about temporal things, sweet indeed would be the prospect of leaving our earthly house of this tabernacle, and entering into that eternal habitation, that habitation of rest, that remaineth for the people of God! Could we but climb where Moses stood, And view the landscape o'er, could we feel that our souls were prepared for the employment and the joys of the heavenly world, how pleasant would be the thought, that the hours which must intervene, before we enter the promised land, are so rapidly passing away! May we, my dear girl, be enabled so to work out our salvation, so to stand like those who wait for the coming of their Lord, as to rejoice, at the end of our course, in an admission to those mansions which Jesus has gone to prepare, in his Father's house, for them that love him. That life is best spent which has continually this end for its object. October 3. Since last writing in this Journal, [Aug. 5,] I have experienced a variety of changes both in situation and feeling. Soon after that date I went to Bridgewater for my health, and was a good deal cast down, and, I fear, unreconciled to the divine will respecting me. The thought of leaving my husband and children was very distressing. A cloud of darkness hid the divine countenance from my soul, and I walked in the gloom of midnight. One communion season was allowed me while there; but I did not enjoy it; and all the afternoon, I was seeking after an absent God. My mind was greatly distressed. It appeared to me that an idolatrous attachment to the creature, and an extreme desire to live, were the separating sins between God and my soul; and I was afraid that, at the last, I should be found wanting. One great cause of anxiety was, lest, when I should become sick unto death, I should be left to those turns of gloom and despair to which I have been subject from infancy; and thus manifest my want of the graces of faith and love, and bring a reproach upon religion. ་་་། Never was there so impotent, so weak a creature as I. Truly I am crushed before the moth. If I e ever endure hardness as a good soldier of the cross, all the glory will, plainly be the Lord's. If I am called to endure affliction, and am not swallowed up with overmuch sorrow, it will evidently be the strength of God alone that sustains me; and I do think I shall not, I cannot, be so ungrateful as to forget the merciful and powerful hand that has upheld me. O God, have pity on thy poor worm, who shrinks at the slightest blast; and let thine own power rest upon me! Then indeed shall my infirmity be my glory. ness. 10. I am again called to write in a chamber of sickOn the 4th, I took a severe cold, and have ever since been confined. My mind was, at first, in a comfortable frame; but on Friday, I felt greatly distressed on account of my rebellious disposition. When in health I think I can say, Thy will be done; but, as soon as there appears to be danger of being called from life, I feel that I am far from the spirit which these words. express. One of my domestics has also been taken sick, and obliged to go away. I feel that my chastisements are just. God has been dealing with me for my sins. I have been deprived of the privilege of attending the communion to-day. I hope to be humbled by it. My gracious Lord, I think, did lead me to plead with him for those spiritual provisions, of which the provisions of his table are the symbols. I think I felt my will more bowed, and a greater desire to relinquish every idol, than at any time before. God grant I may not be deceived! Oh, that I may henceforward live as a pilgrim and a stranger on the earth; that I may not be so dismayed when I have reason to apprehend - death may be near! I must be more frequent in the practice of self-examination; a duty I have much ne glected, chiefly because I have found it so difficult to perform it without distraction; a fact that should have had just the contrary influence, exciting me to more frequent and strenuous endeavours to perform it aright. O God, lead me into the knowledge of myself, and guide me in the way everlasting! 13. This has been a public day. When I saw the multitude flocking to see the parade, &c. I could not help reflecting, how much more I enjoyed in my sick chamber, than they possibly could in such futile pleasures. And if I, who am less than the least of all saints, enjoy so much, what must those who continually live near to God enjoy? Those lines of Pope, One self-approving hour whole years outweighs, came into my mind; and, though I do not altogether agree with him in the spirit of the passage, presuming that he refers to a satisfactory consciousness of rectitude before the Deity, yet there is a sweet peace arising from the humble hope that our conduct is in some good measure regulated by the standard of the Gospel, and that our aim is universal obedience. This peace unspeakably consolatory. Such a peace it is that Jesus has left to his disciples, a peace founded on evidence of that faith in Christ which justifies the soul before God, purifies us from dead works, and leads us in newness of spirit to serve the living God. is 25. What a delicate office is that of a mother! How wary should be her footsteps, how spotless her example, how uniform her patience, how extensive her knowledge of the human heart, how great her skill in using that knowledge, by the most vigilant and strenuous application of it in every variety of occurring circumstances, to enlighten the understanding and reform the heart! Legislators and governors have to enact laws, and compel men to observe them; mothers have to im plant the principles, and cultivate the dispositions which alone can make good citizens and subjects. The former have to exert authority over characters already formed the latter have to mould the character of the future man, giving it a shape which will make him either an instrument of good to the world, or a pest in the lap of society. Oh that a constant sense of the importance and responsibility of this station may rest upon me! that grace may be given me faithfully to discharge its difficult duties! 30. I have been thinking of those words of James, *If any man laek wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith nothing wavering." I believe Christians are often lean from day to day, because, though they ask for grace, they do not ask in faith. I sometimes feel so little and so vile, that I fear God will disdain to help me. But I am always unhappy when I am in such a frame. Surely the God who gave me a spirit capable of loving and serving him, cannot esteem it beneath him to regard my cry, when I plead that my soul may be fitted for his service. I fear I indulge too much in a spirit of bondage, which generates gloom, terror, superstition and despair. I am always happiest when I can view God as a merciful Creator who is more ready to give spiritual than temporal blessings, and has given us every en couragement we can desire to trust in him. The idea that God is not willing to help me, that he is a hard master, that I have not obtained, and shall never obtain, his grace, or any similar discouraging thought, paralyses my exertions, throws a superstitious terror over my soul, which drives me from prayer, and unfits me for every duty. I must believe that, though the vision tarry, it is my duty to wait for it. Yes, my soul, wait at wisdom's gate, and thou shalt not be disappointed. Though thy sins discourage thee, and thy worldly attachments alarm thee, wait upon that Jesus who was never called upon in vain. O my God, glory be to thy name, that I can hope in thy mercy, and believe that thou wilt one day bruise Satan under my feet, and give me a complete and final victory! thee let me not be deceived! I beseech 31. I have been very much tried to-night with sceptical and unbelieving thoughts. Oh that I may be brought out of the horrible pit, and the miry clay; that I may bewail these things, not merely as a calamity, but also as a sin! It is a hard conflict. I hope I shall be enabled to wait upon God and not faint. I feel that I am blind and ignorant. God grant this trial may be the forerunner of more glorious manifestations than any I have received. Yet I do think the religion of Christ seems to me a glorious religion, a religion worthy of an all-perfect God, a religion embracing principles more elevated, motives more noble and powerful, of a tendency more holy and desirable, than the heart of man could have conceived. Yes, my faithless, treacherous soul! it is the truth of God. I can, I do, stake upon it my everlasting all. November 5. What a great, what a blessed thing, to be a Christian indeed! Surely, after evidence of having attained this glorious character I do pant and strive. I would rather be a Christian than the monarch of the world. That blessed name embraces and supposes principles more elevated, and joys more exalted, than all other names combined. Men may talk of honour, of integrity, and of moral rectitude; they may dream of pleasure, and follow the phantom till they die; but the Christian alone possesses dispositions calculated to make us either truly good or truly happy. So long as man is supremely bent on his own interests, his morality must be defective. None but a principle embracing universal good, and loving supremely what is supremely excellent, will do for creatures formed for happiness; for in loving ourselves supremely, we love what is infinitely unlovely; and in seeking our own interests as our highest end, we virtually take up arms against all |