the management thereof; for nothing was looked to after he was gone, and all was destroyed ere I was twenty years of age. 5. Evil friends, some slighting us and denying us help; others, out of envy to my father, employing all their power to harm us, which succeeded. 6. Evil times, so as I durst scarce appear to do any thing, those whom I had to do with being in court, and I being hated for my principles; and all things went by moyen and bribing, so as I was forced to agree with them in the terms they pleased. Secondly, The cause inward from myself was sin; as, 1. I suppose my relations' sins had influence on this storm, for I found great freedom in confessing them. 2. We were a professing family, and did not walk suitably thereunto, but like the world. 3. My carnality, and desires to be great with men, and my too much esteeming, prizing, and desiring of outward greatness and comforts. 4. Faithlessness in dealing with others, seeking by law-tricks to secure our interests, and dissimulation in bargaining. 5. Not acknowledging of God in all our ways, but doing all things without his advice, and running to this or the other outward help. 6. Pride, and stoutness of heart, which God hath been crushing. 7. Breach of vows and engagements, especially of dedicating myself to the service of God in the ministry. 8. Incorrigibleness under ordinances, convictions, and lesser judgments; therefore did the Lord take the rod, Exod. xx. 5; Job v. 4, 5. (2.) Amos iii. 2; Ezek. xxxvi. 20. (3.) Isa. Ivii. 17; Jer. vi. 12, 13. (4.) Jer. vi. 13. (5.) Hos. viii. 3, 4; Isa. xxxi. 1. (6.) James iv. 6; Isa. xxviii. 1. (7.) Eccles. v. 4, 5. (8.) Amos iv. 6; Isa. vi. 9, 11. Thirdly, The Lord's ends were, as I suppose, 1st, To reform and heal me, Isa. xxvii. 9. 2dly, To humble my heart, and break it; to break the pride, stoutness, hardness, and lightness thereof, Deut. viii. 2. 3dly, To deaden me to the world, and to friends and relations; and therefore made me find such bitterness, vexation, vanity, and disappointments from it. No friend or relation ever I had but failed and disobliged me, Hos. ii. 6, 7; Micah ii. 10. 4thly, To give me experience of his love in delivering me out of all these troubles, and supporting me under them, Rom. v. 3, 4, 5, to do me good in my latter end, Deut. viii. 15, 16, to prepare me for this.

5thly, That I might be fitted and enabled to direct and comfort others in their afflictions, 2 Cor. i. 4. 6thly, To draw me to himself, and seek him more earnestly, Isa. xxvi. 8. 7thly, To keep me from rotting and dying, and to hold me waking; therefore hath he been constantly exercising me, Isa. xxxviii. 16. “By these things shall men live." 8thly, To learn, exercise, and increase faith and patience, James i. 2, 3. 9thly, To keep me with himself in these times, and to preserve me from the snares of an evil time, which now I find rich men exposed unto. And, indeed, I found much good by all these dispensations; for by the sadness of the countenance I find my heart bettered and mortified to the world, and I drawn nearer to God, and kept waking, and have experience of the Lord's goodness, so that I may say, "It is good for me that I have been afflicted." One thing I am sure of, I would never have kythed so much for him as I do now. In a word, the Lord hath so blessed his rod to me, as I find all these ends and fruits of righteousness wrought on me, so as I may say, I had perished unless I had perished, (periissem nisi periissem.) The world and the "prosperity of fools hath destroyed" many; "they have no changes, and, therefore, fear not God;" and "they are settled on their lees." Blessed be the Lord for inward and outward exercises and troubles.

§ 5. I learn and observe these things: (1.) Outward prosperity puffs up the heart, Deut. xxxii. 15. (2.) As a man thrives in the world, so hath he friends in the world; I found their kindness ebb and flow as my fortune did, Lam. i. 8; Ezek. xvi. 37. (3.) When God afflicts, it is in earnest and not in jest, Ezek. ii. 4, 5; 1 Sam. iii. 12; Jer. iv. 12, a full wind, and vi. 19, I felt this storm. (4.) There is need of great heaviness; light strokes will not do the turn, and therefore the furnace is made the hotter. (5.) It is the ordinary lot of God's people, and they must lay their account with it, to find trouble in and from the world, John xvi. ult. "Through much tribulation we must enter into the kingdom of God." (6.) All inventions and means are in vain to deliver out of trouble till the acceptable year come. "In vain shalt thou use many medi

cines." All means were broken. (7.) The storms of God's people may last long, so as they may be put to cry, "How long?" and their whole years spent in sighing, Psal. xiii. 1. (8.) The want of the company of God's people is a great evil, and a great step to defection; I found the loss of it. Eccl. iv. 10, "Woe to him that is alone." (9.) Their company is a great mercy, and a blessed mean to beget life, 1 Pet. iii. 1, to maintain it and recover life, Eccl. iv. 9, 10, 11, 12. Through good company I recovered again. (10.) No greater curse than for a man to get his will and desires in the world. I ever got a wound when I had the desires of my heart; then leanness was sent to my soul. (11.) Whatever sin the Lord lets go with his people, yet will he not let pride go with them. I was seeking to be great in the world, James iv. 6; 2 Chron. xxxii. 25. (12.) Ordinarily men at first get no good by afflictions, but are rather worse, and are felled under them, Hosea ii. 6, 7; Isa. lvii. 17. (13.) The crosses of the people of God are still and ever sanctified unto them really, "for it shall accomplish that whereunto it is sent," and therefore they are blessed things. "It is good for me that I have been afflicted,” Heb. xii. 11. (14.) The good is not presently seen, though it be, but there is much corruption seen; God doth good, though we see it not. "They knew not that I healed them," Hosea xi. 3. "In the latter end ye shall consider it." (15.) God shows much mercy in affliction; he lays it not on till they be able to bear it, and he "stays his rough wind in the day of his east wind." The Lord gave some mitigation and a breathing time, and strengthened the soul, and by his visitations upheld it, Ps. cxxxviii. 3, lest they should be swallowed up of grief and sorrow. (16.) As the people of God are graciously exercised under trouble, so doth there much ill blood came out too. I dare not say but grace was exercised, but Oh how much corruption was there! how much fainting, murmuring, unbelief, and seeking to carnal means was there! and how slowly did my dross go away! (17.) The beginning of a Christian warfare and life is the hardest, and the entry is straitest. "The latter end is peace;" "to do thee good in thy latter end." (18.) Sin and afflic

tions do ordinarily tryst together, and sin is the sting of crosses; "The sting of death is sin." A proud, murmuring, sinful heart makes weights and burdens painful. (19.) God's love is more seen in comforting and strengthening under trouble than in delivering from it, Luke xii. 32. (20.) God is the only comforter of his people under afflictions. "In thee the fatherless findeth mercy; in

me ye shall have peace."

SECTION V.

Of my Recovery out of Decays and Afflictions.

§ 1. Being in this forsaken and desolate case, and none to pity, it pleased the Lord to look upon me, and to give my soul a restingplace when forsaken of all others; he was the only friend in adversity. (1.) He strengthened my soul by comfortable words, allaying thereby the extremity of my afflictions,-then did he say unto me, "Why art thou disquieted ?" Is there any thing but what is ordinary befallen thee? Are there not many thousands that would change conditions with thee? All this is but bairn's-play to what others have suffered. Is it not good that thou art thus afflicted? Thou hast much of Christ's compassion, and pity, and tenderness; it may be he will do thee good for this. It is good that this is the vengeance he takes for all that thou hast done,-"Chastened of the Lord, that thou mayest not be condemned with the world." Poor soul, what hast thou lost? Thy loss hath been only the things of the world, in which no part of thy happiness doth consist. Art thou not in thy Father's hand? and will not thy Tutor order all things well? Men and devils can do no more than he prescribes, and dost thou fear evil from that airth? And shouldst thou not bear all that comes from him? But consider further, wouldst thou yet exchange states with the mad world? All thy adversaries, in all likelihood, that are now making merry, are to burn in hell for ever. Is thy misery any thing to these? Wait, therefore, upon God. A little time will blow over this storm, it is so violent that it

cannot last long. And though thy case be very sad, yet is it not beyond the reach of God's power; yea, for all this thou shalt bless the day that ever thou wast afflicted. Afflictions are good things, else had they never been left in legacy by Christ, nor promised in the new covenant. With these and the like considerations was my soul several times in my extremity refreshed and allayed. (2.) I would get much ease sometimes by pouring out of my soul to God in prayer, and showing him my case, which at first I could not win unto. (3.) I had general letters of loosing arrestments; some persons were left out; I was counselled, in respect it was just, and did proceed upon an omission and sloth, to insert and interline the other persons, and to execute it particularly. To which I condescended at first, but afterwards I had scruples of it, imagining it to be illegal; and though it was just, yet there should be so much respect to the law as not to contravene it or to lie on it. Being in this strait, and bound for two days' space, I could get none prayed, the Lord thereby showing himself displeased with such a procedure. I did all I could to clear my conscience, but the more was I bound and straitened; and to satisfy my conscience my will could not condescend. Thus was I racked betwixt conscience and interest, each of them imprisoning me. At last I prayed to the Lord, that with his power he would bow my will to his. The Lord heard, and convinced me of the sinfulness and inconveniency of the thing, and of my duty. Well, then, quoth I, as delivered from a prison, though I should lose 10,000 merks by it, I will not displease the Lord's deputy; let me have war with all, but peace with God, let the hazard and prejudice be what it can; and thereupon immediately and fully resolved to forego my interest, and leave the Lord to recompense me. Which, when I had once win unto, immediately there came a sweet calm into my soul, access to God, my mouth opened in prayer, my bonds loosed, my spirit comforted and strengthened, and an extraordinary sweetness found in complying with the Lord's will, and, at the same time, strengthened to bear all my burdens, and cheerfully to undergo them; got light what to do, so as the next day I execute what I resolved, my