and sins, with the saints in Scripture, I find them answer to one another as face doth to face; I find them complain of the same evils and distempers I complain of; and, in condemning myself, I must likewise condemn them, and so "offend the generation of the righteous." And when I pass hasty conclusions against myself, I next say, Is there any that hath grace? And so, being like them, and of them, I think I will share alike with them at last.

11thly, A sensible growth in humility, knowledge, sobriety, faith, patience, love to Christ, deadness to the world, and repentance; whereas hypocrites fall away: And therefore think that the good work is begun, seeing the Lord is daily perfecting it, Philip. i. 6; and this shows it to be a fountain "springing up to everlasting life," seeing it is not dried up, John iv. 14.

12thly, An universal "respect to all commands," hatred to all sins; which is kythed in my loving every one of these commands, endeavouring to do every one of them, seeing a glory in every one of them, and mourning for all omissions, though through ignorance and infirmity I win not up to do them, Luke i. 6; Psal. cxix. 6. 13thly, I find, by diligent examination of myself according to the Scriptures, a clear difference betwixt all my graces and such as I have seen or read to be in hypocrites; and though I think I come behind all saints, yet find in me what is not in any hypocrite, Matth. v. 20, “Except your righteousness exceed," &c.

14thly, That my works, obedience, and exercise of grace, come continually through faith, and from gospel principles, rather than from legal motives; and that the consideration of honouring Christ doth draw me more strongly to my duty than any other motive whatsomever of benefit; which I look upon as the filial spirit and spirit of love given to sons, Rom. viii. 15; Gal. iv. 6; 2 Cor. i. 22; 2 Tim. i. 17. So that, as Isaac, the son of the promise, I can do nothing but through faith, and out of sense of his love and strength, Gal. iv. 28.

15thly, That I am not satisfied with any measure of grace, or length in duty, or communion with God, but evermore desire more; which shows to me that it is desired for itself and not for its effects,

seeing the least measure of grace will bring to heaven. This was Paul's spirit, Philip. iii. 11, 12, 13; 1 Cor. xv. 57.

16thly, Because I find true poverty of spirit, and find a wildness in my best works, and mourn over my best performances, wondering that ever the Lord Jesus should respect them, glorying only in the Lord Jesus, Matth. v. 3; Isa. Lxvi. 2. Hypocrites are never emptied of themselves.

17thly, I find a hatred, loathing of, and mourning for, all sins of omission as well as commission; sins of others as well as mine own sins; secret sins and little sins as well as great sins; and gospel sins above all sins; looking on sin as the greatest evil, Matth. v. 4.

18thly, Self-loathing and contented submission to the Lord in hardest dispensations, because it is the will of God; and accepting the punishment of sin, Job i. Hypocrites murmur when tried, and in their heart curse God. This was the trial of Job's sincerity; if he had been an hypocrite, he would have cursed God either in heart or mouth.

19thly, Because, in reading of the Scriptures, there is nothing that the Lord's Spirit so applies and takes to my heart as encouragements, and promises, and persuasions, to do good unto others, and patience, and faith; and to be of good cheer, for God will not speak peace to the wicked, Isa. lvii. 21, and iii. 10. "Say to the righteous, It shall be well with them."

20thly, I find that, in all evils that befall me, I am never suffered to put an ill construction upon them; and a spirit secretly suggesting to me that it is for good, so as my heart is no way more sanctified than by this, Rom. viii. 15, and this I look upon as the Spirit's witness.

21stly, That I never commit a fault, little or great, but it is corrected, Amos iii. 2, "You only have I known of all the families of the earth, therefore will I punish you for all your iniquities :" and this I look upon as a fatherly kindness; nay, that which he suffers in others, he reproves in me.

22dly, The Lord by all dispensations is wearying my soul of

the world, putting enmity betwixt me and the world more and more; whereby I gather that I am not of the world.

23dly, The Lord's constant following me with manifold kindnesses and love, in strengthening, comforting, quickening, supporting, visiting, and delivering me, being with me always in all my ways, never leaving me, doing me always good, bearing with all my infirmities. I find the Lord's providence one constant tract of kindness, bearing me in his arms as an eagle doth her young, by all means commending himself to me; because he loved first, I am loved to the end. How shall I know a father's heart, but by his fatherly dealing towards me? John xiii. 1.

24thly, I have by observation found, that everything works for good to me, the Lord doing good to me by sins, desertions, tentations, and afflictions. The end hath been a discovery of the Lord's kindness in supporting and comforting me when troubled, and delivering me out of it, which hath drawn my love and confidence to him; by these hath he kept me waking, and tried, exercised, and increased any good in me. All his ways have I found mercy and truth, Psal. xxv. 10; Rom. viii. 28.

25thly, I have seen grace stamped on all my mercies: as they come of grace, so I am made to see them all flowing in this channel. It is the elect that are saved by grace; the "children of the pro

mise."

26thly, When I have been several times in anguish of spirit by reason of doubting of my interest, the Lord Jesus hath come and spoken to my soul in the gospel, and told me he was reconciled to me; desired me not to fear; that he would do all things for me that I wanted; commanded me to believe; gave me grounds and reasons for believing; and overcame me, and made me believe. And hath he promised, and will he not fulfil it? My hopes are built on the promise of God; he "cannot deny himself."

27thly, I remark a special hand of God in all my deliverances. In a word, he lets none do me good but himself; a token that he is my Lord. Who is it that cares for the children, and provides for the wife, but the husband and father?

SECTION VII.

Declaring some practical considerations and instructions which the Lord taught, and by which I attained to settling and peace as to my interest in Christ, and through which mists, doubts, and fears, were driven away.

I have been, for a long time after the Lord had indeed shown kindness to me, kept under by a spirit of bondage, through fears, and doubts, and mistakes, under which I have groaned for several years after my first conversion, through manifold sins and temptations; which did not only take away my peace, but did me much prejudice otherwise: but in process of time the Lord did dispel these mists and fears, and by his word and Spirit of wisdom made me see things freely given me of God, establishing my heart. He discovered my mistakes, so as now I believe rather that I am converted, and my way and day is lightsome. The means and considerations were,

1. That there may be grace in the soul really, though it appear not gloriously unto the soul. "Our life is hid in Christ," Col. iii. 3; and "we know not what we shall be," 1 John iii. 2. There is indeed a marvellous glory in grace and the Spirit of holiness, but it is sullied with corruption; and our eyes are dim, and cannot see this glory but darkly: this is the rust and dross that is in and upon this glorious metal. We are now "lying among the pots; I am black," saith the spouse. Our graces discover themselves by their effects rather than by themselves, as a little smothered fire doth by the smoke; hence, say not there is no grace, because ye see not the glory of it.

2. The Lord made me consider and know, that however, where there is one grace, there are all graces as to their being; yet are not all graces exercised when one is. The exercise of one grace, proceeding from life, shows that all graces are there, though the life of grace stream not nor vent itself in all actions; and, therefore, when we see grace stopt one way, it ordinarily breaks out in

another. Love cannot delight in God when he is away, because the object of delight must be present; but love vents itself in sorrow for want of, and ardent desires after, the beloved object. I cannot get this and that done, saith the soul; but grace vents itself another way, to wit, in mourning and self-loathing: and we see this frequently in Scripture, that there is ordinarily but one grace exercised, or two at one time; seldom do we see the ship with all her sails up. Think not, therefore, the gracious exercises of thy spirit delusions or common work, when thou canst not exercise all graces.

3. That grace and corruption are not to be looked upon in their actings on the sensitive and passionate faculties, so much as on the mind and will; for the strength of sin is there. Rom. vii. 21, Paul distinguished the law in his members, and the law of his mind. I thought, and so do many still, that hardness of heart was want of horrors, great fears, and terrors upon the spirit; but, by looking into the Scriptures, I see it consists more in the rebellion of the will and understanding. Mark vi. 52, It is said of the disciples, that "they did not believe, for their hearts were hardened." Pharaoh's hardness of heart did consist in the disobedience of his will. Gross objects and novelties have much influence on the sensitive faculties; therefore there is no ground to fear, though, 1mo, We cannot tear nor be tormented with horror for sin; though we find not so passionate desires after God, and so sensible as we do feel in the stomachs when we are hungry, or after an outward object. 2do, See what may be the cause why there is more tenderness at first conversion than afterwards. Learn hence to judge of the graciousness of your spirits by the manner ye resolve in, more than by the executions of your resolutions. The frame of the heart in resolving should be more looked unto than in doing; for the outward court is given unto the Gentiles. Look to your estimations, love, desires, will, purposes, rather than to any other thing.

3tio,

4. True evangelical repentance consists rather in a sweet melting of heart for sin, and loathing and forsaking of it, than in a fearful