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CHAPTER IX.

OF MY CALL TO THE MINISTRY.

SECTION I.

The Grounds upon which I judged myself called to the Ministry.

1st, I was much concerned to know whether I was indeed called by the Lord to the exercise of the ministry, or whether any inclination or pressure of spirit I had thereto did proceed from my own fancy; for I can never think that any will discharge this office aright, who hath not a sense of his divine call upon his spirit, or comfortably go about the same, neither can promise himself any success therein: for such as the Lord hath not called, "nor stood in his counsel," it is threatened that they "shall not profit this people," Jer. xxiii. 32. Therefore it is of much concernment to us to be clear in this. Yet I acknowledge many are called of Christ to preach who do not know it, but fear they are not; even as many are effectually called who know not so much; and therefore it is that both the one and the other live less comfortably. And as many think they belong to, and have interest in, Christ, who really have none; so, many judge themselves, and are judged by others, to be true ministers of Christ, who are not but idol ministers, never commissioned by Christ.

2dly, Therefore did I judge it my duty to endeavour to have my call cleared to me, and for this cause have set apart some solemn days, in which by fasting and prayer, both before I entered to the ministry and after, I have earnestly besought the Lord for light in this matter, and to clear to me whether he called me or not; and have seriously searched and meditated, and sadly thought on this subject. And the issue of all such deliberations was, that I was inclined to think, from what I could gather from God's word or work, that he did call me to "bear his name, to deliver from the

power of Satan to God, to witness for God," that the works of the world were evil.

3dly, The grounds upon which I was convinced and did believe the Lord called me were, 1. That I was not now to expect audible voices from heaven in an extraordinary manner, or within us, saying, "Arise, preach the gospel;" for, however apostles and extraordinary prophets were so called immediately, yet that such who now are called do receive it by means of men. Therefore, though I did not receive any extraordinary voice within or without, there was no reason upon that account to doubt of my call. 2. That much less was a man's own imagination or groundless fancy to be counted a call from God; for many (I say) think they are called of God, as Jer. xxiii., whom the Lord "hath not sent." 3. That any act of man doth not give a call to a minister; for ordination by ministers, or election by the people, which are the two means by which it is pretended this call is conveyed, is posterious to this call of God. And, besides, ministers may ordain, and people may elect, such as were never called of God; so, though never so regularly ordained and admitted, yet are they to be esteemed no ministers of Christ.

4thly, As the revelation of God's word in all ages hath been the rule whereby to discern who have been called of God to be his servants, and who not; and therefore, when God revealed himself immediately to his prophets, this immediate revelation published by the prophets was the ground of faith and rule of practice, so now, the revelation of God's will being committed to writ or Scripture, it hence follows, that by the Scriptures only we can know who are his ministers called of him, and who are not; and this knowledge is as certain as any knowledge that could be had from the prophets of old, and as clear and evident; Luke xvi. 31, "If they believe not Moses and the Prophets, neither will they believe though one arise from the dead." The Scriptures, then, I must look into, and by them know whether the Lord hath called me or not. The general I find in several places of Scripture; Luke xix. 13, “Occupy till I come." 1 Pet. iv. 10, "As every one hath received the

gift, so let him minister unto another." 1 Cor. xii. 7, 1 Cor. xii. 7, "The manifestation of the Spirit is given to profit withal." By all these Scriptures I gather, that whatever talents men have received from Christ, they are not to lie idle, nor to be kept up in a napkin, but that they are to be put in use and exercised for God. And this Scripture, "Occupy till I come," is the general warrant that ministers and all other persons of different occupations and gifts have to discharge their office. If any then inquire, What is my call to preach? I answer, Our Lord's command and call, "Occupy till I come." The word was brought to my remembrance, when I was exercised about this matter; and did not the Lord command us in his word, no man should misimprove any talent he hath; ministers in preaching do not but occupy till Christ come. And here is my first ground.

5thly, By this general call, none is particularly engaged to follow the ministry but such as are qualified. For he who is fitted for an artificer, for a scholar, for a lawyer, for a physician, although he is bound by this general to employ his talent for God, yet is not every one by this Scripture bound to discharge the office of the ministry, unless he be qualified thereto. It is, therefore, further requisite to a divine call, that the person be fitted more for this than for any thing else. He, therefore, who is not qualified for the ministry, hath not gifts, is not called; and he who is more fitted for this than for any thing else, is called of God, because he is called to minister as he hath received, 1 Pet. iv. 10. A man's talent is the determiner of that general, "Occupy till I come." Now I begin to see what is my talent; and truly there was no other thing I was more fitted for, or qualified, than preaching and serving God in the ministry. And though my parts were but weak, and my talent small, especially in the beginning; yet did I sce some measure of qualifying, and divine preparation for this work, and truly more than for any other employment, and therefore did I judge I was bound to occupy for God in that work. Some natural endowments I had, by which I was sufficiently capable of any science, yea, of natural theology. The dealings of God

with my spirit in the work of conversion were very distinct; and though I could not see but confusedly at first, yet afterwards I did see to perceive that work very distinctly. And not only so; for I judge it very needful for a minister to be converted ere he endeavour to convert others, Luke xxii. 32; Psalm li. 12, 13, " Restore the joy of thy salvation, and then will I teach transgressors thy ways." So, Isa. vi. 7, the prophet's iniquity must be taken away ere he receive his commission, and that after deep humbling in the dust. The Lord did not only, by conversion begun and renewed, fit me for the ministry; but did give me great experience of the exceeding evil of my heart, of the terrors of God, that so I might know to persuade others, 2 Cor. v. 8; as likewise opened my eyes to see the glorious mysteries of the covenant of grace, telling me something every day as it were. And truly I had not been many days in Christ's school, judging the covenant of grace, when I thought I was come to a new world; my former life seemed a dark howling wilderness, and the life of grace I looked upon as the lightsome Canaan, the harbour of rest after my tossings. Divers and various conflicts I had with unbelief, and much exercised with the law and the bond-woman seeking to get in my conscience. I was much helped by Luther on the Galatians, and Calvin's Institutions; something more by that book called the "Marrow of Modern Divinity;" by some old writers, as Fox, Bradwardin's Letters, Mr Hamilton, and Wisheart; but especially by reading the Epistle to the Romans, by prayer and meditation, by which I came to receive very much satisfaction in my mind in the Gospel. I perceived that our divinity was much altered from what it was in the primitive reformers' time. When I read Knox, Hamilton, Tindal, Luther, Calvin, Bradford, &c., I thought I saw another scheme of divinity, much more agreeable to the Scriptures and to my experience than the modern. And though I plainly enough saw the errors of the Antinomians, (for their errors lay very near truth,) yet I perceived a gospel spirit to be in very few, and that the most part yea of ministers did wofully confound the two covenants, and were of an Old Testament spirit; and little of the glory of Christ,

VOL. II.

grace, and gospel, did shine in their writings and preaching. But I abhorred and was at enmity with Mr Baxter, as a stated enemy to the grace of God, under the cover of opposing some Antinomianism. He boldly averred what others thought and materially believed, even whilst they did speak against him; by which he was hardened in his way. Now I thought the great pains the Lord did take in this with me, the experience also I had of great afflictions and the Lord's support under them, and delivering from them, and sanctifying of the same to me by instructing me in many chief lessons by the rod; what should all this mean, said I, but that the Lord gives me experience of these things, to the end I should make this his "righteousness known in the great congregation ?" If this be spoken in my ear, shall I not divulge it "on the house-tops?" Luke xii. And was not all this to qualify me, and make me a fit minister of the New Testament? And this was a second consideration to clear my call to me.

6thly, The Lord did by his Spirit apply the general call particularly to my soul. He brought home that word, "Occupy till I come;" and dealt with me, told me that the Lord called me to "serve him in the gospel of his Son," and to employ what talents I had that way; was at much pains with me till I should yield. For gifts and abilities to preach and pray are not a sufficient call to a man to be a minister, though they be necessary to the call. A man's natural gift and ability for any magistracy doth not presently call him to that office; and some have gifts for divers offices that yet are called but to one. And hence it is, that a man's call to the office of the ministry is in some things different from the call of believing. For that call or command of God to believe, reaching all within the visible Church, doth oblige all thereunto, whether they do so or not, yea, whether the Spirit strive with them or not, though without this they neither shall nor can believe; but this call to the ministry, though it be in God's word, yet it doth not oblige any particularly to the work of the ministry without the working of the Spirit. And therefore is the application of the Spirit, in the matter of the call to the ministry, a very necessary

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