MEMOIRS OF P. P.

CLERK OF THIS PARISH.

[ADVERTISEMENT.

The Original of the following extraordinary Treatife confifted of two large Volumes in Folio; which might juftly be entitled, The Importance of a Man to HimSelf: But, as it can be of very little to any body befides, I have contented myfelf to give only this fhort abftract of it, as a Tafte of the true Spirit of Memoir-Writers.

In

N the Name of the Lord. Amen. I, P. P. by the Grace of God, Clerk of this Parifh, writeth this History.

It was impoffible but that fuch a hiftory as Burnet's, which thefe Memoirs are intended to ridicule, relating recent events, fo near the time of their tranfaction, fhould be variously represented by the violent parties that have agitated and difgraced this country; though these parties arife from the very nature of our free government. Accordingly this Prelate's Hiftory of his own Time was as much vilified and depreciated by the Tories as praifed and magnified by the Whigs. As he related the actions of a Perfecutor and a Benefactor, he was accufed of partiality, injustice, malignity, flattery, and falfehood. Bevil Higgens, and Lord Lanfdown, and others, wrote remarks on him; as did the great Lord Peterborough, whose animadverfions, as his amanuenfis, a Mr. Hollowy, affured me, were very fevere; they were never published. As Burnet was much trufted and confulted by King William, and had a great fhare in bringing about the Revolution, his Narrations, it must be owned, have a ftrong tindure of felf-importance and egotism. These two qualities are chiefly expofed in thefe Memoirs. Hume and Dalrymple have taken occafion to cenfure him, After all, he was a man of great abilities, of much opeuness and fraukness of nature, of much courtesy and benevolence, indefatigable in his ftudies, and in performing conftantly the duties of his ftation. His charader is

Ever fince I arrived at the age of difcretion, I had a call to take upon me the function of a Parish-clerk; and to that end it seemed unto me meet and profitable to affociate myself with the parifh-clerks of this Land; fuch I mean as were right worthy in their calling, men of a clear and fweet voice, and of becoming gravity.

Now it came to pass, that I was born in the year of our Lord Anno Domini 1655, the year wherein our worthy benefactor, Efquire Bret, did add one Bell to the ring of this Parish. So that it hath been wittily faid, That one and the fame day did give to this our Church, two rare gifts, its great Bell and its Clerk."

Even when I was at school, my mistress did ever extol me above the reft of the youth, in that I had a laudable voice. And it was furthermore observed, that I took a kindly affection unto that Black letter in which our Bibles are printed. Yea, often did I exercise myself in finging godly ballads, fuch as, The Lady and Death, The children in the Wood, and Chevy Chace; and not, like other children, in lewd and trivial ditties. Moreover, while I was a boy, I always adventured to lead the pfalm next after Mafter William Harris, my predeceffor, who (it must be

finely drawn by the Marquis of Halifax; one paragraph of which is too remarkable to be omitted: "His indifference for preferment, his contempt not only of fplendor, but of all unneceffary plenty; his degrading himself to the loweft and moft painful duties of his calling; are fuch unprelatical qualities, that let him be never so orthodox in other things, in thefe he must be a Diffenter." Few perfons or prelates would have had the boldness and honefly to write fuch a remonftrance to Charles II. on his diffolute life and manners, as did Burnet in the year 1680. We may eafily guess what the fycophants of that profligate court, and their profligate mafter, faid and thought of the piety and freedom of this letter.

confessed to the Glory of God) was a moft excellent Parish-clerk in that his day.

Yet be it acknowledged, that at the age of fixteen I became a Company-keeper, being led into idle con'verfation by my extraordinary love to Ringing; infomuch, that in a short time I was acquainted with every fet of Bells in the whole country: Neither could I be prevailed upon to absent myself from Wakes, being called thereunto by the harmony of the fteeple. While I was in thefe focieties, I gave myself up to unfpiritual paftimes, fuch as wrestling, dancing, and cudgel-playing; fo that I often returned to my father's houfe with a broken pate. I had my head broken at Milton by Thomas Wyat, as we played a bout or two for an Hat that was edged with filver galloon. But in the year following I broke the head of Henry Stubbs, and obtained a hat not inferior to the former. At Yelverton I encountered George Cummins, Weaver, and behold my head was broken a second time! At the wake of Waybrook I engaged William Simkins, Tanner, when lo! thus was my head broken a third time, and much blood trickled therefrom. But I adminiftered to my comfort, faying within myself, . What man is there,

howfoever dextrous in any craft, who is for aye

on his guard?" A week after I had a base-born child laid unto me; for in the days of my youth I was looked upon as a follower of venereal fantafies: Thus was I led into fin by the comelinefs of Sufanná Smith, who firft tempted me, and then put me to fhame; for indeed fhe was a maiden of a feducing eye, and pleasant feature. I humbled myself before the Juftice, I acknowledged my crime to our Curate; and to do away mine offences, and make her fome

atonement, was joined to her in holy wedlock on the fabbath-day following.

How often do thofe things which feem unto us misfortunes, redound to our advantage! For the Minifter (who had long looked on Susanna as the most lovely of his parishioners) liked fo well of my demeanour, that he recommended me to the honour of being his Clerk, which was then become vacant by the decease of good Mafter William Harris.

Here ends the first chapter; after which follow fifty or fixty pages of his amours in general, and that particular one with Sufanna his prefent Wife; but I proceed to chapter the ninth.

No fooner was I elected into mine office, but I layed afide the powdered gallantries of my youth, and became a new man. I confidered myself as in fome wife of ecclefiaftical dignity, fince by wearing a band, which is no fmall part of the ornament of our Clergy, I might not unworthily be deemed, as it were, a fhred of the linen veftment of Aaron.

Thou may'st conceive, O Reader, with what concern I perceived the eyes of the congregation fixed upon me, when I firft took my place at the feet of the Prieft. When I raised the pfalm, how did my voice quiver for fear! And when I arrayed the fhoulders of the Minifter with the furplice, how did my joints tremble under me! I faid within myself,

Remember, Paul, thou ftandeft before men of high worship, the wife Mr. Juftice Freeman, the "grave Mr. Juftice Tonson, the good Lady Jones, "and the two virtuous Gentlewomen her daughters,

nay the great Sir Thomas Truby, Knight and