You may follow this man from the church to the market, from the pulpit into his family, and find him all of a piece; his whole conduct is one chain of uniformity. But it is not every gownsman, either papal or protestant, nor even every dissenting minister, whom this description suits. Some there are, and who can deny it, who are haughty and overbearing in their spirits; indolent in study; cool and lifeless in their ministry; thoughtless and unconcerned about the real welfare of their people. Yea some are so wretchedly lazy, or so much taken up with idle and vain amusements, that it is with difficulty, they can bring forth once a week an oration, fifteen or twenty minutes long, and that scanty production perhaps, when it is exhibited, proves no more than a lecture on moral philosophy; or it may be a libel against some different party or denomination of Christians. You may follow some of them from the church to their families, and be fully convinced that they are divines only in name; they neglect in their families the very duties which they recommend to others; and what is still more, connive at the same vices in their families, which they expose and condemn in the pulpit. But after all they have the cure of souls, and are the venerable and reverend clergy, in the same manner as the pope is the head of the church, I mean by craft and usurpation.

AVAR. I have got a noble company of these same parsons in my corporation of Avarice, whose business it is to vend wind in order to obtain wealth. A company confined to no one denomination, but made up of all; every one of this company has got his own system of priestcraft,but all are intent upon the main point, viz. to get as much wealth by his craft as possible. Indeed the mother church of Rome very far outstrips the rest, for she may lawfully boast that her clergy, to a man, are the stedfast worshippers of the god Avaro, their great benefactor.

However the protestants, both Calvinists and Lutherans, all who are freemen in the company of avarice, keep as near as possible to the orthodox priests of Rome, in making a lucrative trade of what they call the gospel. And however they differ about what 's, and what is not gospel, they see eye to eye in regard to making profit of it, and turning the altar of the Lord to their own emolument.

INFID. How should it be otherwise, my son, seeing there are in some places manufactories, on purpose for making parsons? FAST. So I have heard, brother, with this addition, that the making of parsons is reckoned both a lucrative and honourable employment, not unworthy of my own patronage. But between you and me, the parson-makers are grievously disappointed frequently, however little they are sensible of it; for when they put their materials into the refining furnace, they hope to see at the end of the process, a bright and shining minister of Jesus Christ

come forth: But lo! a earned calf is produced, and a fervent adorer of the god Avaro.

INFID. It cannot be otherwise; for, to our grief I speak it, the unalterable Immanuel hath reserved to himself the wisdom, power, and prerogative to make ministers of the gospel; and if men, like Jannes and Jambres, will take upon them to imitate the inimitable works of the Almighty, they may be permitted to make things which may for a time be mistaken for gospel ministers, even as those magicians performed miracles by divine permission.

IMP. So then, gentlemen, I perceive your opinion is, that learning the languages and sciences unfits a man for being a gospel minister.

FAST. NO, Impiator, no such thing, or the gift of tongues had not been given at the feast of Pentecost: But it may be averred, that, if a man has no more learning than the most learned university can give him, he cannot possibly be a minister of Jesus Christ. It is resting in these things, as the only qualifications, we think proper to laugh at, Impiator.

AVAR. Among those mercenary orators, there are whom we inay call the jumblers. They are such who study not their sermons from the scripture, but compile them from the writings of other men being destitute of judgment to direct them in their compilations, they are obliged to rely implicitly on the sentiments of their authors. So it comes to pass, that they conradict on one Sabbath what they asserted and half-proved the day before, merely because they happened to stumble on authors of different sentiments. But alas! poor men, what shall they do? It is their trade; they know not how to get a living without it; they cannot dig, and to beg they are ashamed; therefore are under a necessity of jumbling forward in the best manner they can. Of late years indeed, this jumbling tribe have hit on a more happy method of management, by which they both save their reputation and laborious study. Amongst learned men there have always been some few of genius and industry, who have found means to turn the dulness and indolence of their brethren to their own emolument. They compose sermons, print and sell them to the others, who pay first a good price for them, then preach them, that is to say, read them to their several congregations. Enfield's, and Webb's, and Trusler's sermons, have been of great use to many a dull and lazy clergy

man.

FAST. How is this, Avaro, you speak of the parsons as if they were at best but learned fools? How is it possible they should be so highly revered by the people if they were such ?

AVAR. I speak but of some of them, uncle; and to make good what I say, I can tell you that it is not the man, whom th

ignorant populace revere, so much as the gown, cassock, ano band, and these they would revere if they were seen upon an ass, provided always his ears were hid with a bush of well powdered hair. I assure you, gentlemen, amongst the intelligent laity, it is deemed a maxim, that any blockhead will do very well for a parson, if he has but friends to recommend him to a living: as a proof of this, I shall tell you a short story. There is one Mr. Provident, a merchant in London, who hath four sons at the grammar-school, under the direction of a learned gentleman of excellent sense. It was lately Mr. Provident made a visit to his sons and their tutor, when he took occasion to ask Mr. Teachum's advice in regard to his disposal of them.

To which the schoolmaster replied, "Sir, I have often with pleasure observed, a penetrating judgment, solid understanding, and an inviolable attachment to truth, ennobled with the generous principles of true benevolence, in your eldest son. These qualities, sir, are excellently adapted to the mercantile life; 1 would therefore advise you to train him up in your own business. Your second son, master Thomas, hath genius sufficient for any business; but I hope, sir, you will excuse me, if I tell you that I have discerned one thing in him, which in my judgment unfits him for the capacity of a merchant. As I know, sir, you would have me to speak freely, you will not be offended with me, if I tell you, that it is a selfishness and contractedness of spirit, together with a violent propensity to lying and equivocation. If he were my son, sir, I would bring him up to the law, in which he will very likely make a conspicuous figure. Your youngest son, Master James, has, if I mistake not, along with a very considerable degree of dulness, an heart that is a stranger to sympathetic feelings; but possesseth genius sufficient for a physician. I would point out the royal college for his residence."

Here Mr. Provident the merchant interrupted him, and said, "Sir, you have given your opinion of the two eldest, and the youngest, but you say nothing of Harry, my third son; I pray, what do you say of him?" To which the teacher with a blush replied, "If it is agreeable, sir, I would advise you to make him a clergyman." To this the father, with a mixture of grief and anger replied, "What, sir, do you think he hath genius sufficient for nothing else?"--" I am afraid not," said the master; "but you can easily make friends with my lord bishop, and procure him a considerable benefice. Take this step, sir, and his lack of genius will scarcely be known, as he may preach and administer the offices of the church by proxy, which you know is very gentle man-like."

INFID. And do you really think, Avaro, that it is want of abilities to preach, that causeth so many vicars to keep journeymen to do their work for them?

AVAR. With some, sir, want of abilities is the principal cause,

and with the rest, an utter aversion to the work, though by the way, they once professed to be drawn to it by no less an influence than that of the Holy Ghost: but that was when a benefice was the object of their pursuit, and therefore not to be regarded after their end is obtained.

FAST. Cousin Avaro, here I believe we must stop, as we have certainly overstaid our time. I hold it good, therefore, that we depart, and meet here at the usual time to-morrow. Business, you know, must not be neglected. Adieu, my kinsmen.

DIALOGUE XII.

FASTOSUS.

WELL, gentlemen, I hope no idleness has attended any of our fraternity since last meeting. I went directly from you to assist a London jeweller in forming a set of ear-rings and pendents upon a new construction. I made him sensible of the most elegant plan, enjoined him to pursue it, gave the praise to his patron Fastosus, and so I left him.

IMP. I pray you, sir, what is the real use of ear-rings? For my part, I have never been able to apprehend it, unless it is to save a small matter of gold against a day of penury.

FAST. They are of no use at all to the wearer, Impiator, though they help the goldsmith and lapidary not a little; but they are of excellent use to our government. You know the boring of the ear always was, and now is an emblem of servitude. Yea, it is an incontrovertible point, that the act of boring, and suffering the ear to be bored, is a token of subjection to the infernal monarch.

IMP. Ah, sir, how violently the spleen would rage among the ladies, were they to know what you say of them.

FAST. And let it rage, cousin; what is that to me? The ladies are too much in love with courtly Fastosus, to banish me from among them even in their spleenish fits. But to explain the doctrine of ear-rings, be it observed, that the crafty Belzebub hath an invisible chain fixed to the ear-ring, by which he leads the wearers a wild-goose chase through all the vanities of the times. No sooner does the sable governor tug a lady by the ear, than she feels an impulse upon her heart, which directs her to the Playhouse, Opera, Vauxhall, Sadler's-Wells, or elsewhere; but very seldom to the church. If at any time, for the sake of company, she takes her pleasure at church, the great deceiver keeps such a gingling of the chain in her ear, that she cannot attend to one word of the service; by these means the Park, the

Mall, the Playhouse, and the Church, are in effect the same thing to many ladies of fashion.

AVAR. And are all who wear rings in their ears to be looked upon as slaves to the great Belzebub, uncle?

FAST. No, Avaro, not all, for the invincible Immanuel hath broken the chains and loosened the bands of servitude from many; nevertheless, they still wear the rings in their ears to testify what they have been. And what news from your friends, Avaro ?

"How

AVAR. Very little, sir; only that diligence, frugality, and good husbandry, go on as usual. All heads plodding, and all hands active to get and to save; for getting and saving is all the cry with them. I had a little matter to attend to last night, at the Swan-tavern, where there was a very respectable meeting of manufacturers, by whom some few things tending to promote emolument were considered. The first consultation was, they might conveniently lessen the quality of their goods, that their profits might be somewhat advanced:" in order to this a plan was proposed by Mr. Dolus, a very great tradesman, which was unanimously agreed to by the rest. The second thing was to settle the prices, and come into mutual engagements, that no one should undersell his brethren, which after some slight altercation was as unanimously settled. You must know, mankind are not satisfied with being oppressed by infernal tyranny; but to add to the devil's work, are got into the happy way of joining in combinations to oppress and devour one another. Nor is this practice peculiar to any one set of men, but is common with dealers of every kind and denomination, from the opulent farmers to the dealers in coals and candles.

When this was done, a question was put, How they should finish a certain quantity of goods against a certain day then proposed? For it seems they have large orders at present. To which one of them said, he thought it necessary to advance the journeymen's wages in order to encourage their diligence. But this gentleman's motion was unanimously rejected, as an unprofitable way of proceeding, very ill-suited to the growing demands of their several families. It was then proposed, that a small premium should be given to every workman who should finish a certain quantity of goods in a limited time, then and there to be stipulated. But this also was objected to, it being alledged that some method might be found, that would produce the desired end, and yet save all those unnecessary premiums; which, if given, would introduce a very bad custom.

At last an old gentleman, whose hoary locks shone as silver from under his weather-beaten wig, arose and most judiciously addressed his brethren in the following manner: "Gentlemen, you all know that such is the indolent disposition of journeymen, that in general let their wages be ever so good, they have no

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