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But these punish themselves. The insolence Of Cofcus, only, breeds my juft offence, Whom time (which rots all, and makes botches pox, And plodding on, must make a calf an ox) Hath made a Lawyer; which (alas) of late; But scarce a Poet: jollier of this state, Than are new-benefic'd Ministers, he throws Like nets or lime-twigs wheresoe'er he goes
His title of Barrister on ev'ry wench,
And wooes in language of the Pleas and Bench.**
Words, words which would tear
The tender labyrinth of a Maid's soft ear:
More, more than ten Sclavonians scolding, more
Than when winds in our ruin’d Abbyes roar.
Then fick with Poetry, and posseft with Muse
Thou wast, and mad I hop'd; but men which chufe
Law practice for meer gain ; bold soul repute
Worse than imbrotheld strumpets proftitute.
Now like an owl-like watchman he must walk,
His hand still at a bill; now he must talk
One, one man only breeds my juft offence; Whom crimes gave wealth, and wealth gave Impudence: Time, that at last matures a clap to pox, Whose gentle progress makes a calf an ox, And brings all natural events to pass, Hath made him an Attorney of an Ass.
50 No young divine, new-benefic'd, can be More pert, more proud, more positive than he. What further could I wilh the fop to do, But turn a wit, and fcribble verses too; Pierce the soft lab'rinth of a Lady's ear
55 With rhymes of this per cent. and that per year? Or court a Wife, spread out his wily parts, Like nets or lime-twigs, for rich Widows hearts; Call himself Barrister to ev'ry wench, And wooe in language of the Pleas and Bench?
60 Language, which Boreas might to Auster hold More rough than forty Germans when they scold.
Curs'd be the wretch, so venal and so vain: Paltry and proud, as drabs in Drury-lane. 'Tis such a bounty as was never known, If Peter deigns to help you to your own : What thanks, what praise, if Peter but supplies, And what a folemn face if he denies ! Grave, as when pris'ners shake the head and swear 'Twas only Suretiship that brought 'em there. 70 His Office keeps your Parchment fates entirc, He starves with cold to save them from the fire;
Idly, like prisoners, which whole months will fwear,
That only suretyship hath brought them there,
And to every suitor lye in every thing,
Like a King's Favourite or like a King.
Like a wedge in a block, wring to the barre,
Bearing like afles, and more shameless farre
Than carted whores, lye to the grave Judge; for
Baftardy abounds not in King's titles, nor
Simony and Sodomy in Church-men's lives,
As these things do in him; by these he thrives.
Shortly (as th' sea) he'll compass all the land,
From Scots to Wight, from Mount to Dover strand.
And spying heirs melting with Luxury,
Satan will not joy at their fins as he :
For (as a thrifty wench scrapes kitchen-stuffe,
And barrelling the droppings, and the snuffe
Of wasting candles, which in thirty year,
Reliquely kept, perchance buys wedding chear)
Piecemeal he gets lands, and fpends as much time
Wringing each acre, as maids pulling prime.
In parchment then, large as the fields, he draws
Affurances, big as glofs'd civil laws,
So huge that men (in our times forwardness)
Are Fathers of the Church for writing less.
These he writes not; nor for these written påyes,
Therefore spares no length, (as in those first dayes
His comparing Advocates inforcing the Law to the
Bench, to a wedge in a block, our Author juftly thought
too licentious to be imitated.
For you he walks the streets thro' rain or duft,
For not in Chariots Peter puts his trust;
For you he sweats and labours at the laws,
Takes God to witness he affects your cause, 75
And lies to ev'ry Lord in ev'ry thing,
Like a King's Favourite -- or like a King,
These are the talents that adorn them all,
From wicked Waters ev'n to godly **
Not more of Simany beneath black gowns, 80
Nor more of bastardy in heirs to Crowns.
In shillings and in pence at first they deal;
And steal so little, few perceive they steal ;
Till, like the Sea, they compass all the land,
From Scots to IVight, from Mount to Dover strand: 85
And when rank Widows purchase luscious nights,
Or when a Duke to Jansen punts at White's,
Or City-heir in mortgage melts away ;
Satan himself feels far less joy than they.
Piccemeal they win this acre first, then that, 90
Glean on, and gather up the whole estate.
Then strongly fencing ill-got wealth by law,
Indentures, Cov'nants, Articles they draw,
Large as the fields themselves, and larger far
Than Civil Codes, with all their Gloffes, are; 95
So vast, our new Divines, we must confess,
Are Fathers of the Church for writing less.
But let them write for you, each rogue impairs
The deeds, and dextrously omits, ses heires :
When Luther was profeft, he did defire
Short Patcr-nefters, saying as a Fryer
Each day his Beads; but having left those laws,
Adds to Christ's prayer, the power and glory clause)
But when he sells or changes land, h'impaires
The writings, and (unwatch’d) leaves out, ses beires,
As flily as any Commenter goes by
Hard words, or sense; or, in Divinity
As controverters in vouch'd Texts, leave out
Shrewd words, which might against them clear the
Where are these spread woods which cloaih’d here-
tofore Those bought lands? not built, not burnt within
door. Where the old landlords troops, and almes? In halls Carthufian Fafts, and fulsome Bacchanals Equally I hate. Mean’s blest. In rich men's homes I bid kill some beasts, but no hecatombs; None starve, none surfeit so. But (oh) we allow Good works as good, but out of fashion now, Like old rich wardrobes. But
words none draws Within the vaft reach of th' huge statutes jawes.
Notes. Ver. 127. Treason, or the Law.] By the Law is here meant the Lawyers,