Achil. What, with me too, Thersites? Ther. There's Ulysses and old Nestor-whose wit was mouldy ere your grandsires had nails on their toes-yoke you like draught oxen, and make you plough up the wars. Achil. What, what? Ther. Yes, good sooth:-to, Achilles! to, Ajax! to! Ajax. I shall cut out your tongue. Ther. "Tis no matter; I shall speak as much as thou, afterwards. Patr. No more words, Thersites; peace. Ther. I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids me, shall I? Achil. There's for you, Patroclus. Ther. I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come any more to your tents; I will keep where there is wit stirring, and leave the faction of fools. Patr. A good riddance, [Exit. Achil. Marry, this, sir, is proclaimed through That Hector, by the first hour of the sun, Ajax. O, meaning you:-I'll go learn more [Exeunt. of it. Since the first sword was drawn about this question, To guard a thing not ours; not worth to us, Tro. Fie, fie, my brother! Hel. No marvel though you bite so sharp at reasons, You are so empty of them. Should not our father Bear the great sway of his affairs with reasons, Because your speech hath none, that tells him so? Tro. You are for dreams and slumbers, brother priest; You fur your gloves with reason. Here are your reasons: You know, an enemy intends you harm; Should have hare hearts, would they but fat their thoughts With this crammed reason: reason and respect Make livers pale, and lustihood deject. Hect. Brother, she is not worth what she doth cost The holding. Tro. What is aught, but as 'tis valued? Hect. But value dwells not in particular will; Tro. I take to-day a wife, and my election ships, And turned crowned kings to merchants. If you'll avouch 't was wisdom Paris went (As you must needs, for you all cried“ Go, go'), If you'll confess he brought home noble prize (As you must needs, for you all clapped your hands And cried " Inestimable!"), why do you now The issue of your proper wisdoms rate; And do a deed that fortune never did, Beggar the estimation which you prized Richer than sea and land? O, theft most base; That we have stolen what we do fear to keep! But, thieves, unworthy of a thing so stolen, That in their country did them that disgrace, We fear to warrant in our native place! Cas. [within.] Cry, Trojans, cry! Pri. What noise? what shriek is this? Tro. 'Tis our mad sister; I do know her voice. Cas. [within.] Cry, Trojans! Hect. It is Cassandra. Enter CASSANDRA, raving. Cas. Cry, Trojans, cry! lend me ten thousand eyes, And I will fill them with prophetic tears! 1 Hect. Peace, sister, peace. Cas. Virgins and boys, mid-age and wrinkled Soft infancy, that nothing canst but cry, Hect. Now, youthful Troilus, do not these high strains Of divination in our sister work Tro. Why, brother Hector, We may not think the justness of each act Par. Else might the world convince of levity Nor faint in the pursuit. Pri. Paris, you speak Like one besotted on your sweet delights: Par. Sir, I propose not merely to myself Should once set footing in your generous bosoms? There's not the meanest spirit on our party, Hect. Paris and Troilus, you have both said well; Than wife is to the husband? If this law Tro. Why, there you touched the life of our Were it not glory that we more affected Hect. I am yours, You valiant offspring of great Priamus.- SCENE III. Ther. How now, Thersites? what, lost in the labyrinth of thy fury? Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? he beats me, and I rail at him: O, worthy satisfaction! 'would it were otherwise; that I could beat him, whilst he railed at me: 'sfoot, I'll learn to conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of my spiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles-a rare engineer. If Troy be not taken till these two undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of themselves. O, thou great thunder-darter of Olympus, forget that thou art Jove, the king of gods; and Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of thy Caduceus; if ye take not that little little less-than-little wit from them that they have! which short-armed ignorance itself knows is so abundant scarce, it will not in circumvention deliver a fly from a spider, without drawing their massy irons, and cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the whole camp! or rather, the bone-ache! for that, methinks, is the curse dependent on those that war for a placket. I have said my prayers; and devil, envy, say amen. Achilles! What ho! my lord Enter PATROCLUS. Patr. Who's there? Thersites? Good Thersites, come in and rail. Ther. If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou wouldst not have slipped out of my contemplation: but it is no matter; thyself upon thyself! The coinmon curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in great revenue! heaven bless thee from a tutor, and discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy direction till thy death! then if she that lays thee out, says thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and sworn upon't, she never shrouded any but lazars. Amen. Where's Achilles? Patr. What, art thou devout! Wast thou in prayer? Ther. Ay; the heavens hear me! Enter ACHILLES. Achil. Who's there? Patr. Thersites, my lord. Achil. Where, where? - Art thou come! Why, my cheese, my digestion, why hast thou not served thyself into my table so many meals? Come; what's Agamemnon? Ther. Thy commander, Achilles: then tell me, Patroclus, what's Achilles? Patr. Thy lord, Thersites: then tell me, I pray thee, what's thyself? Ther. Thy knower, Patroclus: then tell me, Patr. Thou mayst tell, that know'st. Ther. I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus' knower; and Patroclus is a fool. Patr. You rascal! Ther. Peace, fool; I have not done. Achil. He is a privileged man. - Proceed, Thersites. Ther. Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites is a fool; and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool. Achil. Derive this; come. Ther. Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles; Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon; Thersites is a fool to serve such a fool; and Patroclus is a fool positive. Patr. Why am I a fool? Ther. Make that demand of the prover: it suffices me, thou art. Look you, who comes here? Enter AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, AJAX, and Achil. Patroclus, I'll speak with nobody: Ther. Here is such patchery, such juggling, and such knavery! all the argument is, a cuckold and a whore: a good quarrel to draw emulous factions, and to bleed to death upon! Now the dry serpigo on the subject! and war and lechery confound all! [Exit. Agam. Where is Achilles? Patr. Within his tent; but ill disposed, my lord. He shent our messengers; and we lay by Let him be told so; lest perchance he think [Exit. Patr. I shall say so to him. Ajax. Yes, lion-sick, sick of proud heart: you Nes. What moves Ajax thus to bay at him? : Ulys. Achilles hath inveigled his fool from him. Nes. Who? Thersites Ulys. He. Nes. Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have lost his argument. Ulys. No; you see he is his argument, that has his argument; Achilles. Nes. All the better; their fraction is more our | wish than their faction: But it was a strong composure a fool could disunite! Ulys. The amity that wisdom knits not, folly may easily untie. Here comes Patroclus. Re-enter PATROCLUS. Nes. No Achilles with him. Ulys. The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy; his legs are legs for necessity, not for flexure. Patr. Achilles bids me say he is much sorry, If anything more than your sport and pleasure Did move your greatness, and this noble state, To call upon him; he hopes it is no other, But for your health and your digestion sake, An after-dinner's breath. Agam. Hear you, Patroclus; We are too well acquainted with these answers: Much attribute he hath; and much the reason Here tend the savage strangeness he puts on; : Patr. I shall; and bring his answer presently. [Exit. Agam. In second voice we'll not be satisfied; We come to speak with him.-Ulysses, enter you. [Exit ULYSSES. Ajax. What is he more than another? Agam. No more than what he thinks he is. Ajax. Is he so much? Do you not think, he thinks himself a better man than I am? Agam. No question. Ajax. Will you subscribe his thought, and sayhe is? Agam. No, noble Ajax; you are as strong, as valiant, as wise, no less noble, much more gentle, and altogether more tractable. Ajax. Why should a man be proud? How doth pride grow? I know not what pride is. Agam. Your mind 's the clearer, Ajax, and you virtues the fairer. He that is proud eats up himself: pride is his own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle; and whatever praises itself but in the deed, devours the deed in the praise. Ajax. I do hate a proud man, as I hate the engendering of toads. Nes. And yet he loves himself: is it not strange? [Aside. Re-enter ULYSSES. Ulys. Achilles will not to the field to-morrow. He doth rely on none; He makes important. Possessed he is with great ness; And speaks not to himself, but with a pride Agam. Let Ajax go to him.- Ulys. O, Agamemnon, let it not be so! |