might be the last Sabbath I should be permitted to spend in the earthly courts of the Most High; and the thought was not attended with those sensations which it sometimes occasions. Formerly the idea of a separation from the body was painful; and I feared I was not sufficiently humbled, to rejoice in being nothing in heaven, that God might be all in all. I was conscious of so much pride, and self-seeking, that it clouded my evidence of meetness for that world, where the loftiest seraph derives his happiness principally from the contemplation and disinterested love of the character and glory of God. Oh that a deceived heart may not turn me aside, that I cannot deliver my soul! Teach me what I am, Father of lights, lest I perish!

15. I was yesterday morning prevented from spending as much time as usual in private devotion, and was depressed in spirits all day. Every thing looked dark ; and I yielded to a superstitious presentiment of evil, as far removed from piety as from comfort. I believe the gloomy forebodings we sometimes indulge, dishonour God, as well as distress ourselves, and are a great hindrance in discharging the duties of life. Superstition and religion are at an infinite remove from each other. The one tends to terror, gloom, and despondency; the other to serenity, cheerfulness, and confidence in God. A spirit of bondage is the handmaid of superstition, a spirit of filial love and hope, the handmaid of religion. Satan often fills the soul with a thousand dark and dismal apprehensions, on purpose to destroy its confidence in God and deprive it of peace. Such suggestions ought to be strenuously resisted.

To-day I have been in a happier frame. I had in the morning an uninterrupted and good season for secret prayer; and, as usual, I have experienced the benefit of it through the day... Nothing has a more pernicious influence on my spiritual state, than being deprived of opportunity for private devotion. When I begin the day with God, I am usually strengthened for its duties and

trials. How little have I valued, how little improved, my precious privileges, in comparison with what I should have done.

16. Oh that I might groan, being burdened with the load of sin which I constantly carry with me! I have felt not a little impatience in endeavouring to subdue a peevish humour in my child. How little effect can admonition or correction have, when it is not administered in a suitable temper, and accompanied with a proper example. Impatience in the parent, must strengthen, rather than eradicate, fretfulness in the child; for he will easily perceive that you require of him, what you do not practise yourself. I am sometimes almost discouraged. And shall I sit down in despair? Father of mercies, strengthen the poor impotent creature whose only hope is in thee!

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21. I was enabled, in secret prayer this morning, to plead, with some degree of fervour, and I hope, in faith, for my dear children. May I be enabled to continue wrestling mightily with God for them, as one that hath power with him to prevail. May I be enabled to lay up for them a stock of acceptable prayers, to be answering when I am in the dust! Oh that, having been the instrument of their natural, may be the blessed instrument of their spiritual life! Why were they given me, but that I might train them up for God? This blessed hope sustains and comforts me. What an honour to prepare gems for the Redeemer's crown! And shall my expectations be blighted? God forbid. Oh that every breath might be a breath of prayer! Holy Spirit, quicken my sluggish soul.

22. Nature shrinks at the prospect of suffering. But I can endure all things, if God is with me. In general, I am supported by the persuasion that I have given myself to my Father in heaven, to dispose of me as he sees fit; and I know he will do all things well. If I am called to great trials, I trust he will give me great grace to endure them; if to great duties, great grace to per

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form them. I think I am principally anxious that I may not be so rebellious as to find fault with his dispensations, but may lie low before my Almighty Sovereign, in a spirit of childlike and loving submission, always exclaiming, Good is the word of the Lord, let him do for me, and by me, and with me, according to his righteous pleasure; only let me not be accounted an enemy, let me not be found opposing the cause of God and the best interests of his kingdom.

If I am not deceived, the character of Jehovah ap pears to me glorious and lovely. What a sweet delineation of it is given in the 145th Psalm. I think I desire to do more for my Maker and Redeemer than I have heretofore done. I am ashamed of my past life; it has been wasted, wasted. How imperfectly have I answered the great purposes of my existence! What vanities have occupied my time, what bubbles engrossed my pursuit! Oh for grace to live while I pretend to live! May the love of Christ henceforth constrain me to walk in newness of life.

28. What have I to say for myself; my gratitude, my improvement? Alas! I find I am the same poor short-coming creature still. On God's part, my soul bears testimony, all is mercy; his promises are sweet; and he is a God at hand, and not afar off. But how treacherous is my heart! how unfruitful my life! Oh for faith more constantly to hope in God; for grace more to love, better to serve him! These are not, if I know my own heart, unmeaning phrases. I do, I think, thirst for conformity to God. He is perfectly lovely. God, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, in their united, and in their distinct characters and offices, appear excellent and glorious; and my poor soul longs to mourn over its unlikeness to their blessed image. Appear for me, O thou hope of my soul.

TO MISS L., AT CHARLESTON, S. C.

Boston, August 5, 1813.

How much do we lose by setting up the Dagon of our own selfish desires, in opposition to the will of God! Dear M., let us wrestle and strive to feel a perfect confidence in the integrity and uprightness of His government, who disposes of all things, according to his sovereign pleasure, not only with regard to the universe at large, but with regard to us individually. It is a blessed exhortation, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to thine own understanding." May our hearts ever respond, Lord, we will trust in thee, for thou art faithfulness and truth, thy throne is established in righteousness; good and upright is the Lord, therefore will he teach sinners in the way. I fear to say I long to love him, for my desires are so feeble and languid, compared with what they ought to be, that they hardly deserve the name; but I do long to hate the vile, dishonourable ingratitude which prevents my loving him more. Pray for me, that I may not mistake the sparks of my own kindling, for the light of heaven; but that I may be so transformed into the divine likeness, as to be able to say, Truly, O Lord, I am thy servant.

I trust my

Your letter was a great comfort to me. dear brother died in the faith and hope of the Gospel His patience under his severe sufferings, his consciousness of the faint proportion which they bore to the desert of his sins, and the deep interest he took in the eternal welfare of those about him, furnished pleasing evidence that he had been born again. When I learned the favourable state of his mind, it took away the sting of death, and I had not a desire to recal him. On the contrary, it seemed as if the language of my heart ought to be, and in some degree was, Bless the Lord, O my soul !

August 5. I have, some days past, been rather weak and debilitated, and, at times, considerably depressed in spirits. Death has appeared distressing to me. I have been too anxious to live. My heart is drawn out in love to my poor fellow-worms, who have been the mere instruments by which God has conveyed his mercies to my soul; while my heavenly Benefactor, the source of all I enjoy and all I need, has been forgotten. Oh, my leanness, my leanness !

I think I had some life in prayer this evening, some feelings of satisfaction at being in the hands of God for life and death. I think the employments of heaven seemed sweet to me, and a place at God's right-hand desirable, as a release from this bondage of corruption, under which I desire continually to groan. Thou Searcher of hearts, teach me what I am! And oh ! bear up my fainting spirit, amidst all the trials and temptations which beset me, in my journey through the wilderness of this world, so that I may not dishonour thee by impatience, despondency, and unbelief! Dear Saviour, I long to see thee with the eye of faith! Unbelief throws her mist over my soul, and I grovel in darkness. Shine into my heart, and give me the light of the knowledge of thy glory!

TO A FRIEND IN BOSTON.

New London, September 2, 1813. As I know it will be gratifying to you to hear of our welfare, I embrace this early opportunity to inform you of it. The first and second days of our journey were very unpleasant. On Wednesday night we reached, very much to our satisfaction, the welcome habitation of our parents.

How refreshing is rest after the fatigues of a journey! How comfortable is home, after having been wandering, for days, or weeks, among strangers! Could we, my dear H., feel about spiritual, as we do