know the Lord," &c., and from this made me hope the Lord would in due time acquaint me with the experimental knowledge of himself; and I own to his praise, he has been as good as his word.

On the back of this, I was violently assaulted with atheistical thoughts of God, and so far oppressed with them for a considerable time, that my bodily strength was impaired thereby to a great degree. At that time I was ignorant of Satan's devices, and too closely kept the devil's secrets, by not unfolding my distressed case to some Christian friend; but this I always found, that these unworthy thoughts of God filled me with horror, and I neither allowed them, nor entertained them, but at the time could not discern that they were Satan's fiery darts, but rather charged them on myself, which still increased my trouble. However, it pleased the merciful God to rebuke the tempter, by making his perfections shine on my soul when I was gazing on his wonderful creature the sea; and gradually manifested himself to me more and more when viewing his works, till at length I saw his glorious being and perfections shine forth brightly in a refreshing drink of water which I took; and afterwards more and more display themselves in every pile of grass and every flower of the field, till I firmly believed that he was, and the rewarder of them that diligently seek him; which happy outgate from the “fearful pit and miry clay" filled my soul with great joy and pleasure: and long after I was allowed to read God in all his creatures with great satisfaction.

After a considerable time, in the year 1678, I heard Mr John Cunningham in the churchyard of Kirkmichael, preaching on the 2 Cor. v. 20, "Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye rer conciled to God." What he mainly insisted on was, That by nature we were in a state of enmity against God, and had need to be reconciled to God. When he opened up this state of enmity against God, I was filled with fear that I was in that state, yea, persuaded and convinced in my apprehension that I was so. I was made to see clearly the evil and danger of such a state; and his arrows did 2 D

VOL. II.

stick fast in me, because I concluded I was one of the "unwise sons" that had stuck long in the place of the breaking forth of children, and had not got fully out of the state of nature. When he came to apply his doctrine, he exhorted all to come out of this state of enmity, and expostulated seriously with us in order to enforce the exhortation.

Both doctrine and application had great weight with me, and made me go away longing to be reconciled to God, and resolved never to be easy till it were so.

After this, in the same year, 1678, and 12th of August, I heard Mr John Welsh on Craigdowhill, who preached on the abovenamed text, 2 Cor. v. 20, and insisted chiefly on this, "We beseech you, be ye reconciled to God." In speaking to which words, the Lord helped his servant, not only to show what it was to be reconciled to God, but also earnestly to press reconciliation, and to make a free, full, and pressing offer of glorious Christ as Mediator and day's-man, and the great peace-maker, who would make up the breach, and bring about this much needed reconciliation. I being fully convinced how greatly I needed this reconciliation and day'sman, who is the only way to the Father, I with all my heart and soul did cordially and cheerfully make the offer welcome, and without known guile, did accept of and receive glorious Christ on his own terms in all his offices as Mediator, and did give myself away to the Lord in a personal and perpetual covenant never to be forgotten, accepting of God for my Lord, and my God, and my guide to the death, and great reward after it; resolving, though strange lords had dominion over me, yet henceforth I would be called by his name, whom I now avouched for my only God and Lord; upon which I took the heavens, earth, and sun in the firmament that was shining on us, as also the ambassador who made the offer, and clerk who raised the Psalms, I say, I took all these to witness in the great judgment-day, that I had uprightly and cheerfully entered into this everlasting marriage covenant, resolved through grace to be stedfast in his covenant till death. After which, my soul was filled with joy and peace in believing; it was a joy un

speakable and glorious, having now got good hope through grace, that though he was angry, yet now his anger was turned away, and he was now become my salvation. I rejoiced in the thoughts of my new relation to God the Saviour, and felt the ravishing sweetness of a reconciled state, and went away firmly resolving that I would walk all my days in the bitterness of my soul, and never be vainly lifted up, but would fear the Lord and his goodness, who had so far condescended to stoop so low as to pardon a rebel, and be reconciled and pacified to me after all I had done, and all my bones at this very time shall and do cry out, "Who is a God like unto thee, a God keeping covenant, and whose faithfulness and mercy endure to all generations ?"

Though after this sensible and sweet covenanting with God on the hill of Craigdow, I always studied to improve this covenant relation with God, according to my various cases, tentations, necessities, and distresses, yet the most memorable time of my renewing this covenant was at Craigdarroch in Nithsdale, in the year 1686, where in secret prayer the Lord determined to renew that covenant I had entered into with him on Craigdowhill, and wonderfully condescended to bring me as it were nigh to his seat, and filled my mouth with arguments, and allowed me to plead with him as a man does with a reconciled friend; there was I helped with great enlargement to renew and adhere to the everlasting covenant, and there the kind God manifested himself to me otherwise than to the world, and I may say that truly my fellowship was with the Father, and with his dear Son Jesus, in as sensible a way and eminent degree as ever I met with before or since, though many times he has been even since kind to my soul.

Soon after this, whilst at Craigdarroch, my spirit was overwhelmed within me on the account of a rising generation, and for fear of a departing God and glory. I was frequently obliged to retire to solitary places, and with an aching heart, trembling soul, and wringing of my hands, bewail the sad circumstances that poor posterity would be in if God should leave these lands. I saw that the rage of a prelatic persecution had banished many faithful shep

herds, had put some of them to death, and were restless in pursu ing others, so that they had scattered the Lord's flock, and made them wander on the mountain in the dark and cloudy day, which obliged Christ's sheep which knew his voice, but will not follow a stranger, to wander from sea to sea, and from one part of the land to another, to hear the pure and good word of the Lord, and many times could not find it. All this made my soul cast down within me, for all flesh had corrupted their way; those who were in power and authority seemed to bid Christ depart out of our coasts, and many also were the provocations of sons and of daughters; our solemn covenants wherewith we had bound ourselves to the Lord, were too little regarded by a great many: all this filled my soul with fear, lest glorious Christ should be provoked not to return again to poor Scotland; then I thought if he would not return with a preached Gospel in plenty and purity, we had been the cruel generation who had sent him away from ourselves and poor posterity; which obliged me in deep distress to lament over a rising generation, and earnestly to entreat that "Glory might yet dwell in our land," and that he would return to us with a departed glory.

Whilst I was in this melancholy case, I had occasion to hear Mr James Renwick preach, who dropped a word to the mourners in Zion who were sorrowful, because the ways of Zion mourned, and none going up there as formerly to her solemn assemblies. He bid such take courage, for Christ would yet comfort Zion, and return to these lands in spite of all opposition. He advanced several arguments or grounds of hope, that he would yet return with a departed glory; but I being perplexed in spirit, did in my own breast, muster up many objections against all his grounds of hope, and so still strengthened myself in my distressing unbelief; at length and at last he advanced this for our encouragement, that God had borne it in on the minds of honest ministers and Christians on scaffolds, and at the hour of death, by an irresistible gale of his Spirit, that he would yet say concerning this part of Zion, "Here is my rest, and here I desire to dwell," and that he would certainly return with the Gospel dispensation in plenty and purity. On

which my discouragement evanished, for these tidings of great joy, for I persuaded myself that the secret of the Lord is with them that fear him, and that God would never suffer "the expectation of the poor to fail for ever," especially seeing he impressed them with this hope in a dying hour, at a time when they were filled with joy and peace in believing, and some of them going as a prince before his seat, and getting an abundant entrance ministered to them into the heavenly kingdom. And now blessed be his name who banished my fears, and has since let me see Jerusalem a quiet habitation, and glory dwelling in our land near forty years together, and none of Zion's enemies now to make us afraid : the Lord has brought back our captivity like streams in the south, and when he did so, we were like men that dreamed; he filled our mouths with singing and our hearts with joy, and the righteous Lord hath cut "the cords of the ungodly crew."

And I must say to his praise, that before the mercy came, he remarkably poured down a spirit of prayer on us, and so prepared our hearts, and bowed down his ear to hear; and on after reflection as well as at the time, I am fully convinced he never bid the house of Jacob in their most melancholy circumstances "seek his face in vain," but that it is good, yea, best for us, at all times to draw near to God.

Some time after my former happy outgate from my above-mentioned distress, I found the clouds returning after the rain, and my soul environed and beset with thick darkness, though I continued to have a deep sense of my lost state by nature, and that I could not help myself, though I had destroyed myself, yea, though I was convinced a remedy was provided, and that there was no other name by which I could be saved than the name of Jesus Christ; yet I apprehended and was afraid that I had never got a saving discovery of the way of salvation through a Mediator, and concluded he was an unknown Christ to me. This perplexed my soul for some weeks, till one day I was in the fields, and meditating on the works of God, where I was allowed to read the perfections of God in every creature. I observed that all of them had obeyed the