Vainly he did th' unrighteous Change bemoan, For what efcap'd in Wisdom's ancient Rhimes, And fees new Honours done to his immortal Strains. Did e'er a jufter happier Son impart. In thy Performance we, with Wonder, find Sweetness, combin'd with Majesty, prepares Thus I, unknown, my Gratitude exprefs, On Dr. SHERLOCK, RExibus obfequium dum binis obligat unum, Jurat utriq; unam prodit utrique fidem, Quid mirum? Si fit femper jurare paratus, The fame Allegiance to two Kings he pays, Swears the fame Faith to both, and both betrays. No Wonder if to fwear he's always free, That hath two Gods, to swear by, more than we. } Upon Upon the taking of the new Oaths. UR Fathers took Oaths as of old they took Wives, To have and to hold for the Term of their Lives; But we take our Oaths, as our Whores, for our Ease, And a Whore and a Rogue may part when they please. Tom Brown having committed fome great Fault at the University, the Dean of Christ Church threaten'd to expel him; but Tom, with a very fubmiffive Epiftle, begging Pardon, fo pleas'd the Dean, that he was minded to forgive him, upon this Condition, viz. That he should tranflate this Epigram out of Marshal extempore. N ON amo Te, Zabidi, nec poffum dicere quare;. Which he immediately render'd into English thus, I do not love you Dr. Fell, But why I cannot tell; A penfive Thought at the Rofe Spunging-house in Wood Street, and left there by T. Brown. N ON adverja videns me fractum fata coarƐlum, LACO LACONICKS; or, New Maxims of STATE and CONVERSATION. W 7 E naturally love to cheat; 'tis interwoven with our Conftitution: By the fame Token, we often boast that we have palm'd falfe Dice upon others, when we our felves are the Bubbles. Do but hear, says Sir Jolm Squander, what a Trick I put upon a Whore laft Night! Fore George, I made the filly Baggage take a Lewis d' Or for Seventeen and Six pence, after the Proclamation. A Soldier, a Vintner, and a Phyfician, are the three Degrees of Comparison; and fo are a Cut-Throat, a Backbiter, and a Flatterer: But the Phyfician is the fuperlative Murderer, and a Flatterer the fuperlative Villain. for a How is it poffible, fays Madam BWoman to keep her Cabinet unpick'd, when every Rafcal has got a Key to't? Aye, but Madam, the Rafcal's Key fignifies not a Farthing, unless the Owner of the Cabinet, at leaft, goes Halves with him. A Widow and a Government are ready, upon all Occafions, to tax the new Husband and the new Prince with the Merits of their Predeceffors, unless the former Hufband was hang'd, and the former King fent to Grafs; and then they bid them take fair Warning by their Destiny. For a King to engage his People in War, to carry off every little ill Humour of State, is like a Physician's ordering his Patient a Flux for every Pimple. Scandal is a never failing Vehicle for Dullness. The True-born Englishman had dy'd filently among the Grocers and Trunk-makers, if the Libeller had not help'd off the Poet, Merit is not always the Road to Preferment; fome Men get it by refolving not to be deny'd, as Irishmen in Town pick up Women, by hunting them, as School Boys Boys do Squirrels, 'till they are weary, and fall down before them. A thousand Actions pafs in the World for virtuous, tho' they proceed from a quite different Principle. My Lord releafed Arfennus out of Goal, and paid his Debts. This every one applauded as an Act of the highest and moft difinterefted Generofity. They little knew that my Lord, at the fame Time, lay every Night with Arfemus's Sifter. Tho' a Soldier, in Time of Peace, is like a Chimney in Summer, yet what wife Man would pluck down his Chimney, because his Almanack tells him 'tis the Middle of June. War, as the World goes at prefent, is a Nurfery for the Gallows, as Hoxton is for the Meetings, and Bartho lowmew-Fair for the two Play-Houfes. A Woman may learn one ufeful Doctrine from the Game of Backgammon, which is, not to take up her Man 'till fhe's fure of binding him. Had Madam C, and fome of our young Ladies, confider'd this, they would not have made fuch a Blot in their Tables. 'Tis a Mortification to a Prince to fee an old Minister torn from him, but Self-prefervation is the firft Law of Nature; and any Man, in his Senfes, would fooner fubmit to part with his Crutch, than his Leg. The fureft Way of Governing, both in a private Family and a Kingdom, is for a Hufband and a Prince fometimes to drop their Prerogative. Could a Woman keep her Failings to herself, as well as flie does her Age, Cheapfide would be the happiest Place in the World, and the Houfe would not be troubled every Seffions to grant Bills of Divorce. 'Tis the most nonfenfical Thing in the World, for a Man to be proud, fince 'cis in the meaneft Wretch's Power to mortify him. How uneafy have I seen my Lord All-Pride, in the Park, when the Company turn'd their Eyes from him and his gaudy Equipage! Gaming finds a Man a Cully, and leaves him a Knave. The Generality of Women would fooner be found in Bed with a Gallant, than in their Undrefs; and fome Men Men in the World would rather be feen with their Miffes in the Park, than their Wives. The greatest Men may, fometimes, over-fhoot themfelves; Lut then their very Mistakes are so many Lessons of Instruction. Examples- make a greatet Impreffion upon us than Precepts. The Sight of Sir Edward B—h, running after a Coach for Six-pence, will fooner reclaim a Prodigal, than a Sermon. An old Counsellor in Holbourn us'd, every Executionday, to turn out his Clerks, with this Complement, Go, ye young Rogues, go to School, and improve. Of all our Infirmities Vanity is the dearest to us : A Man will starve his other Vices, to keep that alive. How many Fops, at Man's Coffee-Houfe, and Will's have laid out the only Half Crown they had in the World upon an ounce of Snuff, when they wanted a Dinner, and their Lodgings were unpaid? Young Cotilus's Penfion, for his Weekly Expences, amounts juft to twenty Shillings. His Chair-Men run away with eighteen of it, and he finds Tea and Chocolate, Effence and Powder, out of the rest. Vanity is fo infeparable from our Nature, that it furvives our Afhes, and takes Care of Epitaphs and Tombftones before we die. Clearchus was as brave as Hercules; he had given Proofs of his Valour upon a thoufand Occafions, yet once upon a Time had a Difh of hot Coffee flung in his Face, and bore it patiently. The Reafon was, he had a foul Shirt on, and-was loath to die in it. A Citizen that thinks to compound for forty Years Knavery, by building a lowzy Hofpital, and endowing a paultry Lecture, does not offer fo much for a good Seat in Heaven as he would do for one in Middlefex. He does not bid above ten Years Purchafe for Eternity. In Point of Intereft, if there were no more in't, a Man fhould rather leffen him felf, than pretend to too much. A famous Inftance of this we had in a late Quack: Not content to be the feventh Son of a seventh Son, he must needs call himfelf the unborn Doctor. This |