TO A SISTER IN LAW AT N. L.

Boston, October 13, 1819.

My dear sister. My health continues comfortable. My spirits are better than could have been expected. Should I live, I think of spending next summer in the country, perhaps at A. Where God may then call me, I know not. I wish to feel myself entirely at his disposal, to live one day at a time; and to believe that, when the period comes for determining in what place I shall pass the remnant of my days, my kind Parent will direct me. That place may be Boston; it may be in Connecticut; or it may be somewhere else. God knows, and with him I leave it. My expenses would be less in some other place than in Boston. But my children have other interests besides pecuniary ones; interests which the parent on earth and the Parent in heaven, view as most important. Where, upon the whole, I judge these interests will be best promoted, there I shall go.

The Old South Society have been very generous. They have voted to give me the use of the parsonagehouse, all my wood, and the salary for one year from the first of this month; and one thousand dollars a-year, for six years, commencing Oct. 1, 1820. So, you see, comfortable provision is made for us for the next seven years. And more than this, for I shall be able, I trust, to save something each year against the future. At any rate, I must, if possible, live on a thousand dollars. That, I suppose, would be an ample support in N. L. But this is an after consideration. Present duty and present grace, it best becomes me to be looking for. And, my dear sister, my God is good. For the most part, I can cheerfully leave futurities with him, humbly hoping that he will enable me to glorify him, wherever I am, and however I am. This is the great point. And

when I leave all, quietly, to Him who, with the gift of his Son, will most certainly give his children all things. best for them, I am happy.

October 14. Thus far the Lord has led me on.

He has been better to me than my fears. I have great comfort in my children. God has very mercifully provided for my temporal wants. I have cause to mourn only for my own sinfulness. Heaven does not look so near to me as it did. I have come back, in some measure, to earth. The wound bleeds; and will, while life lasts, continue to bleed; but the first anguish is exchanged for suffering, as real, but less intense. The restless agony of my sleeping moments, has yielded to a watchfulness less disturbed; and the tears and groans of a heart alive to sorrow, while the senses are slumbering, have, in a great measure, ceased. But I mourn. precious husband is dearer than I ever knew him to be in life. Oh my Saviour! make me diligent and faithful in thy service; and, when thou hast done with me here, let me live with him in thy presence for ever!

My

TO A FRIEND AT B.

Boston, October 26, 1819.

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In relation to my troubles, I wrote to you in and gave you particulars; but it seems you did not receive my letter. I will only say at present, that I have suffered beyond expression, and, on the other hand, God's wonderful grace has stayed my soul with the strong aid of his promises; so that as my sufferings have abounded, my consolations also have abounded by Christ Jesus. At present, my chief desire is to glorify God, and my chief cause of sorrow, that I glorify him so little. Sin is my bitter, persevering, specious, malignant enemy, the foe which I most dread, the greatest disturber of my peace. When, at any season, my soul is taken

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1 near to my Saviour, and satisfied from his fulness, this treacherous and cruel foe steps in, and, beguiling me from my refuge and my resting place, leads me far from his presence, which is life, and from the manifestations of his love which are better than life, Oh! when shall these wanderings be healed; when shall I love,and serve Him, whom I do believe my soul loveth, as I ought; when shall I be satisfied with his likeness; when [shall osin be bruised under my feet?t 2926 Ied tedy taur

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Dear Mrs, itim, God loves you. Are you afraid to trust all with this wise, and kind, and loving, and unchangeable Friend and Father Believe that he will manage your concerns, better than you could do yourself, Believe that as your days, your strength shall be. Trust implicitly to your covenant God, We have no reason to fear any thing but sin. And even over this foe, if we are Christians, we shall be made conquerors at last. Blessed hope! It is worth labouring for, worth suffering for uzol dgnoult protiv to 2002 eft IRZ 1797 9dt af didT 29 9dt ai baь dos et пo bro 70jOctober 34. It is a grief and trouble to me that after having experienced such a trial, so calculated to detach me from this world, I find I have an earthly heart still want now to live, feeling as Abraham did, when he went out, not knowing whither he went); to be seeking daily grace and daily bread, taking no anxious thought for the morrow; sayingto lao Hoayar ponte boequis gold - Itcom owt vliBOŽ „č rudurowo jorg vilties and am not concern'd to know out to bed edi will do;

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What to-morrow's fate

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M10 92Tis enough for me to say, VB2 189 "Das'; rolmoɔ bur 102 gniworg God supplies my wants to-day. limia & NO JISTÍ) ab99ɔorq ti as 209btw ti jemmore Todto dil WOT But, instead of this, I find myself saying, Where shall I fix my place of future residence How shall I ever do my duty to all these children ?od How shall I managed to make my little property turn to the most advantageous account & &c Oh, my Father! know wilde pc vlamorque boi) to bɔvol Jean I dif

that after all these things do the Gentiles seek, with carefulness; and that it is not well, it is sinful, for me to be seeking them thus.

I have been lamenting before God, to-day, my great guilt in this respect, and feel somewhat relieved. I have been giving myself again entirely to him, desiring to trust in him with a simple dependance, to stand ready to go where he shall appoint, to do, and to be, just what he pleases, to find my future pleasure in doing, with a holy courage, and humility, and energy, the work which he shall give me to do. How pleasant will even my widowed life be, if I can thus live? No matter where we are, or what we are, so long as we can find our happiness in glorifying God, and in doing and suffering his will. Oh, blessed, happy life! This was the happiness of the Apostles and primitive Christians, who suffered the loss of all things temporal, were persecuted, afflicted, tormented, and slain; and yet sang the song of victory, through Jesus Christ their Lord, on the rack and in the flames. This is the very

essence of heavenly felicity. With a capacity to enjoy this happiness, we might well say, with the Psalmist, "Though the earth be removed, though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea, we will not fear." Oh my God! I am fully satisfied that here is the only resting-place. Help me, oh, help me, thus to stay myself only on thee! Then shall I be happy.

row.

November 5. Nearly two months have elapsed since the hand of the Lord removed from me my earthly prop and comfort; and I can say, in the language of Mrs. Grant on a similar occasion, "Mine is a growing sorLike other streams, it widens as it proceeds." It may seem strange, but I have felt a mournful pleasure that, if we must be separated, if these heart-rending agonies must be endured by one of us, I am the sufferer, and he is happy. It is sweet to me to know, and reflect, that God loved him better than I did. both, I trust, loved our God supremely, and shall love

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him for ever. to Oh the blessed truths of Christianity! These bear up my spirit, amidst the waves and billows of affliction. Iam afflicted, but now in despair; cast down, but not destroyed; sorrowful yet sometimes rejoicing. Dear, blessed saint! we shall meet, I trust, where adieus and farewells are sounds unknownI? ST9” go to toojdo amm 970579 sd bur GREETH TO A SISTER-IN-LAW arŃ.9/w09 to baɛ Errot odtyd yllsit9tem bo159fte d * d NO ! angi soo Boston, November 7,1819 So far as human sympathy can operate to heal a heart torn by a wound like mine, it has availed for menqFew ever had more affecting and soothing proofs of tender concern and affectionate commiseration, than [myself. I number this among the many merey drops which my kind Father has mingled in my cup of sorrow Few had so much to lose. But this would make my ingratitude the deeper, were I to murmur at the removal of a mercy which I never deserved; especially when its removal has been accompanied with so many, so very many, mitigating circumstances. No though God witnesses the tears of agony which daily force themselves from eyes long accustomed to weeping, I trust he does not behold them tears of impatient repining, or impious rebellion. I think I can say, He hath done mono a right all things well. I think I feel, that he a right to govern, and can 9 OF PLUS72 bolumen and can comf997 JK9A), QUI WOT102 10 1891 myself with the sure and cern conviction, that his plan of Pan of government will be most conducive to his own glory and to the happiness

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of his people. In this trying dispensation the question Which shall arisen, God or myself? And

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blessed be his name! am not conscious that, for one moment, I have felt disposed to take the 17/09 reins of do. s best. This silences, and, prevailingly satisfies, my troubled soul.

minion into my own hands. God knows

How does the world dwindle, when heaven comes near! And how cheerfully can difficulties be surmounted, and trials endured, and duties performed,