gentlemen of the faculty; whose business, positively, would be worse than that of a cobler, but for the religion of belly worshipping.

In the fourth county dwell the worshippers of gold and large possessions, some of whom you shall find lying prostrate in the deepest devotion to a fine well-situated house and garden: others worshipping a fertile estate and well-stored barns, a flock of fleecy sheep, or an herd of fattening bullocks. One man adores the brace of nag's which hurl him from place to place, whilst his friend is prostrate before a splendid retinue. Moidores as well as English coin is a splendid idol, and attracts the attention of many, whilst some adore a coal pit, or a mine of leaden ore.

Had I time, I would give you a more full account of the religious idolaters; but as business is urgent, I shall only touch upon some of their gods. The greatest of which is his holiness the present pope, who dispenseth, blessing and cursing, casteth down and exalteth at his pleasure. This god who is exalted above all that is called god, issueth dispensations and pardons, for money and price, contrary to the manner of the God of heaven. The one pardons and gives salvation freely of grace, but the other sells his pardons as dear as he can. Next to his holiness, on the right hand, stands the popish Juno, or virgin Mary, whose powerful command of the God of nature is greatly adored by every zealous papist. On the left hand stands a Jesus Christ of wood, whom the papists also highly revere; for they are almost to distraction fond of wooden deities. Some indeed have a Jesus Christ made of gold or silver, and others more lowly, worship a paper Saviour; but the most humble devotion is paid to the gods which the baker makes. These are the most ravenous idolaters in the whole world, for with the greatest eagerness, and devout veneration, they eat the object of their adoration. Thousands of these breaden gods are devoured annually, and as soon as devoured, they are replaced by others from the sacred ovens. The people, worship, and service of the true Jesus of Nazareth they abhor and persecute, with as much fury as ever their ancestors the Romish pagans did. But if their own goldsmiths, carvers, or statuaries happen to produce a handsome Jesus Christ, or a mother of God, the country will presently wonder after it in the most profound adoration.

FAST. I have sometimes thought, brother, that the popish religion is the religion of Molech inverted. That voracious idol was used to devour the children of his worshippers; but here the greedy worshippers devour their god after he is well baked

in an oven.

INFID. The ancient pagans were even foolish enough in giving their children to that greedy devil, Molech; and the papists are not much wiser in worshipping the works of the artificer, or believing that they can eat their maker. Here are likewise the greatest variety of venerable relics, such as St. Peter's beard, the ear of St. Francis, the milk of the virgin, with a thousand fooleries besides, all of which are in some sense deified.

Besides these already mentioned, there dwell in this province all who worship their ancestors, which renders the country very populous. I mean those who hold the canons, confessions, and liturgies composed by their ancestors, to be nearly equal to the scriptures in authenticity. Likewise those who are of this or that persuasion, merely because it was the faith of their progenitors, without giving themselves the trouble of searching the scripture to know the truth of the doctrine. "Tis also here that the worshippers of the sacerdotal livery dwell. I mean those who venerate a man merely for the sake of his gown and cassock, without inquiring wnether his doctrine and conversation render him venerable.

But I should tire your patience, were I to give you a minute description of my vastly extended country, as well as lead you to imitate the sloth of the children of men. I shall therefore beg leave here to desist. At the usual time I will meet you, business calls me hence at present,

DIALOGUE XVII.

PRIVY to their appointment, I made business give way to curiosity, and I was as punctual in my attendance as they were in theirs. At the time before agreed to, they assembled, resumed their seats, and Fastosus thus began.

FAST. It is true, sir, your son Avaro hath greatly exceeded my expectations, and proves himself to be an expert devil; he will, I think, do honour to the name of Infidelis, and may greatly contribute to the flourishing estate of the kingdom of pride. I should be glad if Avaro might now a little enlarge upon the hints he has already given, that we may further see the prosperity of our general interest.

Dis. That will be very grateful to me, cousin Avaro, as your sordid and griping influences, have the most happy effect upon the reign of contention. How have I been delighted, when one of your slaves has dropped into the grave leaving behind him vast possessions, by the discord I have sown amongst his children and kinsfolks. Your slaves dare not think of dying and entering into another world, therefore it sometimes happens that

after the muckworm has been by every means, and every kind of rapine, scraping wealth together for many years, he drops into eternity without leaving behind him any authentic direction how his plunder is to be disposed of. This gives me a fair opportunity of setting his relations together by the ears, about who shall get most of the miser's effects to himself; and I have the happiness frequently of planting irreconcileable enmity in the heart of one brother and sister against another, which you know is a comfortable sight to our infernal nobility.

Sometimes the griping miser, that enemy to himself and all mankind, is over persuaded to make his will, though secretly hoping, he shall not die for a great while yet to come; and then the case is very little altered for when the wretch goes to the place appointed for the covetous, his will is very unsatisfactory to some of his relations; one has too much, and the other has too little left him. Here, disagreeable altercation succeeds the funeral obsequies, and division and everlasting disgust sums up the whole. Unless indeed, that relation who has too little bequeathed to him, should call in the gentlemen of the law to decide the matter in some court of judicature, and who, having fleeced both the fools as handsomely as the nature of the thing would admit of, refer them at last to an arbitration.

I assure you, cousin, I scarcely ever see one of your industrious slaves, but I flatter a hope of having some employment in his family on his demise, nor do I know any other real use that the miser's ill-gotten money is of to society, besides sowing discord amongst friends and relations. The wretch meanly robs his own back and belly, as well as all he deals with, to answer purposes no more valuable by his having. But I prevent you, cousin.

AVAR. I cannot easily depart from the tent of the scarlet lady, whose name is mystic Babylon, without making farther honourable mention of her prudent children. The wise disposal of purgatorial fire has been already exemplified, and the dispensation and pardon market has been glanced at; but one way of getting money besides these I shall now instance. I have laid my claim to the popish clergy in general, but of them all, there are none who exceed the worthy lords the inquisitors in veneration of my golden image. This religion of the golden image was first invented by the clergy of Babylon, and I assure, you to this day the clergy of Babylon invariably follow it. But the inquisitors of all others are the most zealous devotees of this golden god, first set up by the parsons of Babylon.

Never did an eagle look out for a dove, nor an hawk for a sparrow, with greater vigilance than their lordships are wont to look out for a prey. If within their jurisdiction there happens to be a stranger whose circumstances are prosperous, and who is likely to be a good bone for their reverences to pick; it shall go

hard but they will provoke him by some of their emissaries, to say something against the inquisitive tribunal, which in some Countries is deemed the unpardonable sin. No sooner has the insinuating priest by indirect means obtained matter of accusation, but he makes information in the holy office before the fathers, who on hearing the blessed report, are as much delighted as the wolf when he has fanged a prey. The merchant is apprehended, his estate confiscated; he is immured in the prison cells till consumed, either by famine or vermin, otherwise he is tortured privately to death by the hands of their sanctified ruffians.

One instance of the many which I might produce, shall serve to exemplify the equity of the inquisitors. When Syracuse was in its glory, there was one Bellarius, a foreign merchant, who in the course of business had amassed great riches; and who, at the same time was so circumspect in all his ways, that even the eye of an emissary of the office could find nothing of which to accuse him to the tribunal. Thus he lived in reputation and affluence for many years, to the great impatience of the holy inquisitors, who could find no plausible pretence by which they might fang his substance with their rapacious talons.

Bellarius had an only child, a lady of about seventeen. Her person was the perfection of symmetry, and her mind a copy of the purest virtue. By her they found means to accomplish their purposes, and bring complicated ruin on the unhappy parent. The family retired to peaceful repose, were one night alarmed about one in the morning, first by the approach of a coach, and then by a smart rapping at the gate. Bellarius from within asked, "Who is there?" Was answered, the "Holy Inquisition;' down stairs he ran, flew to the gates in obedience to the dread tribunal, and opened to receive those ministers of darkness. Understanding they were come for his daughte:, in farther obedience to those leaders of the church, he went himself up to her chamber, brought her down trembling as she was, and delivered her into the hands of the horrid ravishers, who carried her off to the seraglio in the office of Inquisition. Where for the present we leave her, through fear of death seduced from her virtue by those pretended patrons of religion, and return to the unhappy disconsolate father.

IMP. Well, brother, I find then the priests of Rome are not so much addicted to eunuchry as they pretend. "Tis lawful it seems to ravish virgins, however unlawful it may be to have a married wife. I have often heard of the seraglio of princes, but not so often of the seraglio of priests, and those priests too, who of all others are the most zealous wonderers after the seven headed beast.

AVAR. Distressed and comfortless Bellarius remained at home; forsook all company, and conversed only with the various cogitations of his own foreboding mind. At one time he conjectured